


I Thought I Knew

by dll10



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breaking Dawn Rewrite, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-01-20 19:54:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 100,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18532027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dll10/pseuds/dll10
Summary: A vampire’s nature is so fixed, unchanging.  What happens when unparalleled trust is placed in the face of the ultimate betrayal?  Is it enough to alter the course of things, and what everyone thought they knew?  A retelling of Breaking Dawn where Edward’s reaction to Bella's pregnancy causes her to turn to Jasper for protection and find love in a very unlikely place.





	1. 1: Alice

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I planned this story out almost six years ago and I'm finally getting around to actually writing it. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think! Also, I'm trying to write this in third person, but my last two stories have been in first. That said, occasionally I'm finding it hard to not slip back into my old habit - please let me know if you catch me doing it!

I should also mention that I don't hate Edward. I think his character can be very controlling at times, and occasionally condescending and patronizing, but I don't hate him by any means. No one is perfect and those are just some of his personality flaws. He will have him moments in this story where you'll probably assume I don't actually like him and have used him to be the bad guy. Really it's more that his actions will have consequences that result in new developments for the other characters. Eventually everyone, including Edward, will end up happy and better off. I hope you stick around long enough to see that happen.

This will alternate between Alice, Jasper, and Bella's perspectives throughout the story, and be told in three nine chapter parts with each character getting three chapters centered around that person.

Also, if you aren't a fan of the Bella/Jasper pairing and know you'll hate seeing them end up together don't bother reading, or if you do anyways, please don't complain to me when they get together - that's sort of the point of this story…

PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

~

Part 1: Enigma

One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.

Jiddu Krishnamurti

~

Chapter 1 - Alice

Cullen House

"So, Alice, is Eddie-boy gonna to kill her?" Emmett casually asked from the couch where he'd been watching a football game. The question had him abandoning the game in favor of turning to look at his sister on the back of the sofa, curiosity making his dark, curly head tilt slightly.

"Emmett! That's not something to joke about," Esme scolded motherly, a worried frown carved into her beautiful face. She'd been finishing up a design for a new kitchen that a client from Seattle had commissioned ever since Bella and Edward left for their honeymoon, but now she too paused and waited anxiously for Alice to relieve her fears.

"Yeah, but is he?" Emmett asked more seriously.

"Serves her right if he does," Rosalie muttered vindictively from upstairs. Everyone ignored the comment. Rose's feelings were already well known and didn't deserve a rebuke when everyone was equally aware that it would do no good.

"I've put off looking since they left," Alice admitted quietly, turning from the computer to take in Esme and Emmett both watching her intently.

The family had decided to fix up the little cottage on the property for Edward and Bella to live in when they returned, and Alice was shopping for some personal touches to add to it. Esme would likely do the majority of the decorating, but Alice's sight kept prompting her to seek out extras she knew would be absolutely perfect for the place. Though she had to admit that a number of her recent purchases didn't make much sense. They were all too dark. Nearly everyone in the family preferred lighter colors. Jasper was really the only one that sought out things in navy, forest green, burgundy, and black. Maybe transitioning into a vampire would alter Bella's tastes. Anything would be better than her current preferences.

"Don't want to see Edward's first -" Emmett began teasing, but stopped when Alice growled ferociously at him, baring all of her gleaming, venom-coated teeth.

It wasn't that she was particularly interested in witnessing Edward's first fumbling foray into making love, but she did want to know if he could handle it. He always kept such a tight lease on his emotions that this was sure to test the limits of his composure. Alice wouldn't be able to bear it if Bella was hurt and she could have prevented it with a warning just by taking a peak at how they spent this evening.

"These last weeks… the outcome keeps changing," she said, frustration clear.

Alice hated not knowing. It was her job, her way to protect the family! They needed her foresight. But here she was - useless. Edward's uncertainty left her in limbo, and the only thing she had been able to see was that there was nothing more she could do except wait.

The newlyweds should be on the island by now though. Bella wasn't likely to put the subject off for very long. If there was a chance to see and advert disaster then the time would be now and everyone seemed aware of it.

Carlisle entered the room silently, moving to Esme's side and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. He too was waiting for Alice to check. Esme reached to cover his hand, their fingers interlocking. Each taking and providing comfort for the other.

Alice closed her eyes to search.

Flickers. That was the only way to describe the rapid-fire flashes alternating from a bed dusted in feathers to scenes of the couple arguing and Bella crying, along with everything else Edward was insisting she keep an eye out for. After a moment they sorted themselves into a more linear stream that she could swipe through.

_Bella was sorting through the lingerie and trying to find one that would help her seduce Edward. Her embarrassment was clear from her pink cheeks and the way she picked up the red lace baby doll only to put it back in the bag several times and ultimately deciding on a black ruffled number._

Alice was glad she'd included so many choices. Apparently she'd been right to think Edward might need a few incentives to actually be with Bella.

_Rose was going to buy Emmett tickets to a football game in Portland next month. They'd have to leave early though because of the sun. Emmett would be so furious that he missed seeing the game winning field goal in the last four seconds that he'd destroy several trees along the drive to the house._

Alice rarely paid her sight much heed when it revealed events such as this. There were too many people involved in a single sport game, any one of which could make a decision that changed the outcome. Not to mention visions centered around the weather were notoriously unpredictable since it was always changing when they happened this far out. But she was so attuned to her family that any time one made a decision she saw something related to it whether momentous or not.

_Bella was taking a shower before joining Edward, and seeing to all of her various human needs. It was a stalling tactic. She was visibly nervous, her breathing fast and erratic as she sat on the floor wrapped in only a fluffy white towel._

_Edward was taking Bella snorkeling in the little hidden cove on the other side of the island. He was keeping his distance so the fish, turtles, and porpoises would swim near Bella, but he was enjoying watching her pleasure as she took everything in. Not to mention that he enjoyed showing off his ability to go without oxygen._

_Bella was grinning as she plucked feathers from her hair. The tangled mess resembled a bird's nest. Every few seconds she'd close her eyes and smile dreamily, enjoying her thoughts - likely some memory. There were noticeable bruises along her cheekbone and jaw, the skin deep red along the edges of the mark transitioning to bluish-purple at the center in both cases. Her lips were swollen and more purple than usual as well. Likely bruised or chaffed as well._

Surly Edward had enough practice kissing Bella by now that those marks weren't from him. Surly! Perhaps this happens in a couple days and will be an injury Bella incurs from her island adventures.

_Esme was buying the peach and tan granite counter top instead of the grey and black. The warmer colors would open the room up and make it seem much more inviting to the young couple planning to start a family._

_Edward was asking for a couple more days to prepare, insisting he needed them if he was to avoid hurting her. He planned to keep Bella so busy during the day that she fell asleep too exhausted and worn out to push for him to keep his promise._

_Aro was sending Felix, Santiago, and Demetri to Guatemala, or perhaps even farther south, since the coven there had grown so large that they'd failed to go undetected. There were reports in the paper about drug related violence. Aro wanted his three guards to keep an eye on things for a few weeks, determine if anyone was worthy of being offered a second chance, and if the coven's numbers weren't decimated in their next skirmish, he would send Jane to help the three annihilate everyone._

_Bella was crying and begging Edward to talk to her. She didn't understand why he'd stopped. He hadn't hurt her. She'd been enjoying his kissing, but he'd stopped anyways and refused to even consider trying. She begged. She pleaded. He looked agonized, but resolved. His only response was to say, "Jacob was right."_

Alice's sight was silent, but years of practice in addition to her vampiric-enhanced senses meant that she could easily read lips. It was rare that she wasn't able to determine what was said in a vision just by watching them speak.

_Edward's hands were gripping Bella's hips securely as he moved carefully, deliberately, over her obviously in the middle of making love to her. Her arms were wrapped around his back clutching him furtively to her. His eyes were glazed with passion, lost to emotion. Bella's head was thrown back, exposing the column of her throat to his deadly teeth. Edward's mouth opened as he stared down at the tempting offering, but after a moment he turned to bite brutally into the pillow beside her head._

_Edward was tucking a tear swollen, red-faced Bella into bed and wrapping himself around her sleeping form. He kissed her forehead and said, "One day you'll understand and forgive me. One day you'll agree that it would have been a mistake."_

It was disorienting. Only years of practice and understanding Edward allowed her to navigate and interpret the shifting images.

"Edward still isn't sure that he's actually going to try. He's searching for a way to back out and change Bella's mind," Alice informed the assembled group.

"Seriously?" Emmett asked incredulously. "Has he met her? When has Bella ever changed her mind?"

"We've spoken at length. I know Edward is strong enough to handle this if he tries," Carlisle said, confidence and trust in his oldest son evident.

"It's not like he'll last long enough to have time to do any damage anyways. Not after over -"

"Emmett, stop being crude," Esme scolded once more. If she was still capable of flushing, Alice was certain she would be at this moment.

Alice continued searching while Emmett apologized to their mother. Only she could invoke any sort of contrition from her largest son.

_Bella was joining Edward in the ocean wearing nothing more than a towel on the beach, and nothing when she reached his side._

_Then there was the image of Bella covered in bruises and feathers. The mottled discolorations were a patchwork over her body - everywhere on her naked body was stripped in black and blue._

Alice stilled, forcing her focus to linger on the image of her beloved, fragile sister so banged up. There were nearly as many bruises as there'd been after James had attacked her last year. It was an alarming sight. Enough so that she made the decision to call Edward and warn him to be gentler.

That decision brought about yet another vision, this one much more distinct.

_Edward was refusing to touch Bella, even as she sobbed, heartbroken, in the seat beside him. They were on an airplane. The ticket Bella held crumpled in her fist indicated this would take place tomorrow. She was speaking, but Edward wasn't even looking at her. Instead, he'd scooted as far over as the chair and wall would let him as he tried to maintain distance between his body and hers, a hard, resolved set to his face that only seemed to upset Bella more._

_The scene shifted and it was Carlisle changing Bella, not Edward. Bella looked gutted yet resigned._

It was not the expression Alice ever expected to see considering how much Bella longed for her changing to happen. Edward hadn't even been in the room when Carlisle did it. Probably he was too worried about losing control or hurting her in some physical way. He couldn't see that he was inflicting emotional pain instead.

While Alice was fitting Bella for her wedding dress a few weeks ago, Bella had confessed how important it was to her that Edward be the one to change her. She'd said that his doing it would show her how much he loved her and wanted to keep her. For him to refuse to be the one to do it now… the lasting impact that would have…

Alice frowned. Transitioning from her human life - giving up her family and friends and learning to cope with all of the changes - was going to be difficult enough. Bella didn't need her doubts about Edward's feelings following her around for the rest of eternity. She already doubted him enough as it was. It was only a few bruises. She'd had worse. Best not to warn Edward after all.

"I'm sure that'll go over well," Carlisle said, sighing. He loved his son, but there were times, such as this, that he feared Edward's youth and inexperience prior to turning too strongly influenced his decisions, and not for the better.

"It won't," Alice said, frustrated as her foresight still refused to settle on one certain outcome for this night. "If he does they'll be home in a day. Two at most depending on layovers for the last minute flight," she warned.

"Oh dear," Esme said, sharing a look with Carlisle. It was a bleak prospect. Certainly not the happy, romantic honeymoon the couple should be engaging in.

"And if he does try?" Carlisle asked.

All at once the flowing current of pictures stopped, replaced with a single scene blooming to life in Alice's head. It was like watching a movie in technicolor only so much more vivid. These were Alice's favorite type of visions. The ones that she just knew would come to be. They were so real that her imagination could supply the missing details as if she were already there and it was already happening. The sound of the wind rustling the grass. The taste of pollen and spring flowers in the air. The feel of the sun's warmth as shafts of light danced merrily across her family's skin resulting in the prisms of rainbow light reflecting through the scene.

_Bella, eyes nearly the same golden as the rest of the Cullens' but with just a hint of yam orange lingering, was sitting gracefully on the porch steps. She was so still she could have been a statue carved from the most pristine marble and sheathed in denim and cotton._

Alice would have to do something about her clothing before she got back. It simply wouldn't do for her to still be wearing her old things when she'd so obviously transitioned.

_Emmett and Rosalie were curled together on a porch swing, likely recently installed since there wasn't one outside just yet. Nearby, Esme was gardening. She appeared to be planting blue and purple irises, taking advantage of the rare sunny day. Alice was perched just above her on the railing, one leg dangling over and swinging gently. Esme reached to nudge her aside when it appeared Alice was distracted, likely lost in visions of the future, a wistful smile on her otherwise blank face._

_Then Jasper came bounding up the drive, moving with the speed and grace of a cheetah. He looked incandescently happy, happier than Alice had ever seen him. When he reached the assembled group he scooped Bella up, spinning around with her draped over his shoulder as he laughed freely._

When had Jasper ever laughed so joyously? So openly? Emmett could usual inspire a bright smile and every now and then a single loud laugh, but never was Jazz so openly, boisterously amused.

_After setting Bella back down, he took his place beside her, looping an arm casually around her waist and tugging her closer with an ease and familiarity that spoke volumes in the silent vision._

_Rosalie was smiling as she watched them, obviously approving and Emmett was saying something with his usual teasing grin, but Alice couldn't make it out with the way his head was turned. But it was something that had Bella burying her face in Jasper's neck and Rose elbowing her husband's side. For his part, Jasper leaned down to kiss Bella's temple before whispering something private that had her burrowing impossibly closer. The intimacy and affection between the pair was unmistakable._

_Suddenly Jasper stood, fluidly untangling himself from Bella and turning back towards the direction he'd come from with his arms opened wide and legs bent as though braced to catch something. Everyone else had stopped what they were doing as well; all eagerly looking towards what or who was coming._

Then it abruptly went black. Nothing.

That had never happened before. Never. Except when the wolves were involved, but that didn't make any sense just now, so it had to be something different. But what? What could make her sight vanish without warning?

Alice tried to isolate what decision had lead to the vision, tried to determine what happened next. Nothing. The future evaded her.

Alice had been so focused on Jasper the first time the vision panned out that she had not taken time to note her reaction to the events that took place. She took a moment to do so now, thinking back over it carefully. Unfazed. Happy even. How was that possible? Jasper was her life. She loved him dearly. They'd been together for decades. He was the first thing she saw when she woke, the reason she sought him out and her purpose for living those first few years as a vampire. So how was it possible for her to be so unaffected seeing him obviously in love with her newest sister? What's more, Alice seemed just as eager for what was coming as the rest. Just as eager for the mystery that stubbornly refused to reveal itself to her.

Only Edward and Carlisle had been missing from the group on this day that was likely to happen this coming spring if she had to guess. Bella hadn't looked any older and it had been obvious she was nearing the end of her newborn year. Carlisle's absence could be easily explained. He was likely at the hospital. But what about Edward? Where had he been?

"Alice?" Carlisle prompted now, concern etched deeply on his face. There was fear too, fear that he would lose both his daughter and his son if things didn't go well tonight.

They were used to having to wait occasionally as she filtered through all of the potential outcomes, but this had been a rather lengthy pause even for her.

"She'll survive tonight - one way or another." No one looked entirely relieved. "Bella will be one of us," Alice announced, infusing the words with confidence despite all the uncertainty clouding her mind after the strange vision. It was the only other truth she had to offer at the moment.

Tension seemed to drain from the room as everyone relaxed, that confirmation seeming to do the trick. Everyone, even Rosalie despite being loath to admit it, wanted Bella to be part of the family in a more permanent way.

"I'm going to hunt - in case they return early," Jasper murmured, slipping quietly from the room.

No one glanced up or acknowledged his departure.

Alice frowned once more. Jasper had always lingered on the periphery, remaining with the family more for her sake than his own desire for company. But it hadn't been like that in the vision. He'd been central. And again, Alice remembered that his happiness had been undeniable as well.

Since Alice had found Jasper he'd been content, grateful, protective. He loved her and felt such immense gratitude for the peace and easement from his past that she'd been able to provide. She had helped him find his humanity after Maria had robbed him of it. But after witnessing that scene, she had to wonder if he'd ever been truly happy with her and the Cullens - at least to the same degree or extent he apparently could be.

There was, after all, a difference between being satisfied with your life and honestly relishing it.

What had the vision meant? Why was she seeing it? Was she supposed to help it come to pass? Was it as certain to happen as it had felt like it was even if she did nothing? Was there any preventing it? Should she even want to stop it?

The bombardment of questions plagued her. It was so frustrating only having one piece of the puzzle!

Alice felt like stomping her foot in irritation. She thrilled for always being five steps ahead of her family. She wasn't meant to be in the dark. Not again. Not since becoming a vampire. And here she was, for the umpteenth time since returning to Forks, with no clue what the future held! And this time she couldn't even blame the wolves or pressure from Edward to watch for too many things at once!

~

For the next few weeks Alice obsessed over the vision, replaying it in her mind again and again, simultaneously thankful for the perfect recall that came with being a vampire and agonizing over every minute detail it allowed her to dissect.

She'd tried, unsuccessfully, to see what happened next. To learn what Jasper was welcoming. But always there was nothing except an endless black canvas. How utterly infuriating it was to not know! She honestly couldn't understand how others did it all the time.

Even as she agonized over the vision, she helped the others prepare the cottage. The insight the vision had given her prompted her to veto Esme's idea of trying to recreate a piece of Isle Esme in the bedroom. Part of Alice realized that with every decision she lead Esme to make she was helping create a home for Bella to share with Jasper rather than Edward. The knowledge did nothing to stop her from acting even as she mentally bulked at the notion.

No one else seemed to notice. There was enough in the usual pale-on-pale color scheme that the majority of the family favored for her choices to go undetected. Not to mention the idea of Bella and Edward not staying together after everything they'd gone through to get to this point seemed ludicrous.

Alice wasn't sure how she felt. She'd relied on her visions for so long. Trusted them to show her what she needed to be happy, and ensure that her family was as well. The countless proof she had from the last century didn't make it any easier to accept that things could be changing. She longed to cling to the familiar, to dig in her heels like a spoiler three-year-old throwing a tantrum and refuse to relinquish her claim. Change was so very against their vampiric natures, but that didn't stop the fact that she could practically feel it coming.

All the while her relationship with Jasper was suffering. He'd returned from his hunt and immediately picked up on her tension and clouded, turbulent emotional state. There was so hiding it from her empathic husband. Her partner in all things for so long. He didn't understand why she was so distracted, what was keeping her so preoccupied now that the threat of Victoria and the Volturi was gone, or why she was deliberately putting distance between them.

"Are you upset with me? Am I going to hurt Bella again when she gets back?" Jazz asked one day when it was just the two of them working on the cottage.

It was rather telling that his first thought was that her preoccupation centered around danger to Bella - particularly his concern that he was the potential danger to her.

"Hmm?" Alice asked, tilting her head inquiringly.

"Is that what you've been looking for so intently? You're always on the lookout for me to slip. Did you see it happening? Bella's the only human I'm likely to be around in the foreseeable future. Am I going to hurt her?" Jasper asked, expanding on his own worries. Alice could feel his concern tainting the air, rippling outward from him like waves from a stone splashing into a pool of water.

"No! No. Nothing like that," Alice reassured him quickly, dancing over to touch his cheek lightly in reassurance, and trying half-heartedly to let him feel the sincerity of her words.

Jasper nodded, accepting her promise as truth. He always did. She was the one that knew the future, after all. He trusted her implicitly.

"Is there something else bothering you then?" Jasper whispered, closing his eyes and leaning into her light touch, seeking comfort and contact from his partner.

His medium was emotion, and usually he was content to taste the emotions Alice projected and return his in kind. Emotions were so much more honest than words, more difficult to trick or manipulate - at least from his perspective. Jasper could always sense the truth of emotions. It was part of his gift. But Alice was doing her best to mask hers. She had been for weeks now. It left Jasper feeling uncertain and insecure.

"No. Just trying to lock everything down. You know how I hate indecision. It makes things unnecessarily difficult," Alice said lightly, leaning up to kiss Jazz's cheek before skipping away to return to organizing Bella's bookcase.

For her part, Alice most wanted to understand the decision that lead to the vision before she shared anything or came to any conclusions herself.

Her focus was so centered on Bella and Edward's decisions that she ended up seeing far more of their honeymoon than she ever wanted to. Every activity. Every touch. Every kiss. Every time they made love. All of it. In detail. It was definitely an unwelcome side-effect of her frantic and obsessive searching.

She'd become so attuned to their decisions, though, that when Bella suddenly disappeared she panicked. One moment she saw Bella finding relief for her upset stomach before taking a nap to sleep off the worst of her food poisoning, the next nothing!

Alice looked for her. Again. And again. But nothing. Bella's future had completely vanished.

She ran for the home phone in her room, dialing so fast her finger punched through the flimsy plastic. Growled in frustration, she darted from the room to where she'd left her cell phone on the dining room table beside the chess board. The remaining pieces from her game against Carlisle the night before were still set up announcing her victory.

Alice dialed more carefully this time, not wanting to be forced to seek out yet another phone. There wasn't time to waste on such things.

The phone rang. And rang. Did it always take Edward so long to answer? Didn't he understand how worried she was? The phone continued to ring. Alice could feel herself growling into the phone, but all she could hear was the computerized tone of the ringer. The monotone sound grating on her already jittery nerves. Where was he?

What if Bella had gotten hurt looking for the Pepto-Bismol and Edward had lost control? Was she too late to warn him? Was Bella already dead? What other reason -

"Hi, Alice," Bella said in a strange, strangled voice.

Alice felt an enormous wave of relief crash over her as the damn of fear broke and drown beneath her joy at hearing Bella. At hearing confirmation that Bella was alive. Her vision of Jasper being so happy could still happen. Then she frozen, brow wrinkling in confusion as she tried to see what had happened. Fear bubbled back up to the surface suffocating what solace she'd discovered when Bella answered the phone.

Because Bella's future was still blank. Missing. Gone.


	2. 2: Bella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vampire's nature is so fixed, unchanging. What happens when unparalleled trust is placed in the face of the ultimate betrayal? Is it enough to alter the course of things, and what everyone thought they knew? A retelling of Breaking Dawn where Edward's reaction to Bella's pregnancy causes her to turn to Jasper for protection and find love in a very unlikely place.

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Part 1 of this story will follow the book fairly closely, with a notable exception. Parts 2 and 3 will diverge more notably.

PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 2 - Bella

"Edward," Bella said tentatively.

He'd been anxious since leaving Rio, alternating between fidgeting unnecessarily and sitting as still as a statue just as he had when Bella told him she thought she was pregnant. She'd never spent this much time with him when his focus wasn't directed entirely on her. It was disconcerting to say the least.

Barely a word had been uttered since they'd boarded the plane. She didn't know how he'd managed it, but he'd somehow acquired a private jet that had only stopped to refuel in Lima, Mexico City, and Las Vegas. The plane hadn't been idle for more than an hour in any one of the places. Bella had a feeling that a great deal of money had exchanged hands to make it happen, and the knowledge only added to her already queasy state.

She'd tried to talk to him earlier - at least when she hadn't been sleeping or throwing up - but he'd been too catatonic to acknowledge her. Particularly when she hadn't been able to keep down the saltines she'd packed to eat on the plane for the second time.

The few times he did speak, he'd mention destroying the child, and her mind would shut down and she'd stop trying to speak all together. The pain the thought caused to overwhelming to process properly. But now she was out of time. She could feel that the plane had started its descent into the small airport in Port Angeles.

"Just hang in there, Bella. We should be home in an hour," Edward murmured in what she guessed was supposed to be a reassuring tone.

Given the way the Cullen family drove she had no doubt that they would be back at the house in less than an hour. Her time was nearly up to make Edward see reason.

"Edward. Can we talk about this? Please. I -"

"Don't be scared, Bella. As soon as we get back Carlisle can get that - that thing out of you," Edward said, anger distorting his perfect voice and making his face twist into a grimace of disgust and self-loathing.

Bella gasped, hugging her stomach tighter as though to protect the baby growing within from Edward's cruel words. He doesn't mean it, Little One. She mentally repeated the apology over and over. She couldn't speak. She didn't understand why he didn't see this as the miracle that she did. A firm nudge pressed back as if in answer to her thoughts.

Her bump was already noticeably bigger than it had been only fifteen hours ago when she'd first discovered it on the island only moments before Alice called. It pushed her thin cotton tank outwards to make her look at least three months pregnant, possibly more. It shouldn't be possible, but there was no denying the physical evidence that seemed to be demanding recognition.

It was probably a good thing Edward splurged on their travel arrangements or people were bound to have noticed her changing body during such a long flight. Especially when she drew attention to herself by continuously vomiting.

The baby nudged Bella's hand again, as if eager to remind her of its presence, where her palm was still cradling the rapidly expanding bump. Her breath caught in wonder at the connection she already felt with the tiny life.

The brief moment was interrupted all too abruptly as it earned a violent, startling hiss from Edward. He was glaring angrily at the place where her hands rested. It was the expression he'd worn when fighting Victoria in the clearing last spring. It was a look that had no business being directed at her child.

"Is the whole family coming to get us?" Bella asked once the jet had finished taxiing to the gate.

She stood, but vertigo had her clutching her seat as she failed to stand properly without support. The spinning room of the plane's main cabin was so nauseating that she dropped forward to dry heave in violent, body-racking spasms. There was nothing left in her system to actually come up at this point, however, not even bile. Edward's arms, looped delicately beneath her own, were the only reason she hadn't dropped to the floor like a ten-ton stone.

"Better?" he questioned once her shaking had diminished to mere shivers.

"I think so. Are they coming?" she repeated, needing to know the answer.

"Yes. But we'll have to wait until we get to the house before Carlisle can get a proper look at you. It's just a bit longer," Edward said, carefully leading her from the plane with a hand pressed lightly to the small of her back, guiding and ensuring she didn't collapse again. "He promised to acquire everything we'd need while we were on the way back. You don't need to worry for much longer. We'll have this taken care of by the end of the day," he reiterated, keeping up a constant stream of chatter as he lead Bella through the tiny airport to where the vehicles were lined up waiting to collect family and friends returning from their own trips.

Bella's eyes locked onto Rosalie the moment the statuesque blonde came into view. When Edward left her side to approach Carlisle and exchange words, Bella darted to her new sister-in-law seeking sanctuary and protection. Rosalie's arms encircled her at once, folding her into an embrace meant to both shield and offer comfort.

The relief was nearly palpable now that she had someone strong enough to take on Edward at her side. She'd never have been able to stop him from doing whatever he had planned on her own. If only he had just calmed down enough to listen to her, hear her out… But he was always so unreasonable when he was concerned about her welfare. Hopefully now that she had Rosalie he would pause long enough to see sense.

He had to. It was just too wrong to be against each other. He had to come around.

Everyone froze as they took in the unlikely duo. Rose had always been so vocal in her disapproval of Bella that it took a moment before the sight registered enough for anyone to comment.

"Rose?" Emmett asked curiously, stepping closer.

He'd been worried about Bella ever since they'd found out, but he hadn't expected Rose to be equally concerned. She hadn't mentioned anything on the way here, just insisted he drive her car. It should have been a tip off. She never let him drive her BMW.

Emmett only got one step before Edward tensed. "You called her?" Edward demanded of Bella. He looked dumbfounded, lost.

"Yes," she whispered, shirking into herself as though cowed by his censure.

It was agonizing to know she was upsetting him. It went against every promise she'd made to herself last spring. But it had to be done. There was no other choice.

"But w -" he started but broke off with a low growl, eyes flashing dangerously to Rosalie. She pushed Bella behind her so that Bella was sandwiched between herself and Emmett, and crouched defensively, ready to spring if Edward moved to reach Bella.

"Rosalie! Edward! Enough," Carlisle said sharply, eyes glancing around to assess how much the onlookers were taking in of his children's poorly timed dispute.

Luckily the municipal airport wasn't heavily trafficked and there were only three people outside watching them with interest. Carlisle's warning was enough to have Rosalie straightening, but she maintained her guarded stance.

"No. No," Edward denied, shaking his head. Bella could hardly breath. Dizziness made her head light as a balloon, and she could feel herself struggling just to inhale short, staccato puffs of air. "You can't possibly want to keep -"

"I think this is a conversation best had at home. Doesn't everyone agree?" Alice asked meaningfully.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed, ushering Edward towards his Mercedes. His son froze as he realized Bella was clinging to Rosalie, and moving towards her BMW instead of following him.

Bella hated that she was separating herself from Edward. It felt wrong, like deliberately severing a limb. But at the same time unavoidable, as though the part being amputated was infected with gangrene. A line had been drawn and for once she and Edward weren't partners. It wasn't them against the world the way it was supposed to be when one tied oneself to another for eternity.

Worse, she hated that it was necessary. Without Rose to intercede on her behalf, she feared Edward might talk Carlisle into doing something drastic. Something irrevocable. Something that would destroy her child, and by extension, her. Now that this child existed, she knew she could not survive its loss.

"She's not going anywhere near you," Rosalie spat venomously.

"Edward, she's only escorting Bella back to the house. Let her go with Rose. It will give us a chance to speak on the way," Carlisle said soothingly. "Come," he commanded gently.

Bella whimpered helplessly as Rosalie helped her into the car. It felt like an out-of-body experience. She was taking everything in without really being a part of it. Her only tie to reality the increasingly frequent and sharper bumps against the inside of her abdomen.

"Jasper, you should go with Bella," Alice said, stopping him from sliding into the Mercedes beside her.

"Why?" Rosalie asked suspiciously.

"She's falling to pieces, Rose," Alice said, nodding to wear Bella sat, still only halfway in the car. "That can't be healthy for the… fetus. Let Jasper help keep her calm," Alice explained sounding reasonable.

"I'll sit up front. You can ride in back with Bella," Jasper offered when Rosalie still hesitated. Bella reached out to touch Rose's arm. Her sister glanced down, took one look at the clammy, strained expression and caved.

The tense ride home was thankfully short, and relatively smooth, but every hairpin turn passed the blur of green had Bella resisting the urge to hurl. She did her best to breathe normally, but it was difficult to do as she broke down in sobs only seconds into the ride.

The car was almost immediately filled with consuming bubbles of calm tranquility that allowed her broken faucet waterworks to transform into a slow dripping leak instead. The pain, while still present, was diminished to the equivalent of a blow from a hammer rather than a wrecking ball as well.

"He wants to kill our child," Bella whimpered, leaning into Rosalie's shoulder. Only Jasper's continuous efforts kept her from truly losing it at the realization.

"We won't let him," Rose vowed, running her fingers through Bella's messy hair. She hadn't brushed it since the night before her startling discovery and the snarls rivaled a ball of knotted yarn.

Rosalie distracted Bella from her worries by quizzing her on the specifics of her pregnancy thus far, lecturing her on taking proper care of herself, and actually giggling in delight when she got to feel the baby move for herself. It was strange seeing the usually disagreeable vampire demonstrate her maternal side.

Jasper spoke quietly from the front at one point, but Bella's inferior human ears missed his comment.

"What did you say, Jasper?" she asked quietly, uncertain if she actually wanted to know.

"You already love it. I can feel how much," he replied in his soft southern drawl. There was no judgement in his words, just acknowledgement of a truth that had already become a foundation of her very being.

"Of course!" Bella announced anyways when Emmett turned to glance at her. He looked troubled and uncertain, but he didn't say anything.

"She feels the way any expectant mother should feel," Rosalie added, patting Bella's hand as though they alone were aware of the secret and were daining to let others in on it.

Jasper didn't say any more, but he and Emmett exchanged looks that Bella couldn't interpret. There wouldn't have been time to ask even if she'd wanted to because suddenly she realized that they were pulling into the Cullens' drive.

Edward was out of the car, and at Bella's door before they'd even come to a complete stop. He looked demented, possessed. It terrified her. How was she supposed to bring him around to her way of thinking when he was obviously so irrational already?

"Don't worry," Jasper said, reaching back to brush his cool, stone fingers across her hand. He was out of the car and between her door and Edward before the temperature of his touch had even properly registered.

"What do you think you're doing?" Edward demanded, ending the words in a fierce growl.

"She's terrified. Back off, Edward," Jasper told his brother.

She appreciated his voicing his explanation. Most just thought their responses at Edward. Jasper had always been more considerate with her human deficiencies that meant she missed more than she'd like to. It was probably because he could actually feel her displeasure at being excluded.

Rose practically dragged Bella into the house, Emmett shadowing their steps the whole way. The rest of the family followed in behind, gathering in the family room by some unspoken agreement. Bella sank gratefully onto the sofa. She was so tired. Exhaustion threatened to drag her under despite the uneasy situation she was once again at the center of.

Edward tried to approach her, but Emmett moved to block his path. The largest Cullen crossed his arms over his chest and made it clear that Edward would have to go through him to get to Bella, and it was be an all out brawl if he decided to attempt it.

Frustrated, Edward turned on Carlisle. "You can fix her, can't you?" Edward pleaded, though it came across more as a demand.

"She's not broken," Rosalie fired off angrily.

"At the rate it's growing she will be!" Edward yelled, his frayed temper snapping. His hands clutched desperately at his head. Bella wasn't sure if it was because he was struggling to process the bombardment of his family's thoughts or if it was his own mind that he wished to silence.

"You can't know that," Bella insisted.

"Look at her, Carlisle. She's only a couple weeks at most, but she -"

"It is accelerating at an alarming rate," Carlisle acknowledged. "I don't believe the human body is equipped to handle such profound changes so quickly," he continued, frowning as he performed a visual assessment on Bella. Deep furrows etched themselves into his marble skin letting everyone know just how worried he truly was. "I'm sorry I didn't know to warn you. If I'd known… "

"See! Bella, you can't let that thing stay inside you another minute. It's going to kill you," Edward announced, vindication coating each unconscionable word.

"I'm strong enough. I know I am," Bella said stubbornly. She met his eyes, unflinching as fierce determination took root in the very depths of her soul.

This was one time where Edward's ability to mesmerize her would have no effect. There was no altering her from this chosen path. All she could do was see it through to the end.

"It's not a baby, Bella," Edward said condescendingly. "It's part me. It's a monster," he said, disdain positively dripping from the damning declaration.

"You're not a monster, and neither is our child." It was ridiculous to even consider something that resulted from our love could be evil. Edward was too perfect, too good. It was only her own weaknesses that she needed to fear having a negative effect on the child.

"Bella, Edward's right. We don't know what this is, but I can already see the damage it's inflicting on you. We need to hurry," Carlisle said, interrupting before Edward and I could continue debating when everyone already knew the result would be a stalemate. Neither of us would ever budge on our opinions of the other or ourselves.

"Carlisle, no. It's her choice. Her right to decide," Esme said, resting her hand on Carlisle's arm and voicing her opinion for the first time since the newlyweds had returned.

"Esme… If her body is not compatible… "

"It's Bella's decision," she repeated firmly, and Carlisle nodded his agreement.

"I can't believe this!" Edward swore, throwing his arms up, and looking every inch the image of a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. "I knew I never should have agreed to your ridiculous stipulations. I never should have touched you," Edward groaned, oblivious to the pained blow his words dealt Bella.

"You don't mean that," Bella whispered, eyes round with alarm.

"This is all my fault. If I'd known… Jacob was right," he said, sounding tormented. Bella inhaled sharply. Jacob had said awful, untrue things at the wedding. Edward couldn't possibly be in agreement with him now. He shouldn't even be wasting his time remembering them. "I never should have touched you," he repeated, eyes closed on his tortured face.

"You regret being with me?" Bella asked, choking on the question and terrified to hear the answer.

"Yes! So much," he said fervently, and Bella barely even registered when he continued, "if this is the result."

"We belong together. It was perfect."

"I hate myself for being with you."

What she viewed as a transcendent act, a merging of their souls in addition to their bodies - because what else could have resulted in the creation of a new life - he viewed as his final act qualifying him for damnation.

A chasm tore open inside her. Pain, far worse even than when he left swamped her. It clung to her like lead weights attempting to drag her beneath the surface. Down, down into the endless murky depths until she drown. Her swiss cheese heart had only recently been mended and the compromised edges were too weak to hold together under the onslaught of his words.

"Stop, Edward. You're upsetting her," Jasper said, moving to stand behind the couch and reach to rest a hand on her shoulder.

Comfort and support immediately cocooned her, buffering her from the devastating thoughts and reality she found herself facing. Jasper's ability made it easier to breathe and battle against her husband on the most important issue ever to happen throughout the course of their eternity.

"You need to stay calm for the baby. Think of the baby, Bella," Rose murmured. The words did much to stop her anguish in its tracks. The baby was depending on her. She couldn't let her emotions put it at risk.

"Let's all calm down and let Carlisle exam her. Maybe it's not as bad as it seems," Alice added. She'd been unusually quiet throughout the discussion.

Bella looked to her, grateful for the support, but was surprised to see how diminished and haggard her sister looked. Alice looked nearly as wretched as Edward. Her face was scrunched, wrinkles creasing her forehead as though she was concentrating fiercely on something, and her shoulders were rounded, making her hunch in on herself. Concern bloomed in Bella's chest making her want to go to Alice at once, take her in her arms, and sooth her - Bella's own problems be damned.

"You can't see her future," Edward accused. Redirecting his fury to his favorite sister. "Her future has vanished," Edward added to the room at large, each word a nearly undecipherable hiss.

"Yes," Alice admitted in a small tinkling voice. The high sound was clear yet pained. "It's all gone. I can't see anything now."

"There's your proof, Bella. This will kill you," Edward said, launching the words like javelins meant to impale the precious cargo in her womb.

"We could always try changing her at the last minute. Most of you were nearly dead when Carlisle… " Alice tried to suggest, but broke off as if not trusting herself enough to even finish a thought. Never had she looked so much like a lost child seeking to reunite with her missing parents.

But she was right. They had all been on death's doorstep when Carlisle changed them. Esme had even already been presumed dead. The idea gave Bella hope, more than she'd already had that this was not only possible, but that it was certain to work out. She'd give birth to her baby then be changed into a vampire. She'd get everything she ever wanted and have an eternity of happiness.

Jasper's fingers brushed gently along her shoulder as he felt her growing hope. The light touch seemed like affirmation.

"Stop it, Alice. It'll kill her before we even get the chance," Edward insisted. "Don't give her false hope."

"I can do this. I know I can. I just need you to believe in me," Bella whispered in a small voice. Why did it seem like she was asking for the world from him? Demanding something impossible?

"No. No - this is insanity! How are any of you even remotely considering this?" Edward shouted before striding rapidly from the room much as he had when they'd voted on the issue of her becoming a vampire. And like that time, there was the crash of something being broken followed by a string of expletives.

"Come on, guys. You're starting to go around in circles here, and that isn't going to help anyone," Emmett said as Edward returned ready to start in on her again.

Emmett was right. Edward's argument wasn't changing. He wasn't offering up a valid reason not to go through with this, just repeating his unfounded, irrational fears again and again.

"Alice had a point. Carlisle needs to look her over before you get worked up unnecessarily, Edward," Esme pointed out.

"He's not touching her," Rose hissed, glaring at her father with distrust.

"What?" Bella asked, not understanding why Rose sounded so adamant about this. "Why can't he?"

"He'll kill the baby - for Edward," she explained.

Bella's breath caught in terror that Rosalie might be correct, and she inched closer to Rose and Jasper. Carlisle had already voiced his support of Edward's decision to terminate the pregnancy. What if he used the opportunity presented by the exam to do it? She wouldn't be strong enough to stop him. Her frail human body was no match, she was at his mercy. And if he acted before Rose could stop him the end result would still be the same. Her baby would be dead.

The already erratic breaths she was managing to inhale came faster. She was hyperventilating even as her head shook in the negative to deny the possibility of someone trying to murder her son before he'd even had a chance to live.

"Rosalie," Carlisle breathed, obviously hurt that she'd think him capable of doing such a thing. He turned to Bella and continued, "I promise I will do nothing more than check the health of you and the fetus. I will not do anything against your will."

The marble hand on Bella's shoulder squeezed gently, projecting a sense of lethargy into her and helping calm her breathing enough that the black spots cleared from the edges of her vision when she began gulping down larger lungfuls of oxygen. The panic eased enough for her to recognize that the entire family was watching her in concern.

"He won't, Rose. I know he'd never abuse his power in such a way," Esme vowed. The look she directed at her husband following her words conveyed a shared knowledge of what would happen if he did. Carlisle nodded. "But it's important that he do what he can to keep both Bella and the baby healthy," she added, motherly concern apparent.

"All right then," Bella agreed, hesitantly.

She looked around the room uncertainly. Everything was backwards. Never had she imagined that she'd have cause to fear and distrust Edward and Carlisle. That it would be Rosalie and Jasper that sheltered her from harm. But Esme's words made sense, and Jasper's calming influence allowed her to think logically enough to know that it did need to be done - for the sake of the baby - but she was still scared of what he might do.

"Rose? You'll come with me?" Bella begged, reaching for her sister's waiting hand. Rosalie smiled reassuringly and helped her follow Carlisle.

Perhaps getting to see or hear the baby would help Edward come to terms with what was happening and help him to see that it was nothing more than a physical manifestation of their love for one another. Glancing down at the protruding bump resting heavily between her hips, Bella knew she had to be far enough along by now for an ultrasound to show that it was even starting to resemble a baby rather than a bean. She remembered that much at least from the middle school health class she'd taken in Phoenix.

"Edward do you -" she called from the bottom step to where he'd remained frozen, undergoing a staring match with Alice.

"You can't be serious," Edward said, expression contorted into disgust as he turned to stare at her. Bella flinched and retreated, backing up into the security of Rose's encircling arm.

As Rosalie ushered her from the room, Bella heard Jasper and Emmett herding Edward outside. The unmistakable sounds of things being destroyed echoed through the quiet house. Bella fervently hoped her husband was taking out his misplaced rage on the property and not his brothers. The last thing she wanted was for them to fight because of her. Or for someone to end up hurt over this.

Walking up the staircase, Bella just knew Carlisle would have used the time since finding out to create some elaborate and entirely unnecessary setup all for her. The thought made her cringe before she even entered the room to see that she was correct in her assumption.

His office was precisely what she dreaded finding. It looked exactly like an exam room at the hospital. The desk and bookshelves had been pushed aside to make room for some strange medical device on wheels with a screen and a larger machine with a mysterious function that Bella couldn't even hop to guess at. Carlisle was even waiting by what looked to be a padded exam table when they entered the room having moved much quicker than she was able to.

"Was all this really necessary?" Bella grumbled.

"Yes, actually," Carlisle replied with false lightness. "We don't know what to expect. I've never heard of this happening before. It's best to have anything I may need at our disposal if I'm to properly help you."

"Sorry," Bella mumbled, feeling sufficiently chastised. She longed for the day when she was no longer human and would stop being such a burden to the people she loved.

He began with the basics, questioning everything from the frequency of her and Edward's love making, to when Bella could pinpoint the first symptoms, to exactly which symptoms presented and when. Bella fought back her self-consciousness in order to answer every question as completely as possible. Her father-in-law's professional demeanor and Rosalie's soft urgings helped make the procedure a little less uncomfortable.

All the while Carlisle took notes, documenting everything she said. He'd likely have enough information to publish a thousand page book by the time he was done. Or at least it felt that way. She'd finally asked why he was even bothering to write anything when she knew he had perfect recall, and he said it was for her, in case she wanted to see the details for herself after her transition.

Then he began the physical examination. It was mortifying when he announced that her breasts had already swelled over half a cup size. Actually they were nearly a full size bigger. She hadn't noted the increased tenderness in that area until the exam and now she was all too aware - as was the rest of the family. Edward had to have noticed the change during their last day or two, but he hadn't same a word. He was always too uncomfortable to mention such things. It was the same as when she was on her period.

"It's perfectly normal. To be expected really," Carlisle assured. "Now let's get an idea of the health of the fetus."

Carlisle was concerned over the hardness of her baby bump. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but Bella caught the flicker of unease that flashed when he touched it for the first time.

He prodded it a few times, eyes widening when her nudger greeted his grandfather. His hand paused and his head tilted ever so slightly as he waited to feel the baby move again. The little man did not disappoint.

Carlisle's expression remained impassive as he measured the circumference of her belly and compared it to the measurement Alice reported from when she'd altered Bella's wedding dress.

"There. All done with that part," he said simply, turning to make a few notes on the chart he'd begun.

Bella wanted to ask what was wrong, and what he was thinking. She wanted to know if there was something wrong with her child - besides its unusual growth - and what Carlisle wasn't saying aloud. But she got distracted when he moved to pull the rolling screen towards her. An ultrasound machine, that's what it was. Finally she'd be able to see her son! Everyone would see that they were getting worked up earlier for no reason because it was just a baby.

How long would it be before Carlisle could confirm that it was the little boy from her dreams? The little boy with the perfect emerald eyes and wild bronze hair. The little carbon copy of his father.

The disappointment was raw and very, very real when the realization hit that the ultrasound wouldn't work. Carlisle seemed genuinely frustrated by it as well. It was odd to see the normally composed doctor so ruffled.

Bella tried not to let it get to her. Rose's encouraging explanation helped. "It's just because it's so well protected. The hard placenta is helping you keep it safe, Bella, since you're only human."

"It would help if I could get a sample of the amniotic fluid. That should provide -"

"That's dangerous for the baby," Rosalie said, moving to place herself between Bella and Carlisle.

"What? Why? I don't -"

"It could help us learn -"

"He wants to stick a needle in you, and take fluid from the sac surrounding the baby. But without an ultrasound, he could accidentally hurt the baby instead," Rosalie interrupted Carlisle to inform Bella.

"No! No, absolutely not. Carlisle, you can't," Bella said in a rush, clutching the back of Rose's shirt in an attempt to keep her in place as a shield.

"Calm yourself, Bella. I won't do it if you don't want me to. We should do a urine test, however. I trust you don't have a problem with that, Rosalie?" he asked in chiding tone. "It's noninvasive."

Bella flushed the whole time she peed in the cup Carlisle provided and while he used the little test slip to analyze the hormone concentration. Everyone in the house was aware she required human moments, but this one seemed usually obvious since everyone was waiting on the results.

The relief was intense when Carlisle was finally ready to share his conclusions.

"Given your size and levels of hCG hormone, I'd say you're at roughly sixteen weeks. The levels were on the high end though, but that could just be a result of the fetus's accelerated rate of growth. Without an ultrasound to see the fetus's developmental stage it's difficult to be exact. Documenting the changes in your body over the next couple days should give us a better idea of how fast it is growing and the expected duration of your pregnancy."

"But it's healthy?" Bella asked.

"As far as I can tell," Carlisle said slowly. "I am concerned that you're not keeping anything down. With the changes your body is undergoing, it's more important than ever that you have the proper nutrients to sustain the alterations."

"Would you like to try eating again?" Rose asked. "I can make you something," she offered.

"I am hungry," Bella admitted.

"You should have said something! We can't take care of you unless you keep us informed about how you're feeling."

"You guys don't need to bother -"

"The baby has needs, Bella," she chastised as they headed towards the kitchen. "You have to let us take care of you for the baby," Rosalie argued, smiling smugly when Bella simply nodded in agreement and didn't protest further.

Edward was waiting for them in the kitchen. He looked furious, and more determined even that he had before the examination took place. Rosalie hissed angrily at the sight.

"What now, Edward? Going to stop her from eating until you get your way?"

Edward didn't acknowledge his sister, but a calculating gleam entered his onyx eyes. It was one Bella was all too familiar with from the many times he'd tried to make compromises with her. The same one he'd worn when presenting her with her "before" car, cell phone, and platinum credit card. It was the one he wore when he was confident that he was going to win an argument.

It chilled Bella to her very marrow to see him wearing it now, but she had to try anyways. This was too important. If he'd thought she was stubborn before, it was nothing compared to the fight he would get now if he tried to force her on this.

"Rose - Rose, I need to talk to him," Bella whispered, lightly touching Rosalie's arm. "Alone," she added.

Rosalie didn't move. Edward and she seemed to be competing in a silent battle. Tension built, thick and suffocating as it clouded the room like a foggy morning. Bella wrung her fingers nervously.

Finally Rosalie turned to go, promising, "I'll be right outside the door if you need me."

"Bella, please - please don't do this," Edward began the moment the door shut behind his sister. He moved forward to take her hands, unknotting her fingers and lacing them through his own.

"I have to," Bella said, resolve firm even in the face of his agonized pleading.

"No you don't!" he screamed, roughly jerking his hands away and turning to knock the decorative bowl of fruit off the counter. The metal clanged loudly when it impacted with the fridge, and Bella jumped at the sound.

Slowly she took a few breaths, attempting to slow her racing heart as she watched Edward falling to pieces before her very eyes. It wretched her mended heart, the scars from the previous hurts stretching painfully. Frustrated, she felt the hated yet familiar burning sting in the back of her eyes.

Great. She was going to start crying again. Just great!

"You'll see. We'll be a happy family. Once our baby is born -"

"You'll die. You won't be around to see the monster you're insisting on dying over," he said bitterly.

"Stop saying that," Bella said, sobs breaking free. Warm tears began flowing freely down her face. She swiped at them angrily, but there were more to replace them making it a useless effort.

"How did I not see - how did I not realize you'd want this - this abomination?" Edward asked, almost to himself.

"Edward!" Bella gasped. "We created this baby together. Nothing coming from our love could ever be an abomination," Bella cried defensively, still furtively trying to stem the flow of tears.

Jasper entered then, hovering near the door, but using his gift to project serenity into the room and ease the mounting tension that had only escalated with Rosalie's departure. His presence was the only reason she was able to continue her conversation with Edward. If left to handle it on her own, she'd have crumpled into a heap of broken glass upon hearing Edward's pronouncement.

"I won't sit here and watch you die," Edward said. There was something new in his expression, in his stance. He was still, a stone column of unbreakable resolve as he faced off with her.

"I'm not going to die. You told me that when Esme -"

"It's not the same thing," Edward said, brushing her words aside like an annoying fly buzzing about his head.

"It is."

"As long as you're pregnant," he spat the word like it was the most foul curse, "you'll die. And I won't watch that happen."

"But I am pregnant. And that's not changing until I give birth," Bella said quietly, not understanding why he still wore that calculating look. It made her uneasy. "So where does that leave us?"

"I already told you. I can endure a great deal where you're concerned. But I can't handle you letting yourself die when there's an alternative available. I won't watch this happen."

Understanding came, clear as a cloudless day, and suddenly she knew what he planned to do.

"Are - are you threatening to leave if I don't let Carlisle kill our baby?"

"Yes."

"No, Edward," Bella said, numbness sweeping through her and making it impossible to move or sense her surroundings. "You promised you wouldn't leave again. You swore to me! I married you."

"We promised forever," he agreed. Then he looked Bella straight in the eye and said, "You're the one going back on your promise." He looked confident, as though already assured of his victory.

"I'm not," she breathed, the words barely audible to her ears yet she knew he'd have no problem hearing her.

"Bella, I'll stay with you forever. All you have to do is get rid of that," he said, jabbing a sharp, accusatory finger towards her midsection.

The ultimatum had barely left Edward's beautiful lips before Bella responded. "Never," she vowed fiercely, feeling an almost vampiric surge of possession engulf her.

He looked momentarily confused, disoriented. As if he was an actor in the middle of a scene, and just been handed a new script where his character abruptly dies rather than triumphs. He readjusted quickly - much quicker than her - his mind processing things a million times faster than she could hope to. Then he nodded.

"Goodbye," he said simply, turning and ghosting from the room.

"Edward!" Bella screamed, moving to follow, but tripping over the scattered fruit still littering the floor from Edward's earlier outburst.

She faltered, stumbling a bit as she screamed for Edward once more. Her legs collapsed out from beneath her.

Then cool arms were lifting her. Bella stared, nearly unseeing, into the concerned face of Jasper. He cradled her gently against his chest as he carried her back to the couch in the living room. Her mind processed the stunned faces of the rest of the family gathered close as they passed them, but her mind was nearly consumed with one single fact.

"He left me - again," she gasped, heart shredding apart as if blasted with a sawed-off shotgun.

The black emptiness was a welcome relief, and Bella greeted it eagerly when it washed over her, dragging her down, down, where nothing could touch her - however, temporarily.


	3. 3: Jasper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vampire's nature is so fixed, unchanging. What happens when unparalleled trust is placed in the face of the ultimate betrayal? Is it enough to alter the course of things, and what everyone thought they knew? A retelling of Breaking Dawn where Edward's reaction to Bella's pregnancy causes her to turn to Jasper for protection and find love in a very unlikely place.

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Any dialogue you recognize is from Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 3 - Jasper

The family was in shock. Jasper sensed the numbness emanating off of everyone. He didn't know quite what to think or how to help as he laid Bella's unconscious form down on the sofa. Her mind had apparently decided to enter survival mode and had shut down to protect itself from the reality of the situation. It was nice to learn she wasn't entirely without some self-preservation instincts. Jasper had been beginning to wonder.

Rosalie was the first to regain her composure and respond, rushing to Bella's side and practically shoving Jasper out of the way as she fussed over her. He felt the concern radiating from the blonde, potent and extreme. The undertones of elation and anticipation captured his attention momentarily though. He watched as she covered Bella with the thick throw blanket from the back of the couch, tucking the edges securely around the still girl while contemplating her motivations as was his habit.

"Alice, where's he going?" Carlisle asked urgently as he bent to check Bella's vitals.

Carlisle was terrified his impulsive, petulant son was about to do something drastic once more. But Jasper had felt Edward's emotions prior to his departure, and they were not those of someone driven by despair. He was hurt, angry, confused.

If Jasper had to guess - and years of practice meant he usually guessed correctly, especially as far as his family was concerned - he'd bet Edward was struggling to come to terms with the situation while also still trying to force Bella's hand. He was regrouping, planning new strategies to get his way, and hoping that his leaving would be enough to change her mind. But more than anything, he was hurt that she hadn't picked him above all else. It wasn't a decision he could comprehend. Not after everything they'd gone through to get to this point.

Jasper sighed, contemplated sharing his thoughts, but ultimately decided not to. No one would likely agree with Edward's reasoning, not with the impact it was having on Bella, and it would help no one to have the family angry with Edward. Just now Edward was every bit the angsty teenage boy he'd been when turned, ruled by his hormones and raging against the things he found unjust and unfair. Hopefully he figured things out quickly and returned before he did too much damage.

"I-I don't know," Alice answered, shaking her head helplessly. Jasper went to her at once, hugging his wife as she curled in on herself. "I can't see him," she complained, voice small and strained as she explained. "His future is too wrapped up in Bella's and hers is… "

There was no need to say more. Everyone already understood that Bella's future was as predictable as a natural disaster.

"Should I try to go after him?" Emmett asked, glancing around.

His emotions were always so simple to interpret - love, worry, happiness. Their lack of complexity was refreshing, and all the more appreciated for their genuine sincerity. Jasper had always gravitated towards positive emotions, and Emmett's were some of the easiest to endure on a continual basis.

"You won't find him," Alice announced seconds later, pulling away from Jasper and moving to the center of the room. She sounded certain and it seemed that being able to share at least this much with her family had helped her regain her composure at least a little. "We'll just have to wait until he decides to come back and look after Bella in the meantime."

~

The next two days passed in a blur. Bella remained unconscious for nearly thirteen hours. Carlisle insisted everyone let her sleep, saying the pregnancy and stress had likely taxed her system and rest would be the best thing for her.

When she did finally wake, Rosalie practically force fed her. Bella was a zombie as she ate. Jasper concentrated on keeping her emotions level, and for about an hour it worked. Then, before too long, Bella's attempt at nonchalance faltered, and most of the food came right back up.

Rosalie held a bucket she'd prepared for Bella and soothed the expectant mother, ensuring her that morning sickness was normal and nothing to be embarrassed over. She'd even gone so far as to wipe Bella's face with a damp cloth as if Bella was the baby.

Em had watched with a perplexed expression, but underlying that was fear. He was terrified - more than any of the others - and helpless. There was a fake smile on his face whenever Bella glanced at him, but it failed to register with her that it was just a mask.

After the second time Bella expelled the contents of her stomach Emmett baulked and retired from the room. Once Bella had drifted off again, Jasper sought his brother out only to find him searching the internet for information, souring every source he could think to look for.

"Bella can't be the first one this has ever happened to," Em muttered, not looking away from the screen.

"I've never heard -"

"You wouldn't. You spent your years fighting not fucking," Emmett interrupted impatiently.

Jasper didn't bother to correct the mistaken assumption. He had been Maria's toy nearly the entire time. There had been nearly as much sex as blood and fighting. It had been a life centered around hedonistic pursuits, and it was not a time in his life that he enjoyed looking back on. The way he'd let himself be used unsettled him. It was a source of deep shame and lasting resentment. Only Alice, and Edward, truly understood the extent of his experience in the south and how it had come to define his limitations in this newly chosen life.

"Carlisle hasn't either," Jasper reminded his brother, letting the conversation shift naturally away from him.

"He's too noble," Emmett argued. Jasper sensed that he needed this. Needed to be doing something, anything, to help.

"I have my history books. I'll see if I can locate any hidden clues that may have been glossed over or misinterpreted," Jasper offered, turning to leave Emmett in peace.

"Thanks, Jazz."

"I'll help Em. You should stay near Bella though - in case something sets her off again. I think you'd be better for her than the drugs Carlisle is contemplating using to sedate her," Alice said, skipping lightly into the room. Her fingers briefly touched the back of his hand as she passed.

"If you think that's best," Jasper agreed. He always trusted Alice's suggestions. She'd never steered him wrong, and wouldn't recommend he stay near Bella now if he would end up being a threat or if it wasn't what Bella needed.

Once he'd retrieved a number of thick, ancient volumes from the room he shared with Alice, Jasper returned to his former spot on the bottom step of the stairs. It appeared that the family room was going to be Bella's room for the duration of her pregnancy - however short that might turn out to be.

She'd thrown up again, not even waking fully to do so. It was rather disgusting, but the noxious, acidic smell of vomit made it easier to remain in the same room with her, even if he was in the corner farthest from her. Bella shifted restlessly, whimpering slightly. Rosalie glanced at him pointedly as she tucker the covers around her ill patient. With a roll of his eyes, Jasper layered the room with tranquility, drowsiness, and acceptance.

As the second day since her return came to a close, Bella woke asking for Edward. "It was just a dream," she croaked, barely audible as realization dawned. "He's really gone." The memory of his abandonment seemed to slam into her with a vengeance and it took the combined efforts of Rose's words and Jasper's gift to settle her.

Edward had always been prone to theatrics. But this was absurd. Bella needed his support and he'd abandoned her - again.

She was a disaster. The stress only adding additional strain to her already overly taxed body. Yet she never wavered from her chosen course. It was… admirable. He'd known Bella for over a year now and still she managed to surprise him with her strength of will. He'd forgotten humans were capable of such conviction.

For the next couple days only Rose's warnings that Bella had to take care of herself for the baby had any impact. It was the reason Bella continued at least try eating. Not that it did any good. Everything came right back up. At first it usually stayed down for at least an hour. Not anymore. Now she was lucky if her body had ten minutes to process what it needed and absorb some necessary subsistence.

Alice continued searching for Edward as well as answers. His departure had been a spur of the moment decision, so she only saw a brief flash when he decided to stop. Everyone was very careful not to mention him when Bella was awake, but during one of Bella's brief naps, Alice told the family the news that he was in a dark room, curled up in a ball, unmoving. The blackness prevented her from being able to isolate his location so someone could track down the drama queen and drag him home to his distraught wife.

A few times Bella's sanity seemed stretched thin as tissue paper, and Jasper had used his gift to help her sleep through the worst of her thoughts and depression. Each time he did, she'd glare at him upon waking, and mutter about pushy, manipulative vampires. Then Rosalie would start in on how it had helped keep the baby from getting too distressed and Bella would let it go. This happened several times before Bella was capable of remaining awake without the need of vampire sedation.

Carlisle continuously monitored the pregnancy while Bella slept. The depth of his worry increased with each examination. Jasper didn't need to be a doctor to see the toll the changes were demanding of Bella.

It was alarming how he was able to see her stomach growing. Shocking to watch her hair fade, the nutrients leached from the once vibrant mahogany until it was left a lank brown the color of over-harvested dirt. Terrifying to realize her skin had become shrink wrap over brittle bones once every extra ounce of softness was consumed from her body. And frightening to hear her heart beat faster each day as it struggled to keep up with the increasingly impossible demands of her condition.

Then the first bruise appeared.

As Bella's strength was sapped, so was the child's, but not proportionally. At least not when compared to the weak human incubator it was nestled within. It was too strong. Each time it moved, it pushed too hard against Bella's fragile skin leaving angry violet and indigo marks.

Carlisle was in the middle of his second exam of the day when it happened the first time. Bella had just stood to follow the doctor, with Rose's overbearing help, when she gasped and pressed a hand to her middle.

Pain flowed like a river swiftly sucking him into its current. Jasper's eyes closed against the onslaught of the oppressive emotion. Pain always triggered his thirst. It would forever be linked to the desperation he felt to quench the aching, dry burn of his throat. Along with the anticipatory knowledge that blood was the reward for enduring pain during battle. It was an involuntary reaction and one he could not help - not after nearly a hundred years of conditioning.

When Carlisle crouched to see the damage, his horror had Jasper snapping to attention, searching for the source before he too saw the evidence maring Bella's flesh stretched tautly over her ballooning bulge. Again he was grateful that the constant vomiting tainted the appealing smell of her blood so close to escaping her insufficient skin wrapping.

"It doesn't hurt. The baby is strong," Bella said lightly, brushing off Rose and Carlisle's concern, but Jasper could feel her pain intensify as she spoke, as well as her… joy. Curious.

"Rose, can you get an ice pack? And the vitamin K and C cream from my office," Carlisle requested, offering his shoulder for Bella to lean against. He looked up from his exam to explain, "It should help reduce the inflammation and pain."

Jasper moved closer, intrigued by her emotions. Bella tottered and fresh waves of pain formed, but Bella fought to keep her expression from relieving what was happening. Her poker face was pitiful, ridiculously ineffective. Despite her attempt at neutrality when suffering, her joy remained undiluted.

"That's a good thing?" Jasper asked, adding, "That it's strong." Bella startled, having not noticed his approach, and he immediately moved to steady her by wrapping a supporting arm around her bony shoulders.

"Yes. It will fit in with it's supernatural fam - AHHHH!" Bella cried out, clutching her belly where he watched as a second bruise formed. It was like watching drops of ink being spilled across pristine ivory paper.

Jasper reached out instinctively, lightly touching the tender softness of her skin and releasing soothing ripples into her.

"Oh!" Bella exclaimed, and almost at once he felt her emotions shift from pain to welcome relief. Carlisle, who'd been attempting to measure her latest growth while waiting for Rosalie to return, starred up from Bella's feet in shocked amazement.

"Jasper, what are you doing to her?" Rosalie demanded as she breezed back into the room and straight to Bella's other side.

"He got the baby to settle down," Bella replied, looking wonderingly up at him, gratitude gleaming in her sunken, bruised eyes. "It was restless and kicking, but now it's calm."

Jasper had never in his very long life had cause for anyone to look at him with such trust and hope. Most definitely not a human, his natural prey. Those usually only gave him imploring looks before he inflicted agony and death. He felt a unexpected piece of his brain lock into place when Bella did so now, but he paid it no mind.

One part of his mind was focused on continuing to provide relief to Bella and her child, while another was remembering how even Alice had been more exasperated over waiting so long then grateful when he first met her in the diner so long ago. And there had been that infinitesimal flinch that she'd been unable to repress when she'd first laid eyes on his numerous scars. He hadn't thought anything of it - everyone flinched at the sight of him. They recognized how dangerous he was. It was instinct. And Alice's reaction had been so muted compared to what he was used to.

But Bella showed not an ounce of fear now, just trust and… acceptance. Yes, there was a knowing in her emotions. He tasted it. She knew she could rely on him for help. How very peculiar given everything they'd been through.

It was intoxicating. Addictive.

After that Jasper was glued to Bella's side, one hand conformed to the contour of her swollen belly. A constant stream of tranquility to keep the baby as still as possible flowed from him to her womb.

The new peace seemed to buoy Bella. It restored her initial hope and confidence that she could handle this. And it did appear to be a little easier for her though she still couldn't keep any food down. At least with his help she slept easier, and the dark circles rimming her eyes were reduced to only a slight redness.

When Bella was awake the family took turns occupying her to keep her mind off Edward and help reduce her stress levels.

Mostly Bella asked for stories from the family's various adventures as vampires when they'd come down to sit with her. Something to look forward to she'd said. Everyone obliged her, and for once Edward wasn't around insisting the family censor themselves so as not to scare her. Jasper always thought it was a bit ridiculous. She knew what they were, and had seen them attack others of their kind. If that wasn't enough to scare her off, nothing would. Hell, it just seemed to make her more determined to become one of them. Better she be forewarned than have to learn the hard way through experience. He wished someone had been around to warn him.

The family did other things to help as well. Rose and Alice shopped online for baby stuff. They insisted on buying stuff for both a boy and a girl since they didn't know which she was having. Each time one of the girls mentioned the gender Bella would blush and emit a strong sense of nostalgia. It made Jasper curious, but he refrained from asking to avoid upsetting her if it had something to do with Edward.

Esme offered advice on being a parent. This was actually Bella's favorite judging by her emotions. Jasper supposed it was because Esme was speaking as if it was a sure thing that Bella would be around to raise her child.

Carlisle offered updates about her pregnancy. As well as information about what was happening to her body and the baby's - at least as far as he could tell from the limited tests Rose allowed him to perform.

Emmett and Jasper competed at video games with her watching and egging them on since movies and music only seemed to upset her.

Alice had just joined them before the brothers were set to race Mario Karts. Jasper noticed she was frowning at the screen. Her forehead was scrunched just above her nose and extreme irritation surrounded her like cotton candy.

"Alice can't see who wins," Jasper announced suddenly, failing to hide his smile when his partner aimed her angriest scowl at him. He was highly amused by the unfamiliar predicament Alice was finding herself in blinded as she was. "Bella, have you ever wanted to bet against her?"

"No, actually," she whispered. Her voice had grown weaker in the last few hours, her throat raw from the near constant vomiting. But Jasper sensed the anticipation that she felt yet couldn't convey in her weakened state.

"Even after all those times she made you play life-size Barbie?" Jasper teased, tempting her to take the bait.

"Traitor!" Alice hissed, glaring playfully at Jasper. "Fine. I think Emmett will annihilate you," Alice taunted.

"That's okay, Bella's got my back," Jasper replied easily.

"Yes," Alice agreed.

Jasper felt a flash of something spike from her, but it was there and gone before he could process it. That was one of the limitations of his gift. Vampires may have perfect recall, and he could remember any emotion a person felt once he'd decoded it… but if it vanished before he had a chance to properly dissect and identify it, he'd never know what it was.

"What's the bet?" Bella asked, shifting against his side. His one hand followed her movements easily while the other helped her readjust. In just a couple days he'd learned to anticipate her needs.

Alice watch them impassively, contemplating some complex problem. Then she spoke quick and light as ever. "If you win, then I will forgive you for one slight or grievance."

"Forgive me?" Bella asked uncertainly.

"We're going to be sisters for a very, very long time. We're bound to disagree at some point, and I'm telling you now that I will let it go," Alice offered magnanimously, a serene smile ghosting her lips.

Bella chuckled weakly and said, "Okay, Alice. And if you win?"

"You have to let me take you shopping once you're past your newborn stage," she announced, excitedly bouncing at the prospect. Bella groaned, though it came out more as a croak.

"Jasper, don't lose," Bella muttered.

"Yes, ma'am," he vowed in an over exaggeration of his drawl, grinning at her. "I'll win with just one hand."

In the end it was no contest. Jasper slaughtered Emmett.

~

When the family wasn't with Bella, they were researching. Nothing had turned up so far, but they kept looking.

Jasper had taken to researching while sitting with Bella. Emmett wasn't having much luck on the internet, but Jasper had found a few passages in a book about the rise and fall of the Mayan empire that seemed promising. Esme had gone to the library to find more books on the subject as well as ones on the Ticuna legends.

Edward had been gone for six days now, and no one was any closer to figuring out a way to help Bella.

The presence of a new emotion startled Jasper from his reading moments after Bella laughed at whatever asinine thing Em was saying to her this morning.

"Bella, laugh again," Jasper commanded.

She did, and despite it's forced nature, he felt it. Joy. Not her own, but the fe - baby's.

He scooted closer, sliding his other hand over the surface of her belly tenderly. She shivered, watching him. Her brow was furrowed and he sensed her curiosity and confusion.

"Bella," he whispered, glancing up in awe.

"What? What is it, Jasper?" Bella demanded, uncertain and worried that he'd sensed something wrong with her child. She jerked and winced, rubbing her side.

"Wow, careful. I can feel the baby's emotions," he breathed.

"Seriously?" Em asked at the same time Bella spoke.

"You can?" she said, biting her lip and covering his hands with her own.

Neither acknowledged Emmett, too lost in their shared revelation to pay him any heed.

There weren't words to explain the strangeness of having a human voluntarily touch Jasper. Add the fact that she never portrayed a hint of fear or hesitancy, he was afraid he could easily become addicted to such open acceptance. What a joke! He already craved it if he was honest with himself.

He felt another link clip into place in his brain as her fingers exploringly traced over the ridges of his own. Once more he pushed the unfamiliar sensation and knowledge to the back of his mind, ignoring the implications.

That was one of his largest problems. Addiction. After nearly a century of instant gratification, he found it next to impossible to restrain himself when something was offered freely. Particularly if that something promised any sort of pleasure or happiness.

Just now Bella was so happy and excited that he wished to emerge himself in the emotions. To roll around in them like a kitten would with catnip.

"Yes," Jasper said, smiling softly up at her. "It likes it when you laugh." The first true smile since the wedding stretched across Bella's gaunt face.

Until that point, Jasper had been weary of the baby. He didn't like the havoc it was causing within the family. He didn't like that it put Bella's life at risk and made Alice worry. He didn't like the uncertainty or the potential threat it was for his family. Jasper could not tolerate anything that threatened the safety of his family.

The baby was an abstract concept before this moment. Something elusive and undefined despite the physical evidence presented by Bella's body. Now it was real. Every bit a person to him the way Bella had become. He could no more consider view it as a danger than he could consider trying to take a bite out of Bella again.

"How much can you sense?" Carlisle asked. The words snapped Jasper to attention. He mentally berated himself for letting his guard down to such an extent that he hadn't detected Carlisle's presence until he was right behind him. Never had he been so utterly distracted before. "How developed is it?"

"The baby loves Bella," Jasper said, recovering quickly. "It loves her every bit as much as she love it. The baby can tell," Jasper explained, head tilting as he assessed and processed.

"Of course we love each other. We're a family," Bella crooned to her stomach.

"It didn't mean to hurt you a moment ago," he added. "You scared it, and it jerked in surprise."

"No. The baby's all warm and safe. It would never deliberately try to hurt me. I'm just too weak," Bella said, excusing the baby's inadvertent actions.

"You aren't. You're strong enough to do this," Jasper said, projecting confidence to everyone in the room.

"Do you really think so?" Bella asked in her wavering and scratchy voice.

"Yes. I've seen you do brave and incredible things. Truly remarkable things. I feel your determination now. I know you'll surprise everyone," Jasper said, knowing Bella would see the conviction burning in his eyes.

"You're the first person - aside from Rose, and well… "

"She does want you to survive," Jasper informed Bella. Sampling the shock it produced like it was a sweet wine and he was at a tasting.

"W-what?"

"If you were concerned about her motivations. You know I can sense emotions, but that doesn't always mean I understand the reasons behind them. I confronted her yesterday," Jasper admitted. "While you were sleeping."

"Hey! Not cool, bro!" Emmett called indignantly as he leaned over Bella to smack Jasper upside the head. He hadn't touched Bella, but her breath caught regardless. The slightest jostle seemed to rile up the baby and unintentionally hurt her.

"Emmett," Carlisle warned, heading back upstairs. "I need to check, but… This development helps narrow down how advanced the fetus is. It might mean we'd be able to act sooner… might make a difference for -"

Emmett took one more look at Bella, regret over the discomfort he realized his impulsive action caused her and fear at the sight of her skeletal face bursting from him, then hurried after Carlisle.

"You talked to Rose?" Bella prompted once Carlisle and Emmett were gone.

"Yes. She doesn't want the baby for herself. She wants you both to survive," Jasper revealed. "You're surprised. If it came down to a choice, she'd chose the child over you. But you would do the same."

"Yes, I would," Bella confirmed. She'd already proven it by picking the child over Edward. Over the one she'd honestly believed she couldn't be happy without. Couldn't survive without. Amazing how circumstances change things.

"She knows that. She doesn't want her relationship with the child… tainted… by your death, so she wants you to live. And she appreciates the trust you've placed in her with something so important to you," Jasper continued. "I do too," he added after a moment.

"Jasper… you're a protector. It's who you are, so of course I trust you," Bella said easily, as if she hadn't just offered him her overwhelming, life-altering faith. "I remember the story you told me about becoming a vampire," she explained, rolling her eyes on the last word. He knew she still felt silly saying the word. She'd always had such a peculiar reaction to the term even if she didn't to the reality of them.

"What about it?" he asked cautiously.

"You were only turned because you stopped to help those three women. And when the newborns attacked, you helped get everyone ready - then got bit trying to look out for everyone," she said in her frail, raspy voice. Every word strained it just a little bit more.

"I suppose I assumed that after your birthday… "

Jasper didn't like remembering Bella's birthday. He hadn't really gotten over what he'd done, how he'd nearly killed her. It had all happened so fast. He'd been caught off guard. He'd lost himself in the moment. Then it was over and the haze of bloodlust cleared long enough for him to realize the full impact of his actions.

It still shocked him. The… event. There'd been no fantasy of slowly sinking his teeth into the soft skin of her neck. No careful plan of how to approach her and savor her warmth. No calculation of how to avoid inciting fear for as long as possible so he could enough the taste without terror ruining the experience. Instead, it was all action and fury - snapping teeth, snarling, and a flood of venom choking him. The monster within had been in complete control for the first time in years.

He'd taken off immediately, desperate to get as far away from temptation as possible. He'd run, and run. There wasn't a distance great enough to outrun the demons in his own head. The demons constantly screaming, demanding blood. Blood. Blood. And more blood. He was a vampire. It was his nature. He wasn't always strong enough to withstand temptation.

How easy it was to be frustrated and angry with Edward for running when he'd done the same. What a hypocrite he was. Pathetic.

Alice had found him hours later, and promised that no permanent damage had been done. Then they'd learned of Edward's plan to move the family and leave Bella behind. He hadn't gotten the opportunity to apologize. He felt cowardly, but part of him was relieved not to have to face her again. He didn't think he could stand to look in her face and see that he'd destroyed the trust she'd so willingly placed in him.

"I trust you. I don't blame you for that. I never did. It wasn't your fault. I was the clumsy, weak human that caught you off guard in the place you're supposed to be able to lower your defenses in," Bella swore, taking the blame onto herself as she'd always been prone to do. Jasper had witnessed enough of her arguments with Edward to know it would be a waste of time to argue with her over it.

"I still regret it," he confessed, letting his head fall forward in shame, unable to look Bella in the eye as he voiced his apology for the first time. "I'm so -"

"Don't," she insisted, gripping his hand with what was probably all the strength she still possessed.

"I don't think it would happen again - now that I know you better. My control around you is stronger. I'm less sensitive to your blood. And you mean too much to me and the family," Jasper said, trying to reassure Bella that she was safe from him. He knew she wasn't worried, but he still felt the need to say the words aloud.

"Thanks. While we're on the subject though… " she began haltingly. She swallowed, and nervousness billowed outward. "Would you promise me something?"

"Of course," Jasper said, interested to know what she'd want.

"If I don't make it - just hear me out," she insisted when she saw his frown, "- if I don't, please listen - Jasper, promise me that'll you'll always look after him," she begged, stopping Jasper when he'd tried to interrupt and deny the possibility of her not surviving the child as a vampire at the very least.

A word snagged his attention. "Him?" Bella thought it was a boy. So that was why she'd been embarrassed when Alice and Rose mentioned genders.

"Just a hunch," she whispered shyly. "Will you?" she asked with surprising determination.

"Even if the child is more like you than Edward? More human… you'd trust me with his safety?" Jasper asked, stunned. He felt a burning need for her to be certain of this request. It blazed hotter than the ever present flames in his throat. More words flowed from his lips, ensuring she understood all that she was asking. "Even knowing my history, knowing how many I've killed, knowing I'm dangerous? Even knowing that I once tried to kill you, and would have if the family hadn't stopped me?"

"Always. I will always trust you with him," Bella said without hesitating, conviction clear in her sincere brown eyes. "You'd do a better job than anyone else."

Such unconditional faith was potent. Profound. Had anyone ever trusted him so completely before? Even Alice was constantly checking the future to ensure he wasn't about to slip up. It was an unintentional, yet nonetheless festering, wound she inflicted daily that he'd forced himself to learn to cope with over the years in order to be part of the family. It was part of his atonement for the countless sins and evil deeds he'd committed.

Another link. There was another link clicking into place in his head, tying him to Bella and her child. This one unbreakable titanium, chromium, diamond. More durable than all of those substances. A link that refused to be ignored as he felt an odd shift that trickled down to the very foundation of his essence. An undeniable change in his nature. One of those so rare to happen in his kind.

"Then I swear he'll always have it. Forever."

Their eyes locked and Bella's relief was a balm to his tattered humanity after Maria's abuse and the guilt over all of his own actions. Alice had picked up the shreds of it, working to hold them together over the years, but this fragile human - one he'd once considered insignificant and expendable - was actually managing to repair it and make it whole again.

Jane was right when she said Bella brought out strong reactions in our kind. It was… astonishing.

A slight movement at the edge of the room caught Jasper's attention. Alice was watching them, a small smile curving her lips though he sensed nothing of what she was feeling. It was… unusual. She rarely hid her feelings from him.

"Bella, I need to steal Jasper for a bit," Alice said, voice tinkling merrily. Then he felt it. Agony. Sharp and cutting. Her pain pierced him for an instant then it was gone.

Jasper was at Alice's side in the time it took Bella to blink. Alice continued to watch Bella and Jasper could see the tightness to her features, the forced nature of the smile. Little things Bella wouldn't be able to detect. Being beside his wife now, Alice couldn't completely contain her concern. The pain made sense now. She was afraid of losing Bella. It must be eating her up to not know the outcome and not be able to help.

"Oh. Of course," Bella said, disoriented from suddenly finding herself alone on the sofa.

"Esme and Rosalie just got back. It's our time to hunt," Alice explained, then promised, "We'll be back soon though."

Bella nodded as Rose came to take Jasper's place at her side.

~

They'd barely left the house before Alice paused, pulling her cell out and dialing quickly.

"Charlie's planning to come by and see if we've heard from them. You should call and tell him Bella's sick - quarantined. It will start preparing him," Alice informed the person on the other end.

"Should we let her talk to him?" Carlisle's voice sounded from the speaker in Alice's phone.

"No - I don't… no," Alice said uncertainly. Another wave of pain reached Jasper. "Do what you think is best, Carlisle," Alice finally concluded, hanging up. Jasper hated that he couldn't help her with her faulty gift. She was holding up better than he expected, but he knew it had to be making her suffer more than she was letting on.

Without a word of explanation, they continued moving silently through the forest, each intent on the hunt and absorbed in their own worries.

Alice made neat work of a couple deer. They each had their own hunting style, but her style resembled the strike of a cobra - quick, unexpected, and lethal. The graceful strike was mesmerizing to watch. He'd always enjoyed watching her.

Jasper, by contrast, was aggressive, dominant. He'd stalk his prey then force it to submit before devouring it. The prolonged hunt heightened his instincts and made the thrill of drinking that much more satisfying. Took a little of the disappointment of only drinking animal blood away.

He'd taken down four before he approached Alice, pinning her against a tree and kissing her. His lips left her to trace down the slim column of her neck, nipping and sucking lightly. The buttons of her shirt came easily undone as his hand slid between them.

"We should be getting back," Alice said, slipping from his arms with her lithe dancer grace. Her shirt was adjusted before she turned back to face him.

She'd never denied him before. Never. She'd always understood that Maria had conditioned him to associate feeding and sex. After nearly a century with her, and several decades with Alice, he wasn't able to differentiate between the two pleasures and always sought one after the other when they went out together.

Desire and passion were magnified thanks to his gift and he struggled to reign them in when he was used to satiating them. It had been weeks since they hunted together. Weeks since they'd been intimate actually.

"You're keeping things from me," Jasper accused, hurt by her unexplained rejection, and struggling to focus on something else as he marshalled his senses and subdued his arousal.

"I know," she said, and he was relieved that at least she wasn't denying it. "I'm sorry."

He waited for her to say more, explain. She didn't speak, just stared into the distance watching some event unfold that he wasn't privy to.

"You're not going to tell me now, are you?"

"I promise when I know more," she said, looking up at him from her significantly shorter height. Again he felt her pain. There was confusion too. Regret and grief as well. Was it all because she couldn't see? Because she didn't know? "I will," she promised more firmly, and turned away to keep him from asking more just yet.

He studied her retreating back and lightly said, "You don't always have to know everything, Alice. It might even make things more interesting if you don't." He hoped to tease her into a better mood or relieve some of the pressure she was putting on herself.

She cocked her head to the side, considering.

"Alice, I was teasing," Jasper tried, needing her to say something or at least look at him.

"Yes," she said slowly and paused, waiting for him to come to her. "I know you were." She laughed lightly then winced, reaching to rub her temple.

"How's your head?"

"Hurts," she replied, shrugging helplessly.

"Tell me what I can do to help," Jasper pleaded. He hated seeing her distressed without being able to do anything about it. It was as difficult for him to bear as her inability to see was for her.

"There's nothing - I can't see! I don't know what's going to happen," she complained, expression forlorn as her eyes focused on his face.

"Things are going to work out," Jasper said, bending to brush a kiss over the top of Alice's head.

"Hmm," Alice hummed noncommittally.

"Alice?" Jasper prodded. She seemed like she had something more she wished to say.

"Things are changing - you can see that for yourself. I'm just trying to figure out how much," Alice finally admitted, sighing heavily. She seemed so very small and tired just then.

"I miss you," Jasper whispered, enfolding Alice into his arms once more. For a long time she didn't speak, nor did she return his embrace.

Mourning. That was the predominant emotion coming off of Alice though it didn't make any sense to him. Bella wasn't dead. And Edward would come back. Eventually, she'd be able to track him down.

Jasper tried to offer comfort, but she seemed unwilling to accept it. He floundered, puzzled by the changes he didn't understand.

Finally, she pressed her forehead tight against his chest and spoke, the words muffled though he had no problem hearing them. "You'll always be my best friend, Jazz. We've been through too much for that to ever change."

"Why does this feel like goodbye?"

Alice just grinned up at him before darting away. He could almost believe the smile held actual joy. Almost.

"I'll race you back to the house!" Jasper knew then that he wouldn't get any answers from her. As far as Alice was concerned the conversation was over.

"Did you already see yourself winning?" he called, taking off after the little cheater with the head start.

"I'll never tell," Alice sang, laughing, and this time Jasper actually could feel the joy and exhilaration she left in her wake as he followed her back home.

They'd barely been back ten minutes. Just long enough for Bella to voice her displeasure at being prevented from talking to Charlie, and for Carlisle and Emmett to prepare for their own hunting trip when Jasper hear the sound of a motorcycle coming up the drive. With it came rage, thick and oppressive. It was potent enough that he could feel it even before the wolf stopped his bike.

"Incoming," he informed the others, moving to block Bella should the child attack immediately.

"Who invited the mutt?" Rosalie hissed from Bella's other side.

He groaned inwardly wishing she'd kept that information to herself. Bella was so attached to the werewolf that she'd probably latch onto him now that Edward had taken off. If Rose had just kept her mouth shut, Carlisle could have gotten rid of him without Bella ever realizing he'd been here. Now they'd have to worry about a whole new threat and put up with the stench that would probably permeate the entire house and linger indefinitely. Alice would insist on all new furniture to get rid of it.

"Jacob? Jacob's here?" Yep. She'd definitely be wanting him to stick around. She hadn't been this happy since the wedding. Great.

"Yes, Bella, he's coming up the drive," Carlisle said, going to the door as Esme, Emmett, and Alice all entered the room to strategically form a loose circle around Bella. Jasper nodded at the others when they sought his opinion on their placements. They could easily protect Bella should the need arise. She didn't even seem to notice as her visitor consumed her entire focus.

"Are you sure you're up for this? Jacob has a tendency to put his foot in his mouth around you," Jasper inquired, not wanting her unduly upset.

She chuckled, making the baby happy too. Jasper ignored Carlisle greeting the wolf as he absorbed Bella's happiness. It was rare and precious these days. Perhaps he could tolerate the wolf's presence for her sake.

"I want to see him," Bella insisted.

"Bella, I'm not sure it would be a good idea for him to know about… " Rose said, trying to dissuade her. Good luck with that.

"Why not? Are we keeping secrets from Jacob too? What's the point?" Bella said tiredly. Looked like she was still angry about not getting to talk to Charlie earlier. Yet despite that, he felt her determination rising. She was so stubborn.

"Rose, it's her decision," Jasper said. Rosalie rolled her eyes, but Bella smiled gratefully and weakly squeezed his hand. Her strength had waned so much that it barely registered and wouldn't have if he hadn't watched her do it and felt her warmth soaking into him.

"Come in, please, Jacob."

Her voice was more croaked and strained than ever. Pretty soon she'd go to speak and nothing at all would come out. Her racing heart probably would hold out much longer than her voice. His turbulent emotions on the subject were too unbearable to process. He shied away from their sharp, jagged edges. It was enough that he had to endure the cutting razors of the others'.

The giant bronzed wolf strode in wearing his human skin, but there was something distinctly animalistic about the way he moved. An aggressive edge that he recognized in himself. Jake came to an abrupt halt once he was completely in the room. His head whipped around taking in the assembled group. Confusion. The anger had abruptly faded only to be replaced with suspicious confusion. Then his focus zeroed in on Bella and his entire person exploded with shock.

Jasper inched closer to Bella, positioning himself in the best place to intercept Jacob if he lost it and tried to attack. Bella's hand fluttered against Jasper's, trying to let him know that she believed it unnecessary. He remembered Jake's temper though and wasn't planning on taking any chances. He'd only interfere if truly needed though.

Chaotic emotions always made Bella more likely to vomit, and she did so now as if on cue. Rose was there with her ever present trash can and soothing hands. Bella's gratitude was a beacon shining out at the room.

"Sorry about that," Bella apologized. To the family or Jacob, he couldn't tell.

Jacob started forward then, a zombie catching the scent of fresh brains or a sleepwalker headed towards a cliff edge. Either way Jacob was making a beeline for Bella now. Rose aggressively got between the approaching wolf and Bella, determined to protect her investment.

"Rose, don't. It's fine," Bella urged. The pleading edge to the words and the increased heart rate that everyone in the room, besides Bella, was suddenly aware of convinced Rose to return to Bella's side and brush a hand over Bella's clammy forehead.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jake asked crouching to take her hand. He didn't even glance at Jasper as he moved to her like a magnet caught in her inescapable pull. "Are you all right?"

"I'm glad you came to see me today, Jacob."

"What is it, Bella?"

Bella, looked around. Sensing her need for support just now, Jasper moved closer, hovering over her.

Jacob notice him for first time, but his eyes darted back to Bella when he heard her ask, "Help me up, Rose?" Rose hesitated. They'd tried to move her as little as possible this last day. Each time jostled the baby and ended up hurting Bella more than her body seemed capable of handling. "Please, Rose."

"No. Don't get up… " Jacob tried, looking very, very afraid as he drank in the sight of the girl he thought he was in love with. Jasper didn't quite agree based on what he felt.

This was the first time Jasper had been close to both Bella and Jacob at the same time since they'd prepared for Victoria's attack. He'd been too distracted then to notice the emotions each projected. It wasn't romantic love. Not from either of them. It wasn't obsession either. But it was… powerful. The gravitational force of a black hole sucking him in and drawing him closer, but it definitely wasn't romantic love. How intriguing. His analytical side longed to discuss it with Carlisle, but now wasn't the time.

"I'm answering your question," she snapped. Jasper bit back a smile at her exasperation. Jake never failed to get her hackles up. That much he had picked up before. At least that was how it seemed to him, like an annoying little brother.

Her shirt caught on the arm of the sofa as Rose helped her untuck her legs to stand. There was a fresh bruise, likely not even an hour old. Jasper berated himself as he realized it must have happened when he was out hunting with Alice this morning. Bella hadn't even mentioned it. Probably too worried that he'd sacrifice his health for hers in the future. She'd probably be right.

The room was silent as Jasper gaged Jacob's reaction. Dawning comprehension. Understanding warring with disgusted disbelief.

Then he was gone, racing from the house only to explode into a giant wolf as he dove from the porch.

"He… he left too," Bella whispered, severely devastated. Though her pain was nowhere in the realm of what she'd gone through when Edward did the same thing to her. Rose helped return Bella to the sofa.

"He'll be back," Jasper promised, knowing Jacob at least seemed incapable of staying away from Bella for long. "It's just a lot to process at once, and he didn't want to phase in here and risk hurting you."

"Liar," Bella accused.

"Maybe. But it sounds reasonable at least," Jasper acknowledged.

"Thanks for trying," she said then vomited again. There was blood in it this time, but the acrid scent of bile prevented it from being even remotely appealing.

There was an instant where the family just looked at one another, uncertain what to do. Then Carlisle was there taking charge.

"I think we need to try an IV," Carlisle suggested.

"I hate needles," Bella grumbled, but didn't resist or refuse.

"Emmett, can you assemble the medical bed? Jasper, can you clear a space for us to set up here?" he asked, gesturing to the center of the room. At once both boys set to work while Esme and Rosalie fussed over Bella, and Carlisle inserted an IV into her arm.

There was no denying that Bella's health was failing, and that she might not make it long enough to give birth. They needed a solution, and fast, or they would lose both Bella and the baby.

"I'll need to get more supplies," Carlisle warned once Bella was all set up in the family room turned ER.

"We've got things covered here," Jasper promised.

~

It was only an hour later that Jasper felt the presence of a wolf running up the drive. The La Push wolf wasn't alone either. Both newcomers were producing levels of panicked urgency that should have registered on the Richter scale with the way it shook him.

"Rose, stay with Bella! Emmett, outside with me - cover the door!" Jasper commanded, darting from beside the hospital bed, movements so fast they jostled Bella from her sleep. He hardly notice Alice following out behind them.

"Jasper, wh - Rose? What is it? What's going on?"

Jasper heard Bella asking, but he was already out front, crouched low and growling as he faced off with two werewolves. Only the notes of friendliness coming from the smaller wolf kept Jasper from springing.

Seth shifted immediately, holding out his hands palm up to indicate he wasn't there to fight. The other wolf, Jacob, he guessed was whining up at Seth, but the kid was ignoring him. "Wow! Wow, it's just Jake and me. We came to warn you - Sam plans to attack!"

Jasper didn't relax his stance, but shifted his eyes to scan the surroundings, searching for the potential threat and assessing the easiest way to protect the helpless girl inside.

"Why?" Emmett asked, taken off guard by this development. Jasper was relieved to note Emmett did budge from his position blocking the door and easy entry into the house. "What's their problem?"

Feelings of appreciation had Jasper's head snapping around to find Alice pointedly looking away from Seth's naked body as embarrassment burst from her with the force of a tsunami. Jasper glanced back at Seth and for the smallest fraction of a second, Jasper studied him, trying to see what had captured Alice's attention in a way he'd never known to happen to her before. A single once over was enough for him to realize that the wolf was standing, arms crossed rather than attempting to shield himself, and completely unfazed by his nudity as he spoke with us.

"He thinks the kid is a threat. He wants to kill it - Bella too," Seth explained, and once more Jasper's focus was on the looming threat to his family.

A ferocious growl ripped from him, and his bared teeth had the kid taking a step back.

"Hey! Not us, remember?"

"Jasper? What happened?"

He heard Bella's frantic question from inside. Part of him wished she'd remained asleep through this. The stress and worry couldn't be good for her. Tension coiled through his body as he continued searching the surrounding woods with his eyes, senses kicking into overdrive, primed for a fight.

"They might not come though since we split from the pack. Plus they know we're warning you… " Seth continued, but suddenly trailed off, head cocked as he took in the three of us on the porch. "Where's Edward?"

"Gone," Jasper bit out, "he couldn't face… things."

Jacob growled, low and menacing. Jasper could relate - particularly right now. The russet fur on the wolf's back bristled, and a seething hatred swelled in the air between the wolves and vampires. Though for once it wasn't actually centered around the fact that they were natural enemies.

"Edward wouldn't!" Seth exclaimed, looking around. When no one yelled Gotcha! his mouth dropped open. Jacob growled again. "Uh… I'm going to go run a patrol - let Jake talk to you about that. I'll howl if they approach," Seth said then turned and lopped off into the woods, phasing into a sandy colored wolf on the way.

"Carlisle, you need to get home quick. We might have company soon," Emmett said into his phone.

Jacob watched the smaller wolf for a few seconds then phased, a furious scowl on his face. He clasped his hands in front of him. At least he had a little modesty.

"Let's make this quick. I need to stay connected to Seth. Where are they?" Jacob asked, nodding to where Emmett was telling Carlisle what had happened so far.

"Getting supplies from the hospital for Bella. They'll be back soon," Jasper explained.

"Will he be all right?" Alice asked, looking towards where Seth disappeared. The uncertainty and small voice was hard for Jasper to witness, especially after their hunt earlier.

"Should be. He can take care of himself," Jake said, trying to sound confident, though his emotions betrayed him. Jasper sensed his protective concern. "Now what do you mean Edward's gone?"

"Later. Why does the pack plan to attack?" Jasper demanded. He needed to know so he could plan a proper defense.

"They don't trust that the thing will be able to control itself. They want to stop it before it has a chance to massacre Forks like the newborns," Jacob explained.

Jasper was shaking his head in denial before Jacob had even finished. "It's not like them. The baby loves Bella. It's already in control of its emotions."

"Right," Jacob said not even trying to mask his disbelief and disgust. The feelings reminded Jasper of Jacob's own feelings about the baby. He'd been horrified this afternoon. So why was he trying to warn them now? It was quite a big about face.

"And why are you here?"

"I can't let them kill Bella… or any of your family," Jacob admitted. Jasper sensed he meant it too. It was surprising. And welcome. Bella would love hearing she hadn't completely lost her friend, even after his less than supportive visit this afternoon.

"Since when?" Jasper asked, just to be certain.

"Look, this is hard enough for me. But Carlisle is…" he sighed. "I know killing any of you would be wrong - murder," Jacob said, practically having to choke the confession out. It must be hard saying nice things about your enemies. Jasper wouldn't know seeing as he'd never tried.

"Thank you for the warning," Jasper finally said after a brief silence. "Em, lock down the windows," he ordered his brother. The glass panels were an unnecessary liability right now.

"Jasper?" Bella called from inside.

He knew she was eager to hear about what was happening. Rose must not be telling her. The family really needed to get over keeping secrets from her. As soon as she was changed they wouldn't be able to anymore and if they tried out of habit it would likely hurt her feelings.

"Go. I'll explain about Edward to him," Alice offered. "She needs you."

"Don't mention anything about Edward to Bella. Her condition worsens when she's upset," he warned before returning to Bella's side and attempting to ease her fears.

As succinctly as possible, Jasper outlined what little he'd learned from Seth and Jacob. Bella handled the news better than expected. Her only concern was about how hard it must be for Jake and Seth to leave home.

"You don't think they'll like staying here?" Jasper joked, trying to make Bella smile. She did, stretching her legs beneath the blanket.

The movement caused Jasper's pile of books on the end of the bed to fall to the floor, his research scattering. The papers floated to the floor fanned out all around the bed. Jasper didn't try to stop their progress, just watched it all happen, smiling privately over Bella's embarrassment. It would be so strange when she wasn't clumsy anymore.

"I'm sorry my pregnancy is inconveniencing you," Bella wheezed, nodding towards the mess she'd made.

"What do you mean?" he asked, this hardly seemed like an inconvenience.

"I'm interrupting your life," she said gesturing at a sheet of Jasper's research that had landed on the bed.

"Bella," he said, amusement lighting his words, "I have eternity to pursue my own amusements and endeavors. This situation is a bit more time sensitive."

"This situation?" she repeated, confused.

"We've been researching your condition. Searching for what to expect and how to help you best," he explained. "All of this is related to you and the baby."

"Jasper, you don't need to do that," she said, affection leaking out.

"Of course we do. We all have. You're worth it," he reminded her.

"You've said that to me before," she whispered, eyes closed as she replayed the memory of Jasper and Alice preparing to take her to Phoenix.

"It's as true now as it was then."

"If you say so."

"You brought this family to life. You gave us our humanity back - each and every one of us, the only possible exception to that being Carlisle seeing as his never went anywhere - and now you're giving us a gift that none of us ever dared hope for or dream of," Jasper said sincerely, placing a caring hand lightly against the place where her child rested.

"Do you love him too then?" Bella asked, hope glistening in her eyes.

He thought about it for a moment. This child had given him an opportunity to prove to himself he was a better person than he'd been giving himself credit for. It had allowed him to help someone else. After nearly a century of being the source of death and suffering, it was an acute change. He'd felt it take root in his body.

More than that, he felt the child's innocent love. Not just for Bella either. Each time he sent soothing vibes into her womb, he was answered with ones of love - for him. The baby loved him for helping. It was a powerful knowledge.

"Immensely," he confirmed just as Bella nodded off, breathing labored and her tattered heart speeding too fast to last much longer. "Just hang on for us, Bella."


	4. 4: Alice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vampire's nature is so fixed, unchanging. What happens when unparalleled trust is placed in the face of the ultimate betrayal? Is it enough to alter the course of things, and what everyone thought they knew? A retelling of Breaking Dawn where Edward's reaction to Bella's pregnancy causes her to turn to Jasper for protection and find love in a very unlikely place.

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Please don't get mad about Seth's age. It says in Eclipse that he is fifteen. It doesn't say when his birthday is, so I'm taking the liberty of saying it's in mid August so he's already sixteen in this story, still young but not quite as much. Jake just thinks of him as younger cause he likes to think of himself as closer to Bella's age despite the books putting Jake at nearly two and a half years younger than Bella (she turned 18 in September and he didn't turn 16 until the next January and was still 16 by the end of the book series).

Any dialogue you recognize is from Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

~

Chapter 4 - Alice

Jake was surprisingly silent as Alice explained that Edward had feared for Bella and wanted to end the pregnancy, then took off when she'd refused. It was easy to see that he was fuming over the whole thing. Biting back the words I told you so with each new revelation.

"After all that he just up and leaves," Jacob said, shaking his head angrily. His eyes were locked on the window where Bella could just be seen, Jasper at her side reading.

"She's not up for grabs now, Jacob," Alice said forcefully.

The last thing Bella needed right now was Jacob pointing out that this wouldn't have happened if only she'd picked him instead of Edward. Nor did Alice like the idea of Jacob trying to get Bella to give him a chance now that Edward was gone - again. That would mess things up for Jasper and she'd already begun preparing herself for that eventuality. None of them needed the extra stress of a new love triangle involving Jacob Black.

"You really think she'll be stupid enough to just go running back into his arms if he decides to pull his head out of his ass and come back?" Jacob demanded, incredulous.

"No, I don't," Alice admitted. His slacked jawed expression suggested that her response had surprised him. "But I also know she won't survive this as a human, which means you'll no long be interested."

"I guess," Jacob said noncommittally.

"Trust me, wolf, I know what I'm talking about," Alice said, infusing her voice with as much surety as she was currently capable of. He'd do well to remember her sight. Even if it was currently on the fritz - he didn't know that, nor did he need to.

"You would," he agreed. Good. Her efforts had worked. "I should have killed him when I had the chance."

The idea hurt. Edward was her favorite sibling. He was the only one that understood the burden of her gift. His allowed him to experience her's for himself. It wasn't always pleasant knowing the future or being the one responsible for occasionally steering it.

"Bella would never have forgiven you."

"At least she wouldn't be dying because the bloodsucker insisted on getting some, and left her with his leech of a spawn," Jacob spat angrily.

"Stay away from her until you can control your mouth, Jacob Black," Alice hissed, moving closer as she glared at him. Her approach snagged his attention and he stared at her warily, nostrils flaring then wrinkling unpleasantly. "She's fading fast. Don't help it along. Please."

He swallowed, looking back through the window and shuttering at the sight. It was something straight out of a horror film. Bella was a zombie laid out on a medical bed with an IV hanging beside her head. The two outside could just make out the shallow rise and fall of her chest as she struggled to breathe. For several minutes Jacob watched, drinking in the sight as if it might be his last chance. And honestly it might be if they couldn't figure out a way for Bella to keep any food down fast.

"She -"

"Do you really want to live with the guilt for the rest of your life if you did something to hurt her? If you were what sent her over the edge?" Alice asked, laying it out for the mutt as bluntly as possible.

"I wouldn't," Jacob denied, angrily shaking his head.

Alice raised an eyebrow at him, staring impassively until he noticed. She begged to differ. She still remembered her visions of Bella crying after the newborn attack while Edward held her. Jacob had hurt her with what ever he'd said or done and that wasn't the first or the last time. It was a bad habit he had. He was too brash and pushy, and Bella wasn't very good at managing him properly.

"You might not do it deliberately," she allowed. It was a rather magnanimous concession on her part if she was being honest. "But you could potentially be immortal if you chose to be. Can you live with the knowledge that you hurt her forever? It's a very, very long time."

Jacob's eyes darted unwillingly back to the window. Back to the broken image of Bella asleep in her makeshift hospital room. Unhappiness surrounded him like a thick winter coat. Even from here they could hear her raspy, shallow breaths. It was easy to note the hollow, sunken cheeks, and gauntness. Her heart was stuttering every few beats. She might not last another day if a solution didn't present itself sooner rather than later.

The knowledge broke Alice's heart. She loved her sister and had no interest mourning her for the rest of eternity. There was still so much for them to see and do together. So much life to experience. Alice couldn't bare facing it all without her.

Jake looked back at Alice, scanning her face with a new intensity. He was searching for something. Alice wasn't sure what, but after a moment his head nodded infinitesimally. He'd found something, a reason to heed her words. Maybe he recognized a kinship in her, a mutual love for Bella and a shared pain should they lose her. It would be a burning loss - one that scarred and permanently disfigured in ugly, red textured ropes.

"Sure, sure, shortie," Jacob eventually agreed, tired eyes still fixed on Bella. "I'll watch it around her."

"Thank you. For helping us keep Bella safe," Alice whispered. Jacob's head twisted sharply to look at her, eyebrows raised.

"That wasn't manipulative. Nope, not at all," he huffed, then turned and phased, heading into the woods.

Alice remained outside once Jacob departed, in no rush to join the others. It was too heartbreaking watching Bella waste away and being unable to help. It was nearly as hard to watch Jasper fall in love with Bella bit by bit without even realizing it was happening. He was always so focused on everyone else's emotions that he rarely took the time to assess his own. She wondered how much longer he'd remain oblivious to the change.

Out of habit she searched Jasper's future. Everything was hazy, as though painted scenes that had been smeared. One thing bled into another. All blurry and distorted. It was a first-hand look into Picasso's mind.

_Jasper was asking Esme for more books. He wanted any that she could find on Central and South American native tribal legends. He handed her a list of specific titles that was two pages long. "See if they have anything related that I didn't include, please," Jasper asked._

Apparently the hundred and eighty-seven he'd read in the last week weren't enough to find the answers he sought. Or perhaps it had revealed just enough to put him on a path that he had decided to pursue further. There weren't enough clues to decipher the vision further and the lines bled so badly that she couldn't look for clues herself. She was surprised she'd been able to read Jasper's lips as well as she had. Esme's response hadn't been distinct enough to comprehend.

_Edward was holding his cell phone. He dialed the first three numbers of Carlisle's cell then turned the phone off and slumped back to the ground, head in his hands. He looked tortured and… remorseful._

So he was considering calling. That was progress at least. He hadn't made any similar decisions before now. Alice knew he wished he'd stayed. Sometimes his emotions just got the best of him. It happened to everyone, though Edward was setting new records for what not to do.

For so long Edward had felt next to nothing. There had been a number of times in the last year and a half that he hadn't handled suddenly feeling so much very well. It was too much and his instinct drove him to extremes. He overreacted because of his lack of practice.

The family had been very understanding, recognizing how difficult a time he was having. But looking back, it was possible they'd done him a disservice each time they'd given him a pass on his behavior. The discrepancy between his actual age and the emotional one he was frozen into made it challenging for everyone to know when and how to guide him through the minefield he'd stumbled into for his first relationship. He didn't react well when he wasn't in total control every moment.

Bella hadn't seemed to mind his high-handedness overly much, except for when it drove Edward to move the whole family away. She always just seemed happy to have whatever bit of Edward he was willing to share with her. Maybe Alice should have encouraged Edward to view Bella as more of a partner instead of the girl he constantly needed to save. He'd developed a complex because of it.

Was part of this current situation Alice's fault? She was always on the lookout for when Bella was in danger, reporting directly to Edward each time she had the slightest cough or made a decision that could be reckless. Alice just hadn't wanted to risk losing Bella. But constantly reminding Edward that Bella was weak and frail had made him start thinking of her that way too. It unintentionally belittled her and put Edward in a position where he ended up disregarding or overlooking her strengths. It was why he lacked faith in Bella now.

_Charlie was calling the house again. Carlisle answered, and Charlie was confused since the doctor was supposed to be in Atlanta with Bella._

The vision vanished before Alice could see if they'd have trouble. Best to err on the side of caution.

"Esme, you should be the only one to answer the home phone from now on," Alice said, knowing the people inside would be able to hear her. "Carlisle is supposed to be out of town with Bella."

"Of course," Esme replied. Her voice had lost much of its usual warmth. She missed her son and wanted him to come home. His absence was tearing her apart.

_Edward was running. Trees zipped past, little more than green blurs._

Was that how they looked to Bella when Edward ran with her? How peculiar. Alice didn't appreciate the distortions the baby was causing her sight.

_With jarring suddenness, Edward came to a halt. His eyes closed briefly. Then he was spinning and racing back the direction he'd just come from._

Alice growled. Why didn't he just come back? She felt like pommeling him just then. Never before had she been so infuriated by his actions. If he would just call at the very least!

The phone.

The thought startled her. The first vision had shown him dialing Carlisle. His phone might be on again. He'd turned it off when he'd first left, but he was at least contemplating calling so that might have changed.

Her phone was out and she was dialing in an instant. The first ring was all she heard.

_Edward looked at the caller ID and squeezed the phone so hard it shattered into useless bits of plastic and metal. The dust and pieces fell slowly from his hand to bounce on the dusty wooden floor as he watched, entranced._

He destroyed his phone! He destroyed his phone so he wouldn't have to talk to her! "Argh!" Alice groaned, stomping her foot. Oh just wait till she got her hands on him!

"Alice? Sweetie, are you all right?" Esme called, having heard the tantrum Alice was throwing. She wished she could tell her that her son was coming home - relieve her worries. But she couldn't.

Instead, Alice said, "Yes, just annoyed with my gift. Don't mind me."

If Alice could cry, she would. The pressure behind her eyes radiated outward, expanding until her skull threatened to burst. Add that on top of her already pounding headache and Alice was desperate for anything to make the pain stop.

She didn't even want to try seeing more. What was the point?

But just because she didn't want to see, didn't mean she could stop if from happening.

_Esme and Carlisle were decorating the second room in the cottage with some of the purchases that Alice and Rosalie had made for the baby. All gender neutral._

The scene was washed out and too bright. The images seemed to glow from within making it nearly painful to watch. Alice's inner eye winced and squinted like she was staring into the sun. It was uncomfortable, a sensation she wasn't used to considering it didn't actually hurt her to look directly at the sun with her vampire eyes.

_Carlisle was assembling a white crib in one corner while Esme was arranging stuffed animals and books on the shelves of a built-in bookcase. Esme turned to smile at Carlisle after straightening a pale grey long eared rabbit. Carlisle glanced up in time to see and returned the smile with such joy._

_Carlisle abandoned his project in favor of joining Esme. Gently, he ran his fingers through her caramel-colored hair and she leaned against him, love blanketed the room and was evident in their interactions like some new, unnamed color available for all to see._

_There was a beautiful gold and crystal antique chandelier illuminating the room - not that it needed to be any brighter - and an overstuffed white chair with a soft fluffy blanket draped over the back. A reddish-brown teddy bear - or was it a wolf - was propped against the pillow in the chair. It was the darkest thing in the room, the one true splash of color._

Alice blinked when the scene disappeared. As much as it had hurt to see it, she had enjoyed experiencing it. She wanted that to happen. Carlisle and Esme wouldn't have been so happy if they didn't have hope that both the fetus - baby - and Bella would survive this. She wanted Bella to live more than she wanted anything else.

The memory of the future gave her hope. Enough hope that she hardly notice the wrecking ball that had begun using her head as bowling pins.

~

"False alarm. Again," Emmett muttered from the loan remaining window where he was acting as lookout. The howling had started up again a couple minutes ago and everyone was tensed, waiting.

The new ever-present ache throbbed steadily in Alice's temples. She was perched on the steps, reluctant to leave Bella now that her condition had deteriorated so significantly. She feared every breath might be her sister's last.

The vision, when it came, was unexpected yet welcomed despite its brevity because it had been days since her last clear one, and this one was pristine - crisp and sharp. Perfect.

_Carlisle was ordering more bags of blood from a bank in Seattle. He confirmed the number, and then after a moment doubled the requested amount._

"Carlisle, you need to order more blood," Alice announced just as Seth strolled casually into the room as though expected and welcome in the vampire's lair. He didn't seem the least bit uncomfortable around so many of his natural enemies.

"Blood? For the baby?" he asked, glancing around.

"Why would you think that? And what was the howling about this time?" Emmett asked.

"Geez. She looks awful," Seth said, grimacing when he got his first good look at Bella. She was sleeping, very nearly unconscious. What would happen if she just stopped waking up? Would Carlisle finally intervene?

"Focus, kid," Em commanded, snapping his fingers impatiently.

"Sorry. Leah decided she's joining our pack," he huffed, every bit the wronged little brother.

"What's this about Leah?" Jasper asked. No doubt he was considering how this affected our odds of winning should it come down to a fight. Jasper's mind was forever analyzing potential dangers.

"Uh. I phased before getting the whole story, but basically she doesn't want to stay in Sam's pack, so Jake and I are stuck with her," Seth complained, leaning against the wall just inside the door.

"Harsh," Alice reprimanded.

"Try sharing a mind with your sibling," Seth shot back defensively.

"We have," Emmett reminded him, chuckling a bit, but his laugh cut off abruptly at the memory of their brother, and his current absence.

"Oh, right - Edward," Seth said, looking around. He seemed to want to ask more about it. Thankfully he let it drop. No one was really up for discussing Edward lately. He'd gotten them into this situation then vanished. It was rather irresponsible of him. Even Seth, who hero-worshipped Edward, could see it. "But it's good news because now Sam's down three wolves. There's no way he's attacking with just seven. He's too outnumbered now that we've joined up with you."

"We'd never expect you to fight your family," Esme said, coming down the stairs behind Alice, running her fingers comfortingly through her daughter's dark spikey locks as she passed. Esme had taken over research on the computer upstairs when Emmett had needed a break.

"But I will if it becomes necessary. It's the right thing to do," Seth said, shrugging.

"We won't let it come to that. But what was the other thing you mentioned - about blood?" Carlisle asked.

"Blood? Oh, well… It's part vamp, right?" Seth asked, nodding at Bella's protruding stomach. "What else would it want to eat?"

"Carlisle, you don't think… " Rosalie began, excitement clear. She'd been ignoring Seth prior to that, but now she was fully engaged in the conversation.

"It's… thirsty," Carlisle finished, nodding slightly as he contemplated the theory.

"We should try it - immediately," Rose insisted, already heading to the fridge Carlisle had stocked with blood and medications for Bella. "We have all that type O negative laid aside for Bella. It's a good idea."

"Hmm… I don't suppose," Carlisle murmured, more to himself than the others. Sometimes Alice thought he was actually directing his thoughts to Edward when he did this since Edward almost always responded, helping him debate and work through whatever challenge was plaguing him. Carlisle glanced around, then nodded absently. "The best way to administer it would -"

"We don't have time to be creative. They're both literally starving to death by the minute. I'd say we should start with the traditional way," Rosalie called from upstairs.

"Yum, yum," Seth joked, glancing around like he expected the others to laugh at his weak joke. He just smiled, unaffected when no one acknowledged him.

"I can't believe we didn't think of it before. Thanks, Seth," Carlisle said, clasping him on the shoulder as he passed.

"If Bella's drinking human blood… " Jasper said anxiously, looking around the room with a sort of panicked edginess.

"Go hunt, Jazz," Alice said immediately. Offering him the out he seemed desperate for.

"Will the pack -" he began, hesitating despite his growing need to flee. His personal emotions were starting to leak out and fill the room. Rarely did he lose control enough for his true emotions to influence others rather than those he wanted others to feel.

"Nope. It'd be a suicide mission. They're regrouping - protecting the reservation above all else," Seth replied. Then explained further, "You have a small window if you need to do something, especially since it's day and they don't really think you'll do anything - vampire myths and all that. I'd say you at least have until sundown, but it'll likely be open season on you starting tonight."

Alice tried to see. It was blurred, unclear. Nearly as bad her her visions from last night. She considered multiple options. But only when she decided to send Jasper west did it vanish completely.

"Head east, but stay close. You'll be back in three hours - I think," Alice advised, frowning at her own uncertainty. It didn't feel right letting him go into danger without the guarantee that he'd be all right. "Take Emmett just in case." At least that way he'd have back up if he ran into trouble. The family in turn would be fine thanks to the three werewolf defectors.

Jasper and Emmett were gone without delay. It was a good thing too, because Rosalie entered not four seconds later with a cup of warmed human blood in her hand, a straw poking out the top.

"Bella, wake up. We think we have a way to help the baby," Rosalie cooed softly, brushing Bella's hair back as she spoke.

"Hmm?" Bella asked sleepily. There was barely any sound left to her voice. The final lingering dregs had been sapped during the night. "What's going on?"

"Seth thought of something that might help you," Rose said encouragingly. "It won't -"

"Ready to start your life as a vampire?" Seth interrupted, grinning. He moved closer, acting as a supportive friend.

"I don't understand," Bella said as Rosalie lifted her into a reclined sitting position, doing all the work Bella's withered muscles no longer could.

"We figured out what the baby needs," Rose explained, lifting the cup towards Bella. The thick liquid sloshed against the sides of the cup and its appealing fragrance permeated the room. Alice stopped breathing for fear that she'd snatch the cup away and down it herself before Rose could truly get Bella to drink it. The dry burn or her throat had decided to compete with her head to see which could hurt her worse. "A way to feed the baby. Maybe."

"Vampire… Oh. He's thirsty." Bella was eyeing the cup, surprised and intrigued.

"Yes. Your condition - both of your conditions - are deteriorating rapidly. We don't have time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory -" Carlisle explained, moving to stand at the end of Bella's bed.

"I've got to drink it," she said, watching as Rose eased her up a bit more to make swallowing easier.

There was a hungry look in Bella's eyes. It probably matched Alice's. Looks like they might have been right on track about what the fetus wanted. Stupid little parasite.

Alice immediately felt shame over the direction her thoughts had taken. It wasn't the fetus's fault that it messed with Alice's gift and was hurting Bella. Alice went back to trying her best not to even think about the fetus at all. Thankfully Jasper wasn't here to sense her warring emotions.

Esme was holding her breath like Alice in the presence of the cup. Only Carlisle was truly immune. Though Rose's attention was so focused on the baby that she didn't seem to mind either.

"You sure are taking this well," Seth commented, plopping down into Jasper's vacated chair. Alice was surprised to note that he didn't seem to mind much either.

"It'll be good practice. For the future, right?" Bella said, looking around at everyone assembled. It was easy to see that she was self-conscious about drinking the blood in front of all of us. Probably worried we'd think she'd gone insane. "So, who caught me the grizzly bear?" she asked, just barely managing to nod at the cup.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It will be a more efficient test if we don't cut corners," Carlisle said gently.

"You're going full on human blood, Bells," Seth clarified with a grin, using Jake's nickname for her. "Drink up," he added encouragingly when she hesitated, eyes wide with alarm.

"Oh… " she breathed. "But won't this count… Where's Jasper?" she asked, looking about the room once more now that she'd realized he was missing.

So she knew about the bet. Jasper wouldn't like that. He'd feel guilty.

"He's hunting. He wouldn't have hurt you, but I thought it might be easier for him since you're going to have… " Alice explained to stop Bella's confused search and redirect her to the task at hand. Thinking about Bella and Jasper's relationship made it easier to ignore the tempting aroma of the blood Rosalie was still waving around in front of Bella as she took the necessary breath required to speak. Though it was no less painful, just… in a different way.

Esme slipped quietly from the room. Alice knew her mother felt bad about not being able to support Bella just now. Her inability to offer support was likely breaking her heart, but Alice understood. The aroma really was tantalizing, particularly with Rose moving it about and stirring it up. Luckily, Bella didn't seem to notice the silent departure - not that she wouldn't want Esme to leave if she knew how it was making her uncomfortable.

"Of course. I didn't think. He's already suffering so much to help me," she said, frowning sadly.

"None of us mind, Bella," Carlisle reassured her. "You're family."

Finally Bella weakly lifted her arms in an attempt to take the cup. She hesitated though, her arms dropping, and suspicion had crept into her voice as she croaked, "Who?" Her head had turned to Seth as the single word escaped her lips.

"Not me! Jeez, Bella. Not Jake either if that was your next question," he said quickly, shaking his head, and trying not to laugh at her. "We love you, but not that much. Besides, they said human blood. We don't count."

"Jake is… " she breathed, the words coming out light as air.

Of course her mind had snagged on that detail. Just the mutt's name had her attention. The connection didn't make sense to Alice - especially not after her visions of Bella and Jasper together. But Jacob usually made Bella happy, so Alice wasn't completely averse to having him around. Even if he did have that awful wet dog smell and the worst fashion sense - cut-off sweats, seriously?

"Running patrol, making sure you're safe," Seth promised, patting her leg affectionately.

"Always protecting me," Bella said, closing her eyes and breathing as deeply as she was able to.

"We already had blood on hand. For you - just in case. Don't worry about anything at all. It's going to be fine. I have a good feeling about this, Bella. I think the baby will be so much better. Now quit stalling and drink up," Rose coaxed, moving the cup so the straw was resting against Bella's lips and all she had to do was open up and inhale.

"Well, I'm starving, so I'll bet this little one is, too. Let's go for it. My first vampire act."

Alice offered Bella an encouraging smile when their eyes met. Alice felt her own flicker briefly to the hand Bella had unconsciously placed against the bulge containing the damaging fetus. Alice wasn't particularly enamored with the fetus. Resentful might be the best description of her sentiments for it. She'd never felt any desire to have children of her own. She didn't remember that aspect of being human. She had no maternal instinct.

The fetus was also the reason for everything. Bella dying little by little every moment she carried it. Alice's failed visions. Edward leaving. Jasper and Bella… Jasper and Bella falling in love.

Alice wanted to hate it for all the problems it was causing, for the risks it meant her sister was taking. But she couldn't bring herself to truly hate it. Because the fetus was also the reason Jasper was learning to trust himself. It was healing him and helping him down a path to true happiness.

And Bella loved it. Alice couldn't ever really hate something that someone she loved, loved. She sighed.

It was also possible that she was hating on the baby because she refused to let herself be mad at either Jasper or Bella. The heart wants what it wants. A person can't help how they feel or who they love. Alice loved them and wanted them to be as happy as possible. Even if that meant stepping aside so they could be together. She'd even try to make it easier for them and never let them know how much it hurt her to do it.

"Is it any good?" Seth asked curiously. He didn't seem the least bit disgusted, merely wondering. His easy acceptance and reassuring grin had Bella taking a larger sip.

"Actually… yes," she admitted once one-eighth of the cup had been drunk. Seth laughed outright at her. She smiled and added, "It's delicious."

"Drink up then," he joked as she started gulping it down greedily. "Maybe not that fast, Bella. Easy there," he cautioned. She blushed at the teasing and Alice was surprised to she that she actually could blush again. Her delicate health had rendered her incapable for the last couple days.

"Where are my manners, want some?" Bella teased, offering the cup to Seth. It was startling and wonderful to see her already feeling well enough to make jokes and hold the cup on her own.

Carlisle noted the change as well and moved to monitor Bella's pulse as she continued drinking.

"Naw, I'm good," Seth said, waving her off. He continued grinning at Bella, and she smiled back brightly. There was no denying that the baby had been craving blood. For a second Alice dared to hope that this would be enough to save Bella. "I ate… " Seth trailed off, a little crease wrinkling his forehead as he stopped to consider when he'd last eaten.

"Come on, Seth. We have a kitchen full of food that no one here is going to eat," Alice offered, grateful to the wolf for his suggestion, and for making the process easier on Bella. Besides, it gave her an excuse to escape as well. That blood was making her extremely uncomfortable.

Seth followed after her immediately, eager for food. Alice remembered Bella talking about a bonfire once where the pack had demolished the equivalent of an entire cow in a single sitting. The two entered the kitchen to discover that Esme had already begun making breakfast. There were eggs and pancakes on the stove, and she was buttering some freshly toasted slices of bread.

"You're the best!" Seth announced, accepting the plate of toast and practically inhaling it as Esme flipped the pancakes then scooped eggs onto his newly emptied plate. "Mmmm, this is so good," Seth moaned appreciatively as he ate the offering. Esme beamed at the praise.

"It's the least we can do after everything you're doing for us," Esme said softly, moving to the cabinet to retrieve some maple syrup.

"It's nothing, really. I like you guys. I'm not about to let someone hurt any of you," Seth said between mouthfuls.

Esme reached out like she wanted to touch his cheek, but stopped when she remember the wolves' aversion to the vampire's smell and contact. Seth just chuckled then reached out to hug her in thanks. Esme was so touched by the gesture that if she could be crying she would be.

Alice appreciated the kindness he was showing her mom, and moved closer to where Seth was consuming about five times as much as Bella typically ate since she didn't think he would mind her close proximity. Alice had barely sat down at the island barstool before the pain in her head dispersed like fog on a sunny day.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, turning a startled look on Seth.

"What? What'd I do?" he asked, looking around for clues. Esme just shrugged from where she was standing before the kitchen sink rinsing the dishes she'd used to mix the pancake batter.

"You're better than aspirin," Alice explained, lightly touching her head to indicate what she meant.

"Thanks. I think," Seth replied.

"Your headache is gone?" Esme asked hopefully, abandoning the sink to flip two completed pancakes onto Seth's newly cleared plate.

"Yes. For the first time in days. As soon as I got near Seth my mind stopped trying to see the future. I've never been able to turn it off before," Alice said, cocking her head as she assessed Seth.

"Glad I could help?" he said, the words sounding more like a question because he was unsure if Alice thought this was a good thing or not.

Howls echoed through the forest before Alice could explain the difficulty she'd been having. Seth was gone in a flash, racing through the door and phasing between one step and the next as he headed into the woods and towards the warnings. Bits of dark blue cloth littered the ground where he'd shifted.

Worry had Alice walking outside, as if in a trance. Jasper and Emmett weren't back yet. If something happened to them and she hadn't foreseen it…

Without Seth, the visions came quick, one after another, but each as frustratingly indistinct as all of them had been these last few weeks.

_Edward was showing Bella the newly renovated cottage, her red eyes glancing around as she took in everything. Edward's focus was centered solely on Bella and her reactions. He couldn't seem to care less, just wanted her to like it._

A halo had surrounded everything, and the scene had faded in and out, growing dim and dark one moment then the next brightening, yet never in focus. It was the least distinct of any vision. It didn't take a genius to figure out it was because this future was highly unlikely.

Alice frowned and picked up a piece of Seth's shredded pants. The scent of sandalwood came to her, stronger than any hint of dog. It was nice, earthy almost, and comforting.

_Jasper was special ordering a new pair of Jimmy Choo black heels decked out in glittering sequins that would go perfectly with the new purse Alice had ordered last month. He had Rosalie's name on the order._

Alice wasn't fooled. For one, he never gave Rosalie gifts. Second, he always tried to do things like that when he was attempting to surprise her. His very efforts in trying to hide his actions were usually what gave him away.

_Edward was running, full out through the woods as he headed towards the house. He was through a small clearing without pausing to take in the beauty or hunt the fleeing herd of deer._

Alice recognized the area. It was less than an hour from here. It was near her favorite hunting grounds. She could head there now and meet him.

_Edward abruptly turned and ran back in the direction he'd come from. There was no destination in sight, and no signal as to what altered his course._

Of course, he once again just had to go and change his mind! Ugh! Alice wished she could yell at him for his unwillingness to face the situation properly. Frustrated, she slid to the ground, legs folded to her chest and arms wrapped tightly around them. The fabric she'd picked up still secure within her clenched fist like a talisman meant to ward off evil.

_Emmett and Jasper were repairing a wall in the cottage, plaster and paint supplies scattered at their feet. Em punched Jasper's arm then asked, "So, did you put her through the wall or was it the other way around?" Jasper smirked, but didn't respond. "Nice!" Em commended, holding his hand up for a high five._

_Jasper used the opening to aim a punch at his brother's stomach then wrestle him to the ground, knocking over the open paint can. An ivory spill seeped across the hardwood floor as the guys rolled through the thick liquid._

_Bella entered, flitting over to stand beside the boys with her hands on her hips and brilliant red eyes glaring dangerously. "Do - not - break - my - house," she commanded._

_"Looks like you and Jazz have already got that covered," Em teased, the tips of his hair frosted white and a smeared handprint marked his cheek._

_Jasper, arm looped around Emmett's neck, squeezed threateningly then shoved him away. He hopped up to face Bella, and grinning sheepishly, said, "Sorry, darlin', won't happen again. We'll have this cleaned up in no time."_

_Bella's arms looped around his neck, heedless of the wet paint ruining her clothes, and Jasper pulled her close, hands sliding provocatively down her sides. A gasp escaped Bella's lips and her back arched bringing her flush against Jasper's leonine length._

Proof. Well… nearly proof that Jasper would be with Bella. It was the clearest vision yet. Almost as clear as the one about Carlisle needing more blood. She knew from experience that he must have let Bella feel his emotions to inspire such a wanton reaction.

Alice wished it surprised her, witnessing him do that. But it didn't. That very first vision of the two of them together had prepared her with the knowledge that Bella would open Jasper in a way she herself was incapable of.

Jasper hated sharing his true emotions, even with Alice. He always had. It left him too vulnerable. Alice had always understood, and never asked him to change. So while it wasn't shocking to see it happen between the new couple, it hurt.

The next vision distracted her from the pain, and she welcomed the change in topic.

_Esme was buying extra groceries, far more than usual. There were things Bella wouldn't even consider eating too, like steaks and ribs. There were also new, packaged clothing._

Alice cringed at seeing the cheap t-shirts enclosed in plastic. It must be for the wolves. They wouldn't want to wear things that smelled distasteful to them. Plus, while Seth could easily wear Emmett's clothes, Jake was likely too big for them. And Leah gave the impression that she wouldn't want any of Esme's cast-offs. She'd probably rather stay wolf than even consider wearing them.

"Esme? Can you get some clothes together for the wolves? I don't think they have any extra with them, and they can't go home right now for replacements," Alice said, not bothering to look back at the house. Esme immediately headed upstairs, her distinctive tread could be heard all the way to the treeline where Alice sat.

"That's a wonderful idea. I'll find some things no one has worn so the smell won't bother them as much, and I was just thinking about picking up a few things next time I was out," Esme said, happily sorting through her closet and carefully pulling a few items out for Leah. Alice didn't bother to say she already knew Esme was thinking of doing just that.

_Jasper and Emmett were exchanging research on the pregnancy, comparing notes and theories. Jasper pointed to something Emmett had written, and looked up, waiting for further explanation._

Then the setting shifted, and Alice was seeing a different time and place.

_Edward was dialing Carlisle's cell number from a payphone at a gas station._

Alice searched the area, looking for clues as to where it was, but it could have been anywhere. She continued watching even as the majority of her mind looked for something telling about the location.

_He was speaking to their father, Alice was sure. "How is she?" Edward asked and listened to the answer, expression agonized. "Will she survive?" Again he waited. After a moment, the phone crushed in his hand and he crumpled to the dirty, broken pavement, expression displaying the agonies of the fires of hell burning him alive._

Alice didn't know which would be more likely to cause such a reaction - learning that Bella would die, or discovering that she'd live and knowing he'd have to atone for abandoning her. Either option was as likely as the other.

There was still so much uncertainty. The future was up in the air. Things could go so many different ways.

The only thing she felt fairly confident about was that Jasper and Emmett would be fine. They still had futures. Nothing indicated that they wouldn't. Returning to the house, Alice watched as Rose's head snapped up expectantly. She waited, staring intensely even as she took Bella's finished cup.

"They're fine," Alice reassured her.

"See, Bella, nothing to worry about," Rose said, pretending only Bella had been worried. She wasn't fooling anyone, but Carlisle and Alice both let it go. And Bella was too caught up grimacing at the fetus's movements to notice, her hands running along her belly as if following the path of a soccer player dribbling a ball across the field of her swollen stomach.

The next thing Alice realized was that Bella's heart had already slowed down, beating far more regularly instead of its former marathon racing. A rosy flush had entered her cheeks as well. Alice blinked rapidly, making sure she was really seeing Bella recovered and that it wasn't an unexpected vision.

"You look better," Alice said, stepping closer and smiling despite the return of constant throbbing in her head.

"I feel stronger. I think the baby -" Crack! Snap! "AHHHH!" Bella screamed, doubling over her belly and grabbing at it. Her teeth had clenched and she was panting through them as she whimpered pitifully.

That sound… It was the sound of a bone breaking. Alice recognized it from hunting. But… it had come from Bella. It had come from inside her. The baby had broken one of her bones. Maybe several. Alice watched the unfolding scene in horror, retreating until the wall met her back.

"Carlisle!" Rose screamed, but it was unnecessary since he was already there. The two scooped Bella up and rushed her upstairs.

Alice's arms curled helplessly around her middle as she stared at the spot Bella had just been in. She felt Esme's comforting arms wrap around her as they listened to Carlisle X-raying Bella, talking about possible splinters - splinters - and confirming that two ribs had transverse fractures and another had a greenstick fracture.

Alice leaned against her mother, resenting the helplessness that threatened to overwhelm her.

The baby was stronger. Strong enough to break Bella from the inside out. And Alice could do nothing to help. Nothing except encourage Jasper to stay close to Bella and use his gift to help.

"It's not that bad. I'm all right now," Bella insisted while Carlisle wrapped the area as securely as possible. "That's helping," she said.

Rosalie carried Bella back downstairs, her patient insisting on getting away from the office turned hospital. Bella was white as a sheet, all color leached from her face. A face that was set in harsh, tense lines. The bandages compressed Bella's expanding bust line and made her borrowed shirt lumpy. She'd been wearing Emmett's shirts up until now, but this was one of Jasper's brown Henley long-sleeve shirts. Rosalie must have grabbed it for Bella when Carlisle was treating her.

When the guys returned fifteen minutes later, it was obvious what they'd missed without even being told.

Jasper was at Bella's side in an instant. Alice barely had time to note that his eyes were more golden than they'd ever previously been. He must have gorged. Good. That'd help if Bella was going to be drinking human blood regularly.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I won't leave again." One of Jasper's hands had unerringly found its way back to Bella's rounded belly, careful to avoid the fresh bandages, while the other brushed a loose lock of hair back behind her ear. His fingers lingered in her hair, rubbing the strands between his thumb and forefinger lightly.

"It's all right, Jasper. I don't want you in pain. You have to hunt. There's no reason for you to suffer," Bella soothed him, trying to relieve his guilt. Even her voice sounded stronger.

"I'll be fine, darlin'," Jasper drawled, smiling reassuringly. "I need to be here more."

The use of the pet name reminder Alice of her vision. It was too much to take. There was no way she could conceal her pain from Jasper if she had to watch any longer. Not after the scare Bella had just given her.

Alice slipped back outside, needing to get away from the pair. Their relationship wasn't guaranteed, but it was already primed to happen.

The treeline she's sat at earlier was three steps away when she froze. Her thoughts had directed her gift to show her Bella and Jasper's combined future.

_Bella was chasing Jasper through the woods. The silk skirt of her dark blue dress trailed behind her sprinting figure, fuzzy as a tutu._

Alice recognized the dress. Even blurred as it was, she'd know it anywhere. She'd bought it for Bella just before graduation knowing it would be perfect for Bella to wear when she saw herself as a vampire for the first time. That meant this was going to happen soon. It had to if Bella's pregnancy continued progressing at the rate it was.

_Bella was wrestling with a mountain lion, laughing as she pinned it to the ground. The creature swiped her with its claws, but she ignored the useless struggle. Her teeth sunk into the large feline's neck and she drank deep._

_After a moment she sat back, looking down at it curiously._

_A sudden sound had her on her feet, spinning to face Jasper. The beautiful silk dress was in pieces. Tattered scraps hung off her exposing more than they covered. She didn't seem to notice._

_Jasper's eyes were wide as he scanned her from head to toe in the time it would take a human to blink. Then his shirt was off and he'd flashed to Bella's side to wrap her in it._

_Bella smiled ruefully, letting him reach around her. She became distracted, her eyes focused on Jasper's newly bared skin. Her fingers moved to touch him, ghosting over the scars on his chest. It was easy to see she was fascinated, entranced._

Alice's legs gave out, and suddenly she was on the ground. Instinct had her curling into a ball, trying to make herself as small as possible. If she couldn't be seen then no one could hurt her.

She was ready to face the future - no matter the discomforting pangs it caused her. Too bad thinking it didn't always translate immediately into reality. The weeks of bracing herself, building walls to shield and protect her heart were insufficient. This latest vision, coming so unexpected and so vividly, demonstrated how flimsy her barriers were as they dissolved like sugar in water.

This wasn't the first time she'd seen Jasper and Bella actually being intimate. No that had happened a couple days ago when she and Jasper had gone hunting, but somehow she knew this would be the first time chronologically speaking.

_The moment Bella's fingers connected with his skin, Jasper's eyes closed. His throat worked as he swallowed the excess venom in his mouth. Once. Twice. All the while Bella's hand continued exploring the contours of his chest._

_Then some unknown trigger was pulled and the two practically pounced on one another. Lips crashed and collided. Bella seemed to be trying to burrow herself into Jasper._

Just when her heart was threatening to blast apart, the pieces scattering like so much rubble, it stopped. The inevitable moment vanished, disepaited like smoke from a blast, the remaining debris the only evidence it had happened at all.

But now that it was over, she wanted to see it again. Not because she wanted the pain it caused. No. She wanted all the information possible. Needed it.

Alice blinked, realizing the swelling pressure in her head was gone too. There was a shadow blocking the moon and stars.

Seth had appeared - naked again. He was at her side, staring down at her hunched form in concern. She glared up at him, annoyed that he'd interrupted her vision. It was his fault she was left wanting to know what happened next. She was impatient for the knowledge. If this was her future, it would be happening soon. She needed time to mentally prepare since apparently she wasn't as ready to face it as she'd thought she was.

Racking her eyes over Seth's exposed skin, Alice found herself assessing the wolf, appreciating his physique for the second time in as many days. It was impossible not to with the way he had it all on display. He was far too comfortable with himself. Though he clearly had reason to be. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw that particular part of his anatomy.

The russet skin lacked tan lines. It was natural, or maybe he always ran around naked. Alice wouldn't be surprised to discover that he did. Seth was so dark compared to the members of her family. It looked like warm caramel. His short-cropped onyx hair was shiny and silky. Alice wondered if it felt as soft to the touch as it looked. The infectious joy in his eyes as he looked at her made her own lips twitch upward in response, dimming her annoyance.

"Well? What's the latest problem?" she inquired, curious about what had taken place when he took off a little bit ago.

"They thought they could talk us into rejoining the pack. Not likely," Seth snorted.

"And the reason you still haven't put anything on? Do you have an aversion to clothes or something?" Alice asked dryly. She heard Esme finishing up in the laundry room when she voiced the question.

"I sort of shredded mine and I don't have more," he said, rubbing his head bashfully. "And I can't really go home… "

"Esme's preparing some of Emmett's for you - they're the only ones likely to fit," she explained. Jasper was too lean, built like an olympic swimmer rather than Emmett and Seth's football player, or borderline bodybuilder, physiques. And Edward looked like a typical non-athletic teenager in comparison.

Darting into the house, Alice took the basket of said clothing from Esme. She took the basket in her left hand, only now noticing that her right still clutched a piece of Seth's pants. As discreetly as possible, she stuffed the torn fabric into her pocket, embarrassed.

"I'm hoping the dryer sheets helped reduce some of the smell. Do you think they'll wear them?" Esme asked, reaching into the dryer for the last shirt. It was Esme's, so Alice knew it was intended for Leah. Alice didn't think Leah would, but Seth…

"Of course they will. They've got to wear something, after all," Alice reassured her, turning to leave. "I'll let Seth know you included stuff for Jacob and Leah too."

Seth was waiting for her a little ways from the house. Alice practically shoved the basket at him. Seth just laughed and put the clothes on. Funny how Jacob had stood naked as he talked to her earlier and she hadn't noticed him at all…

"Thanks, Alice," he said, dropping onto the grass. Alice sat beside him, grateful for the relief he gave her head. It was strange going without visions. They'd always been a constant din in her head, like a tv left on too loud in the background, impossible to completely ignore even as a person tried to do other things.

"It was Esme," Alice said absently.

Seth nodded, then out of the blue asked, "Do you know where Edward is?"

The unexpected question caught her off guard. The memory of him changing his mind about coming back resurfaced, more painful than ever before. With everything going on with Jasper, she needed someone to talk to. Obviously Bella was out. Edward had always been her confidant. He usually experienced it with her, and they were able to dissect the problem together after. Not so now.

She could easily picture him repeatedly picking up the phone only to not call. Especially after what happened the last time. He had to be regretting his rash exodus. He had to!

Now everything depended on when he decided to come back and how he handled the situation once he did.

"No. I can't see him," Alice admitted. Seth seemed disappointed. Alice had forgotten the unlikely friendship that had sprung up between the two after they'd taken on Riley and Victoria together.

"I'm really mad at him right now," Seth whispered, glancing over at the house. They were far enough away that they could barely hear anything going on inside, but Alice knew it was because Edward's actions had hurt Bella. They'd probably seemed like a couple straight out of a fairytale to the young wolf. They certainly had to Alice, and she'd seen a great deal more of the world.

"I think we all are," she said sadly.

"What was he like before Bella?"

"Difficult," Alice said immediately. It was the first word that came to mind to describe her brother. Nothing else seemed to sum him up so neatly.

Seth was watching her, obviously waiting for her to elaborate. Part of her wanted to talk about Edward, share some of the brother she knew with someone that also cared for him. But she was reluctant as well. It hurt to think about him right now, and Alice had always shied away from anything that would cause her pain if she could avoid it.

It was part of why she loved knowing the future. She could avoid the decisions with outcomes that weren't to her liking. Except now with Jasper, of course. Knowledge of the coming changes that would impact the family were already causing her enough pain. She wasn't really in the mood to take on more.

"I thought you were supposed to be the most outgoing Cullen," Seth commented, prodding her to open up. He waited, watching her expectantly.

With an enormous, put-upon sigh, Alice began, "He was very… private. Judgemental. He knew so much of what happened in our lives thanks to his gift, but he didn't like to open up and share about himself. Instead, he'd just tell us how he thought we should fix things to his liking. And he always had to show off and prove that he was the best!" She spoke faster the more she said, waving her hands about to emphasize her words.

"So he really is just like a brother to you," Seth concluded, smiling broadly.

"Yes!"

"Leah can be just as difficult," Seth said with such understanding that Alice felt a kinship forming between them.

"I miss him," she breathed, hardly daring to give voice to the admission.

"Me too," Seth agreed. "I can't believe he left," he added, brow furrowing in confusion.

Alice supposed he'd seen Bella and Edward as a done deal. Together forever. With the way Bella chose Edward over Jacob, the whole pack likely thought that way. Alice knew her family did - at least until last week when he'd taken off.

"Me neither. He's changed everything. I can't even believe… It's all going to be different now that… " Alice started to say, but stopped, realizing she'd almost shared too much. This knowledge was her burden to bear, and hers alone.

"What's it like seeing the future?" Seth asked, understanding that she'd seen something. She was grateful that he didn't pry.

"Unreliable," she said petulantly. Her puckered face made Seth laugh.

"But it's nice having some surprises, right?" he asked, watching her carefully.

"No. I don't like surprises."

Waking up alone as a vampire with no memory of what came before had been enough of a surprise to last eternity. Then her gift had kicked in and she hadn't been surprised since. Well, at least not until Bella came into her life.

"Only because you don't remember how much fun they can be," Seth said seriously, adamantly nodding at her doubting and dismissive look. "Oh, don't look at me like that."

"I - don't - like - them," Alice hissed stubbornly.

"Guess I'll just have to change your mind," Seth said happily, almost eager to accept the challenge.

"Sure, kid," Alice muttered, rolling her eyes.

"I'm not that young," Seth pointed out. Alice looked at him questioningly. Edward had mentioned the wolves wanting Seth to stay out of the fight because he was too young. How old was he now? "Seriously. I turned sixteen a couple weeks ago."

"Infant," Alice declared.

Internally she winced. It did not sit right that she'd been ogling him earlier when he was still so young, even with the Bella and Jake thing when he was still sixteen too. Not that sixteen was ridiculously younger than the nineteen she'd been when turned, but her century of experience made it seem like an even greater difference.

"It's not like I look that young. And I'm like you, not getting any older - ever," Seth intoned defensively, sensing that Alice was brushing him off and sincere in her estimation of his being a child still.

"Hmpt," she said, not wanting to argue the point further just now.

Seth didn't mention it again, and the two sat in companionable silence for several minutes.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No. It aches less when you're near. My mind stops trying to see anything, so it doesn't hurt when it fails to."

"Then I'll stay as long as you want me to."

Seth wasn't restless the way humans typically were. It was peaceful sitting with him. Alice had a feeling he was bursting to talk, but he didn't betray his desire for communication. Ordinarily she'd have been all for it. Not this night though.

Eventually the sky lit, first in shades of grey, then blues and purples as the night gave way to the rising sun. Finally, as the first rays of golden light gilded the forest, bursts of color bloomed to life across the sky until it was painted in pinks, oranges, and reds.

The riot of color was beautiful and happy. Alice smiled. She'd be all right. Even with the changes coming. She'd already managed to go two hours without thinking about it, too caught up in her immediate surroundings.

"Are you worried about Bella?" The question was quiet, barely more than a whisper, yet it echoed after the stillness that had settled over the pair.

"Yes," Alice breathed, nodding and half afraid voicing her fears would bring them into reality. "I don't want to lose her."

"Do you think… Is there a chance she's right? Will she survive this?"

Alice thought back to her earlier visions, and the one she'd had the other day of Jasper and Bella having sex after hunting. There was some strong evidence to suggest she might.

"It's possible," Alice said slowly, drawing the words out.

"You've seen that much at least?" Seth asked excitedly. He was so pure. Honest. Loving. Happy. It was refreshing after being around immortals that tended to become jaded over time.

"Sometimes. It comes and goes. Too much uncertainty because of the… fetus," Alice explained.

"You don't like the baby," Seth remarked intuitively.

"It's hurting my sister," Alice accused.

"It's not doing it on purpose," Seth defended, not unkindly.

"It's too strong… too other." It was a little parasite. But she'd never say so aloud.

"Magical. Like us. Like what Bella's always wanted to be," Seth said wonderingly. Magical. Alice supposed that was one way to look at it. The… magical parasite - baby… would be special, there was no doubt about that. Maybe magical was the best way to look at it.

Seth's positive outlook seemed to be rubbing off on her.

"You're so optimistic," she said, nudging his shoulder.

"You usually are too, pixie," Seth said lightly, pointedly nudging her back. Pixie? Had he really just called her that like she was a cute little fairy instead of a ferocious demon?

Alice was about to respond when a noise sounded from inside the house. She was on her feet and looking at the house before a single one of Seth's heartbeats. She needed to get back in and check on Bella. With the rapid changes in her health it wasn't smart to stay away for any length of time.

"I'm going to relieve Jake and Leah so they can get some rest. Tell Bella I'll send Jake along when he wakes," Seth said understandingly.


	5. 5: Bella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vampire's nature is so fixed, unchanging. What happens when unparalleled trust is placed in the face of the ultimate betrayal? Is it enough to alter the course of things, and what everyone thought they knew? A retelling of Breaking Dawn where Edward's reaction to Bella's pregnancy causes her to turn to Jasper for protection and find love in a very unlikely place.

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Any dialogue you recognize is from Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 5 - Bella

"Carlisle, is the IV really still necessary?" Bella asked, trying not to sound ungrateful. He'd been trying everything he could think of to get nutrients into her system, but even her desire to do whatever she must to save her baby didn't alter her opinions on needles. She absolutely hated them!

They'd already rearranged the room back to its original layout, mercifully getting rid of the hospital bed. The IV was the last medical reminder that ruined Bella's illusion that they were simply relaxing at home as a family the way they had many times over the summer.

"Honestly, it isn't doing much good. I suppose we might as well take it out," Carlisle agreed, fleeting upstairs and back in well under a minute.

This was the best she'd felt in days. She could actually sit up on her own without Rose or Jasper supporting her. It didn't hurt to breath as much either. The air was still like sandpaper against her acid-burned throat - too much vomiting had likely done permanent damage to her esophagus and vocal chords - but at least her chest felt like it could actually fill with air now. Before drinking the blood it had felt like a weight was compressing her rib cage, preventing it from expanding.

Her limbs weren't noodles anymore either. She could successfully lift her arm to pull the blanket tighter when Jasper's chilly hand made her shiver. And her head! The starbursts of color had stopped flickering across her vision whenever her head spun with lightheadedness.

Her nudger's bumps against her insides were still granite blows that had her breath catching, but thanks to Jasper those were few and far between. Bella had begun practicing her fake smile when they started hurting about a week ago. She'd gotten so good at hiding it, that she didn't think anyone even noticed when a quick, accidental strike landed anymore.

"You haven't thrown up in hours," Jasper acknowledged, taking a deep breath and turning to look out the window.

"No, everything's staying down now that the baby is getting fed," Bella said in her raspy voice. A frown crinkled her forehead as she watched Jasper's obvious effort to distance himself from what was happening beside him.

Carlisle was waiting, assessing Jasper. When he seemed satisfied, he pulled the long needle from her hand. Bella shifted, swallowing back a whimper, and resisted the urge to twist away from the intrusive metal. How was it possible for such a tiny thing to cause her so much misery? It was a thousand times worse that anything the baby caused her to feel!

Blood welled up at once. The gauze dressing Carlisle pressed to stem the flow of blood from her skin blocked the smell for the most part, but the aroma she did inhale smelled tempting even to Bella's damped human senses. How strange that something that had once caused her to pass out now resulted in a craving that had her salivary glands working overtime.

And how gross was it that part of her was resisting the urge to lick up her own blood? The only thing stopping her was knowing that Emmett would never let her live it down if she went that far. She didn't really want to spend eternity hearing those taunts, particularly if she did repeatedly fail during her newborn year.

Jasper was a block of marble, not even pretending to breath as Carlisle finished cleaning the puncture and bandaged the spot. Bella hated that she was causing him such discomfort. He already struggled so much.

Sensing her sympathy, Jasper danced his fingers lightly over her belly, not tickling, just reassuring. It made her smile, the little acknowledgement.

Not for a moment did she fear that he'd slip and harm her. Not again. Especially since their talk a few nights back. She had more faith in him than he'd ever seemed to have in himself.

She didn't know what he intended to do next time she drank blood though. He'd said he wasn't leaving again, but she was already starting to feel thirsty. Would he really stay beside her when she did or would he go upstairs? She didn't want him to go, but she'd never ask him to stay knowing the pain he'd be in.

"If you're feeling up to it, you should try eating again," Carlisle said, burning the gauze spotted with her blood. It was as if he'd suddenly become the mind reader.

That thought had her spirits spiraling down a narrow abyss. She'd had too much time to think in the days since Edward left. Too much time for self-doubt and self-recriminations. The conclusions she'd drawn were devastating to her very essence. Only the baby gave her a solid reason not to give in to the cloud of depression hovering just at the edge of her consciousness.

For so long she'd feared that she wasn't enough to hold Edward. Always he'd brushed off her fears, calling her absurd or ridiculous - unconsciously making her feel worse about herself. He'd never actually talked to her about those concerns, too caught up in the way he viewed himself to help her overcome her own self-deprecating tendencies. It all fed into her fears that he didn't actually desire her the way she desired him. That the challenge of struggling to be with her, proving his strength of will, was more alluring than her. His easy departure seemed proof that her fears had always been justified.

She'd had to spend months begging and bargaining to get him to sleep with her in the first place. It had never been his idea. He'd said all along it wouldn't be possible, but she'd witnessed his control and knew him capable. Then they finally had and he'd regretted it. It hadn't been good enough for him to want a repeat on his own. How pathetic was she that she'd tried and failed to seduce her husband multiple times? She'd had to resort to tears and basically mauling him before he'd given in and made love to her again. Had it all been just to humor her?

Jasper's fingers danced lightly over her abdomen once more, distracting her from the dangerous thoughts. Comfort and… well, not exactly happiness, but close enough penetrated the melancholy. Though it wasn't enough to dispel it entirely.

"What are you hungry for, Bella?" Rosalie asked, standing sentry, ready to get her whatever she'd like. The question stopped her negative thoughts in their tracks. The baby wanted food, needed it. She'd focus only on that. Much safer.

"Actually, I'm… " she trailed off, looking embarrassedly at Jasper.

"You're thirsty," he supplied, nodding and glancing at Rose. "I'm fine. Bring her more blood," he said calmly.

"You don't have to," Bella offered, reaching to touch his cheek just beneath his butterscotch eyes. They lacked the dark circles that indicated true hunger, but they were already a shade or two darker than they'd been after his hunt yesterday.

"Don't worry about me, darlin'," he drawled with a soft smile. "I'm prepared, and I've got some reading to distract me." He held up a book as proof.

"But -"

"Please, Bella. Let me help the baby by staying," he said, using the baby to sway her. It worked - as he knew it would.

"Yes, all right," she grumbled, giving in gracelessly. He chuckled, but opened the book without calling her on it.

"Esme is making you another omelet to try once you've finished this," Rosalie said, handing Bella a freshly warmed cup of O neg.

Bella cradled it carefully. At least she'd regained enough strength to hold the cup for herself. It had been mortifying when Rose had been needed to feed her. She hated feeling helpless.

She glanced at Jasper, but he was flipping quickly through the book on his lap, reading the open pages faster than Bella would have been able to process a single line of the text. There was a stack of at least thirty other books piled beside the couch. She hadn't been paying much attention, but she thought he'd been searching through at least that many each day. The stack looked a bit different today. He'd probably had someone switching the ancient tombs out after he'd finished with them.

A honeyed curl had fallen over his forehead as he bent over the book in his lap. Bella's fingers twitched with the impulse to push it back, out of his way, but she resisted the urge, unsure where it'd come from.

His long, cool fingers rested lightly along the curve of her lower belly, absently moving in response to the baby. Bella's nudger seemed to be keeping a hand against the same area, moving the slightest bit every few minutes as if to get Jasper's attention, and seek the wave of affection and tranquility he'd send to reassure the baby of his presence.

Knowing Jasper would have a diversion to occupy his mind did make it a little easier not to feel guilty for the pain she was putting him in by drinking human blood so close to the Cullen that had always struggled most with maintaining a vegetarian blood diet.

"Thanks, Rose. You're the best," Bella told the beautiful blonde. Rose just smiled serenely, and nodded encouragingly towards the cup, prompting Bella to drink up.

Bella tried to sip it slowly, but found herself practically inhaling the delicious blood. There weren't words to describe the taste. It was ambrosia on her tongue. Instead of salt and rust, it was sweet as honey, but different. Maybe it didn't really have a taste, and that was what made it so intangible. Rather, it was a rightness accompanied by an immense sensation of relief and fullness.

The moans of pleasure that welled up and slipped out between sips had Rose grinning smugly, every bit the cat that ate the canary. But Jasper had stilled. He hadn't moved since her first heady pull from the straw.

It must be so tempting to want to steal the cup from her. To taste the heavenly liquid of human blood. The one thing he craved above all else. Even more so because for once he wouldn't have to deal with the negative effect of feeling his meal's pain and fear as he consumed the person's blood.

Bella was still contemplating his predicament when the straw produced nothing more than air and a few bubbles that popped upon reaching her mouth. The thin membranes contained so little blood that they did more to tease than satisfy.

"Do you want more?" Rose asked immediately.

Bella thought for a moment, assessing her needs then shook her head. While she really wouldn't mind another cup, it seemed unnecessarily cruel to Jasper when she wasn't truly thirsty, not like she'd been before. "No. The omelet does sound good though," Bella said, handing the empty cup off.

"Jasper, can I ask you something?" Bella began tentatively.

He'd gone back to reading once the blood was gone, pretending he'd never faltered. Bella was so close that she could feel his relief. Rarely did he ever let her feel his true emotions. Truthfully, this might be the first time ever. She didn't know if the relief was because the blood was gone or because he'd managed to remain in control of himself - a huge step for him. Perhaps it was both.

"Of course," he said easily, closing his book to give her his full attention. He always did that. It was an unexpected kindness that probably meant more than it should.

"When everyone was getting ready to fight the newborns… he said you considered cheating. Would you really have?" No need to clarify who she meant by he or what she meant by cheating.

Jasper huffed, annoyed. "It was only an errant thought. I never would have done it intentionally."

"But it would have made you stronger," Bella pointed out. "Made it easier to fight them."

"It's not actually that big of a difference," he corrected. "And it's not worth it."

"What's it like?"

"The blood or the guilt?"

"Both," she replied immediately, always eager to learn more about the world she wished to be a part of, and excited Jasper was actually willing to answer her questions. The others all hedged, even Carlisle and Alice did most of the time out of respect for Edward's wishes.

"The blood, human blood, is the only balm for the never-ending scorch. Our throats, you'll find," he paused to share a smile with her. It was nice knowing he still believed she'd one day know for herself. He continued, "always burns. It's worse the longer you go without. It's near enough to the burn of changing - you remember that from James's bite?" When she nodded, he went on. "That pain remains concentrated in our throats. Only human blood alleviates it. Temporarily at least. That's why it is our natural food source."

He was sharing more than Edward ever willingly had. Edward hadn't wanted this life for her and had believed keeping her ignorant would prevent it from happening or dim her enthusiasm for it. He'd been wrong. Jasper's honesty only served to help prepare her.

Not to mention it proved his respect for her. Edward's sheltering attitude had always secretly made her feel like he saw her as a child not worthy of knowing what the grown ups did. His deliberate attempts to keep her ignorant also meant it was easier for him to make decisions - important decisions - on her behalf. It had rankled, but she'd always just been so happy to be with him that she'd let it go without doing more than voicing a few feeble protests. It was so completely opposite of how Jasper was treating her now - as though she deserved to have all of the information. As though she was intelligent enough to process it and form her own opinions.

Bella wasn't sure why, but the discrepancies left her floundering. There was an importance to the difference that was just out of reach. She just couldn't quite grasp what it meant.

Rose returned with the cheese omelet, sitting on the arm of the sofa and running her nails through Bella's hair. It was soothing and had her eyes closing like a cat being pet. Bella had no doubt Rose had heard the conversation. The whole family likely had, but she didn't seem inclined to interrupt, just listen and silently support Bella.

"And the guilt?" Bella asked, not able to think on the subject of Jasper's respect for her anymore just yet.

She took a bite of eggs as she waited for his response. They were tasty - far superior to any she'd ever made for herself. People on death row might prefer steak and lobster. But for Bella it would be eggs all the way. That was her idea of a last meal.

"The blood is more potent, more quenching, when it comes from a living person. But that means having to feel every single second of that person's terror and pain as I fed from them. The regret of missed opportunities. The grief of people left behind. It meant having to experience the dreaded anticipation of the moment of death as I murdered someone," Jasper said, staring vacantly into the distance, haunted by the ghosts of his past. "It's not something that gets easier with time either."

"Does the guilt ever go away?" Bella asked, wondering if she'd ever get over accidentally killing someone once she was turned.

Jasper turned to look her in the eye. The intensity of his stare capturing her in an inevitable tractor beam. "I remember each and every one of my mea-victims. Even the ones that I killed during my frenzied newborn year." There was a solemnity to him that was impossible to discount or ignore.

"Perfect recall," Bella whispered, her heart going out to him. It must be difficult enough knowing you've taken a life, but to be forced to live with the pain of experiencing it…

"The guilt adds up until you fear suffocating under the weight of it. It's an agony that I will bear all of my days," Jasper finished. Bella saw his hatred directed internally. His past was hindering his future.

"It's not your fault. You didn't know there was another way. Once you did, you chose to stop. You should forgive yourself and focus on that. Let go of the past," Bella said, trying to help him do just that.

"I've slipped," he said immediately, not trying to deny or hide his wrongdoings.

"No one is perfect," she said, waving away his attempt to condemn himself. She'd had enough practice with Edward that she found herself on familiar ground when he did. She'd never see any of the Cullens as a monster. It just wasn't possible - no matter how much Edward wished she would.

Unlike Edward, who would have gotten angry when she argued, Jasper took her hand, squeezing gently and letting her feel his gratitude. He didn't say the words, just let her experience his undiluted emotions.

It was raw and genuine. And so much more honest than the placating words she was used to during a debate such as this.

~

The events of the morning and past several days weighed heavily on Bella. Everyone was doing so much to help Bella hold herself together. She felt guilty putting everyone out the way she was.

But she hated the times they weren't trying to distract her even more. It gave Bella too much time to think. Too much time to remember. They weren't pleasant memories either.

After Italy, Edward promised not to leave again unless Bella sent him away. He'd broken that promise. There were so many times that he'd threatened to leave. They all seemed like hints now. His way of preparing her for what he'd always planned to do.

No wonder he'd fought so hard against her becoming a vampire. He'd probably never really planned to spend more than a human lifespan with her.

Bella had once wanted to be turned into a vampire so that she'd be able to chase Edward if he left again. No matter how far he ran, she'd be able to keep up and find him. She'd have time and the necessary skills. That all seemed a bit ridiculous now. What was the point of chasing someone that didn't want you? She didn't want to be that pitiful, clingy ex that didn't know when to let go.

Her dark musings were interrupted by her baby pressing rather insistently on her bladder.

"Rose… I need," Bella began awkwardly. She didn't have to finish her explanation before Rose was lifting her easily and carrying her to the bathroom.

This had the be the tenth time today that she'd needed to go. The liquid diet definitely had a few disadvantages.

Bella's breath caught as the baby shifted. Her little nudger wasn't so little anymore and each movement felt like she was driving head first into a brick building and having an airbag explode in her face - shocking and painful. She welcomed the pain though. It was proof that her baby was alive and thriving.

When Carlisle first informed her that she and the baby were slowly starving to death she cursed herself for being so weak. It was her pathetic humanness that meant she wasn't able to give her child what it needed. She'd felt like a failure and feared that she really might not be strong enough to hold on long enough.

"All done?"

"For now at least," Bella grumbled, catching her breath when Rose's step jostled her broken rib. A bright flash of sharp white pain momentarily blinded her.

Rose was chuckling over her comment when Bella's senses returned. Bella was proud of herself. She'd gotten so good at masking her pain from the others.

"It's normal. All pregnant women have to urinate frequently," Rose said happily. Her tinkling voice had the baby shifting again. Bella wondered if he could distinguish who was who. Studies had show that babies could while still in the womb, right?

"Then I guess I'll just have to look forward to a repeat an hour from now," Bella sighed.

Jasper laughed quietly as they entered the room, but his eyes were on her belly rather than her. Bella willed him to feel her curiosity. She wanted to be let in on the joke.

His eyes snapped to hers immediately, eyebrow raising as he tasted her emotions. He seemed to be getting better at reading them, because suddenly he was grinning and explaining, "The baby is annoyed that I didn't go with."

"It was only two minutes," Bella remarked, blinking in surprise.

"It likes the attention I give it," Jasper said knowingly. Bella had already suspected that, but it was nice to know Jasper thought the same.

They shared a grin over how the baby already had them all wrapped around its fingers.

Rose had just gotten Bella settled comfortably on the couch when Alice came slowly down the stairs. She sat at Bella's feet without a word, leaning easily against her legs, face scrunched with pain.

Bella hated seeing her best girlfriend suffering. Alice seemed lost without her visions. Then there was the fact that Bella was monopolizing Jasper's time as well.

At first when Alice suggested Jasper stay close, Bella thought it was because both Alice and Jasper were going to be staying with her. It quickly became apparent, however, that Alice didn't want to be near Bella while she was pregnant. Each day Alice spent less and less time around her. Alice's actions stung, but Bella couldn't blame her. She was the reason for Alice's pain, after all.

Bella lightly laid a hand on Alice's shoulder, trying to offer what comfort she could. Alice absently reached up to pat Bella's hand, but still she didn't speak.

"Have you seen him at all?" Bella finally asked. It was her first time doing so, voluntarily seeking an update or any information at all really. Everyone had been walking on eggshells to avoid mentioning Edward around her.

"Yes," Alice chirped simply. They lapsed into silence once more.

"Alice, is he coming back?" Bella finally demanded. She needed to know. The waiting game did nothing but allow her doubts and insecurities time to grow faster than her expanding belly was. Pretty soon they'd be so prolific that the path from her head to her heart would be impassable.

"I'm not sure. He keeps changing his mind." The vague answers were driving her insane.

What did she mean he kept changing his mind? Did Edward feel obligated to stay with her because of the baby? It wouldn't be fair to make him remain with her if she wasn't what he really wanted.

Did he hate her for choosing the baby over him? For making a decision that affected both of them without consulting him first? That she could understand. He'd done it to her enough times to know how infuriating it could be. But was it enough to have him changing his mind about wanting her forever?

It already seemed so unlikely that he'd want her forever. Tenuous at best. Had her decision ruined the already precarious hold she'd had over him?

"How is it so easy for him to leave me?" Bella asked. The words, like her emotions and body, were as delicate as blown glass.

"He does love you, Bella," Jasper whispered, picking up on her doubts. Part of her, a part that seemed to get nurtured far to often until it was an overgrown garden of weeds - much like the one currently consuming her by turns - didn't believe him. "Trust me."

"Not enough. Not as much as I loved him," Bella whispered, shaking her head and looking from Jasper to Alice and back again.

Bella noted that Jasper didn't correct her impression that she'd loved Edward more than he'd loved her, and he'd have been in the best position to know.

"He's afraid of losing you," Jasper explained instead.

"Then he shouldn't have left," Bella said stubbornly, crossing her arms over her bloated belly and scowling like a child throwing a tantrum. "He can't keep me if he isn't here."

"Maybe… maybe you two just aren't meant to be together. I know you love each other - everyone can see that - but sometimes that isn't enough, and two people just can't make it work for whatever reason. There are so many obstacles that he just can't get past," Alice said slowly, quietly, head bowed. "This could be a sign that you need to let him go and move on."

Panic had Bella breathing faster. Jasper took her hand in his free one, anchoring her to the moment.

"Alice, you did see something, didn't you," Bella accused. She wanted to demand an explanation, beg for answers, see the truth in Alice's mind for herself. If prying open Alice's head would reveal what she knew, Bella would hunt down a pickaxe immediately.

"Bella, you know my visions are subjective. If someone changes their mind the future changes with it," Alice said in a clipped, reprimanding tone. It did little to deter Bella.

"You're not answering me."

"I am. I'm telling you the final decisions haven't been made yet. It can go either way depending on what each of you does," Alice said, standing and leaving the room to prevent any further discussion on the subject.

Bella wished she could follow, chase her down, but she couldn't. She looked at Jasper, ready to ask him what he made of Alice's cryptic comments, but she saw the worried frown he wore as he stared after his wife's retreating back and decided to let it go.

~

"You came back," Bella said, amazed to see Jacob standing in the Cullen's family room.

He wasn't the one she expected to return, though he should have been. After all, Jake was the one that came back despite Sam's order for him to stay away. Edward - the name was less devastating to think of with the rest of her chosen family surrounding her - was the one that left, and she'd had to go after him.

"What can I say? I make a great punching bag," Jacob said dryly.

It hurt that he thought she saw him that way. But really, what else was he supposed to think after the way she'd dragged him along. Guilt weighed heavily on her. If only she'd voiced more of her thoughts and concerns. Maybe then they wouldn't have gotten off track so completely. Maybe if she'd said everything she thought during those months before Edward's return, including her fears of losing his friendship, maybe then they'd have always been just friends the way they were supposed to be.

"Jake," Bella begged, "please don't say that. I'm sorry. I'm -"

"Chill, Bella. It was just a joke," Jacob muttered, moving further into the room and sitting beside her.

"I didn't expect to see you again," Bella admitted, smiling when Jake automatically took her hand in his. He didn't even seem to think about his actions. She was still his Bella. For a little longer at least.

Bella hadn't realized just how much she'd needed to find some stable ground in the midst of everything else that was changing. Absently she touched her growing stomach. Some changes were more welcome than others.

"Yeah, me, either," Jake said, seeming slightly stunned that he was there himself.

"I'm sorry you had to break from the pack. I never would have asked you to do that," Bella said.

Jacob gave her a look that suggested otherwise. Bella winced, knowing he was right to doubt her words. Hadn't she taken drastic measures before to protect the people she loved? And those people had nothing on her feelings for her child.

"S'okay. It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do," Jacob said, shrugging casually.

"And Seth," Bella reminded him. She almost mentioned Leah too, but she didn't want to think too much about Leah being just outside. The wolf hated vampires. Bella was worried she had an ulterior motive. Though surely Jasper would have sensed it if that were the case.

"He's actually happy to help. He likes this lot around here."

"I hate causing you trouble," Bella said, disentangling her hand from Jacob's so she could reach for her cup of blood.

She'd been about to drink another cup when he'd walked in, but his appearance had distracted her. The baby was not so easily deterred. Her nudger pushed insistently against her side, careful but relentless. Jasper's fingers had glided over the spot, sending a cool chill ghosting along her spine. The pair's actions reminder her that she was thirsty.

"I'm used to it by now. It'd be stranger if you weren't," Jake said honestly.

"Jake -"

"You're really drinking blood? Gettin' a jump start on being a leech?" he interrupted, not wanting to hear anymore apologies if she had to guess, and suddenly realizing what was in the cup she held.

Bella ignored the insult and explained, "The baby needs it."

Jacob grimaced, eyeing the cup wearily as if it were a bomb.

"Ugh. That's disgusting," Jacob said, shifting farther away and looking as though he'd hurl any moment. Bella frowned, self-conscious all over again. A growl sounded from somewhere in the house, and Jake immediately backtracked, "but you need it, so drink up, Bells. Don't mind me."

Bella looked to Jasper for an explanation, but he just rolled his eyes and nudged her to get her started. She immediately felt guilty. He'd been holding his breath, waiting for her to finish this entire time. Quickly, she sucked the cooling liquid from the cup. Only briefly did she allow herself to savor the thick, tangy fluid before swallowing. It was a cross between hot chocolate and maple syrup in its consistency and sweetness.

Jake turned his focus on Rose, glaring at her hovering form while Bella finished her cup of blood. He didn't say anything, refraining for her sake she was sure, but his expression was rather telling. Bella figured the new target for his animosity was partly because Edward wasn't around to hate on, and to keep his mind off what she was currently consuming.

Bella was immensely grateful that neither one began antagonizing the other. She really couldn't handle the stress of playing mediator just now. And if Jake took it too far, which knowing him was very likely, Emmett would find it necessary to involve himself and it would escalate before she knew it.

"I'm so happy you're here, Jake," Bella whispered once she'd finished. Rosalie took the empty cup, touching Bella's shoulder approvingly as she did.

"You wanted me here," Jacob said, sighing tiredly.

"I know. But you didn't have to come, because it's not fair for me to want you here. I would have understood."

"Can I ask you something?" he asked, looking uncertain if he actually wanted the answer or not.

"Of course," Bella replied, sipping from her cup, and flushing when Jake made a gagging sound as he watched.

"Why do you want me here? I don't get it. Every time I walk in the door, you - you smile like I'm your favorite person in the world."

"You're one of them," Bella acknowledged, not understanding the intense joy she experienced every time he got close to her. She was just as baffled as him. Not that he wasn't her best friend, and he was right that she did love him in a way, but this felt so much more intense - just not romantic intense.

"But why? After everything… "

"It feels… complete when you're here, Jacob. Like all my family is together. I mean, I guess that's what it's like - I've never had a big family before now. It's nice. But it's just not whole unless you're here."

"Family?" He looked like he'd just accidentally guzzled down battery acid.

"You were always supposed to be part of my life - I can feel that, and so can you. Family. Not the roles we were trying to force ourselves into, but family somehow."

"That's what you're going with? How about -"

Alice came quietly into the room, sitting near Jake without saying a word. Jasper had mentioned something earlier about how the wolves made her head better, so it made sense she'd seek out Jake's company.

Jacob looked like he was choking on his response, and Bella shivered awaiting the accusations he was sure to make. Ones she knew she deserved. Jasper readjusted the blanket covering Bella, mistaking her shake as an indication of being cold. The action caught Jacob's attention, and he watched distrustfully. Bella wished there was an easy way to explain everything Jasper had been sacrificing and doing to make things easier for her, but Jake would never get it. He was too prejudice against the Cullens.

"Great. Family," Jacob finally muttered. The words were brittle and resentful. It hurt, but she took the blows as her due anyways. They had to be better than what he'd truly wanted to say. "What's with the new arm candy?" Jake asked suddenly, eyeing Jasper warily.

"Don't call him that. He's helping me," Bella reprimanded, weakly swatting Jacob's arm with her free hand.

"You two seem… close," Jacob pressed.

None of the others in the room weighed in on the conversation. They'd been very good about letting Bella at least have the illusion of privacy since she was confined to the main room and no one particularly wanted to leave her side while there was so much going on. Not that it would have mattered. They'd have heard everything she had to say regardless of which room they were in.

"He helps the baby stay calm, so it doesn't move as much. And the baby likes him being close," Bella said a bit defensively. She didn't appreciate the way Jake was glancing between Jasper and herself, as if something untoward was happening.

"Sure, sure," Jake said placatingly. He shook his head and rolled his eyes though, making it clear he didn't buy the story.

"Don't be like that, Jake," Bella begged, resting her hand on his arm. He didn't look at her, so she tugged it as hard as she could. His arm didn't budge, but he did turn back to face her again.

Jacob was abnormally serious when he asked, "Have you considered that he might just be the one that kills you - before it gets the chance? He already tried once, didn't he?"

"I won't hurt Bella or the baby," Jasper answered for Bella. A heavy sense of knowing sincerity filled the room with his words. It was the first time Jasper had spoken while Bella was drinking blood. He didn't even seem to notice the near empty cup.

"I'll kill you if you try," Jake vowed. Bella's breath caught at the sudden pronouncement.

"Agreed," Jasper replied before Bella could mediate the situation. The two men shared a lethal smile, having come to an understanding her mind couldn't quite comprehend.

She didn't know if Jasper was agreeing to let Jacob kill him should he try to hurt Bella - not that she really believed there was any risk of that happening - or if Jasper was returning the threat. It would be just her luck if it was both. Edward wasn't around for Jake to fight with, so of course he'd want to start in on someone else. Better Jasper than Rosalie. At least Jasper wouldn't deliberately try to kill her best friend. Bella wasn't sure she could guarantee the same of Rose.

"Jake, please don't -"

"You worry too much, Bella," Jacob said dismissively.

Why couldn't they all just get along? Didn't they realized how much she loved each person here, and needed all of them in her life? Must there always be so much aggression and hostility?

And what was with the mutual smile?

Her tired mind gave up part way through the process of sorting through the underlying meaning, and she'd drifted off to sleep without having the chance to attempt to reign the two in.

~

"I want to call my dad," Bella announced to the room at large. She'd just finished another meal. Another successful one that she'd managed to keep down. It made her optimistic.

"That might not be the best idea," Jasper said softly when it appeared that no one else planned to respond or even acknowledge her.

"I've been thinking about it," Bella admitted, leaning more heavily against him. It was stifling in the room, especially with her feet in Jacob's lap. She refused to move them though. If she did he'd likely take it as a sign that his presence was no longer wanted or needed. That was the furthest thing from the truth. "Why can't I still talk to him after I've turned?"

No one seemed willing to answer her - again - each reluctant to cause her pain. Or risk disputing something that figured Edward had already discussed with her.

"Bella… " Jake started, squeezing her toes. It tickled and she jerked. Jasper leaned forward around Bella to glare at the wolf, his hand rubbing small circles across her belly, ensuring the baby didn't get riled up in response.

"No, hear me out," Bella said, pushing her point. "I know I can't see him right away, and we can only drag it out so long… but can't I at least talk to him on the phone afterwards? Then, when I'm in control, see him occasionally? At least for a few more years - that's all it can be with me not aging. And I don't have to tell him anything, just let him draw his own wrong conclusions," Bella said growing more excitedly by the possibility as she spoke. "And he can meet his grandchild. I'm sure we can come up with a way to explain the baby."

"We may be -" Carlisle began, face pinched.

"You can't, Bella," Jasper interrupted, scowling at Carlisle.

"Why not? Carlisle -"

"He's only saying that because he doesn't want to upset you," Jasper confessed.

"Then you tell me the truth, Jasper," Bella insisted.

"Your voice will be remarkably different, enough that you won't be able to fool Charlie. And your appearance… there'll be no hiding that," Jasper explained, being very upfront with her. "You'll be too other. It'll only upset him. And involving him will be too dangerous for us and for him. You're on the Volturi's radar - you can't take chances."

"Oh." Jasper winced. The depth of disappointment she must be projecting was likely staggering. "Thank you for being honest with me," she said, trying to reign her emotions in a bit for his sake.

"I always will," Jasper said, nodding.

Esme was watching their interaction intently, her head tilted and a puzzled expression on her face. Bella wondered if she too was noting how different the conversation would have gone were Edward here, or if it was just her. Edward would have either put his foot down without explanation or he'd have caved and given her whatever she wanted despite the impact it would have later. For all his talk of compromise, it had always been all or nothing with him.

"Can I at least talk to him now? Say goodbye or something?" Bella asked quietly. She didn't know how she was supposed to do that, but it didn't feel right to not even try.

"Yes, you should talk to him now while you still can," Jasper agreed, nodding and looking to Carlisle.

"What's she supposed to say? Or does she just string him along a bit?" Jake demanded, sounding angry.

"He'll be able to tell she's sick. That much is easy to detect. We can use that as an excuse. Carlisle's already told him that she's contracted an illness and is at a special center in Atlanta. At least this way she has a chance to prepare him and say goodbye," Jasper said defensively. "It's a good idea to protect all of our covers."

"You expect her to tell him she's dying so that your cover isn't blown?" Jake said incredulously, looking around the room for support and balling his fists when he found none.

"Jake, it's a good idea. It's important not to draw any unnecessary suspicions. Charlie's a cop," Bella explained. "And I do want to say goodbye at the very least."

"It's her decision," Alice said, giving Jacob a very pointed look that had him snapping his mouth shut with an audible click. Bella's teeth hurt just hearing it, and she wondered what that whole interaction had been about. She didn't have the energy to question them though.

"That's right. It's my decision, and I think this is best," Bella said, injecting as much steel into her voice as she could in its battered and abused state.

"I'm going to run patrol," Jacob said stiffly, carefully shifting her feet from his lap and standing. "Seth and Leah both need a break."

"You'll come back?" Bella asked immediately, dreading the idea that she'd finally managed to chase him away for good. Jake stopped in the doorway to look back at her. His expression practically screamed exasperation.

"If you want me to," he said after giving her a once over.

"Of course I do, Jake. I always want you here," she said, trying to smile at him. He would always be her sun. "Besides, I might get cold again."

Jake look around at everyone like he wished someone would save him or put him out of his misery or tell him this was all just a nightmare. No one said a word, all still too reluctant to speak up and cause Bella unnecessary distress.

"Sure, sure. See you in a bit," Jake muttered, shaking his head and returning her smile. It resembled a grimace and betrayed not a hint of actual happiness.

Bella tried to ignore how much it hurt to still be the one inflicting pain on Jacob. She didn't understand why it was happening, but she seemed incapable of preventing it. Closing her eyes, Bella released a heavy sigh. Weariness weighed her down making her reluctant to open her eyes again.

"Would you like to wait and do this later?" Jasper inquired quietly. She looked at him and discovered he was already holding a phone, offering it to her questioningly.

"No. Let's go ahead and get this over with," Bella said, feeling resigned. She dialed the familiar number to her father's house. Cradling the phone between her neck and ear, she listened as it rang, half hoping he'd be at work or fishing so he wouldn't be there to answer her call. Why had she been so insistent on doing this? Bella honestly could remember her reasonings just now as nerves fluttered low in her belly, wrestling with her baby.

Jasper unexpectedly took her hand as she waited, and tendrils of reassurance and support wove around her to fight off the worst of the anxiety and sadness that accompanied making this call. She squeezed his hand in thanks, hoping he felt her gratitude for the silent aid.

"Hello?" Charlie answered in his usual gruff manner.

"Hi, Dad." Bella very nearly choked on the greeting.

"Bella, what's going on? Carlisle said you're sick - quarantined - and that I can't see you," Charlie said quickly, sounding angrier with each word. Fear coated the words like deadly poison. Bella closed her eyes against the wave of sadness that washed over her as she mentally prepared for what she knew she'd have to say.

"He's right. I'm sorry. They won't let me see anyone," she whispered, pressing the heel of her free hand to her eyes to block the tears forming against her will. Not exactly a lie either. Charlie must have heard the ring of truth because his response was slow in coming.

"When will they let you? I'm flying down there -"

"Don't. I-I don't think… Dad, don't come here. If I get better you can, but don't come now. There's no point," she said, tears stinging her eyes and burning her face as they slid over her cheeks and past the dam her hand was attempting to create. Bella tried to swallow them back, but more kept coming. They were quickly becoming a deluge.

"Damn it, Bells. How bad is this?"

"It's bad, Dad. Carlisle called in a lot of favors to get me help, but it's n-not looking g-good," she said brokenly, no longer fighting the tears.

"I can't lose you, Bells. You gotta hang in there," Charlie begged. His plea threatened to break her. Jasper's arm slipped around her, pulling her close and cocooning her in support with his emotional web.

"I promise I'll try. I love you, Dad," Bella said, preparing to hang up. She'd done what she set out to do.

"What's Edward got to say about all this? When will he be back here for me to talk to about what's happening?" Charlie demanded. The reminder of Edward was a blow to her chest. She was not braced for the impact of hearing his name and it knocked the wind from her lungs. Only Jasper's gift allowed her to recover and answer in a way that would protect the family. Their protection had to be her first priority during this call.

"He's not handling it well. If I don't - I don't think he'll ever go back to Forks," Bella informed him. Carlisle's approving nod told her she'd said the correct thing. It was a small comfort.

"Bella… "

"I have to go. The doctors need to run a few more tests. I'll call again if I can. I love you. Bye, Dad," Bella said, hanging up before he could respond. Now, more than ever, she really couldn't remember why she'd wanted to do that in the first place.

"Thank you," she cried into Jasper's shoulder, burying her face against his chest and breathing in his comforting southern scent of magnolias and candied pecans.

~

Bella had slept for hours after her call to Charlie. Jasper's attempts to keep the baby calm and lethargic often meant Bella was as well. Carlisle said it was a good thing. Her body was working overtime to keep up with all the changes and the extra sleep was helping her recharge enough to maintain the process.

When she finally woke, eye gluey and bits of crust trying to seal her lids permanently shut, it was to find her family playing Sorry! against the background of a college football game on the tv. Bella blinked, rubbing her eyes to unstick them, and looked around. It was Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jake, of all people, playing.

"You came back," Bella said immediately, unexpected joy nearly making the dreaded tears start up again.

"Yep," Jacob said, dragging out the p sound before letting it end on a pop. He looked less than thrilled, but the important thing was that he was there.

"You're playing a board game with them?" Bella couldn't help but ask.

"It was this or wrestle the big one," he muttered, jabbing a thumb in Emmett's direction. "Figured you'd get all upset and stupidly worried over that, so game it is." The sarcastic reply made Bella smile.

"You want to wrestle, dog? Let's go!" Emmett said eagerly, clearly loving the prospect.

Bella's heart gave a lurch. Their antagonism meant that there was no way they'd be able to keep it friendly. What if Jake got hurt?

"Shhh, Bella. It's all right. No one is wrestling," Jasper quickly reassured her, patting her shoulder and glaring warningly at the others.

"I think it's time we start considering names," Rosalie interrupted, redirecting the conversation to safer topics. Away from Emmett doing something dangerous and talk that upset Bella, and therefore the baby.

"Have you told her your suspicions yet?" Jasper asked. Bella was sure she'd slipped and referred to the baby as a boy, but she hadn't come right out and told anyone except Jasper what she thought she was having - not that Rose hadn't overheard the conversation. Everyone in the house except Jake had.

"No," Bella said, feeling her cheeks heat with a telltale blush. "I think it's a boy. I-I have a feeling," she explained, not wanting to share too much about the dreams she'd been having. They were too private. But the thought of her green-eyed baby made her smile.

"Have you already picked something out then?" Rosalie asked encouragingly.

"I've been playing around with a few things. At first I thought EJ. I wanted to name him after Edward. It was his father's name too," Bella began, looking around at the others. Emmett was frowning. She couldn't tell why.

The idea of naming her son after Edward was a shot through the heart. It no longer appealed to her because the name Edward would forever remind her of this time in her life. She didn't want to experience pangs of sadness when she thoughts of her child.

"You've changed your mind?" Jasper asked.

"No, not changed it necessarily, but what about CJ?" Bella inquired, hoping for some input from the others. After everything with Edward she didn't necessarily trust her own opinion on something this important.

"What does the C stand for?" Rosalie asked.

At the same time Jacob asked, suspicion clear, "And why is there a J in both choices?" Jake's eyes darted to Jasper. The movement was brief, but Bella registered it.

"For you, Jake. You're my best friend," Bella said warmly, smiling fondly at her friend, and making it clear the honor was for him alone.

"Super. I get a mutant span named after me. Great," Jacob said darkly. The rejection had Bella wrapping her arms snugly around the baby, attempting to shield it from the harsh barb of Jake's bitter words.

"The C?" Jasper asked, effectively distracting Bella from her hurt feelings.

"Charlie and Carlisle both have names starting with C," Bella explained. "I hadn't decided what it stood for yet. Or even if I want something other than EJ, but it's a possibility," she finished, shrugging a little and rubbing her belly.

Her fingers met Jasper's and he linked his pinky with hers. Goosebumps broke out along the surface of her arms and a small shiver ran down her spine, but she wasn't cold.

"What if you're wrong?" Jake asked with a lengthy sigh, as if he expected nothing else. He looked like he was biting his tongue to keep from adding, 'Like you were about everything else.'

When Bella didn't immediately respond, too focused on Jasper's hand and Jacob's opinion, Emmett said, "I think he means what if it's a little girl in there? That's what Seth thinks you're having."

He did? Bella hadn't realized they discussed her baby's gender among themselves. It had probably happened during one of her many naps.

"I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking… Ruh-nez-may," Bella explained, hoping they liked the idea of honoring both sides of her family. Bella loved the idea of joining human and vampire, having both sides represented as they were within the baby itself.

"Ruhnezmay?" Rosalie repeated, smiling brilliantly.

"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?" Bella asked, concerned as she looked around at the assembled group.

"No, I like it," Rose said quickly, leaning against Emmett. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and dropped a light kiss on her head. "It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fits," she added, looking more content than Bella had ever seen her look before.

"What do you think, Jazz?" Bella asked, glancing up at him. A spark of pleasure stroked lightly along her skin where they were touching. She had a feeling he was more pleased by her use of his nickname, something she'd never done prior to now, than her desire for his opinion.

"That I hope you're wrong," Jasper said seriously.

"What?" Bella asked, crestfallen.

"I hope it's Renesmee and not CJ in there. The kid deserves a full name - not initials," Jasper teased, making her chuckle.

"Seriously? Renesmee?" Jacob asked, drawing the name out like it was a foreign disease instead of a cute, if a little different, baby name. "I think I'll stick with hoping it's a bouncing bloodsucking boy just so it doesn't get stuck with that name."

For once, Bella only smiled when Emmett punched Jacob's arm with more force than was strictly necessary. And she was definitely temporarily deaf when he howled out a few choice curse words from the pain of the blow. Though Esme's chiding reprimand that came floating down the stairs surly meant she wasn't as selectively deaf.


	6. 6: Jasper

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Any dialogue you recognize is from Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

~

Chapter 6 - Jasper

Bella was sleeping. Again. He missed talking to her, but she rarely seemed to stay awake long enough to engage in meaningful conversation anymore. She'd been sleeping close to fifteen hours a day this last week, some days closer to eighteen.

Jasper had heard Carlisle tell Bella not to worry, it was her body's way of accommodating the additional stress her various systems were experiencing. But secretly, Jasper thought his gift might have more to do with it than anything else. He'd been trying to keep the baby lethargic so it wouldn't move so much and accidentally hurt Bella. Part of that was likely getting absorbed by her as well.

The fever had kicked in almost a day ago. Carlisle hoped it was just a normal human cold. Bella had been switching between pressing her body against Jasper when the fever had her sweating, and holding Jacob or Seth's hand when the shivers started. It was convenient having both available to help her balance the crazy body temperature swings.

"Are you ready to share what has you so upset?" Jasper asked when he heard Alice's distinctive light tread coming down the stairs. He spoke low so as not to wake Bella.

He hadn't seen Alice since yesterday when Bella called Charlie. He had a feeling she was avoiding him. Her conversation with Bella about Edward hadn't sat well with him. She was hiding things from him. Important things.

"Have you ever wondered if the path you're on is the best one for you?" Alice asked softly, perching herself on the arm of the sofa.

"Why would you even ask that?" he asked, stunned. She knew how he'd struggled before meeting her. She'd been the one to introduce him to this lifestyle. She'd given him a family to protect.

"Have you?" she repeated.

"No. I couldn't have taken much more when we met. You saved me," Jasper reminded her. He had been near to picking a fight and deliberately trying to lose for the first time ever. The guilt and struggle with no positive offset was getting to be too much. A tedious, ceaseless, loop of pain and misery. His existence had begun to feel pointless, and he hadn't seen a way to make it better. No future prospects.

"I just showed you new possibilities. You chose to embrace them. But what about this path?"

"Alice, what are you really asking?" Jasper demanded, not wanting to play games. He didn't care for what she seemed to be suggesting, nor the patience for her to drag out explaining. Worry pooled uneasily low in his gut, twisting and coiling like a snake primed to strike.

"What if you could take a different path?"

Jasper judged the distance Alice had deliberately placed between their bodies. He considered the way she'd rejected him after their hunt, and had made no attempt to touch or kiss or make love to him since Edward and Bella's wedding. Before really. Because even during the weeks leading up to the big event, planning had consumed all of her time.

Always Alice had understood that his past meant he needed positive, affectionate or loving emotions and actions. He needed to feel loved, desired, and happy. He needed to experience those feelings more than most. The emotions were like a drug to him, and depression was quick to claim him when he didn't have them. Maria's manipulation and the years of isolation following that experience - because Peter and Charlotte spent more time alone than with him when they traveled together - had shaped him.

Now that she was withholding, Jasper feared he'd become a burden to Alice. His unquenchable need demanding too much from her. She was no longer up to enabling him.

Being with him physically was often a challenge for Alice. Her visions meant she was easily consumed or lost to the future at inconvenient times.

As vampires, they were capable of doing multiple things at once without much difficulty. But Alice's visions always took up the dominant portion of her brain when they happened. It made the physical act of sex far less enjoyable for her than it should be, despite Jasper's gift being able to heighten what she did feel. Her mind was forever preoccupied, while his was predominantly centered around pleasure and the pursuit of it.

After hunting was usually the only time she could really enjoy it because it was fast and hard. Even then they could become truncated events. The brevity of those few passionate encounters seemed almost like a race to finish before the next vision descended. Exciting, yet taxing on the overall health of their relationship.

Regardless of the difficulties, Alice had always striven to give him what he needed - until now.

"You're… unhappy," he guessed, turning to face her more fully even while the majority of his brain remained focused on monitoring Bella's breathing, heartbeat, and temperature, as well as the heartbeat and mood of her child.

Alice wanted him to take a different path because Jasper had failed her in some way. That's what these last weeks had been about. If only he had tried harder for her. She deserved so much, and he had obviously let her down.

He swallowed the thick venom filling his mouth and dejectedly asked, "With me or being here?"

If he was the problem he would try to be better. Do more. Whatever it took, whatever she wanted.

She'd always been so disappointed when he struggled to resist human blood. Hadn't he done better though these last couple days? He'd stayed by Bella when she was drinking human blood and not once caused a problem.

Was there some other way he'd let her down? Nothing came to mind, but then she'd never once admitted to being unhappy during their time together, though he'd occasionally sensed it from her when he'd messed up or not been demonstrative enough with the gifts she so cherished.

If it was this place… he hated considering that. He didn't want to leave. He loved the Cullens even if he had a difficult time expressing it. But he'd go if that's what Alice wanted. If she wanted to follow after Edward, the brother she loved so dearly, he'd do it. He owed her that. He owed her -

"Neither. But I saw something," she said, breaking into his thoughts. Part of his mind was still running through ways he may have screwed up that she was just being kind by not telling him about, but he also managed to focus on what she could have possibly seen.

Alice stayed quiet, not elaborating. Bella snored softly beside them. She'd never snored before her pregnancy. He idly wondered if it was normal for such a thing to develop or if it was one more thing that made her pregnancy unusual.

"You have to talk to me, sweetheart. I can't read your mind," Jasper coaxed, needing to know what she'd seen that had her this out of sorts.

"I saw you happy, Jazz," she whispered, shoulders curled in on herself so that she appeared even smaller than usual.

"I am happy, Alice," Jasper said, reaching out to her. She ignored his hand, shaking her head at him.

"No… I saw you happy. In a way I've never seen before," she explained with earnest intensity, willing him to understand. He didn't. How could he? Alice had been his partner for decades. He'd do anything for her.

"One vision has you doubting us?" Jasper asked incredulously. What could she have seen to rattle her so thoroughly?

"It was several," she said dryly, though somewhat detached. "Enough to know there's an option out there that would make your life better," she admitted, eyes vacant. Jasper had a feeling she was replaying the things she'd seen or seeing something new that only served to confirm what she was saying. Alice was concealing her emotions, so he had no idea how she felt about this possibility beyond what she said.

"I'm not going anywhere. I wouldn't do that to you. You saved me," Jasper vowed, repeating his belief in what she'd done for him, and unwilling to do something that would hurt Alice.

"I don't want you to stay with me out of loyalty or because you feel beholden to me," she said softly, giving him a fond, exasperated smile.

"It's not - I'm not - I love you," he said, projecting his emotions for her. He rarely said the words aloud, always preferring to let her feel the depth of his emotion instead. Her smile grew, but still she shook her head.

"I know. I do. But I also know I want what's best for you. I want you to have the best possible future," Alice explained, finally reaching out to take his hand after avoiding the contact earlier. She squeezed his fingers tightly.

"And you're convinced that it means I'm not with you?"

"Yes," she answered simply. "You've always trusted me before. Trust me now." Jasper nodded. She'd never mislead him. But this was new territory.

"And what about you? I could never be happy if you weren't. We've been together for decades," he said, concern filtering through him at the idea of her miserable.

"What are decades in the face of centuries - millennia even," she breathed, face animated.

"You've been my world. Why would that change?" Jasper asked, trying to understand.

"I've been your partner," she corrected. It was an important distinction. "And I know I'll be all right. Your path makes me happy," she promised.

"I… this is a lot to dump on me at once," he said.

"We can ease out of us," she offered timidly.

"Haven't you already been doing that?" he asked accusingly.

"I'm trying to make this an easy transition for everyone," she explained, not even trying to deny her actions.

"I still don't fully understand. Am I leaving?" he asked, scared of the possibility. What future could offer happiness without his family in it?

"No," she said quickly, firmly. Relief settled over him. "And it's still not set. So much is in flux. I can't know for certain, only guess," she babbled quickly. "I know we'll always be friends, family, just not lovers anymore. Aside from that? I just can't see."

"But it's certain enough that you felt comfortable telling me this much," he pointed out. She nodded and lapsed back into silence, the only sound in the room Bella's soft snoring.

Jasper felt numb as they sat there. Thoughts failed to form, just dangled unfinished like the broken clasp on a bracelet. An incomplete circle. He was totally disengaged from the bad melodrama playing out on tv. Except it was actually his life he was watching deteriorate and not a fictional show. But he didn't feel it. He couldn't. There was a faulty wire in his circuiting, and it meant the information his brain had just received was disconnected from his heart.

After a while, a couple hours actually, Alice said, "I'm going to find Seth. My head hurts too much in here."

Jasper didn't respond as he watched her prancing gait take her out into the woods. Away from him. Away from the life they'd built together.

Alice's departure fixed the bad wire, completing the circuit. His heart abruptly received the message, suddenly finding itself on the same page as his head.

A clamp seized his emotions, tightening impossibly, brutally locking down to keep everything he was feeling bottled up. He could not let anyone in the house feel his heartbreak. They'd already had to witness Bella's. He would not be the reason they felt his own. His pain would not be theirs.

"How are you holding up, man?" Emmett asked as he came bounding down the stairs. Sympathy overflowed his lake of emotions. Jasper shied away from the unwanted feeling. It had the potential to break his tightly wound control.

"You heard?" he asked, already knowing the answer. The whole house had to of heard. Great. Pity was even worse than sympathy.

"The whole family did. What, you can't feel their confusion?" Em asked, surprised as he plopped down in the nearby chair, legs thrown over the arm. Esme would have a fit if she saw him abusing her chair in such a way.

"I'm finding it difficult to separate mine from anyone else's just now," Jasper admitted. It was true. Alice's decision to end their relationship wounded him deeply, but that wasn't the predominant emotion if he was honest. No, that was reserved for his confusion.

"Yeah, I'll bet. No one saw this one coming," Em said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Except Alice," Jasper quipped. It was a weak attempt at humor, but Emmett still chuckled. He was easy to amuse.

"Any idea what she was talking about?"

"Not a clue. But she's always tried to let things happen naturally. She usually only interferes when it's to save one of us in some way or if we ask her to." He'd always admired her restraint when it came to meddling. She'd done more in the last year since Bella came into the picture than she had since he'd met her, and most of her recent stuff had been at Edward's behest.

"I'm here if you need to talk," Emmett offered.

"Thanks, Em," Jasper said, grateful to have him in his life. Emmett was an outlet and a refuge that he'd never expected to find.

"What are brothers for?" Jasper smiled in response.

Bella shifted, turning her head to burrow it into Jasper's stomach. There was a pillow in his lap, and his arm was draped over her so that his hand rested against the baby. Over the thinnest layer of tissue and the protective sac separating the two. He could feel the excess heat from Bella's fever. With a flick of his wrist, the blanket slid off Bella to land lightly on the floor.

"Can't believe she's slept through all the excitement," Jasper murmured, running his hand across her forehead to judge her temperature. It was still a little too warm. He left his hand resting against her cheek.

"I know, right? We go decades without anything out of the ordinary happening - then wham!" Em said, punching his palm with his fist. "It's two years of nonstop action, every other day a new drama, and she goes and sleeps through the second… well, at least in the top five," he corrected, shrugging, "- biggest one."

"Good to know the dissolution of my marriage isn't as big of news as Edward dating a human, getting said human pregnant, or inspiring both the Volturi and a newborn army to take an interest in us."

"Priorities, bro," Emmett said, nodding. "Plus there's that," he added, nodding to the half finished cup of human blood Bella had left sitting on the coffee table when she'd fallen asleep a few hours ago.

"The whole house reeks of blood and wet dog," Jasper acknowledged.

The scent never really had time to dissipate with the frequency of Bella's need for more. He wasn't sure when he'd stopped holding his breath, but at some point he'd realized it was pointless and that it was bothering him less than usual. The wolf scent mixed in made it less appealing as well. He should probably consider thanking Seth and Jacob for that. Or not.

"I think we're all getting desensitized to it," Emmett said, huffing an incredulous laugh. "Who knew this was all it took to stop craving it so much?"

Jasper wasn't sure about that, but it seemed a reasonable explanation. Being around the blood wasn't easy, nor fun, but he managed. The first time was the hardest, but once it was over, he knew he could do it again. There was something to be said about practice. Plus, it helped that the blood wasn't fresh.

This last week was still a major breakthrough for Jasper as far as his control went. Alice's visions were faulty. For the first time ever, Jasper had to trust that he was strong enough and capable of resisting all on his own. Always he'd just relied on Alice to stop him before he slipped. Never had he truly pushed himself to resist when he was told he wouldn't be able to.

Perhaps it was all a self-fulling prophecy. In the past he'd been told he'd slip so he didn't bother trying not to.

It also hadn't helped that Edward had argued against him even trying to practice resisting. He thought Jasper was incapable of overcoming his past. The lack of faith hadn't helped any. Jasper had a feeling that had been a selfish move on Edward's part. He hadn't liked enduring Jasper's thoughts as he considered slipping. It made it harder for Edward to resist himself.

"At least one good thing came out of all this - so far," Jasper said when he saw Emmett was waiting for a response.

He didn't want to include the baby as a good thing yet when it might come at Bella's expense. The little one would still be welcomed and celebrated if the worst happened, but it would not be an unblemished joy in that case.

"Pretty soon we'll all be ready to join Carlisle in surgery," Emmett joked.

"Or at least not lose it over a surprise paper cut," Jasper said sadly.

"She's not the only one that doesn't blame you for what happened. None of us ever did," Emmett said reassuringly. Jasper raised a single eyebrow to express his thoughts on the statement. The meaning behind the gesture wasn't lost on Emmett. "Edward doesn't count. He lost his shit too, so I think that makes you two about even," Emmett said, shrugging easily like it was no big deal.

Jasper had always been closest to Emmett. He was the easiest for Jasper to be around because he was almost always ridiculously happy. Edward, on the other hand, always had a tortured, self-hating, depressed, and angsty thing going on. Dark emotions that brought Jasper down with him. Being near him was like drowning in a black pit of despair.

Then, when Edward was finally cheering up a bit - at least when he wasn't torturing himself over risking Bella's life or how his decision to leave hurt her - he'd requested Jasper keep his distance from the pair. That had been a slap in the face. Edward had made it clear that he at least blamed Jasper for James hurting Bella in Phoenix.

That had been the summer before he'd lost control and tried to kill her. Edward was paranoid that Jasper lacked the necessary restraint to be around Bella for any length of time. Jasper's actions on Bella's birthday had seemed to prove Edward right, so Jasper hadn't pushed to change things when the family moved back to town.

Even before Bella came into the picture, Edward had been aloof with everyone. He was too refined and dignified to wrestle with Jasper and Emmett or play video games with them. He only spent significant time with them when Carlisle insisted. Thanks to Jasper's gift, he had nearly the insight on Edward that Edward had on the others. Often, Edward looked down on Emmett and Jasper's antics as juvenile and immature. Edward's wealthy, only child background showed through in his solitary preference and superiority complex.

He loved Edward despite their issues. The two were family. All families were slightly dysfunctional, and this was just one of the many ways theirs was.

None of that mattered anymore. Edward was about to become a father and he wasn't here. A prospect none of the rest of them would ever get to experience, even if he - they - secretly longed to. Jasper wished that Alice had shared Edward's location while she'd been dumping him. Then at least he could have something else to focus on. Tracking Edward down, thoroughly thrashing the idiot, and dragging him back would have been a nice way to work through his feelings regarding Alice. He supposed he'd just have to make due with helping Bella the best he could.

"Thank you - for your forgiveness, and for checking on me," Jasper whispered. Emmett just smiled and glanced outside. Jasper assumed he was plotting their next wrestling match once Jasper was no longer tied to Bella so completely.

His family was complicated. That was a much kinder word than dysfunctional. Every family was, he reminded himself. And he loved each member.

~

"It's not a good idea to have blood in the house like this with most of us having not hunted in the last week, Carlisle," Jasper said when Rosalie took Bella to the bathroom for a bath.

Carlisle hoped the warm water would sooth her sore muscles, and Bella said she was feel grungy since it had been a couple days since she could have a proper shower once it became impossible for her to navigate the increasingly precarious stairs. Jasper was doing his best to project calming waves throughout the house since he doubted Bella would want him in the bathroom with her during this private human moment. Bad enough she had to rely on Rosalie's help. Bella's discomfort and mortification had been easy enough to detect before the pair had gone up.

"You think we should risk encountering Sam's pack?" Carlisle asked, brow wrinkled as he looked to Jasper for explanation on his comment.

Jasper was worried about slipping, doing something he'd regret. More than that, he was worried about Rosalie. She hadn't hunted since before Bella had returned. Neither had Esme for that matter. Their mother had been making excuses for the last day to stay in the kitchen or upstairs. He didn't want to see her suffer or isolate herself out of fear.

The prolonged time between hunts wasn't smart given the situation they were in. Jasper at least had hunted twice since Bella returned. Despite that, he could do with some fresh blood himself. He and Emmett might have joked that it was easier to be around human blood, and it was, but that didn't mean he wouldn't mind reducing the burn in his throat a bit if possible.

Too bad he couldn't leave Bella. He'd promised to stay and help with the baby. It wasn't a promise he had any intention of breaking. The others weren't likewise bound to stay.

Not hunting was also not a good idea if they needed to fight suddenly. If Sam's pack did attack, it would be sudden and unexpected. They'd go for the element of surprise. Jasper believed Carlisle when he'd told Jacob the other day that he wouldn't let Jacob, Seth, and Leah fight against those they considered family. It would go against his morals.

Jasper didn't possess the same qualms. He would always consider any and all advantages when it came to fighting. Whatever it took to keep his family safe and whole. And it would definitely be strategic to utilize the wolves. Sam's pack would hesitate when they found themselves facing off against their friends and family instead of enemy vampires. The momentary pause would be enough for the Cullens to make short work of the wolves, and win with minimal or potentially no dangers to any of his family.

"I think we should utilize Jacob's pack," Jasper explained. "Not to fight," he added quickly when he felt Carlisle's disapproval. Since Carlisle wouldn't allow Jacob and the others to fight, the Cullens should at least be in top form. That meant they needed to hunt.

Carlisle nodded slowly, appearing to consider what Jasper meant, then Jacob suspiciously asked, "What do you have in mind?"

Jasper hadn't noticed that the wolf was paying attention. He'd been dozing off on the couch, breaths on the verge of transitioning into cacophonous snores. Jasper's use of his name had probably startled him to wakeful alertness.

"You can scout the area, ensure it's clear then a group can go hunt," Jasper explained, speaking directly to the alpha. Jacob was a leader, and if Jasper treated him with the respect that position deserved, it might go a long way in gaining his help. "We'll keep them small - groups of two at a time. Three at the most."

"What of Bella's safety?" Carlisle questioned.

"I would be here. I'm not leaving her again. And the pack would stay here. I'm certain they're up to helping me should the need arise," Jasper said easily.

"You don't need to hunt yourself?" Carlisle asked, concern evident.

"I promised her I wouldn't leave again," Jasper reminded him. When it looked like Carlisle was about to protest, Jasper added, "She doesn't need anyone else breaking promises or abandoning her. I can handle it. I'm in control."

Carlisle nodded, trusting Jasper to know himself best. The respect Carlisle showed each member of his family was one of the primary reasons Jasper felt comfortable remaining with the Cullens when he and Alice first found them. He'd been hesitant, even down right against the idea at first. The thought of so many vampires living together brought to mind Maria and the newborns. He'd feared that he'd be returning to that hell of violence and death. Never had he believed it possible for so many of his kind to exist peacefully together. He still didn't think it would work without Carlisle at the center. He was goodness personified. It made all the difference.

"Alice, I would imagine you could determine the best routes - like you did before for Emmett and myself?" Jasper asked, knowing she was sitting on the other side of the couch, away from him but close to Jacob to help with her headache.

"The ones that disappear. Easy," she chimed, letting him know she'd been paying attention all along.

"Jacob, would you be willing?" Jasper asked, giving him the choice.

"It's not a bad plan. Guess I should get to scouting. Sooner I get back the sooner I can sleep," Jacob agreed, wearily standing and trudging towards the exit.

"Hurry back, please. Or send Seth in," Alice requested. Her head must really be bothering her if she'd seek out the wet dog smell voluntarily.

Jasper continue his research while he waited. The newest books Esme had brought him seemed promising. Already one had confirmed the information he'd located in two other books, and it seemed this one might actually go into more detail. Vital detail that could help them prepare and save both Bella and the child.

Seth came in while Jasper was reading. He went right to Alice and sat beside her on the floor saying, "Jake said you wanted me."

The bashful longing Jasper felt had him turning his head to peer at Seth over the back of the couch. He was sitting next to Alice, much closer than necessary, and his cheekbones were stained with slashes of red as he looked at her.

How interesting…

The young wolf had a crush on Alice. He hadn't expected that. What's more, he was surprised by the fact that it didn't bother him. It was more amusing than anything. Maybe Alice had been more correct about them than he realized…

Seth was kind, sweet even. Jasper liked the overeager, enthusiastic young man more than he expected to. Jasper felt like he should warn Alice so she didn't inadvertently break the poor pup's heart.

"Thanks for coming. I can't make it stop when one of you guys aren't here," Alice said, sighing.

"Anytime. I really don't mind." Jasper chuckled silently. Understatement.

He listened to their conversation with half an ear as he read the text on the Kaqchikel indigenous people of Guatemala.

"I'm surprised you ever planned to change Bella here," Seth said.

"Actually, that wasn't the plan. During their honeymoon, Bella told Edward she wanted to do a year of college first. We were going to move east and change her there next summer," Alice explained sadly.

"But you came back here when this happened," Seth pointed out.

"Obviously, dog," Rosalie muttered as she brought Bella back into the room. Jasper noted that there was less heat in the insult than she usually added when she spoke to Jacob, and he didn't detect any animosity coming from her. Rose must actually like Seth, however reluctantly.

Bella smelled more strongly of freesias than she ordinarily did. It was ensnaring. Venom pooled uncomfortably in his mouth and he swallowed twice before Rosalie had her completely settled on the sofa beside him. Warmth seeped into him where she pressed against his side. Too much warmth. The bath must have been too hot because Bella's fever was back. Jasper slide up the sleeve of his shirt and wrapped his arm around Bella so more of his cool skin was in contact with her.

"Thanks," she whispered shyly, burrowing against him. Her fingers lazily stroked his skin, idly tracing the scars she could only dimly make out as the light shattered off the marks.

If he could jump out of his skin, he would. The sensation was so intense. Edward must not have ever told her how sensitive the scars remained even after they were healed. Most vampires instinctively feared the scars, and the pain and violence they represented.

Alice had never liked touching them either. But Jasper had so many that it was hard for her to touch him at all without coming in contact with at least one. Every time she did his body went into overdrive.

And now, having Bella willingly touch them was playing havoc with him. He'd frozen, not allowing his body to move a single millimeter - afraid to let anyone witness his reaction, and terrified she'd stop if she knew how electrifying he found her touch to be.

Bella glanced at Jasper and smiled softly. He could feel how relaxed the bath had left her. Bella's eyelids were half closed, as though weights were trying to drag them closed entirely.

Seth was still chuckling at Rosalie's comment, not offended in the least. "I guess I'm just curious. Didn't any of you think the pack might have a problem with this? Jake's not always the most level headed where Bella's concerned. Neither are some of the others about your family," Seth said lightly, as if he found their antics the height of ridiculous.

"This was the best option in a very difficult situation," Carlisle said, shaking his head and sighing.

Jasper sighed himself as Bella's fingers stopped moving. She'd drifted back to sleep, her head resting lightly on his shoulder. The position left her neck exposed. So vulnerable, so trusting. Her pulse pushed against the thin skin, briefly inflating it in time with the ticking of the mantle clock. More venom oozed into his mouth. It was less difficult than it should be to remain immobile and swallow it.

How could she let her guard down around him enough to sleep in such a position? Her unmitigated belief in him was too much to process. He didn't even know where to begin. All he knew was that he couldn't deny the fact it changed him. Changed him in that rare way vampire natures so rarely experienced. He didn't precisely understand what the change meant, but he felt that it had taken place.

"What about Tanya and her family? They're family, right? Why didn't you take Bella there when you found out Sam wanted to attack?" Seth asked.

"Bella's condition takes constant monitoring and significant medical equipment. My history here means I have beneficial connections and access to things she needs that I wouldn't have elsewhere," Carlisle explained.

"Plus it wouldn't be easy to move her like this. She's so… " Alice added, trailing off uncomfortably.

"Delicate. Isn't that the right term for pregnant women?" Seth finished for her.

"Works as well as any," Carlisle agreed.

"And afterwards… What are your plans then?" Seth asked. Jasper picked up on his worry.

"We'll go. As soon as the baby and Bella are up for it," Carlisle promised. Jasper thought he was trying to be reassuring, but Jasper felt the sadness these words caused Seth. The wolf didn't want the family leaving. How strange. The other wolves likely would have rejoiced at the news.

"Oh." That single word was all Seth seemed capable of articulating.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked after detecting the more complex emotions of doubt, grief, and anxiety.

"I'll miss you guys. Can I visit?"

"You will always be welcome in our home, Seth," Carlisle assured him, touched that he'd want to remain in contact with the Cullens. Jasper sensed that this request meant more to Carlisle than he could ever truly express.

"Thanks," Seth said, happiness returning, though there were still undertones of concern.

"Is something else bothering you?" Jasper prodded.

"I guess. Well… What are you going to do about Edward?"

"Serves him right if we do leave him," Rose huffed angrily, but with a hint of satisfaction.

"Rosalie," Carlisle warned. "If it comes time to go, and he hasn't returned to us yet, yes, we'll go without him. We'll leave word with Tanya's family so he can find us though. I'm hoping it won't come to that. I believe Edward was just overwhelmed and needed a little time to come to terms with all that has happened. Hopefully he will return to us soon."

Jasper ignored the rest of the conversation Carlisle, Alice, and Seth had regarding Edward's motives and actions. This wasn't the first time Edward had taken off over the years. In fact, it was a fairly regular occurrence. Jasper didn't blame him. It was just part of his personality. Hearing thoughts probably didn't help much. His brother needed space and isolation to clear his head since it was the only time he ever had any peace to think for himself without others' opinions influencing him. Jasper just wished Edward had been mature enough to handle this situation better. Edward's actions weren't fair to Bella or his child.

The next passage of the book in his lap captured his attention, casting all thoughts of Edward far from his mind.

"Carlisle, I've found something," Jasper said, rereading the page to ensure he'd understood correctly. This was the first reference he'd found of a mythical accelerated pregnancy that explained in full detail. "About the birth."

Esme and Emmett joined the family in the sitting room before he'd finished speaking. He was relieved that Seth was on Bella duty instead of Jacob. This news wasn't going to go over well.

"What have you found out?" Carlisle asked eagerly. He'd been hoping for any information possible to better help him look after Bella.

Jasper debated for a moment, then said, "Bella should hear this too." It was her body, and her future. She'd deserved the right to heard this firsthand along with everyone else. "Darlin', time to wake up."

"Is something wrong? Are the wolves -" Bella slurred, sleep lingering in her voice and disorienting her.

"All quiet," Seth reassured her, reaching over the back of the couch to pat her head.

"I think I found some things on how the birth will happen," Jasper explained, meeting Bella's timid eyes. She was scared, but she didn't want the others to know.

"Will the baby be all right?" Bella asked, letting Jasper know the source of her fear. It was all for the baby. She reserved none for herself, though he now knew she should.

"The baby will be fine," he vowed. Rosalie released a relieved breath, and Jasper felt her concern evaporate entirely. Jasper resisted the urge to glare at her. He'd already been over this with Rose.

Bella took a deep breath, not looking away from Jasper. He felt her grief and comprehension the moment she understood that he'd very specifically only assured her that the baby would survive. He sent her what strength and fortification of will he could, bracing her to stay strong in front of the family. He knew she'd hate letting them see any sign of sadness or fear.

"And Bella?" Alice asked. Jasper didn't immediately respond, lost in his interaction with Bella, the flow of emotions passing back and forth between them speaking more than words.

"What did you find Jasper?" Emmett demanded impatiently.

"The sac around the baby. Only a couple things will be able to penetrate it," Jasper explained, pausing before he continued paraphrasing what he'd read. "The baby will try to chew it's way out of the womb."

"There has to be a safe way to save both of them. To remove the baby before it has to do that," Esme beseeched, moving to Carlisle as sobs shook her shoulders. Jasper felt her frustration as she was denied the cathartic release that true tears provided.

"Bella will be fine. Venom will heal her," Rose said, the words pretending a level of confidence she didn't actually feel.

"Not if it rips her up in the process," Alice said sharply. Jasper couldn't tell if Alice was more angry or scared. She was blocking him as best she could.

The emotional climate was uncomfortably oppressive. Jasper felt like he was wading through cement as he attempted to navigate the onslaught of feelings layering the room. He hated the thick negativity. The dark emotions sliced at him, a thousand shallow cuts slowly bleeding him to death with no way out and no possibility of hope.

He wished everyone had a little more control. How was he supposed to help Bella when their despair left him too depressed to artificially produce the emotions she needed just now?

"Vampire venom can only do so much," Carlisle said carefully, speaking directly to Bella. Jasper knew where this turn was headed. Carlisle was once again going to suggest terminating the pregnancy. Jasper fully believed the decision was up to Bella, but it would destroy him if that was the choice - not that he believed she'd ever even consider doing it - but he loved the child too much to lose it now. "Bella… "

"Save my baby. If it is a choice, I chose my child," Bella said firmly. Carlisle's shoulders slumped, but he nodded in acquiescence. He didn't want to lose his child anymore than Bella wanted to lose hers. If Bella died, Carlisle would lose not only her, but Edward too. It was a difficult position to be in.

"What if we deliver the baby early - control the circumstances. Does that increase both of their chances?" Jasper asked, thinking back to what Esme had said earlier that no one had acknowledged. It was at least a possibility that needed to be considered and discussed.

Bella's hand grasped his. She was afraid. He sent calming waves, beseeching her to trust him. She didn't speak up, so he took that as his cue to continue this line of questioning.

"How do you suggest we do that?" Alice asked. "Didn't you say the protective membrane is too hard? It's not like Carlisle can do a typical sescerian." Logistically, Carlisle had never tried to deliver a baby under these circumstances.

Jacob entered the room, and Jasper only barely suppressed a groan at the poor timing. This conversation was emotional enough without the mutt saying something offensive that would hurt Bella's feelings.

"What's going on now? Did it break another rib?" Jacob demanded, but everyone except Bella ignored him. She shook her head as Jasper explained his theory.

"Our teeth could penetrate the sac from the outside. You could do it soon, Carlisle. Today or tomorrow maybe. Whenever - depends on how far along you think she is. But we can do it before the baby is forced to try to get out the other way because it can no longer fit. Once the baby is out, Carlisle, you can keep Bella alive while the venom spreads."

"You're talking about her having that thing now?" Jacob asked. Again, everyone ignored him.

"The baby isn't ready. That's too risky," Rosalie insisted, moving to Bella's side. Jasper had felt her spike of panic the moment he'd said the word today, but he'd continued regardless. He wanted - needed - both to survive this.

"Carlisle, it can respond to different emotions. He's developed enough that it'd be better for both to induce labor early," Jasper said, trying to convince everyone. Something told him the baby would be fine if it was born soon. Just a little early. This was the best solution for both mother and child.

"You can't be sure -" Rose began.

Jasper cut her off. "Bella's body can't accommodate the baby for much longer. It's getting too uncomfortable. Pretty soon he'll move without meaning to and end up accidentally killing Bella," Jasper said bluntly.

"Carlisle, what do you think? How premature will the baby be?" Esme asked.

"My estimation puts her at full term in five and a half days, maybe only five if it continues to accelerate," Carlisle said slowly, considering Bella and drawing on his experience as he made his medical diagnosis. "At first the baby was growing slower. Bella was gaining less than a centimeter a day. Each centimeter represents about a week of pregnancy. But now it's at least two centimeters a day. She's approximately twenty-seven or twenty-eight weeks now."

"Wait until the day after tomorrow then. Remove the baby and change Bella that night - the day after at the latest," Jasper said, squeezing Bell'a hand. "That'll put the baby at around thirty-three weeks, possibly more. At the rate it's growing and developing you know it'll survive. Bella might not if you wait too much longer," Jasper said persuasively, urging everyone to agree with him.

"The bloodsucker has my vote," Jacob said, understanding the situation. Jasper was grateful for the unexpected support. Maybe he should have wanted Jacob here all along. Bella sometimes listened to her friend.

"No one asked you, mongrel," Rosalie hissed. Emmett put a restraining hand on her shoulder. He wanted them both to live too. This was the best plan.

"Bella, what do you want to do?" Jasper asked, knowing that regardless of the other's support, it was her decision, and hers alone.

"Carlisle, can you guarantee my baby will survive? That doing it early won't hurt the baby?" Bella asked cautiously.

"I've never lost a preemie younger than twenty-nine weeks. There is already significant evidence to suggest your child is stronger than fully human babies at this stage. There are no guarantees, but also no cause to worry if we initiated things in a couple days. It will increase the likelihood that venom will be able to repair the damage to your body," Carlisle replied.

"Rose, what do you think?" Bella asked, and Jasper bit his tongue to keep from hissing at his sister. He didn't want Rosalie having the deciding vote. He'd make her regret it if she didn't prove her words from the other day about wanting Bella to live.

To his surprise Rose was silent for several minutes.

"Carlisle's right. That's far enough along that the baby will be fine with all of our help and resources if we do it the day after tomorrow, and it probably is your best bet," Rose finally said. Jasper sent her waves of affection and love. Rose just rolled her eyes at him, likely knowing the dark turn his thoughts had taken just a few moments ago. Bella, having felt his emotions passing and watched Rose's response, grinned at him before turning her attention back to Rosalie.

"You'll look after him while I'm… " Bella requested. Jasper again felt Rose's reaction to the heartfelt plea - smug satisfaction and vindication. She'd get to play mom, however temporarily, and she was the one Bella trusted to watch the baby.

"Of course, Bella," Rose said lightly. A smile curved her lips, revealing the smallest fraction of her feelings.

"You'll help her? Keep him safe for me?" Bella asked. It took Jasper a moment to realize she was speaking to him. Surprise caught him unaware. Jasper met Bella's eyes. There was such determination and trust in them that Jasper found it difficult to speak. How was this one tiny human capable of getting under his skin so completely?

"Always," Jasper whispered, swallowing thickly and reinforcing the walls that kept his emotions locked within him. The dam had cracked a bit with her request and the tiny leak seemed to find its way straight to Bella. He watched the joyous smile break across her face, lighting it like the most brilliant sunrise when she felt a millimeter's worth of the depth of his emotions, and how honored he was by her faith and trust in him.

"It's a plan then," she said several moments later. "I'll have the baby in two days."

"On that note… it's clear if you want to send a hunting group," Jacob interrupted. Suspicion and disbelief oozed from him, sticking to every surface in the room. Jacob was less than thrilled by the new dynamic between Jasper and Bella.

"Alice, Esme, Rose -"

"I'm not going," Rosalie said at once. "Bella might need me."

Jasper wanted to argue, but Emmett stepped in before he could. "I've got it covered. I take it you're not going either?" he asked, watching Jasper shake his head. "I'll go with the girls then."

"All right. Be safe," Carlisle agreed.

~

Jasper was less than impressed by Emmett's solution to Jasper and Rosalie refusing to leave to go hunt. He'd brought back two dead deer slung around his neck - one for each of them. Jasper considered refusing, but knew it wouldn't be wise. Suffering through the indignity of quickly drinking a dead deer behind the house was worth it to keep his promise to Bella and maintain control. The dead animal blood nearly had him gagging as if he were ridding himself of human food. But he had to admit it did help quench the dryness in his throat the tiniest fraction. Emmett had lost his mind though if he actually believed he could talk Rosalie into doing it too.

Jasper spent the rest of the afternoon strategizing the best use of the surrounding forest should Sam's pack attack once the baby was born. He bounced ideas off Jacob and Emmett while Rosalie, Esme, and Alice entertained Bella. Carlisle was busy upstairs preparing for the birth and changing Bella.

"Are you going to fight us over changing her?" Jasper asked without preamble. Jacob's eyes rounded at the question.

"You really think she'll make it through the birth to be changed?" Jacob whispered, discreetly glancing over at Bella.

"Yes. I've never met a more determined human," Jasper said firmly. He had to believe she'd survive this or he'd be upstairs trying to convince Carlisle that there was no need to wait. Today was just as good as tomorrow.

"You should talk to Sam then - before it happens," Jacob said, sadness dripping steadily from him like rain.

"You're technically chief, Jacob. It's actually your permission that we need," Jasper pointed out.

"I-I'm not," Jake said, shaking his head frantically. Jasper didn't understand why he fought so hard against his birthright. Hadn't he already embraced being alpha of a pack?

"You are," Jasper insisted. Resignation contorted the young chief's features. It was a burden, this responsibility, but it was one Jasper believed Jacob would grow into bearing. He may be an immature teenager just now, but Jasper had caught a few hints of the man he would one day become.

"Fine. Sure, sure. Change her," Jacob agreed moodily, surrendering to the pressure of his position.

"It won't be in violation of the treaty?" Jasper pressed, wanting the words said aloud in a binding oath that all in the house could bear witness to.

"No!" Jacob exclaimed, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Geez, just don't let her die," he said, resigning himself to Bella's inevitable fate.

"We'll do our best," Jasper vowed.

Alice flittered upstairs the moment the deal was struck. Jasper, like everyone supernatural in the room, listened as she spoke to Carlisle. Their eavesdropping both unavoidable and somewhat intentional.

"Bella has this notion," Alice began. Jasper could hear fond exasperation in her tone. He could picture Alice shaking her head over Bella's overly romantic ideas. "She wants Edward to be the one to change her because she believes that if it's his venom that does it, it's proof that he loved her enough to want to keep her forever," she explained.

"Well, Alice, unless you've been holding out on us and you know where he is, that can't happen," Carlisle said wearily.

"No. I don't know where he is. But I had an idea," Alice said, bubbling excitement making her voice tinkle like bells.

"An idea?" Carlisle said hesitantly.

"What if we all changed her? If each of our venom was in her… well, it wouldn't exactly make up for Edward, but then she'd know we all want her," Alice said in a rush, talking fast even for her.

"Alice," Jasper breathed, barely audible, but knowing she'd hear anyways. There was no way he'd be able to bite Bella and not lose control. Emmett looked ready to bound upstairs and protest too.

"No, Jazz, I know you can't actually bite her. Though I don't think you'd lose control, it's still better not to risk it since I can't see the outcome," Alice explained. Confusion surrounded him from his nearby family members, mimicking his own.

"I don't understand, Alice," Carlisle said, voicing the thought on everyone's mind.

"Syringes. What if we each put our venom in syringes to inject her with? We could get it to her heart quicker that way too," Alice said. Jasper glanced at Bella, helpless to stop himself. Jacob was pressed against her as she ate the fried chicken and eggs Esme had fixed her a few minutes ago. Jacob's eyes were locked on her chest where they could all hear the sluggish beating. There was no denying Alice's words. "Surely, you've all noticed how irregular it sounds. It might not hold on long enough with all the other traumas she'll be enduring if we don't do something like this," Alice said, elaborating on her idea.

"I've never heard… But then this is such a unique situation… Perhaps… " Carlisle muttered, frustrating everyone when he failed to vocalize his complete thoughts.

"Well?" Alice prompted, likely annoyed she'd couldn't see him ultimately agreeing.

"Yes, yes, I think that could work. We could… " Carlisle said, once more breaking off mid sentence. Jasper could hear his father moving around upstairs, opening and closing drawers. "Ah, yes. This should work."

"I'll go first," Alice volunteered.

"What gave you the idea to do this?" Carlisle asked.

There was a pause before Alice responded. Jasper assumed it was because she was extracting her venom. "I've been toying with the idea since Edward went to Italy. Bella asked me to change her if he refused or tried to back out later - which he was planning to do, by the way - but I'm just not sure I could do it. This was the only thing I came up with to keep my promise while maintaining control."

It was a good idea. If each of them gave Bella venom… that would be a significant amount coursing through her system. He, like Carlisle, had never heard of someone even getting bit more than once or twice. It was just too difficult not to lose control in the process.

The idea of having a role in changing Bella filled him with an indescribable emotion. For someone so good at detecting and dissecting others' emotions, sometimes it threw him how truly awful he was at understanding his own. All he knew was that it had a significance that he'd need to examine at length to fully comprehend. It was right in line with what he'd been feeling for her earlier.

He wondered how Bella would react to knowing each of them was willing to give her their venom, even Rosalie. Jasper was tempted to tell her what everyone was doing as each family member went upstairs, one by one, but this had been Alice's idea, so she should be the one to tell her.

At last it was his turn.

"I'll be right back, Bella. I need to see Carlisle for a moment," he explained as he carefully extracted his arm from behind her and hurried upstairs.

He wanted to do this quickly so he could return to her. The baby was restless and extremely uncomfortable tonight. Little guy wasn't so little anymore. Bella's beach ball midsection was proof enough of that fact.

"Thank you for negotiating with Jacob," Carlisle said when he handed Jasper a fresh syringe.

"It needed to be done. One less threat to worry about," Jasper said, sliding the needle into his mouth and against where his gums and teeth met. The needle wouldn't puncture his skin, but an abundance of venom seeped out, seeming to know it was needed. He slowly pulled the plunger, sucking the fiery, life-altering fluid into the shiny metal tube.

"You've done well preparing for all possibilities. We couldn't have done this without you," Carlisle continued, resting a comforting hand on Jasper's shoulder. Jasper was at least an inch taller than Carlisle, and not all that much younger, but just then he felt like his true son.

"You could," Jasper said, extracting the needle from his mouth, and shrugging the praise off. It made him uncomfortably flustered. He didn't know how to process it. "But I'm glad to help. I'll always protect this family," he added so Carlisle wouldn't doubt his devotion.

"Thank you, son," Carlisle said quietly. Jasper felt the hopeful hesitance that the endearment would not be taken amiss. Never had Carlisle addressed him as son. That term had always been reserved for Edward. Not that Carlisle didn't feel that way about Jasper. He'd always felt the emotion from his father, but he'd never said it outright before to him or even Emmett. Though Emmett was more of a momma's boy, and Esme called him son frequently - usually followed by some sort of reprimand.

Jasper opened his mouth to thank Carlisle, but Bella's loud, piercing scream broke the moment, shattering it irrevocably as a tsunami of agony slammed Jasper in the wake of the fading echoes that reverberated throughout the house.


	7. 7: Alice

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Parts of Bella's change and the baby's birth will be spread over four chapters since each person will have a different perspective and witnesses different parts of it (so there will be very little actual overlap), and it will cross over into part 2 of this story. The chapters will contain other significant events also, so please don't get annoyed when it's not all neatly wrapped up in one go.

Any dialogue you recognize is from Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 7 - Alice

"You need to get that thing out of her. Now," Jacob insisted, jabbing a finger at Bella's huddled form.

"No! It's too - soon," Bella hissed through gritted teeth, each word a grunted exhalation. "I need - to wait - another - two days."

For the first time in days Bella wasn't able to mask her pain. And Alice could see the effort Bella was putting into down playing it. It was a wasted effort. Whatever had happened inside her was significant. Her rapid heart rate and breathing made it impossible to ignore.

"Seriously? It's insanity to wait," Jacob said, looking from one person to the next in obvious frustration.

"It's Bella's decision," Carlisle murmured sadly as he sped down the stairs and knelt beside her. Carlisle had resigned himself to adhering to Bella's wishes rather than administering doctorly advice and treating her like any other patient at the hospital.

"The baby is worried. It was an accident," Jasper murmured, looking torn as he moved behind the sofa to stand near Bella. His hand hovered over her shoulder a moment then retracted. He was scared to touch her. Afraid even the lightest touch might inflict additional pain. "There just wasn't room when he shifted. He feels so guilty causing you pain."

"Hush, baby. I know. You're okay," Bella cooed, voice catching in pain even as she soothed the cause of her latest misery. "It's only another forty-eight hours - less than actually. I can make it," Bella gasped, pleading eyes locked on Carlisle. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it and went about checking her over.

Carlisle didn't bother moving Bella upstairs, just carefully lifted her shirt to the top of her belly, and began examining her on the sofa while everyone hovered around uselessly. He paused his exam only long enough for Bella to vomit blood into the bucket Rosalie held for her. Even Rose looked shaken. There was no way she could say this happened with human babies too.

Spasms racked Bella's withered frame, her muscles no longer obeying her as they contracted and relaxed randomly. Bella's lower back was one large stain of blackish-blue. The bruising was more extensive than any Alice had witnessed on her thus far. She was bleeding internally. The rest of her skin had taken on a clammy, bluish tint in the last few minutes.

Alice watched in silence along with her family. Since ending things officially with Jasper, she'd been much more on board about the pregnancy and the shifting dynamics. Esme and Rosalie had both tried to talk to her about what was going on. It was clear they'd already begun to suspect what was to come. But she'd refused to spill or confirm anything.

Bella and Jasper needed things to progress naturally without others' interference. Maybe just a little prodding from her. She wanted to see them together and happy. Waiting was hard. This… stasis period was annoying. Not to mention frustrating. The two people she loved so much deserved to experience what she'd seen in store for them.

Her conversation with Seth had helped too. A magical baby. A way to tie the family together and give them something precious to bond over. It really was a miracle. The baby was a breath of fresh air, breathing new life into her family. And until tonight, she'd really started to believe there was nothing to worry about anymore, despite the future's uncertainty.

Then this happened, and Bella was at risk of dying once more.

"She has lacerations to both her liver and her right kidney," Carlisle finally declared as he settled Bella gently back against the cushions. "It's possible that her intestines were damaged as well, though that does not appear to be the case. Bella, I'll need to monitor you closely to be certain since the baby is preventing me from doing some of the necessary tests."

"But those injuries are treatable," Jacob said, an edge of pleading in his statement. "Tell me you can treat her, doc."

"Ordinarily, yes. Given time and rest they can heal on their own if the damage isn't too severe. When it is, an operation is required. However, in Bella's case… "

"So I was right," Edward whispered. "It is killing her."

Alice, along with everyone else present turned to see the missing Cullen standing stone still at the edge of the room. Everyone had been so focused on Bella that Edward had entered the room unnoticed.

Alice took in her missing brother. Tortured. Agonized. Possibly deranged. That was the only way to describe him.

The dark circles beneath his black eyes made it clear he hadn't hunted since his honeymoon, and he was still wearing the rumpled clothes he'd gotten off the plane in. He was an utter mess.

"Edward," Bella breathed, her rapid heart racing alarmingly faster at the sight of him, "you came back." There was such hope on her face even as her hands moved to cover her belly.

Was she trying to keep Edward from seeing the evidence of his choices? Maybe spare him the shame that knowing he'd left her alone in this ordeal would surely cause? Alice wasn't sure what Bella was thinking. Her reactions were always so difficult to predict.

Edward's, on the other hand, weren't. His eyes had zeroed in on Bella's bulging stomach, far too large for only being a month or so along.

Alice closed her eyes against what she knew was coming, unable to bear witnessing it for herself. She hadn't seen it - Bella's condition prevented that, but still she knew how this encounter would go. Edward was not in a reasonable state at the moment.

"I've wanted to since the moment I left." Detached. Unfeeling. Edward's voice was cold and dead. An animated corpse.

Don't do this, Edward! Alice thought furiously at her brother, begging him to be rational and work through this with them.

Edward ignored her, not even glancing at her from the corner of his eye with their usual silent communication that only the two of them shared.

He was so scared. Scared of facing eternity in a world that Bella wasn't in. He was letting it rule him. That fear controlled him. He was letting it make him act like an ass.

"You're here now," Bella said like she was trying to convince herself that it was the only thing that mattered. The brittle edge to her words gave voice to the lie.

She was at least willing to forgive him, as she always did. If he said the right thing they'd eventually get past this. Her murky memories would help once she transitioned. Bella would forget the hurt she felt if she chose to. The way Alice had blocked out the horror of being locked in an asylum.

Edward didn't respond. Alice knew what he was doing. Listening to everyone's thoughts. Taking in all that he'd missed. Finding justifications to his fears. She was certain his focus would be on the damage the baby had done to Bella, not how Bella loved the child, and how she'd been doing so much better before this happened.

Before he spoke, Alice knew that Bella wouldn't be hearing the apology she craved. The one her soul longed for. Even without her sight she knew her brother well enough to predict the outcome. This whole night was turning into the aftermath of a tornado. A swift and violent storm that only left behind an unrecognizable path of chaotic destruction.

"Why haven't you done something? Are you really just going to let her die, Carlisle?" Edward demanded.

"This only just happened," Carlisle began placatingly.

"I'm fine, Edward."

"You have to get it out of her now," Edward said, glaring at Carlisle and ignoring Bella. "It's like me - nothing but a murderous monster!"

"Don't. You know nothing. You aren't seeing clearly," Bella denied, shaking her head. Her eyes strayed to Carlisle, and she repeated, "It's still too soon. I just have to hang on another couple days."

"Its ripping up your organs! No one can survive that," Edward screamed, sounding crazed. "Venom won't work if your heart stops first or if there's nothing left of your insides to change!"

"It's not his fault! You have to accept this. I won't sacrifice my child for myself," Bella said stubbornly. Her chalky complexion misting with sweat. The added strain from fighting was taking a visible toll.

"If you want a child, Bella, that's fine. You love Jacob. You can have as many kids with him as you want. I won't mind at all. You can even stay human to do it," Edward said, nodding as he spoke. Like he'd just made the most reasonable suggestion ever. Several people gasped, Alice included. She hadn't seen that one coming.

'Edward, how could you even suggest… ' Alice thought to her brother, but he ignored her. Again. Ugh! 'Edward! Don't do this!'

"I don't want his kids," Bella spat and Jacob retreated a step, limbs visibly shaking and fists clenched.

Alice wished he'd hadn't been here to witness her abhorrence to the idea of reproducing with him. Poor kid. She felt bad for him - even if he was all wrong for Bella and driving them all crazy with his hopeless pursuit.

"I want my child. This child," she yelled, rubbing a protective hand over her belly. "And I don't want to stay human - that's what you want. What you've always wanted," Bella accused. Her disgust at the idea at least seemed to be distracting her from the pain she was still no doubt in. "This is just another time you're trying to force me to give in to your wishes."

"I want you to survive. This thing is killing you! Don't you see that? Don't you understand? I can't survive without you!"

"I know it might kill me," Bella whispered, tears streaming down her face as she looked down at her hands cradling her enormous bump. It was the first time Alice had heard her acknowledge that she might not make it through this. The words terrified her. Bella had to survive. She had to! "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He'll need you though - if I die. But you're strong. You'll be all right. And you'll always have a piece of me," Bella said softly, offering Edward his consolation prize as her hands continued drifting lightly over where the baby rested nestled inside her.

Edward huffed, staggering back several steps. Alice winced. Edward was not going to react well to that. Her imagination conjured a vision of what would happen. Not with her gift, but from years of experience. It played out a quarter of a second before the real thing, making Alice feel like she had double vision while listening to an echo as her spot on prediction took place.

"If that - thing - kills you," Edward began, low and menacing. He looked every inch the vicious vampire of legends. "I swear I will kill it."

Everyone in the room looked to Bella, but Alice's eyes remained fixed on Edward. He looked like a fish, opening and closing his mouth uselessly, like he was attempting to inhale the words out of existence. But it was too late. The gauntlet had already been thrown.

"No!" Bella screamed. Jasper was beside her at once. Wrapping an arm around her and filling the room in suffocating clouds of tranquility. It barely took the edge off. "No, Edward. How can you -"

"Shh, we won't let him," Jasper murmured soothingly, pulling her closer.

Bella buried head face in Jasper's neck, sobbing despite his mood manipulation. Alice watched as Bella fisted Jazz's shirt, trying to get closer, to hide inside the one offering unconditional protection. He'd become Bella's safe place, her refuge.

So quickly he'd become her haven. As if he'd been fashioned for the role all along.

"Leave, Edward. Go to Denali. I'll contact you there," Carlisle said, moving to block Edward when he tried to approach the couple on the couch. "You're making this unnecessarily harder for her."

It was glaringly obvious that Edward regretted his rash words. His face had taken on the grimace of one being burned alive. But it was too late. His pyre had already been set ablaze with scorching flames. The final nail had just been driven home, sealing the coffin closed. Alice knew it. With that one declaration, the future was determined. Somehow this had just ensured that Bella's future was with Jasper, not Edward.

The die was cast.

There was nothing to do now except embrace it fully. Alice had been right to prepare things earlier when she first learned of the possibility.

"Carlisle," Edward begged, eyes still trained on Bella.

"No. I've never been so ashamed of you before, Edward. You're behaving like a spoiled child. I know you didn't mean it, but you can't say things like that. Go now," Carlisle declared, turning his back on Edward, dismissing him. "We'll speak about what has transpired here soon."

Edward fled. Jacob followed close behind, aggression boiling over as he ran after Edward. Fear of what might happen forced Alice to chase after the two equally immature fools that believed themselves in love with her sister.

Jacob was shoving Edward when she caught up to them. He'd caught Edward less than six miles from the house. Edward was fast. Far faster than Jacob, especially when the werewolf hadn't phased. Alice worried that Edward had let Jacob catch him. That he wanted this fight. That he welcomed the death sentence Jacob seemed ready and willing to dish out.

"Edward! Jacob! Stop this!" she cried, inserting herself between them. Jacob jerked back, unwilling to go through her to get to Edward. Her brother continued to stand there. He hadn't even been trying to defend himself.

"Where do you get off? First you take off, then you come back and start issuing threats -" Jake yelled, continuing his assault verbally. Anger was making him shake violently. His skin was practically rippling.

"You don't like the idea of this child any more than I do!"

"That's not the point," Jacob replied. A growl from nearby told Alice that Leah was here too. Thankfully she seemed content to watch. Her presence… well, more her mouth, would likely only make things worse.

"Jacob," Edward said warningly.

"No! You won. She picked you. Yet you still hurt her," Jacob continued, furious.

"I didn't know this would happen!" Edward yelled, dropping to his knees, his head falling forward. "You're right," he whispered, responding to some thought Jake must have had. Probably how all this was Edward's fault. He was always ready to take the blame onto himself, deserved or not. Though this time it was most assuredly deserved.

"Yeah? And what's your excuse for leaving? Huh?" Jacob demanded, his shaking more under control now.

"I couldn't face -"

"Coward," Jacob hissed, trying to provoke Edward.

"Jacob -" Alice chirped, reprimanding him. She did not want them coming to blows.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Edward denied, shoulders heaving as his body tried and failed to produce the tears he longed to shed. "I couldn't watch, knowing that I… "

"You're right. You are at fault. You should have forced the issue or at least stuck around to help her through this," Jake said.

"I offered her an alternative," Edward said, looking up at Jacob like it was his fault Bella hadn't taken him up on the offer.

"No. You threatened to kill her child then pimp her out to me like a common whore," Jacob said in disgust. Edward growled at the depiction of what had just happened.

Leah inched closer, grey hackles raised threateningly, a long, low growl escaping her sharp, clenched teeth. A string of drool dangled from her curled canine lips.

"Like you mind," Edward replied sourly.

Alice knew how jealous Edward still was over Bella and Jacob's closeness, and that Bella had willingly kissed Jake. He'd refused to acknowledge the hurt, choosing to let it fester instead. Those unspoken miscommunications were part of the problem now. Edward and Bella didn't have the open dialogue necessary to sustain a healthy, functional relationship. They were each so worried about keeping the other at the expense of their own feelings and insecurities that things ended up worse off instead of better.

"Actually I do. I know it's not what she wants. It's sick - twisted - and she knows it," Jacob said angrily, and Leah growled again.

"I just want what's best for her," Edward whispered, defeated.

"Why do you always have to think you know what's best for her? Why can't you trust her to know her own mind?" Alice asked, not understanding his motivation. "Why, Edward?"

"I've lived so much longer. I don't want her to make a mistake. I want her to be happy."

Edward's desire for Bella to be happy had her vision of Bella's first hunt flashing through her mind.

_Jasper's eyes widened as Bella ran her fingers over his chest, wonder on her face. Then, in an instant, their arms were locked around one another and their lips were sealed in a battle for dominance. It was a wild, animalistic kiss. Passion driving the dueling tongues and grasping hands._

Alice reigned in her thoughts as quickly as possible, not wanting Edward to see, then began translating last year's history textbook into Gaelic.

"Doesn't seem that way -" Jake started, but Edward cut him off.

"What was that?" Edward demanded, suddenly on his feet again. "Alice," he said, gripping her arms tightly as he stared at her, horrified. Her skin groaned and creaked beneath his hands. The sound of boulders shifting before an avalanche. She winced, ready to snap at him, but he immediately eased up and begged, "Tell me, please."

Alice hesitated for a fraction of a second, running through the pros and cons. Then she closed her eyes and replayed the very first vision she'd had of Jasper and Bella, letting Edward see it in full.

_Bella, eyes nearly the same golden as the rest of the Cullens' but with just a hint of yam orange lingering, was sitting gracefully on the porch steps. She was so still she could have been a statue carved from the most pristine marble and sheathed in denim and cotton._

"She's -" Edward said, inhaling sharply.

_Emmett and Rosalie were curled together on a porch swing, likely recently installed since there wasn't one outside just yet. Nearby, Esme was gardening. She appeared to be planting blue and purple irises, taking advantage of the rare sunny day. Alice was perched just above her on the railing, one leg dangling over and swinging gently. Esme reached to nudge her aside when it appeared Alice was distracted, likely lost in visions of the future, a wistful smile on her otherwise blank face._

_Then Jasper came bounding up the drive, moving with the speed and grace of a cheetah. He looked incandescently happy, happier than Alice had ever seen him. When he reached the assembled group he scooped Bella up, spinning around with her draped over his shoulder as he laughed freely._

_After setting Bella back down, he took his place beside her, looping an arm casually around her waist and tugging her closer with an ease and familiarity that spoke volumes in the silent vision._

"They… they're… " Edward started, struggling to process the scene or express himself. But he was locked in place, mind riveted on the scene Alice shared.

_Rosalie was smiling as she watched them, obviously approving and Emmett was saying something with his usual teasing grin, but Alice couldn't make it out with the way his head was turned. But it was something that had Bella burying her face in Jasper's neck and Rose elbowing her husband's side. For his part, Jasper leaned down to kiss Bella's temple before whispering something private that had her burrowing impossibly closer. The intimacy and affection between the pair was unmistakable._

Edward whimpered, head shaking like a wet dog riding itself of extra water. It shook harder, attempting to knock the image from his head. No amount of movement would successful dislodge it though.

_Suddenly Jasper stood, fluidly untangling himself from Bella and turning back towards the direction he'd come from with his arms opened wide and legs bent as though braced to catch something. Everyone else had stopped what they were doing as well; all eagerly looking towards what or who was coming._

'I'm sorry, Edward,' Alice thought.

"No," he denied, going still. The utterance of a broken man.

Jacob was watching them, face scrunched in annoyed confusion. Leah's hackles were no longer up, but she was still tensed and primed to pounce at a moment's notice should the situation change.

"It's because of you. I couldn't see. I didn't know. But it was always dependent on your decision. You've just ensured its inevitability," Alice explained. She wasn't trying to hurt him, but he needed to understand his actions had lead to this. It wasn't Bella or Jasper. They hadn't betrayed him. Edward had betrayed them.

"No," Edward breathed again, shaking his head the slightest bit again. Once more he was the burning man from the living room. Alice hating causing him this pain. He was her best friend and closest sibling. She loved him so much. But this was unavoidable.

"What? What did you see?" Jacob demanded, wanting to know what she'd shown Edward. Alice knew he was worried that it had been Bella's death, which honestly was still a possibility.

"Bella's future," Alice said sadly.

"She'd never want him. Not like that," Edward said, shaking his head hopelessly. He grabbed Alice's hands, silently begging her to tell him it was a lie. That she'd been wrong. That this wasn't happening.

"Him?" Jacob asked, voice cautiously hopeful. The two siblings ignored him.

"She will. You've let her down too many times. That's all she'll remember after the change," Alice verified. The pieces were coming together now, they fit like keys in a lock. The events undeniably linked. Dominoes waiting to fall, each action triggering the next.

The vision came quick. It was no more than a brief glimpse, but it was surprisingly clear considering Jacob and Leah's proximity.

_The family was packing up the house, silently moving from room to room as odds and ends were collected. Blank faces boxed up their possessions. Not one person looked happy. In fact, they looked like corpses or sculptures trudging through on autopilot._

_Bella and Edward were both missing. Rosalie was a shell. Pretty packaging for an empty vessel with haunted eyes. Emmett was carrying boxes from the house to load into the moving truck parked out front. It was nearly half full already._

Never before had Emmett willingly helped with the periodic moves. He more than any of them hated moving, and resisted the necessary change each time it happened. He'd always be running around distracting people or goofing off with the things others were trying to pack.

_Esme, instead of directing her troops and overseeing the entire process, was curled in a corner, crying over a picture. It was from Edward and Bella's wedding._

It didn't take much effort to figure out that Bella was dead. Probably Edward too. She hadn't been strong enough after all. There was no sign of the child, but Alice wouldn't have been able to see it regardless.

Alice hadn't seen a vision like this before. It was either unclear or blank, never certain death. What had triggered it now? And how had she seen it with Jacob standing just a few feet away? That didn't make sense, but she didn't have any answers just now.

"You mean if she even lives through it," Edward said hollowly.

"I think she will," Alice said carefully.

The latest vision had her second guessing herself and Edward knew it. He'd picked up on the errant thought. Along with the recognition that the vision hadn't been blurred or distorted in the least. Alice swallowed the sudden fear coating her mouth thicker than venom or blood.

"What are you talking about?" Jacob demanded, frustrated at being left out of the conversation. His fury momentarily forgotten.

"Why haven't you done something to stop it from happening?" Edward asked. He was glaring at her. Like it was her fault! Abruptly she was furious with him.

"How could I? You disappeared! You set this in motion! YOU!" she accused, no longer trying to spare his feelings.

"You could have -"

"Don't you dare blame me! I lost my husband because of you," Alice cried, her own pain over the situation stabbing her all over again, a mountain lion's claw shredding her immortal heart. "This is your fault, Edward. I've lost Jasper because you can't handle not being in control of every aspect of your relationship with Bella. Grow up and take some responsibility already."

"Bella and Jasper?" Jake said, understanding everything at once. The shaking began anew. Shutters racked his lethal frame. "I knew it. Un-freaking-believable!"

"Alice," Edward said, backtracking and continuing to ignore Jake. "Alice, I'm sorry. I'll fix this."

"It's too late," she said sadly. "They'll both be happier together than with us." It was the only thing she could think of to say that would get through to him. That would convince him not to interfere - the simple, undisguised truth.

_Jasper was laughing as he jumped from tree to tree, Bella chasing behind on the ground, smiling hugely. Then Jazz dropped from the tree, landing in a crouch. Bella pounced, tackling him to the mossy, leaf strewn ground. The two rolled through the underbrush, laughing so loud that the birds took flight._

_When they came to a stop, Bella was beneath Jasper. He stared down at her with unconcealed love and desire. Bella's arms looped purposefully behind his neck as she tugged his head down for a kiss just as Jasper's hand slid up Bella's thigh and disappeared beneath the hem of her muddy, ruined dress._

"I can't," Edward gasped, jerking away from Alice, and squeezing his head as if that alone had the power to block what he'd seen. He turned towards the house, determine to right his wrongs.

"No. You made your choice. Now you have to live with it," Alice said, blocking his path. Jacob was there too, though Alice doubting he was all right with Bella ending up with Jasper. More likely he just didn't want Edward with her or hurting her again - however unintentionally.

"You always said you'd step aside if she chose another. It's time you honored your word. Especially considering you've done such a shit job of doing it so far," Jacob said.

"Go to Denali, Edward. Like Carlisle said. Lick your wounds. We'll let you know the outcome," Alice said. "I love you, Edward," she added quietly, trying to soften the blow.

Then her brother was gone.

"Follow him. Make sure he doesn't try to double back," Jacob said, glancing at Leah and tilting his head in the direction Edward had just headed in. The small grey wolf turned to race after the fleeing vampire, blending into the forest before disappearing entirely among the shadows.

The hard part was over. Edward knew now. Hopefully that would be the worst of it.

The memory of Bella's death had Alice itching to return to the house. She took off immediately with Jacob running beside her. She knew he was anxious to ask questions, and was grateful when he managed to restrain himself. She really wasn't up to rehashing everything just now.

The smell of blood - Bella's blood - could be smelled more than a mile out. Alice gasped and heard Jacob make a similar noise of distress. Then they were off, both running full out for the house, dodging branches and leaping fallen logs in a blur. Alice beat the wolf - barely - and only because he hadn't phased.

They were halfway up the stairs when Rose exited Carlisle's office. She was cradling a newly bundled child as though it was the most precious thing in the world, and to her, it probably was. The baby laid quietly in her arms. Jasper was barely a half step behind them, hovering anxiously, ready to snatch the child away to safety should the need arise.

The baby turned its head at the sound of her and Jake's approach. Alice heard a thump behind her, but paid it no mind, breezing past the trio as she ascended the stairs, skipping two at a time to move faster, and into Carlisle's office.

It was a scene from a nightmare. It had to be. No horror film could accurately capture the gruesome tableau she walked in on. Not and still have it seem believable. Alice wished it was impossible to believe. She stopped breathing at once, terrified by the shear amount of gore covering every surface in her line of sight.

In the smallest fraction of a second, everything came into crystal clear focus. The harsh medical lights throwing the red into harsh relief against the previous light colors of the room. Carlisle was attempting to stem the flow of blood from Bella's midsection, but spurts kept spraying upward like a water fountain turning on. It was splattered across his chest and the nearby wall. A bright arch of dripping scarlet against the pristine white. Little drops trailed all the way down to elaborate on the new decorations.

Then there was the spreading pool of standing blood inching insistently across the hardwood floor. Another table was covered with bloody rags and had a bowl of red tinted liquid sitting atop. That must have been where the baby was cleaned.

Carlisle's desk, despite being pushed to the edge of the room, was in pieces, books and papers littered the floor. Another wall had an indent in the shape of a person. Though some of the drywall had cracked and broken, falling to leave a sizable hole. The pale debris looked as though it had been trampled mostly to dust. Part of that dust had mixed with Bella's spilled blood till it resembled burgundy sludge.

A smear of crimson stained Carlisle's alabaster chin too, a single smudged line. Alice notice the tips of his hair were red as well, almost as if he'd deliberately dipped it into the huge hole in Bella's body. Alice could actually see inside Bella. Were those her organs?

Carlisle's hands continued their efforts to staunch the bleeding even as he learned down to bite each of Bella's wrists. Just a quick pierce with his teeth. The quick nips not lasting more than a sixteenth of a second.

Meanwhile, Seth was at Bella's side. His hands were working feverishly over her chest as he administered chest compressions, pressing and relaxing in steady, rhythmic motions. It registered that he was performing CPR. He was forcing her heart to continue pumping and circulating the venom Carlisle was introducing into her system.

Bella was so still, limbs throw unnaturally askew. Her ghostly complexion making her look like a wax statue. With the amount of blood coating the room, Alice would be surprised to learn any even remained inside Bella's broken body. She'd been beat to hell. More black and blue than peach and cream.

"Her spine broke," Seth grunted, sensing Alice standing behind him. "But she's going to make it, Alice. We won't stop until we know it worked."

Affection and terror warred within her. Seth was trying to keep Bella alive, even if it meant helping her become a vampire, the very thing his instincts guided him to hunt and destroy. But Alice also knew it was only thanks to his efforts that Bella's heart was beating at all. Without him, her sister would already be lost to them. She'd been so utterly broken this night - emotionally and physically.

And her spine? Her spine was broken on top of everything else? No wonder she was twisted up more than a pretzel.

Alice wanted to demand answers. Bella had been fine not even thirty minutes ago. Sitting on the couch, recovering from the inadvertent injury, and preparing for her final days as a human. How in the world how things deteriorated so rapidly in the short span of time that Alice had been gone? How could things have fallen apart so quickly?

"Quickly, Alice, the syringes," Carlisle said. "Before it's too late." Alice realized his hands were unavailable. If he reached for the venom himself, Bella would bled out. What if she already had and their efforts were wasted?

Alice was at his side in an instant, grabbing the first two syringes of venom from the tables he'd placed them on less than two hours ago when she'd come to him with the suggestion. Had it really only been one hundred and three minutes?

"Move," she commanded Seth, using her only oxygen to voice the word and waving her fingers to knock his hands aside.

He anticipated her movements and had his hands clear just in time to avoid her blow. Seth took the opportunity to press his lips to Bella's, blowing deeply into her mouth. Once. Twice.

Alice plunged both needles deep into Bella's rising chest - straight into her heart. Seth's hands immediately returned to forcing her heart to beat the moment she'd finished depressing the plungers. He frantically worked to push the fresh venom through her heart and into Bella's arteries. The muscles of his arms strained with the effort, rippling and flexing with each huffed exhalation. His motions keeping pace with his own labored breathing.

Alice grabbed two more venom filled needles and injected them into either side of Bella's neck. The last two Alice inserted into Bella's groin. While Alice had used the prepared syringes, Carlisle had bitten each of Bella's legs and the creases of each elbow, all the while holding the gaping hole in her midsection closed - the hole that had been cut to extract the baby. It already seemed to be partially sealed shut. Carlisle must have licked the incision to use his venom in an attempt to bind the area.

Alice had never heard of anyone receiving so much venom before. She also doubted anyone had ever been this far gone before when a change was attempted.

Would it be enough? Would too much venom actually do more harm than good?

"Is it enough?" Seth panted, voicing her question aloud to Carlisle. He hadn't slowed or ceased administering compressions as he worked to save Alice's beloved sister. Sweat glistened, droplets sliding down his temples and neck to leave wet streaks behind, and made his white shirt stick to his muscled chest and back.

"I can't be sure. None of the others had endured such extensive injuries," Carlisle admitted.

Alice retreated as far as she dared before speaking. "Is her heart beating on its own?" Alice asked hesitantly, knowing it must for the change to happen.

Alice was relieved that all the venom circulating in Bella's body dulled the desire for her blood. She could speak and resist. Bella no longer tempted her as food. Alice was in control of herself. Her senses were confused enough that she was forced to swallow the copious venom that had pooled excessively in her mouth, however, thanks to the rich, cloying scent of the spilled blood thickly coating numerous surfaces in the room.

Carlisle met her eyes momentarily, then looked at Seth. Worry made her father look a decade older.

Slowly, so slowly, Carlisle instructed, "Stop, Seth. We need to check."

Seth looked to Alice, waiting for her nod of approval before he let his hands stop there ceaseless, life-saving motions. But his hands hovered, only an inch above Bella, ready to resume their efforts should they be needed.

Each person held their breath as they listened. Alice felt like crying when she heard it, a smile twisting her lips.

_Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub._

Alice saw it at the same moment.

_Bella was sheathed in the blue silk dress that Alice had always intended for her. She was laid out on the current table, now cleaned of all traces of the horrific birth and transition, with her gently curling mahogany hair cascading around her enhanced form. Still as a statue, not a muscle flickered in the ivory beauty. Jasper was standing beside the table, watching her closely. Then, without warning, she opened her bright, scarlet eyes for the first time. A single gasp escaped the newborn's lips._

Bella's heart was beating, strong and steady. They'd done it. They'd saved her. She was changing.

"She'll be exquisite," Alice informed the others.


	8. 8: Bella

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

I was so tempted to have Bella absolutely hating Edward in this chapter, but that seemed really out of character, so you'll just have to wait a bit to see why she'll be able to do an about face with him. I'm trying to keep her as in character as possible, even when it's annoying to do so. Don't worry, eventually she will let him have it, and Edward will still get a happy ending… eventually.

Any dialogue you recognize is from Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

Chapter 8 - Bella

At first there was nothing. No pain. No reality. No heartbreak. No complete destruction of the happy forever that had been just within Bella's reach.

When Edward first appeared in the room, Bella had been skeptical, yet cautiously hopeful. The instinct to shield her child should Edward say something cruel clicked into place, like the metallic shutters the Cullens used on their windows. Her weak arms had curled protectively around her belly to act as a physical barrier at the very least. Then Edward had opened his mouth and justified her fears.

Eternity passed as Bella watched the place Edward had vanished from. Minutes. Weeks. Years. She watched. Waiting. Maybe he'd come back. Maybe all the blood was making her hallucinate. She did have a history of Edward visions that weren't real, after all.

But if it had really been a vision, it would have played out differently.

She could almost picture him kneeling before her, holding her hands as he spoke the magical words she'd expected him to say to explain himself and repair the damage he'd inadvertently done to their relationship - their marriage. The marriage he'd wanted so badly she'd agreed to because she loved him enough to put aside her beliefs and ideals for the sake of his.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I never should have left. We'll get through this - together. We can make it through anything so long as we are together. I love you, and our baby. I will love you both forever."

Forever.

The very thing she wanted most. Forever with her family. Her baby. Edward. Forever.

Edward's perfect voice echoed in the silence. The words Bella longed for repeated over and over, before fading to nothing. The tender reassurance prompting her to easily forgive him for breaking his promise not to leave her again.

He still wanted her - her, Bella Swan. She was nothing special, but he'd still picked her. Of course she could forgive him for panicking and behaving rashly. He'd only done it because he was so worried about her. She understood. And he came back. That was all that mattered. No permanent harm had been done.

Bella blinked. The conjured Edward vanished even faster than the real one had fled. The memory of the wished for words, the opposite of the ones actually spoken crumbled to dust. They were incapable of holding up when examined in the light of day.

Then it hit - with all the force and subtlety of a high speed train. The universe had torn open, a black hole of agony waiting to suck her in, consume her so completely that not a trace of her would remain.

Edward was gone. Again. For the third time. He didn't love her. Maybe he never had. There was no other explanation that made sense. It hadn't happened at all like her fantasy. No. Instead, Edward had come in and tried to convince her to kill her child and sleep with Jake. Like it wouldn't matter who she had sex with. As if the act wasn't the special joining she'd viewed it as. Guess he really hadn't enjoyed being with her as much as she had with him.

Then he'd threatened to murder his child.

Only a heartless monster would ever say such a thing.

He'd warned her - repeatedly - that that's what he was. She'd never believed him. Until now.

In all the times Edward had demonstrated his high-handedness, and overbearing protective nature, Bella had been unable to stay mad at him. Not once. Always she could rationalize and excuse his behavior. This time was different. She could not be so forgiving when her baby's life was at stake. This time it was about more than just her. She would always put her child first now. Edward could not be given a pass after admitting he planned to kill her baby.

Maybe he'd been right all along with his assessment of himself.

No! No, she could not believe that. Edward just couldn't see himself properly. His perspective was skewed. He was letting his misguided ideas about a soul influence him. That must be driving his actions now too. He was punishing himself because he couldn't imagine deserving all that he was getting by becoming a father.

But what if she was wrong? What if she was giving him the benefit of the doubt just like she always did, and he tried to carry out his threat? What if she really did die and Edward tried to kill the baby in retaliation? Her innocent child whose only crime was to be strong like his father.

"Bella? Bella, talk to me," Jasper commanded. "Say something. Anything. Please, darlin'," he begged, cool hands moving to gently cradle her face.

Bella's mouth wouldn't work and her eyes wouldn't focus. Was she even trying? Bella couldn't tell. What was the point? It wasn't like talking would make this situation any less soul-crushing.

"Carlisle, do something," Rose demanded. Bella didn't know where Rosalie was or if it even mattered.

Suddenly the idea of staying in this house where Edward could find her, find her and her baby, absolutely terrified her. What if they delivered the baby and he came back to hurt it while she was changing? There'd be nothing she could do. Her baby would be helpless. He'd be at the nonexistent mercy of his father. The urge to flea, to find somewhere safer became her most pressing desire.

The next few moments happened in slow motion, the way all inevitable events seem to.

Bella lurched up from the couch, jerking free of Carlisle and Jasper, neither of which expected the move nor did they try to stop it. Expect Bella's stiff legs couldn't support her when they didn't move with her - at least not properly. They remained curled up on the couch as they'd been once Carlisle finished his earlier examination of her latest injury.

Teetering, Bella tipped, falling like a freshly cut tree. The two vampires both held their arms out to catch her, but she twisted, trying to see her uncooperative legs, confused about why they weren't working. Her altered body was even more uncooperative than she was used to.

Bella felt, more than heard, the strange ripping sensation in the center of her body. It was an unraveled thread getting tugged apart at the seam.

"Oh!" she gasped.

The world swayed, blurring and spotted with dancing flicks of black spots. Bella expected the sensation of falling to make her stomach pitch, but she couldn't really feel anything. None of her limbs were working.

A growl punctured the silence just as her perspective changed. Her supine body was floating upward. Bella's eyes rolled, and she had the impression she'd become a hot air balloon, her head filled with hot gas making her light enough to float higher and higher into the clouds.

Jasper's face came into view just above her, teeth bared at someone nearby. Light glistened and shattered off the gleaming surface of the sharp edged teeth. Little rainbows formed above her when it happened, but they were patchy from the dark spots. Full of holes like swiss cheese.

Bella's neck didn't cooperate when she tried to see who Jazz was growling at, but she heard the person respond. "I need to see what happened, Jasper," Carlisle insisted.

Bella's body jerked, the movement originating from inside her middle, making her body twist and contort like a sadistic marionette was pulling her strings. The wrenching inside her brought with it an explosion of pain.

Her midsection had just been t-boned by a bulldozer.

Fiery blasts of yellow, orange, and red bloomed across her eyes in a rioting starburst of burning agony, blocking her vision. It left a shimmering haze of red in its wake, like looking through iridescent gauze.

Several bones cracked - more ribs. The deep throbbing ache radiated outward and made breathing impossible. How can lungs expand when they have serrated knives piercing them? Had a stampede just paraded across her?

The lack of oxygen, the shock, was too much. Darkness crept in slowly. Bella shoved the inky void away, but it was insistent. She shoved it again, though less forcefully.

A heaviness that made it impossible to interpret her surroundings or the situation descended, unstoppable.

The darkness offered peace. It didn't hurt as much. Why was she trying to resist the blessed relief? She couldn't remember. Rest. A break from the pain. An escape from knowing Edward didn't want her enough to stay. Those were her only desires.

Then there was nothing. Nothing but an endless ebony sea. Nothing.

~

Bella snapped back to consciousness with a vengeance. She could not surrender to the peaceful oblivion. Not yet. She had to fight. Her child's life depended on her!

Time had lost meaning, but the crushing panicked energy of the people surrounding her made it clear that very little time had actually passed.

"The placenta detached. The child is suffocating." Bella knew that voice. Carlisle. What had he said? What was happening to her baby?

Bella opened her mouth, trying to speak, but no sound came out. Sheer terror that she couldn't demand answers or beg for help clamped down on her mouth, pressing the locked up words roughly against her tongue. Pain had effectively gagged her.

"Then get him out!" Rosalie screamed, louder than Bella could have. The command mirrored Bella's own most fervent wish.

Fear. It plagued her. This was all Edward's fault. She'd have been able to let Carlisle operate under safely controlled conditions if he hadn't come back and said what he had. That disastrous confrontation had triggered all of this. Bella fully believed that Carlisle would have been able to save both her and her baby if Edward had not initiated all of this. Now even her baby might die. This current danger was his fault.

"I've only just given her the morphine. It needs -"

"Get him OUT!" Bella cried past the congealed lump in her throat. The force of the words rocked her, fueled as they were by desperation. "He can't BREATHE! Do it NOW!"

Bella couldn't see anything. The pain wasn't registering either. Not anymore. Not even when her body flopped and writhed out of her control. All she knew was fear. Fear that they'd be too late. Why weren't they moving faster? Why hadn't they just ripped her apart already to save her innocent little boy? Why hadn't Carlisle shredded through her delicate skin wrapping to free the dying baby trapped within? Who cared if she was in pain - just save her baby!

She tried to repeat her her demand, to goad Carlisle into action, but again the words wouldn't come. Fresh blood had welled up her throat, fountaining into an artesian spring. The fluid leaked from her parted lips.

An impression of sucking on a mouthful of copper pennies came to her. Then she was choking on them. Choking on pennies and the coppery saliva - no, wait, it was blood filling her mouth. Blood that she couldn't swallow. She tried to use her tongue to shove the unwanted substance out, but the appendage was thick and sluggish. She coughed and choked, but more brackish blood was there to replace the small amount she managed to dislodge with her weak actions.

Bella continued gagging, unable to inhale the fresh air her aching lungs craved. She jerked, neck stretching to reach the oxygen her body cried out for. It was just out of reach. Something cold and immovable held her down, pinning her shoulders as her hips jerked crazily against the hard table.

Blackness lingered on the periphery again, but she stubbornly refused to let it advance. Her world was awash in red and black. No other colors existed.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Carlisle murmured. She didn't know why he was sorry. Was he refusing her? He couldn't! He'd agreed to save her child, to put the baby's life first. He had to!

"How can I help?" Seth asked, and Bella felt a muted warmth seep into her hand where a soft pressure gripped it.

"Help Rose hold her still," Carlisle instructed. "But keep her airway open."

Something warm and large shoved into her unresponsive mouth, wiggling and swiping quickly before retreating. She didn't even have time to gag when it happened again. Refreshing oxygen filled her starving lungs then, dulling the burning ache that had overtaken her. Gulping greedily, Bella downed more of the sweet air she'd been deprived of.

Bella blinked rapidly, trying to see the new figure that loomed over her head, his warm hands sliding under her shoulders to lift her, replacing the cold steel that had previously restrained her. The propped position made it easier to breath through the newly cleared airway.

Vague shapes and outlines, all dark but rimmed in a halo of red, came to Bella. She could just make out the fountain of blood spraying from her lower abdomen. It splattered the walls, thick and bright.

There was no pain. Nothing physical. Only panic for her child. And rage. Rage that Edward had endangered her baby. Her fury was icy hot, and sharper than a scalpel.

Suddenly Jasper was in the room, slamming into Rose. Groans and growls tore through the room, but they lacked context. Their movements were a blur that Bella's slow human mind couldn't keep up with. Then Jasper was yanking Rosalie's arms back so far Bella heard the grinding of granite rock breaking apart over the irregular roar of blood pounding in her ears like conch shells were permanently fixed over them.

Bella couldn't understand what was happening. No words escaped her filmy, bloody mouth to beg for an explanation. She didn't have the energy or the ability to form the sounds necessary to ask.

Then an even louder sound reverberated around the room. The sound of an ancient redwood splitting in half. The sound of a bomb detonating. The noise carried over the steady waves of blood throbbing in her ears. She didn't even have enough energy to be curious about the source of the sound. Only fear that it was Edward attacking someone she loved, trying to keep his promise - for once. The one time she didn't want him to.

Her heavy eyelids fell shut, refusing to stay open a moment longer. Numbness had set in. Her body was no longer being snapped apart as it was tortured. She was lost inside herself. Floating away on endless waves. Dragged haplessly along by the current. How was she supposed to keep her heart beating when she couldn't feel it or find it to force it to work? What a joke that idea had been. She was only human. A weak pitiful human. How was she supposed to accomplish something so impossible? If only Edward hadn't…

Blackness.

She didn't know how long it lasted, but some small part still encouraged her to fight against it. So she tried.

Her baby. The thought compelled her to try harder. Demanded that she succeed.

Bella knew that if she gave in now there would be no coming back. She fought her body, yelled at it for failing her. Her baby still needed her. She needed to know her baby was safe. Yet even that desire wasn't enough to force her eyes open again. Why couldn't she be stronger? Why couldn't she be as strong as a vampire or a werewolf? Indeed, why must she always be the useless, pathetic human? That had always been her problem though…

Warmth pressed against her mouth, and the dull ache in her chest eased. It repeated. Again. And again. The action prompted Bella to continue drawing in air on her own, desiring the relief the action provided, however fleeting. Awareness of even that much was fading quickly though.

"Seth, take the baby. I have to stop the bleeding if we have any hope of saving her," Carlisle said.

Bella's baby was safe. She'd done the most important thing - stayed alive long enough for her child. She could finally rest.

The warmth left her. In its place was an aching, bone-deep cold. It left her more numb and empty than ever. It was the cold of approaching death combined with the absence of her child.

"Bella, look. Come on - open those eyes and look at her. It's a girl - Renesmee," Seth coaxed. There was wonder in the request, a sort of tangible marveling. What? Her baby?

It was enough to do the impossible. To tempt Bella when her own will was not sufficient enough. The chance to see her daughter, her perfect baby girl. Renesmee, not CJ. Not the miniature Edward from her dreams. Of course it was a little girl. Why had she ever thought differently?

It was the little girl her mother had predicted she'd be able to give her hair comb to. Even if Bella wasn't around, her daughter would inherit the heirloom from her family. A momento she could keep forever. It was a nice thought. A welcome knowledge.

"Let me… " Bella begged, arms lifting up a fraction to reach for her precious child. She did not have the strength to hold them up for long, and before the child was placed within them, they fell limply to her sides. "Give her to me," she pleaded, eyes searching for the first glimpse of the child she'd just brought into the world. Her daughter.

Seth kept the child in his arms, knowing Bella lacked the strength. But he moved closer, hovering over her. Bella's eyes searched, blinking away the blood from broken capillaries for a proper look.

Then she was there. Lips, the color of pale pink rosebuds puckered slightly, almost frowning. Peach cheeks, flushed with the warmth of blood in her veins showed through the mess of childbirth. Chocolate brown eyes, identical to her own, looked around from dark, long-lashed almond shaped eyes. The perfect, unbelieveably beautiful baby's head was topped with thick, blood matted curls that would likely be copper once cleaned.

She didn't appear quite like a typical newborn. She looked older somehow, weeks old maybe. The differences weren't readily identifiable. It was too hard to tell. There was a flash of gleaming white in her mouth, but Bella didn't know what it was.

The little girl was twisting and wriggling, looking around as if startled. Renesmee took quick breaths, little pants as she silently searched her surroundings. Then her eyes met Bella's and stilled. Her breathing slowed too.

Bella and her daughter stared at one another for the briefest moment. It was long enough for Bella to understand the true depths of her heart. The well of her heart, her ability to love, was significantly, infinitely deeper than she'd ever guessed. A bond formed, unbreakable and unending, between herself and Renesmee.

Hatred for Edward swelled too, though it was pushed to the back of her mind in order to make room for the love she felt for her child. It was there though. She knew it was there, this undeniable hatred she felt for Edward. She hated him for threatening the perfect creature before her. Hated him for not being here, not witnessing the miracle that was the birth of their child. Hated him for doubting her ability to do this. Hated him for ever suggesting that there daughter could possibly be a monster.

"Renes… mee," Bella weakly moaned. The infant smiled. There was no other way to describe the way her lips curled. "So… beautiful."

Bella's eyes closed, only just managing to reopen. She didn't want to miss a moment of seeing her daughter.

"Give her to me. I've got it under control," Rose said softly, coming slowly into the room and approaching the table cautiously, hands raised before her.

Bella didn't want her baby to go anywhere. She wanted to be the one that got to hold her. But how could she if her arms wouldn't work?

"She does," Jasper confirmed, glancing at Carlisle.

"Carlisle needs your help. Give me the baby, Seth. I'll take care of her until Bella… "

Bella watched sadly as Rosalie easily lifted the child from Seth's arms, a feat she herself was unable to do. What if this was the last time she ever got the chance to see Renesmee? What if she wasn't there to protect her in the future?

"Jazz, prom… ise," Bella breathed, the words forced past her lips with the final dregs of her tattered will.

"I know. I will. Hang in there, Bella," Jasper said, moving close behind Rose. Though the pair flashed in the negative, a fading afterimage. "You'll see her again in a couple days," Jasper vowed.

Bella wished she could see him, take in the sight of her daughter's protector one last time, but all she could do was picture him in her mind standing guard over the innocent child, a noble knight. The honorable Confederate soldier dedicated to saving women and child.

Her eyes had stopped working. They no longer saw her daughter or her family.

Then she was aware of nothing.


	9. 9: Jasper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vampire's nature is so fixed, unchanging. What happens when unparalleled trust is placed in the face of the ultimate betrayal? Is it enough to alter the course of things, and what everyone thought they knew? A retelling of Breaking Dawn where Edward's reaction to Bella's pregnancy causes her to turn to Jasper for protection and find love in a very unlikely place.

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Any dialogue you recognize is from Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

 

~

 

Chapter 9 - Jasper

A deafening growl ripped from Jasper as his arms encircled Bella's falling form. Carlisle had been right there trying to catch her as well. Embarrassment immediately shot through Jasper for having allowed his instincts to control his reaction so completely. Yet they screamed at him even now to protect Bella from whatever was hurting her and the baby - even if that threat was Carlisle.

"I need to see what happened, Jasper," Carlisle insisted. He added more quietly than Bella's human ears could hear, "She needs to be examined. You heard - I need to know what that was so I can help them."

Jasper's instincts continued to roar at him not to let another touch the compromised woman in his arms. She was helpless. He had to keep her safe. She trusted him to keep her safe. It was his nature to listen and let his senses guide his actions. That instinct was the reason he was still alive after facing thousands of enemy vampires. Nearly all of whom were dead. Many, most actually, at his hands.

Bella went completely limp against him, her chest no longer rising and falling properly. Jasper looked to Carlisle, ready to demand he fix them, but Bella's body began twitching, jerking and thrashing like there were jumping beans trapped within her stomach. Jasper tightened his hold to keep her from falling as she flopped in his arms.

Blood from broken capillaries smeared across Bella's cornea. Her eyelids lowered as if trying to clear the obstructing fluid, but her eyes did not reopen. They remained closed. She was unconscious.

"Upstairs. Now!" Rosalie commanded. "We have to get the baby out immediately or they'll both die!" She and Carlisle were already on the stairs. Jasper raced up after them, Bella's contorting body cradled gently yet securely against his chest.

More bones broke in the single second it took him to reach Carlisle's office, snapping and popping, sounding like rice krispies in milk. Jasper didn't have his arms completely out from beneath Bella when Carlisle stabbed a needle into her hip.

"Morphine," Carlisle said quickly, hands raised placatingly when Jasper growled at him, unable to help his reaction to the unknown danger Jazz sensed from the action.

He felt feral at the moment, and it was only the knowledge that Carlisle was trying to spare Bella additional pain that allowed him to stand there and watch intently as Carlisle used a second needle to administer another dose of the numbing medication, this time into her arm, without interfering or attacking. His fists were balled and his jaw was clenched with the effort it took not to grab Carlisle or take a dangerous snap at him.

There was a row of needles, one more in a normal syringe, and six in the silver metallic tubes that Jasper recognized from when he'd extracted his venom on a tray beside the operating table he'd deposited Bella on. Rosalie was darting about the room turning on all the extra lights Carlisle had brought up earlier today in preparation for the delivery.

The delivery that shouldn't be happening yet. They'd spent the day prepping and preparing for it. There was a plan to make sure that it happened as safely as possible for both of them. Then Edward came in like a wrecking ball and left a path of devastation in his wake. How utterly predictable.

The harsh glare from the additional fluorescent lights left Bella with a sickly greenish pallor like some ghoul from a horror film. Her body was still twitching like a psychiatric patient undergoing shock therapy. Jasper didn't know how to help, but Carlisle and Rosalie seemed to have it under control, each moving about the other as they readied and assessed Bella. It took no more than three seconds to ready the room and the patient for what was to come.

Jasper focused on Bella's face, not wanting to witness the damage when Carlisle ripped Bella's shirt open to see her protruding stomach while also reaching for her neck to quickly take her pulse. Jazz let his fingers brush her cheek, willing her to stay strong for just a little bit longer. Soon enough it would be effortless for her to be strong. She just had to hold on long enough to make it through this.

Meanwhile, Rose moved to restain Bella's writhing, twisting frame. Her fingers curled like marble clamps around Bella's overly thin, skeletal shoulders rendering her upper body completely immobile even while her hips undulated erratically.

This was one instance where it would certainly be beneficial to be able to manipulate emotions, to keep everyone calm and in control. But Jasper's gift was unresponsive, too animalistic to access and use properly. He felt like a wild beast trapped in a snare, his insides thrashing about every bit as much as Bella's body physically was at this moment. As it was, he couldn't even properly process what the other's were feeling just now. It was all too much.

He was honed to handle strategic action and violence. Careful planning followed by strength, cunning, and brute force. Those skills were useless just now. Why had he never tried to learn anything medical from Carlisle? Oh, right. He lacked the necessary control that would have allowed him to learn the skills that could help Bella just now.

"Carlisle, stop wasting time," Rose commanded as she braced Bella's shoulders even more firmly against the operating table. "What happened? Will the baby be all right?"

"The placenta detached. The child is suffocating," Carlisle said, running a light hand over Bella's distended abdomen where the baby was desperately trying to escape.

"Then get him out!" Rosalie roared, releasing Bella long enough to shove a scalpel at Carlisle. "Or I will," she added when he didn't immediately take the instrument.

"I've only just given her the morphine. It needs -"

"Get him OUT!" Bella screamed, the strangled shriek unexpected. When had she returned to consciousness? How much pain must she be in? "He can't BREATHE! Do it NOW!"

Jasper retreated from the room, backing into the hall the moment Carlisle's hand closed around the sharpened surgical blade. He could not be so close with Bella's blood flowing freely. He was not that strong. Fear of losing his precarious composure outweighed his desire to watch the proceedings for himself, and be there to know what was happening.

On autopilot, Jasper moved to the top of the stairs, breathing the fresh - well, fresher - air. Seth was standing there, looking passed Jasper to the room they could both hear the others working furiously in.

Concern and fear billowed from the pup like clouds of cigar smoke, insufferably thick.

"Do they need help? The blood doesn't bother me. I could… " Seth offered hesitantly. Jasper hated his weakness right then, but was grateful another could do what he could not.

"Yes, go. Help them, Seth," Jasper encouraged, moving aside as the young wolf strode purposefully passed and into the death room.

Even saying those few words allowed the scent of Bella's blood to surround him and invade his senses. It was tainted with morphine, so it had successfully spread, but it still smelled sweeter than an ice wine or a chocolate souffle.

The feel of another's mindless bloodlust drifted out from the room. Jasper was at the open doorway without pausing to consider the dangers. He was consumed with the urge to protect the two that had placed such unbridled trust in him.

"No, Rose!" Carlisle yelled, scared and horrified.

Bella's body was flailing about, jumping and flopping. Each movement sent a fresh surge of blood passed Carlisle's remaining hand. The other was held up to stop Rosalie. He'd partially moved to shield Bella from Rosalie's attack, but his abandonment meant Bella was in danger of bleeding out.

All the while the baby was still suffocating.

Not daring to waste another moment analyzing the scene, Jasper moved to intercept his sister, slipping between Rosalie's advancement and Bella's unconscious, battered body. In an instant, Jasper used Rosalie's arm to flip her over his shoulder. She landed on Carlisle's desk in the corner of the room with enough force to crack the wood and scatter the papers resting atop it.

Rosalie launched herself forward again, springing off the splintered surface. The antique piece of furniture, one that Carlisle had owned and used for well over a century, protested the harsh abuse, creaking loudly as it came apart. It was no match against vampire strength. Chunks of wood came free under the pressure, falling to the floor among the disarrayed documents. The white sheets floated through the air like lazy snowflakes.

With one hand, he caught Rose by her throat in mid leap, gripping tightly. With the other, he snagged her arm. Then, with a brutal twist, he had her pinned to the wall, the tips of her toes barely brushing the ground, and preventing her from using it to propel herself forward again. Rosalie's head turned back towards Bella, and Jasper growled, low and threatening. He shoved her again, this time hard enough to leave a dent that perfectly outlined the shape of her body in the wall.

Plaster split. A long crevasse that ran all the way up to the ceiling. Bits of the ivory wall rained down. Esme was going to have conniptions when she saw the damage.

Rosalie's teeth snapped viciously, but she couldn't angle her head enough to catch hold of him. She wanted the blood, but Jasper had trained Rosalie to fight, seen her engage in combat multiple times. She was not giving her all. As lost as she was to the call of blood, it had not managed to completely enthrall her.

But she was definitely not in control either. Not completely. Not enough to stop herself from attacking should Jasper release her. That knowledge was enough to have his fingers squeezing Rose's throat tighter, an inherent threat.

Protect Bella and the baby. Those were the only thoughts running through Jasper's head. Somehow he was managing to ignore the siren call of Bella's blood. It hardly registered at all for the first time ever. He was lost to the need to protect above all else.

Rosalie's fingers clawed at his wrists, her long nails slipping, unable to find purchase several times before digging in painfully as she tried unsuccessfully to dislodge him. He'd heal as soon as she released him though. A few claw marks were nothing.

Her black eyes shifted once her talons were firmly in place, taking in Jasper's bared teeth, venom glistening like an oil slick in the unnatural light of the room. His sister shuttered, whimpering and cringing back into the wall, away from the danger he presented. Her hold relaxed in her attempts to escape. Fear of the pain he was capable of inflicting crept into the rational part of Rosalie's brain. She'd remembered what he was. Likely the sight of his scars had triggered her instinct to submit as a means of self-preservation.

"She's not breathing," Seth announced, an edge of panic sharpening the information. It cut deeper and easier than the scalpel Carlisle had used.

"Check her airway," Carlisle instructed calmly. He was busy trying to control the bleeding while also attempting to access the child trapped within. "Clear it, and breathe for her."

The interaction was enough to regain Rosalie's attention. Rusty copper bloomed like roses. The bloodlust swelled once more as she took in the pair working over Bella's mangled remains. Jasper glanced back to see it as well.

Seth's fingers were shoved as far down Bella's throat as they could reach, scooping the thick, congealing blood that blocked her ability to inhale the necessary oxygen required to keep her heart beating. Don't give up, he thought silently to Bella. Jasper could only barely hear the organ now, sluggish and strained, near to failing.

The sight of fresh blood set Rosalie off again. When she tensed, Jasper released her neck and spun her so that he could yank her arms behind her back, lifting enough that they groaned in protest. The sounds of rock creaking and grinding filled the room, a cacophony of noise that blended with those produced by Carlisle's teeth biting into the protective sac surrounding the baby.

The position they were in allowed the fighting pair to see the rivers of blood flowing from Bella's gaping midsection. The room was awash in gore, a virtual torture chamber straight out of the middle ages. It reminded him of the mindless slaughter he'd participated in during his days with Maria. Rose tensed once more to lunge at the buffet before her.

With the ease of decades of practice, Jasper slipped both of Rosalie's wrists into the palm of one hand, and used the other to send a blow to the side of her head, knocking it to the side, away from the sight of Bella laying so vulnerable only three feet away. His long arms encircled Rose's throat, securing her in a headlock before she'd had a chance to whip it back to face forward once more.

"Jasper, get Rose out of here - now!" Carlisle instructed.

It was all the prodding Jasper needed to start herding his sister out the door and upstairs - away from Bella and the open container of blood still sitting downstairs. He used his hold on her neck to guide her. Each wrangled step made it easier to haul the unprotesting blonde further away, and to flood her with calm. He bludgeoned her with it, battering her until it pierced the red craze gripping her.

Emmett and Esme were standing, still as statues as they listened to the events happening below. Esme's focus remained on her husband and the two he was trying to save, but Emmett tensed as though prepared to approach when Jasper lead Rose into the room.

"Is she -"

A quick shake of Jasper's head had Emmett halting. Jasper had the situation in hand.

He felt the moment Rose's bloodlust broke, only to be replaced with shame and horror. He could relate.

The moment she was in control again, he knew. His hold relaxed, and Rose turned her troubled eyes, no longer black with hunger, up to his, expecting censure or condemnation.

"I almost… "

Rosalie had always prided herself on her control and the fact it was nearly as good as Carlisle's. It was something she held over the others. But just now when it mattered the most, she'd lost it. Again, it was a realization Jasper could fully relate to.

"But you didn't," he said softly, offering the atonement she sought and needed.

A new sound filled the air. The flutter of a hummingbird's wings, only not a bird. A heart. A tiny, too fast beating heart. The child's heart. Short staccato pants could be heard as well. Tiny mouthfuls of oxygen to fill miniature lungs. Hope and love washed over Rosalie's face making her impossibly more beautiful. She was radiant, incandescent with adoration for the tiny life that had just come into the world.

"Seth, take the baby. I have to stop the bleeding if we have any hope of saving her," Carlisle said urgently. Only Carlisle could be heard moving about one floor down. Him and the baby. Bella's thrashing had finally ceased.

"Wow," Seth whispered, awed. "She's… " Seth trailed off. Jasper could feel his amazement drifting up through the floor.

She. Renesmee. His niece - more - she was more than that to him. Of course she was. She was everything. The little girl he vowed to protect above all else. The innocent he'd been entrusted with.

"Mm-hmm," Carlisle murmured, clearly distracted by his efforts to save Bella.

"She's perfect," Seth continued quietly, apparently still fixated on the child he held. "Sam was wrong. She's just a little baby."

"Jasper… " Rosalie breathed, turning to look back at the door he'd lead her through. He felt her desperation to get back to the child, to be the one caring for her right now. A quick assessment eased his fears a fraction. Rosalie's desire to be a mother trumped all other emotions.

"Do do hear that? They need us right now. That baby is alone in this world and her mother won't be able to care for her for days. Renesmee's father is gone, and we promised to look after the baby. Can you do this?"

"Yes. Yes," Rosalie said cautiously, though she was nodding eagerly.

"Jasper, are you certain?" Esme said, forehead creased. She too looked as if she wished to be downstairs though she didn't dare.

Jasper nodded to the door, and followed close behind Rosalie as they headed quickly back down.

"Renes… mee," Bella weakly moaned. "So… beautiful." Her voice was a breeze too weak to rustle a dandelion's fluff. Scratchy and raw, more emotion than sound.

Only two steps into the room, Rose was begging for the child, pleading with Seth to relinquish his hold on Renesmee as she slowly approached.

"Give her to me. I've got it under control," Rose said softly, hands raised before her to accept the precious wriggling child still coated in blood and vernix.

"Jasper, does she?" Carlisle asked quietly, not looking up from where he was crouched low trying to repair some of the internal damage the baby had done so that Bella would survive long enough to transition.

"She does," Jasper confirmed, watching Carlisle's nimble fingers racing against the clock.

"Carlisle needs your help. Give me the baby, Seth. I'll take care of her until Bella… " Rosalie said, plucking the child up with exquisite gentleness.

"Jazz, prom… ise," Bella breathed, a wealth of sentiment backing the two small words.

"I know. I will. Hang in there, Bella," Jasper said, moving closer behind Rose. "You'll see her again in a couple days," Jasper vowed as Bella's blood-clouded chocolate eyes closed. Possibly forever.

Reality hurt. Far more than it should. When had Bella burrowed so deeply into his heart? When had he reached the point where he would miss her if she were gone from this world?

His family was so good at shutting people out. Keeping a necessary distance. Immortality was a burden few could comprehend. Fewer still understood it was worse for the immortal. Forced to live on with only the shadow of memory. The pale imitation of the thing you most longed for.

What would it be like if Bella didn't pull through?

Bella's heart, already put through the ringer this last week or so, finally gave out. There was one last tired ga-lump then silence. Jasper waited, willing it to beat again, but it didn't. It had already endured the strain of ten lifetimes.

Bella hadn't beat the odds. She hadn't done the impossible. She was so unusual that Jasper had really started to believe her capable of overcoming anything. He'd been so certain…

Jasper's mouth opened to warn Carlisle, but Seth was already there, pushing down on Bella's chest. He settled into a consistent pace without being told. Would it be enough? How could it? Would he really never see or speak to Bella again? He'd only just started getting to know her. He wasn't ready for it to be over.

"We need to get Renesmee cleaned up," Rosalie said softly, hugging the infant closer to her chest and wiping the curious face and body with a damp cloth that had been left out on a nearby table along with other necessary supplies to look after the child in its first minutes.

Jasper hadn't even realized she'd started washing the child off. Given the fact that she was nearly done, it must have been as soon as she took the child from Seth. Jasper had been too caught up in Bella's fate to notice.

"Seth… " Jasper called, looking back and forth from Rosalie tending to the site of the cut umbilical cord, assessing her control, and Bella, where it was only thanks to Seth's efforts that her heart was reluctantly pushing blood through her body.

"I know, Jasper. I'll keep it beating - for however long I must," Seth promised, his arms moving steadily as he worked.

"Carlisle, don't stop until you're certain," Jasper commanded.

His father nodded, briefly meeting his eyes. "I won't."

Jasper wasn't sure if Carlisle understood what he'd meant. He'd been trying to say don't stop until he was certain Bella would make it, but Carlisle could have just as easily taken it to mean don't stop until you're certain she's dead. He was afraid to clarify, afraid Carlisle would only agree to the latter.

Jasper was unwilling to leave Bella. These last days had bound them irrevocably together. She was a part of him, and it felt like leaving an essential piece of his soul behind should he walk out the door just now. She was fighting for her life. He wanted to help. But what could he do?

How would he handle not being there for these final moments if she didn't pull through? He was terrified of never speaking to her again or exploring the new dynamic to their friendship. Things would be so different once she was one of them.

Then there was the baby to consider. The family was at its most vulnerable right now with Edward gone and several members distracted looking after Bella and the baby. It was the perfect time for Sam's pack to attack or for Edward to come back and do something drastic. He'd vowed to watch over Bella's little girl. It was imperative that he keep her safe from all things.

They needed to get to a more secure room, and away from this horror of blood and death. He didn't want this to leave an impression on the baby that was somehow already managing to support her head by herself and look around. Jasper felt Renesmee's overwhelmed and confused curiosity as she took in her surroundings.

"They've got this, Jasper. Help me look after Renesmee," Rose said, trying to make the impossible decision for him. She'd just finished wrapping a soft white blanket around the newborn and was moving towards the open door. They hadn't even been in Carlisle's office two whole minutes before she had the baby cleaned and settled.

Jasper was still warring with the decision when he heard two people approaching the house. Listening carefully, he detected Alice's light, loping run as she bound over the river on her way back. He didn't recognize the other person following close behind. The potential threat decided things for him. Renesmee needed him the most just then. He could actually do something to protect her.

Renesmee watched Jasper as he followed as close behind Rosalie as he could back to the hallway. Alice and her companion, he could tell it was Jacob now, had just entered the house. Renesmee's interest was snagged by the newcomers, and she turned her tiny head to investigate. Alice didn't spare them a glance as she raced past and into the room they'd just come from.

Jacob though… he'd momentarily frozen before his knees gave out and the floor rushed to meet the bones with a harsh knock. The jarring impact was louder than the sound of Seth administering compressions. It drown out all else.

Jasper had been ready to intercede, to attack Jacob if he behaved foolishly or brashly - as was his habit. But the staggering force of his emotional reaction when he saw Renesmee nearly sent Jasper to his knees as well.

Unmade. Jacob felt like a shapeless lump of unmolded clay. Just as quickly as he was undone, he was reformed, more whole and complete than he'd been previously. There had always been chunks of his person missing. Necessary, vital pieces that had made him come across as selfish and immature. Those missing pieces had been added now. He was suddenly a real boy, no longer Pinocchio.

Untethered. The world had shifted off its axis. Spinning, floating, spiraling. Up was down and down was up. There was no top or bottom to the planet. But just as quickly he was a meteor soaring through the air and crashing to Earth.

The intensity was enough to have Jasper taking a stunned step back.

Rosalie, having been so caught up in cooing at the baby, only noticed Jacob's prostrate form when Jasper retreated. She glanced back at Jasper for an explanation, though she was more annoyed with Jacob's presence than curious about why he was crouched on the floor before them.

"He imprinted," Jasper explained. "I can feel it. There was a bond that locked in place the moment he saw her."

"Gross," Rosalie said, lips twisted into a grimace. They all knew about imprinting and what it meant for the pair involved. Bella, Edward, and even Seth had explained it thoroughly. "She'll have better taste than to ever want him." Her words were dismissive, as though the matter was already settled. In her mind it probably was. From what Jasper felt though, it wouldn't be that simple.

Jacob's feelings were those of complete devotion, centered entirely on protecting and providing. Jasper had never detected such pure and undiluted love. There was nothing romantic about it, and it was still untarnished by life. The two had no shared experiences to influence the love one way or another. It was unlike anything Jasper had ever felt before, more powerful even than the bond that developed between vampire mates.

It was different also from what he'd sensed from the other wolves. They had baggage, history that impacted their relationships with their imprints. That would come for these two as well in time, probably partly impacted by Jacob's previous feelings for Bella. But for now it was love in its most perfect, pristine form.

"I'm not sure anyone would ever willingly turn away from something so intense. His devotion is absolute," Jasper said, still caught up in the swirl of new emotions he was reading. He wished he could tell Bella about it, but she was busy fighting for her very existence.

"As it should be," Rose said haughtily. "Just look at her. Have you ever seen a more perfect baby?"

Jasper took Renesmee in then, studying her features intently for the first time. Tiny, tight bronze ringlets crowned her head. She had Bella's eyes, the dark chocolate depths held every bit of the love and trust of her mother's. Her muted pink lips were Bella's too. The rest was all Edward, just softer, more delicate. She looked like a porcelain doll. Too perfect to be real.

"No," Jasper agreed, "I haven't."

Jake was still on the steps about a quarter of the way up. Too stunned to do more than stare at the baby. Rose began descending, Jasper just behind. Jacob didn't move. Rosalie just sniffed in disgust, nose wrinkled at the smell, as she walked past Jake's kneeling form and into the kitchen to prepare a bottle for the baby she held. Jake popped up like a jack in the box to follow behind, seeming not to even notice when his shoulder brushed Jasper's as he did. The two entered the kitchen, following after Renesmee like she was the pied piper.

Several minutes passed before Jacob looked around, only just coming to realize there were others present.

His eyes landed on Jasper, who had just happily realized something vitally important. "Why are you staring at me like that?" Jacob asked.

Jasper could just imagine the calculating look on his face.

"Because I just gained an army to help me protect Renesmee. It's perfect. She'll be the safest child on the planet," Jasper announced. Rose chuckled as the child in question finished the bottle of human blood that she was feeding her.

There were two wolf packs, and with the imprint in place, both would be duty bound to protect Renesmee should the need ever arise. The wolves were no laughing matter either. Jasper remembered watching them fight. Ten wolves would be a significant force to be reckoned with if it ever became necessary to fight to protect his charge.

"Of course she will. I'll kill anyone who tries to threaten her," Jacob said with such conviction Jasper knew they were on the same page when it came to Renesmee's safety. That had been easier than expected.

"If I don't beat you to them," Jazz challenged, smiling wickedly at the idea. Jacob returned the smile.

Before this, Jacob would of had a sarcastic or disparaging comment for Jasper. He'd have said or done something provoking or insulting. Now he joked and conversed with him like they were pack members. United by their shared desire to look after the youngest Cullen.

In the blink of an eye, a single glance to be precise, Jacob had grown up. He'd become a true alpha and leader.

The shared moment was interrupted by Rose's gasp as she tried, unsuccessfully, to burp the baby. Renesmee's hand was pressed tight to Rose's cheek, resisting.

"What? What is it?" Jake asked, rushing forward to hover before them. His fingers spasmed liked he was fighting the urge to snatch the baby away and check her for himself.

Jasper tested the others' emotions, searching for the cause of Rosalie's alarm. All he picked up was surprise from Rose, longing from Renesmee, and worry from Jake.

"She showed me Bella," Rosalie said, looking at Jasper to emphasize her words.

"How? Why?" Jacob demanded, a cross now between worried and confused. "What's she talking about, Jasper?"

Renesmee turned to see what Rosalie was looking at. When she caught sight of Jasper, he felt the newborn's recognition. She remembered him. Somehow she knew him. Joy and excitement unfurled in his direction, along with an eagerness to have him come to her.

He was helpless to deny the little one. Jasper approached slowly, and when he was right beside Jacob, Renesmee reached out to him. Jasper clasped the chubby little fist in his fingers, noting the warmth and firmness of the infant's skin. Her tiny fingers curled around one of his, her palm pressing flat to his skin. He saw the same flash of a destroyed Bella that Rosalie must have seen. There was a demand that came with the image, and he understood at once.

"She's gifted, Jacob. Like Alice and myself. She wants to know where her momma is," Jasper explained, not letting go of the hand that had wrapped snugly around his extended fingers.

It was at that moment that they heard Carlisle order, "Stop, Seth. We need to check."

Each of them waited for the verdict, listening intently to discover if Bella's heart would manage to beat on it's own. To see if she would survive the ordeal. Jasper knew Esme and Emmett were waiting just as impatiently upstairs, unwilling to risk losing control to come downstairs just yet when it meant having to walk past the room Bella currently occupied. The one filled with spilled blood. Pints of it covering a multitude of surfaces in crimson fluid.

Relief bloomed through the house like morning glories at dawn, coming at him from all directions when they heard it. Bella's heart was beating on its own. It sounded strong even. Powerful. Healthy. She was in transition. She would be one of them. Renesmee would not lose her mother this day. Jasper would not lose her.

"Your momma is upstairs. You'll have to wait a couple days to see her, but I know she wishes she was with you right now. Your Aunt Rose and I will stay with you while you wait," Jasper said, detecting Renesmee's impatience to have her question answered. He felt her sadness at his explanation and he wished he could eliminate it. He also picked up on Jacob's irritation, though he had to admire the wolf's restraint at not voicing it. To that end, he added, "Jacob too will stay with you. Always."

Rose was intrigued by the way he was speaking to Renesmee. He'd explain later. For now he was amazed by the comprehension he felt coming from the child. She honestly understood everything he was saying. He could practically feel the connections and conclusions she was drawing from what he said.

"Thanks," Jacob muttered, bumping his shoulder. Then Jake's attention was back on the baby who'd taken to assessing the large Quileute. She seemed to be sizing him up. "But she's okay? Nothing is wrong with her?" Jake asked, a fierce need to be reassured driving his questions.

Jasper got the impression that Jacob was afraid to touch Renesmee. He was close, but not touching. He wondered how much experience Jake had around babies. Perhaps he was simply afraid of hurting her given his size and strength. He'd have to get over his fears quickly given the curiosity he was provoking in Renesmee. She could see that he was different from the others, and she wanted to understand why and how.

"No, Jake. There's nothing wrong with her," Jasper said softly as the rest of his family began assembling downstairs. Minus Alice and Seth. Jasper could hear Alice moving about upstairs as she readied Bella, and cleaned the mess left behind from the birth and change while Seth was making use of one of the showers. "Carlisle will be able to tell us more though."

"Indeed," Carlisle agreed. Finally coming down himself. "Rose, do you mind?" he asked, nodding to Renesmee.

Rosalie reluctantly handed the little girl to her grandfather. Carlisle immediately began examining her. He checked her responses and took her measurements. Each test was quick and efficient. Yet his frown etched itself deeper and deeper with each carefully aligned measurement. Concern and surprise permeated the room as he managed to get Renesmee to understand what he needed from her so his results were as accurate as possible.

"Have you noticed anything unusual?" Carlisle asked, then added thoughtfully, "Aside from the teeth and diet of blood, of course." He must have missed their discovery of her gift while he'd been working on Bella.

"She's already grown since Seth first handed her to me," Rose acknowledged before Jasper could speak up. He'd thought so too, but Rose was in the best position to know for certain how Renesmee's size had already altered.

Renesmee's hand landed on Carlisle's cheek. "Oh," he said, nodding at Renesmee, "yes. You are gifted. It makes sense given her - your - parents." Renesmee's small head turned, searching for those parents. Jasper felt her happiness when she saw him, and he sent her the same emotion back. It made her smile broadly. "Hmm," Carlisle murmured, watching them with Renesmee's palm still pressed against him.

Jasper chuckled at the gathered assembly's frustration when Carlisle didn't elaborate.

"What can she do?" Emmett asked.

"She can show you her thoughts and images," Jasper explained.

"So she gets in your head?" Emmett asked, cocking his head a bit as he looked at the baby in question.

"Exactly," Carlisle agreed.

"I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm by it," Esme said softly.

"No," Emmett agreed, "I was thinking it's Eddie-boy in reverse," Emmett muttered softly, nodding as he made the connection. "Makes sense."

"If you're finished," Rose said, already reaching to scoop up the child. Renesmee immediately burrowed against her aunt, tucking her head neatly beneath Rose's chin. Satisfaction formed a thick, impermeable bubble around Rose.

"But you haven't explained anything," Jacob pointed out, brow wrinkled in concern. "What's going on?"

"She's still growing quickly - like the pregnancy. Much more quickly than a human child. I'm not sure what it means yet. I'll need time to collect data and predict a trend," Carlisle said placatingly.

"But… " Jacob said anxiously, looking around at the others.

"It's too soon to know anything. But she does seem healthy," Carlisle said. "At least there's that."

Jasper felt his helplessness. Carlisle was still coming down from the terror of nearly losing Bella, his beloved daughter. Now he was faced with the unknown of his grandchild. For someone used to having all the answers given his vast experience in this life, this was all unfamiliar territory right now.

"Can I hold her?" Jasper asked Rose quietly. So far he'd been content just watching her, guarding her from the edge of the room. But with every minute over the course of the last hour since Carlisle had begun examining Renesmee, he'd drifted closer until he was right in the thick of his family clustered around the newest, or rather youngest permanent member. Bella was soon to be the newest.

Rose's amusement came before her agreement. Then she had the small weight nestled in his arms. Renesmee stared up at him, fascinated. He was equally enthralled with her. Jazz let her feel his wonder and awe, offering his genuine emotions - nothing artificial - as he opened a secret part of himself up to the innocent he held.

Her life would not hold the horrors of his own. She would not be forced to fight for her very survival. She would not know the shame of realizing she was nothing but a pawn to be used and discarded at another's whim. He would do anything to ensure she only ever knew the peace and love that came with being a member of the Cullen family.

That bright smile made a reappearance when she felt his gift. Happiness flowed easily from her, and Jasper hugged the child closer in response, his love for her multiplying impossibly. It was infinite.

Renesmee's fingers sought his cheek, the warm pudgy digits pressing lightly against him. He saw images, accompanied by unmistakable emotions and thoughts as she tried to convey her question.

"Oh," Jasper said, awkwardly looking around, as if seeking help or guidance.

"What did she show you?" Jacob and Rose asked together, then glared at one another.

"Bella," he answered slowly. "Then myself. She's… trying to make a connection," he explained uncomfortably. He knew what Renesmee wanted to know, but he did not know how to go about explaining the situation to an infant - even if she was unusually intelligent.

"So?"

"She wants to know if you're her father," Carlisle said sadly. "I suspected she thought so earlier."

"Yes," Jasper agreed, still feeling troubled. Was that how he felt about the little girl in his arms? As if she was his…

"He loves you very much, Renesmee," Alice said clearly, sliding between the others to rest her hand on Renesmee's back comfortingly. Jasper hadn't even noticed her joining the family, he'd been so caught up with Renesmee.

Renesmee reached to touch Alice's cheek, and Jasper felt it - happiness. It was strong and true. Alice was happier than Jasper remembered her being since before Edward's wedding. Her joy was twined with mischief and anticipation. At the moment, Alice was more herself than ever. It made Jasper realize how much he missed her. Not as a lover, but as a friend.

"Yes," Alice confirmed, nodding to Renesmee and failing to hide a knowing smile.

"What did she show you?" Rosalie asked, wanting in on the secret. The others were equally intrigued.

"The future I saw weeks ago," Alice announced.

"Alice?" Jasper quierred.

He watched as her eyes glazed over in the familiar way they did when she was having a vision. Jasper was surprised she even could considering Jake and Renesmee were both in the room. They'd have to discuss that more later.

"I think it best to let it play out. It will happen eventually no matter what, but it'll go over better if I don't interfere," Alice announced once her eyes had refocused on her surrounding family. "Just know everything will work out."

"You are unbelievably annoying sometimes," Emmett complained, scowling and crossing his strong arms like a pouting child.

Jasper didn't bother commenting. He knew pushing Alice wouldn't change her mind. It would be a useless endeavor, so there was no point wasting the energy. Besides, he'd rather concentrate on the little girl in his arms. She'd been content to watch the family speaking, even if she didn't fully understand. But now that she realized she had his undivided attention again, she rested her hand on his cheek and showed him how much she'd enjoyed the human blood Rosalie have given her earlier.

A chuckle escaped him. Yes, human blood was rather good. He let her feel his appreciation for it too, slightly surprised the memories and emotions weren't triggering his thirst. Easing from the cluster of his family, he moved towards the kitchen. He'd watched Rose prepare a bottle earlier, and was fairly confident he could do it himself without screwing up. Something about Renesmee made it incredibly easy to focus and remain in control.

"I'm going to feed her," he explained when he felt everyone's interest in where he was headed.

Rose rolled her eyes, "I suppose it is your turn. Let me know if you need help."

"I call next," Jacob said over the last part of Rose's sentence. The two started arguing, but Jasper ignored them. Renesmee was hungry and she was getting impatient.

The two continued exchanging emotions as Jasper fed the baby. He'd never have believed how easy it would be to open himself up to another. He didn't shy away from letting Renesmee feel his love for her or his joy over her very existence.

Just as she was nodding off, Jasper whispered, "Sleep, Mae. I'll watch over you."

Mae. It had been his little sister's name. He'd forgotten so much about her. Only vague impressions of tending a skinned knee, tugging on braided pigtails, and teaching her to dance remained. The baby in his arms reminded him how much he'd loved his baby sister, and wished he had access to more of his murky memories.

The love he felt for the little girl trustingly sleeping in his arms was similar to the love he'd felt for his sister. Not quite the same, but close enough to revive his memories. And Ruh-nez-may was so close to the name Mae that the connection was there before he realized it.

Bella had been so proud of the name she'd come up with for her daughter. Now he felt a little anxious over her reaction when she learned he'd shortened it. Hopefully she'd understand the significance of the nickname. Perhaps he'd even get her blessing to use it regularly.

Esme entered the kitchen, moving to prepare some food for the wolves, but she paused a moment beside him. Jasper looked up, expecting to find her focused on the baby he held, but was surprised to find her watching him instead.

She laid a hand on his cheek and let him feel her love and pride. The emotions were endless, and given without restraint or conditions - the way only a mother can do for her child. She didn't say a word, not needing to voice everything she let him feel. He knew this was her way of acknowledging his part in saving Bella and Mae.

Jazz covered her hand with his, smiling and letting her feel his love for her. Esme's lips stretched, the sides tipping upward. After a minute she returned to preparing several racks of BBQ ribs and baked potatoes.

 

~

 

"She's still growing too fast," Jake said worriedly, scooping Mae up once Carlisle had completed his examination. Rose hissed, but let it be.

"It's slowed down at least," Em said reassuringly.

"Yes, but… I'm not looking forward to discussing this with Bella when she wakes," Carlisle said wearily.

Carlisle and Esme had spent the morning at the cottage preparing a room for Renesmee. The moment he'd returned, he'd begun checking the baby over again. Already she was visibly older. She looked at least a month old - not less than two days.

"And you don't know when that will be?" Jake inquired, looking to Alice.

Jacob wasn't asking because he was anxious about seeing Bella again or because he missed her. His interest in Bella had vanished entirely. No, he was worried about how she'd take learning about his imprinting on Renesmee. Jasper, given his experience with newborns, had a feeling she'd flip then get over it just as quickly. Newborns were renowned for their rapidly changing temperaments and mood swings. And Bella was always quick to forgive Jake, regardless of the situation.

"Not exactly. I can't see when with you here," Alice said.

"There have been a couple times now that you've been able to see despite them being here," Jazz pointed out, remembering how she'd seen Bella surviving the change once Seth had stopped giving her CPR and the wolf had still been with her. And that hadn't been the only time.

"Were the visions anything in particular?" Esme asked, sliding an arm around Alice's shoulder.

"No… well… " Alice said, pausing to think. A little crease formed in her brow. "They were all things I really wanted to know. Not just random decisions the family made. They were… well, I guess they were all major events."

"Perhaps that is the answer then," Carlisle said simply, nodding.

"That makes sense," Alice said slowly, starting to nod.

"I don't get it, doc," Jacob said, laughing lightly. Jasper could feel Jake's bafflement. His lips twitched as he fought a smile. Years of familiarity with Alice's sight and the inner workings of it made it easy for him to follow their line of thinking. It was amusing to realize it wasn't the same for the others. "Break it down for us mere mortals."

"Your presence acts as a barrier for the mundane. The minor, inconsequential decisions are blocked. But if it is important enough, nothing will prevent Alice from being able to see it. Her gift is quite powerful," Carlisle explained.

"That makes sense, but it doesn't explain why I can't see the wolves," Alice complained, face scrunched up in dislike.

"Or Nessie," Jacob added. He was stubbornly holding onto his personal nickname for Renesmee despite the rest of the family and Seth taking to calling her Mae ever since they'd overheard him calling her that.

"Maybe it does," Seth interjected.

"How so?" Alice demanded, frustrated that someone else figured it out before her. And since it was a wolf, she couldn't see the answer beforehand.

"You said we're barriers, Carlisle," Seth said, looking a little uncertain. Probably hoping no one would laugh at his hypothesis. He concluded, "We're only barriers because she isn't one of us."

"You mean because she isn't a wolf?" Jasper said, realizing what he'd meant.

"She's powerful - like you said. But there are always limitations on power. For Alice, she can only foretell things about what she knows and has experienced. She's only ever been human then a vampire, so that's the extent of what she can see," Seth said, elaborating on his thoughts.

It was a logical conclusion. More so than anyone else had come up with. For a minute, no one said anything, each mulling the idea over.

"Well that's inconvenient!" Alice huffed, throwing her hands up.

"Looks like you lot have to stick around then," Emmett said, chuckling. "Alice always has an unfair advantage. It'd be nice to have things be a bit more even."

"Traitor," Alice hissed. Her genuine displeasure was tempered by anticipation. Interesting.

Jasper momentarily considering teasing her as well. But Mae was sleeping peacefully, and now was probably the last chance he'd get to steal her from Rose and Jake's ongoing battle of who got to hold her while she was awake.

Jasper approached Rose, and was pleasantly surprised when she handed the baby over without complaint.

 

~

 

Bella's heart rate had picked up. Soon it would stop altogether. Only a few more minutes now.

He'd been with her for a while now, talking to her, attempting to distract her from the pain and calm her fears. No one had done that for him, but he remembered wishing someone had cared enough not just to sit with him, but to try and help in whatever small way was possible.

He was still disappointed his gift had no impact on relieving her pain, but perhaps she'd remember the things he'd said as well as the unique way of conversing they'd been engaged in for the last six hours or so.

"I noticed you redecorated our room," he said, noticing Alice still bouncing in the doorway after reassuring Bella, excitement gushing forth like a tidal wave.

At first she didn't speak. For several minutes she just stood and watched Bella much like he was. "It wouldn't be right for us to continue sharing," she said simply, shrugging. As she came closer, she added, "I called Jay."

"Why?" Jasper asked, though he had a feeling he already knew.

"The divorce papers are ready to sign," Alice said, lightly touching his shoulder. "I know it's just a formality, but it seemed like the right thing to do. To make it official, and to give us some closure."

"If you're certain," Jasper said, watching Bella. He felt the tendrils of intrigue she released over hearing this information. It had been nearly ten minutes since she last reacted in a way that let him know she was aware of her surroundings. Then it had been a finger twitch, an increase of pain, and panic over Edward returning.

"I am." No hesitation. None. She was actually excited if he had to guess. He was unsettled by how all right he felt with the idea of officially divorcing Alice. Marriage had never been overly important to him, he'd done the ceremony for her sake. But he wasn't sad as he'd expected to be now that it was truly over.

"And my things?" Jasper asked.

He'd gone in to change a couple hours ago only to find their shared room now belonging solely to Alice. The only belongings of his left was a single change of clothes, likely left in anticipation of that very moment.

"At the cottage," Alice said carefully.

"And the reason you moved everything there?"

Was Bella still going to be using the cottage? Jasper had assumed that it was to give her and Edward a separate space so the newlyweds could have some privacy since they'd probably be having sex all the time those first few years after her change. Edward wouldn't want others' thoughts distracting him during that. At least Jasper hoped he wouldn't. Not that it mattered anymore. The likelihood of Bella and Edward ever having sex again seemed highly unlikely. Nonexistent even.

"You'll be staying with Bella and Mae - to help protect them," Alice explained.

"From?" He didn't want to ask if he needed to protect Mae from Bella. She'd be a newborn and Mae had a heartbeat. He wished his thoughts hadn't turned in that direction first, but it would be foolish not to expect at least some trouble.

"Bella doesn't know how to fight, and Mae sleeps. She'll need help when not at the house," Alice said, brushing a hand over Bella's brow. That didn't explain why Bella would even still be using the cottage. Perhaps heartache over Edward would cause her to seek out isolation and distance from the family. It seemed unlikely, but Jasper could think of no other explanation. "Don't you want to help them?" Alice asked, cutting into his speculative analysis.

"Of course I do. But why don't they just stay at the main house where we can all help?"

Alice's eyes glazed over, testing the idea. Her unease was thick as molasses, sticking uncomfortably long before she'd returned to the present.

"That would be a little uncomfortable," she said primly, lips clamped tightly shut to form a thin line.

"Alice… "

She laughed at his frustration, amused that she alone knew what to expect. He use to find it an endearing quality. Now he though Emmett might be right in calling her annoying. She stuck her tongue out at him as though she'd read his thoughts.

Bella's heart picked up, racing headlong to its final beat, trying to fit a lifetime's worth into the span of a few minutes.

"You're going to need to be the one that takes Bella on her first hunt," Alice informed him.

Jasper nodded. Alice had already hinted at it and he'd expected that given the fact he had the most experience managing newborns and helping them harness control. He'd been tasked with the care of over four thousand - crosser to five - during his time with Maria.

Alice's sudden burst of delight snared his attention.

"Why do you find the idea of Bella's first hunt so amusing?"

"I can see her future again," Alice reminded him even as her eyes took on the glazed look he'd seen so many times he'd lost count.

"And?"

"She's nothing you've ever seen before," Alice said vaguely. When she caught his expression, she rolled her eyes, adding, "And she's going to absolutely blow your mind."

"I've seen my fair share of newborns," Jasper remarked dryly.

"Exactly."

"You aren't going to share any more are you?"

Alice reached for his hand, clasping it between both of hers. "Trust yourself. It's all real," she breathed, squeezing his fingers meaningfully.

"What is?"

"You won't do anything wrong," Alice said, hedging. She avoided questions and prompts with the expertise of a dodgeball player.

"Alice!"

She gasped. Bella's back had arched over a foot off the table, and her fingers had closed to tightly clenched fists.

"It's time," Alice chimed, jumping up and down once, and clapping excitedly.

 

~

 

This is the end of Part 1: Enigma.


	10. 10: Bella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vampire's nature is so fixed, unchanging. What happens when unparalleled trust is placed in the face of the ultimate betrayal? Is it enough to alter the course of things, and what everyone thought they knew? A retelling of Breaking Dawn where Edward's reaction to Bella's pregnancy causes her to turn to Jasper for protection and find love in a very unlikely place.

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

I don't think I pulled anything directly from the book, but just in case - any dialogue you recognize is from Twilight, New Moon or Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

~

Part 2: Awakening

Falling in love with you was never my intention. But it became my addiction.

Anonymous

~

Chapter 10 - Bella

Awareness came at Bella with a vengeance. It was her punishment for wanting to become a vampire. Her selfish desire to be part of this life now meant that she had to endure the suffering of changing tenfold. There was no way her family had undergone such agony and remained functional. No one could endure the fires of hell and come out unscathed.

Surely that was where she was - hell. Flickering red flames danced across her useless eyelids, shrouding everything. They no longer worked, singed and burned as they'd been in the first moments.

Her body was nothing more than a withered husk. Bella idly wondered if her family was even now disposing of the useless, charred remains. There was no way she was coming back from such significant and extensive ruination.

The black abyss that had been her temporary sanctuary was out of reach. Bella searched for it, clawed and scratched her way there, dragging her mangled corpse behind, but the path back to the peace of nothing was nowhere to be found. She was blindly circling the elusive relief, stumbling through the dense forest without a compass, sun, or stars to guide her.

Fiery branding irons were drug slowly across her skin leaving trails of sizzling, blackened and burnt flesh in their wake. The dead tissue seemed to curl and flake off, revealing brand new skin ripe and ready for torment.

She'd thought she knew what to expect since she'd experienced James's bite - how utterly laughable. A mosquito bit. An irritant rash gone before it'd been properly scratched raw. That had been nothing. Nothing!

Her new reality was infinitely worse. And it had only just begun. Three days? She wasn't going to be able to hold out three more minutes!

There was no way of knowing how long she'd been numb to the pain before it had begun registering. No way of knowing how long of a reprieve she'd been granted. It hadn't been long enough. That was the only truth she was sure of.

Edward had tried to warn her about the pain. He'd said - No! He was the reason things had gone wrong. She would not think about him. Bella forcefully shoved all thoughts of him aside. Anything and everything that could potentially remind her of him was unwelcome.

That was rather difficult though, seeing as he'd come to be the center of her world. Almost from the first moment she saw him. She'd loved him before ever getting to know him. Everything she did and felt had involved him in some way. It was all based on her desperate desire to be with him. She'd let herself become so dependent on Edward that there was next to nothing left of her that was separate.

For a moment Bella forgot her own name. Then it happened again. And again. Long stretches of endless pain punctuated with moments of impossible lucidity where she recalled that this had been something she'd actively sought. Then her mind would rebel, desperate to escape the reality of her inflicting such torment on herself.

That was why this was happening? Right? She'd asked for it… A bargain of some sort…

Her mind was unable to cope with the events that had lead her here. It was too disorienting. But perhaps something important had happened… That sounded right. Didn't it?

Bella couldn't recall, though she wanted to. Some instinctive need for survival hinted that if she knew, it would help her hold on, because she could feel herself slipping.

Slipping away.

Slipping from the family she loved. Charlie, her father. Carlisle, her adoptive father - the one she'd be granted eternity with if she could just hang on.

Edward left her. He didn't want her. Without him, was there a reason she should even try to hold on? What was the point if she wasn't with him in the end? She wished she'd never met him. Without him, she wouldn't be suffering now.

He was at the center of this pain. She'd been holding on to him, for him. But now she had no reason to continue. He'd made that perfectly clear.

Her fingers loosened. Reality wavered. A sweaty grip not sufficient enough to grasp and cling to the only hold preventing her from plummeting to her ultimate, final death.

Blackness threatened. A black hole that beckoned temptingly. She'd wanted that, yet now she could see that if her tenuous grip on reality eased even a fraction more, she'd be lost forever. Her survival was still uncertain. She wanted to live. Bella hadn't fought this hard and this long to give up now. Someone still needed her even if Edward didn't.

Someone… Who?

She couldn't remember. There was a gaping emptiness where the knowledge should be. It was cold, dark, foreign.

Bella just had to hold on. Now she fought against the enclosing blackness. She'd have to try remembering again later. For now, she was a drowning person flailing for the surface, reaching for the precious oxygen that was so close, yet so far. Survival was her first priority. She had to hold on. Just hold on.

That had been her recent life, from what she could recall. Holding on. Chasing after the supernatural people in her life. Her friends… Jacob! Yes, she remembered her best friend. Jacob.

Jacob's smile and warmth - a warmth that seemed frozen compared to the flames currently slicing her from the inside out, flicking like a thousand tiny whips - usually made her happy. Jacob, for all his pushy and immature, thoughtless comments, never saw Bella as weak. Certainly not weak enough to give up right now. He was her friend. Her protector when she'd had no one else.

Why had she had no one else though? The knowledge was so close. She reached… and reached… searching. Pain erupted. A volcano exploding, releasing a pyroclastic flow. It bombarded her, steamrolling at four hundred miles per hour.

Edward had abandoned her in a forest after telling her she wasn't good enough for him.

No! She didn't want to remember that.

Think of Jacob. Her best friend. Hold on to that memory.

No matter how many times she had hurt Jacob, he kept coming back. Stubbornly trying to love her, though he shouldn't. She'd never love him back. Not romantically at least. She'd tried, but that essential spark just wasn't substantial enough to last. He would only ever be her best friend. And he was there for her when Edward abandoned her. He helped her survive the worst pain she'd known up to that point.

No. She couldn't think of how much Edward had hurt her. The idea of her physical pain competing with her emotional pain was too much to contemplate. It would surely consume her.

Thoughts raced through Bella's mind as she frantically searched for something positive to focus on, something that would help her hold on.

Then there was Alice. Her sister. Bella was going to be like her. Alice had seen it. All along she'd been convinced this would one day happen. Not that he'd wanted it to happen. He'd never wanted her -

No. Focus on Alice, Bella reminded herself. They'd have forever together. Though that might be difficult now if Edward -

Bella again cut the thought off with the sharpest mental scissors she possessed. She would not think of him. She could not. Not if she had any hope of coming through the fire she was finding more and more tempting to surrender to.

There had been one other time in her life that was full of pain and heartache where she'd had to teach herself not to let her mind wander where it would. She'd had plenty of practice not thinking about the one that hurt her - repeatedly.

Cutting the thought off also meant surrendering her mind. Her identity, so entwined with the one she longer to forget, meant forgetting herself. The memory of who she was disappeared. Her identity vanished.

She plunged into the crucible, surrendering to the fires intent on melting and forging her anew.

~

She came back slowly. Thoughts aside from pain gradually formed. Her mind became clearer. The feel of her heart pounding was a physical presence her senses were all too aware of. Was that normal?

There was something… Something about a promise to keep that heart beating. She concentrated on it, counting the beats and reassuring herself that she was continuing to keep the promise. It was important somehow, tied as it was to… What? A person? An event?

Her sharpening mind spun in useless, frantic circles. Blindfolded. Alone in the dark. Illiterate in the most elaborate and extensive library on the planet.

She was a detective without any clues or leads.

All the while there was pain. Blistering, searing heat scalding her. On and on it went.

That important something, the one tying her to life, still refused to come to mind. Try as she might, she could not recall the one thing she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt would give her the strength to survive this.

Just as she located the place in her brain that the memory was stored, she lost sight of it. It slipped away like water through grasping fingers. The creases forming gaping holes that let the liquid pass right through.

She forgot her own name again. Forgot where she was from. Who she loved. Where she was. Everything.

Only pain remained. The searing of being roasted on a spit over a bed of hot coals. The agony of spikes from an iron maiden slowly piercing her everywhere at once. The shock of a thousand bolts of lightning hitting her over and over.

The raging heat smothered her, scorching every inch of her charred body. A heavy, relentless weight pinned her in place making it impossible to move or scream. Internally, she burned, twisting in the flames, screaming herself hoarse. Externally, she lay immobile and silent, offering no clues to the anguish she experienced.

Then a face came to her. Loose, honey blond curls and golden eyes. Strong, broad shoulders. He was safety personified. There was relief from the sensations she was experiencing. He grounded her, centered her. Made it easier to compartmentalize the pain and breathe through it. She clung to the image and emotion, gripped the diamond hard cables connecting the two of them with her fingers, squeezed so tight she'd never be able to release her hold - not that she could ever imagine wanting to. Who was he?

Bella. She was Bella and the face belonged to Jasper. They'd never been close before. Edward - No! Edward was pain and betrayal. The thought stopped dead in its tracks, and her mind returned to Jasper, focusing on him as a distraction from the pain. Jasper was strength and faith. The two so undeniably different.

It was only recently that Bella had started getting to know Jasper. He was helping her with something. The important something that she needed to remember. Even now he was keeping his promise to her. His promise to…

Renesmee.

Her baby. The phantom presence had been the memory of her little nudger. Her perfect, beautiful little girl. The one she'd fought for. She had to keep fighting. For her. To return to her. To survive for her. Soon, though not soon enough, she'd get to see her daughter again. If only she could endure her current agony.

Her baby girl had smiled at her. She'd known Bella was her momma. Jasper had told her how much her daughter loved her. Had Renesmee seen and felt Bella's love for her in those too short moments when they met?

The raging fires amped up, fed by a constant fresh supply of fuel until the heat reached a new high. The ultimate pinnacle. It was harder to focus, sweat beaded and evaporated before it had a chance to slide over her skin and offer cooling relief.

If only she had more memories of Renesmee to occupy her mind and distract her from her ceaseless torment!

Memories…

Memories were difficult when all of her most important involved Edward, and she did not want to remember him. Just thinking about him hurt worse than the pain of being burned alive.

There was something she needed to remember. Her own name, her identity fled once more when a lash of flame whipped her, leaving a searing, scalding lick of pain lancing through her. It was impossible to concentrate through it.

Wasn't a person not supposed to feel pain with a third degree burn - the one that went all the way through skin and down to the muscle? Something about damaged and destroyed sensory receptors… So why could she still feel everything? There was no way her burning had remained superficial!

~

Time passed, and she counted breathes - hers and the others in the house. She could keep track of all of it, each individual person. Her head was so large now. The distractions helped. With each breath she took, she attempted to push the pain to the back of her mind and try once more to remember who she was.

It came slowly. Her awareness of self.

A memory triggered her knowing. She was Bella. Her daughter was Renesmee. Her love for the child was an indelible brand on her heart. Jasper would protect her - with Rose's help. Alice, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle would help him too.

"If I don't make it - just hear me out - if I don't, please listen - Jasper, promise me that you'll always look after him."

"Him?"

"Just a hunch. Will you?"

"Even if the child is more like you than Edward? More human… you'd trust me with his safety? Even knowing my history, knowing how many I've killed, knowing I'm dangerous? Even knowing that I once tried to kill you, and would have if the family hadn't stopped me?"

"Always. I will always trust you with him. You'd do a better job than anyone else."

"Then I swear he'll always have it. Forever."

Her baby was safe. Jasper had promised. Vowed it even. He always kept his word. He was honorable like that - unlike Edward. A southern gentleman to his core. She was right to trust him with her child's safety. He wouldn't let her down. Edward would not be able to hurt her baby before she was able to protect her herself.

But Bella had been wrong about one thing. It hadn't been a him. No, it was Renesmee. Her perfect daughter.

How could she have forgotten her for even a moment?

Alice hadn't remembered anything from before her change, and the others had all said it was very hard to remember anything. Except Rose. She'd wanted to remember. She'd loved her life, and was unwilling to let go of it, despite the agony eating away at her as she longer to still be part of that former life.

Rose had confessed to replaying the events that lead to her change over and over while her body transitioned. It allowed her to retain more from her human life. Significantly more than any of the others had. Bella had always privately thought that that stubbornness played a significant role in Rose's discontent and resentfulness about what she'd lost when becoming a vampire.

It wasn't the same for Bella though. She wasn't giving up anything she couldn't live without. Rather she was gaining everything she wanted. Her memories wouldn't inspire feelings of loss and bitterness. Instead, they were the stepping stones leading her on the path to eternal happiness. So Bella didn't want to forget her human life either. She wanted to keep those memories long after all of the people she'd loved had died, their bones disintegrated to nothing but ash and the writing on their tombstones had weathered smooth.

All of her memories - except the ones of Edward. She didn't want Rose's issues. She didn't want to live with regret or heartache or be the zombie she'd been after the first time he'd left her. Bella didn't want to remember the one that hurt her. The one that left a hole in her heart that she doubted could ever be filled. If she forgot him, she'd wake up whole after changing. A shiny new penny. It would be a fresh start, like hitting a reset button.

Bella was already so far in that it was hard to call up some events, but she started with her parents. There were unwanted trips to Forks to visit her dad that ended up with Bella reading while he watched a sports game more often than not. Planting vegetables that would never grow in a dusty, desert garden with her mom. Fishing trips spent playing with a set of dark-haired twins - their names eluded her, already burned away. Adventures in painting and cooking with her erratic mother. A rock climbing escapade when she was ten that ended with her mom rushing her to the hospital. A sub-par dinner at the lodge with her dad after graduating high school.

Once every memory she could conjure had been cemented into her altering brain, she did the same for her new parents. Carlisle stitching her up and discussing his views on the eternal soul during her last birthday. Talking to Esme while she made brunch the first time Bella had ever stayed over. Getting Carlisle's first-hand help for a paper on the War of 1812 since he'd come to America only a few years before it began. Esme supporting Bella's decision to have Renesmee even though it went against Carlisle's wishes.

All the while the heat burning her to cinders turned up. It steadily, relentlessly increased.

Except when it doubled.

She knew the moment the damage to her spine had been repaired. Bones, tendons, cartilage, ligaments, and nerves altered by the venom became whole once more allowing pain signals from her legs to reach her brain - how wonderful.

The torture, once concentrated only in her upper body, was suddenly everywhere. This trial to test her worthiness to become a vampire had turned more sadistic than ever. The definition of pain was being constantly redefined.

She would not last. She was unworthy. Only an insane person would ever willingly choose to go through this! No wonder the Cullens had always thought her decisions odd.

New levels hell. She'd definitely descended to all new levels. Wasn't the ninth circle supposed to be covered in ice? Surely she'd descended far even to reach the depths Dante had described. Bella longed for it. The cool relief of that icy plain must be close. She couldn't take much more.

Broken bones - arms, legs and ribs - lacerations, skull fractures, drowning. Bella had experienced it all. But none of it compared. Even the hollow, aching emptiness that followed Edward's leaving -

Nothing. She forgot herself again. A rope tying her past to present was severed so abruptly that she fell, plummeting into the blazing, violent chasm of her burning body.

Her hands reached and scrambled to find purchase. Searching to snag hold of some minute detail that would save her and steer her back, away from the endless pain and towards her awaiting future. Embers scattered as she crashed, surrounding her, dancing merrily like flickering fireflies as she was consumed.

The blistering fire in her chest blazed hotter, centered at her heart. It reverberated through her with the echoing power of a lion's roar.

Hotter. Hotter. Hotter still.

The infinite inferno burned.

She would not survive this. No one could. If only -

"Jazz, prom… is."

"I know. I will. Hang in there, Bella. You'll see her again in a couple days."

Renesmee. Her baby. She was Bella, and Jasper was protecting Renesmee through this change. She had to hang onto that memory. She would survive this - for her daughter's sake.

The moment her jaw unclenched, she clamped it shut and ground her teeth, wishing for the vanished gag. The morphine was gone, its oppressive weight dissipating. The knowledge that she could finally scream, beg for help, plead for death if she chose was not welcome. Rosalie had already warned it wouldn't do any good, that there was no point to screeching and hollering.

More than that, though, was the realization that her innocent baby was somewhere in the house. It would be traumatizing for her to hear her mother's endless screaming. And it was certain to be just that - endless. Bella knew that if she started, her throat would be raw, her vocal cords strained beyond repair if she started because there would be no stopping once the first cry passed her lips. Bella would not put Renesmee through that. She would remain in control.

Renesmee was the most important thing in her life. She remembered all of the precious few moments she'd spent with her. The tiny life she'd carried and longed to demand be returned to her.

Bella wanted to remember everything paramount in her life. That's what she'd been doing before she'd lost herself - remembering.

There were people important to her that she needed to think about, friends from school, the pack, and most importantly, her new family. The memories were dredged up from the depths of her barely lucid mind. There were fewer than before and it was noticeably more difficult to recall clearly. Impressions. That's all they really were at this point. Vague impressions that had already been sandblasted and weathered so thoroughly that the majority of details were missing.

Still she tried anyways.

There was Alice forcing Bella to let her paint her toenails. Emmett teasing her when she tripped on the stairs. Rosalie caring for her through her pregnancy. Jasper telling her she was worth it after his family finalized plans to protect her, uprooting their lives to do so. Jacob teaching her to ride a motorcycle then taking her to the hospital when she banged her head open. Addressing envelopes with Angela just before graduation. Sitting around a bonfire surrounded by giant Quileutes as their tribal legends were shared. Alice returning to Forks, worried that she'd find Bella dead. Jasper telling her about the guilt he felt over the humans he'd killed.

On and on. Faster and faster. More and more memories flooded her brain, crystallizing into the new impenetrable structure.

All thoughts of Edward were immediately shut down followed by a quick reprimand. He represented pain and the constricting prevention of all of her dreams and everything she held dear. She did not want to remember him or lose herself as he always seemed to make her do.

It made remembering her new family more challenging. Things were taken out of context, skewed until they made little sense. Especially considering how hard it already was to remember anything at all. But Bella was satisfied with how much she felt certain she'd managed to hold onto. Even if they turned out dim and murky, she'd recall the love she felt for these people.

~

More time passed. Ages. Eons. Millenia. Decades. It had no meaning and she had no way to tell how much.

Without the morphine she knew she could move, but knew that doing so would be a very bad idea. She had to resist. If she moved even a fraction, her fragile composure would be obliterated. She'd fall to pieces.

She longed for the blackness she'd first fought against, the promise of empty oblivion, but it was far too late for that. She was too far in.

All the while, her mind continued expanding. It shifted and grew, allowing her more room to process information. It was easier than ever to think even as it became harder to remember. Soon there was infinite space inside her head. Enough room to feel the agony of changing on a whole new level - in surround sound, technicolor, the works - and take in more of what was happening in the house. Sounds were louder, clearer. Scents stronger, more distinct.

Someone downstairs was eating a ham and cheese omelet while someone in the next room was aimlessly flipping through channels on the television, only waiting two seconds before moving on to the next.

The new information lingered too, catalogued in a database to remain forever accessible. It would take no effort to recall either, even a century - or ten - from now. Her mind wanted to take in all it could. Anything to distract her.

Distractions… Someone had once told her how easily vampires were distracted. It was no wonder given how much she could take in and separate out into their most basic components. Who'd said that? Had it been Edward that first told her?

Edward… he was another Cullen. Right? He'd been important to her, somehow… Hadn't he?

She'd already shied away from remembering Edward for so long it was nearly impossible to drag up any memories at all when she tried. To determine if it had been him to mention distractions or not. Only a few things he'd ever said came to mind with genuine clarity.

"It's like me - nothing but a murderous monster!"

The person she didn't want to remember was a monster? Why did she even know him then? Why was he a part of her life?

Frustrated and confused, Bella tried to make sense of another thing she remembered Edward saying.

"If that - thing - kills you, I swear I will kill it."

Somehow she knew he was referring to Renesmee. Her child… and his. He'd said such an awful thing about his daughter?

Wait… That was the father of her child? Why had she ever been with him to have a child in the first place? It didn't make sense. Bella tried and failed to remember the circumstances that lead to Renesmee's conception. Those details were completely lost to her, an empty vacuum where memories should be. She'd have to settle for asking Alice or Jasper once she managed to survive her current misery.

The only other information she could remember about him was the pain he inflicted from his many broken promises.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

In Phoenix he'd promised to stay. She remembered his saying, "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me."

But he didn't.

She'd begged, "Don't leave me."

He'd promised, "I won't."

"You… don't… want me?" she'd asked upon learned the family planned to move from Forks.

And he'd replied, "No."

He'd been up front with her. It was her fault for forcing the issue when he'd already told her how he felt. No wonder it was so easy for him to keep leaving. She shouldn't be surprised that he regretted Renesmee if that was how he felt.

Bella might not understand how Renesmee came to exist given what she remembered, but it made sense that he didn't want to be part of her life. Somehow that was all right. He didn't have to. Bella didn't need him. There was so much else to look forward to. Others she loved that also loved her. The future would still be glorious!

New steps entered the room, strong and deliberate. They approached her side, moving to stand beside her head. Bella heard the slow even breathes and… a hummingbird's wings? No that wasn't right. The sound was too wet. It thumped and sloshed almost like it was - it was a heartbeat! A very, very fast heartbeat. Was that how they all sounded? How distracting school must be to hear that all the time!

Fingers smoothed across her forehead, sliding down to cup her cheek. Instinctively, Bella knew they belonged to a vampire, but they were soft and there wasn't even a hint of coolness to the touch. Already she was becoming like the person gently touching her.

The new presence made it easier to concentrate on her surroundings instead of the raging flames. It was still there. Still excruciating. But no longer the sole, or even primary, focus of her existence.

Another, lighter, set of footsteps approached. The new person nearly skipped as they came into the room only to stop two feet to the right of the first person. Bella was amazed with the sheer amount of detail she could detect without once opening her eyes.

The hand cradling her cheek retracted quickly, as though afraid of getting caught with her. Instantly, Bella missed the tender touch. The contrast between it and the pain of burning was too enormous to quantify.

"Should she be in here?" Alice's tinkling, bell voice asked. The musical quality was crystal clear. Bella could hear individual notes and melodies within it for the first time. The lighter steps must have belonged to Alice.

"She's asleep." Jasper. That was Jasper's deep tenor. The southern drawl more pronounced now that she was hyper aware of her surroundings. His voice was a soothing balm on the fire ant stinging buzzing through her. "Besides, if Bella hasn't screamed yet, she's not going to. Such control - I've never seen the like."

"It'll carry over into her new life," Alice said knowingly.

"You think so?"

"I've seen it. Don't you remember what I said about her first hunt?"

"No. You haven't mentioned it yet," Jasper said gently, almost as if he was trying to avoid hurting her feelings as he carefully reminded Alice that just because she'd seen herself sharing, didn't mean she actually had.

"That's right. I decided I didn't want to spoil the surprise just yet," Alice chimed, laughter and delight shining through.

"I wonder if it's the morphine's influence or just her?" Jasper pondered, letting the mention of Bella's first hunt drop.

Internally, Bella raged. She wanted to know what would happen on her first hunt! Who cares about why she wasn't screaming her head off? Bella already knew the answer to that question, so it held little interest to her as far as conversations went. Why would Alice even mention her hunting though if it wasn't important? Why wasn't Jasper demanding an explanation on her behalf? Were they actively trying to drive her insane? Didn't they understand she needed the diversion?

"It's been suggested that Jane and Alec's gifts manifested as they did because of how they viewed the change. Their impressions and desires shaped the skills they developed. The morphine may be doing the same for Bella," Carlisle's voice sounded. Bella could tell he was speaking from downstairs.

He always weighed in on intellectual debates among the family. It was a small detail Bella was glad she remembered about her new father. It brought to mind the discussion of Renesmee potentially being similar to Jacob in her chromosomal count a few days ago. The thought of Renesmee centered her, diverting her mind from the pain.

Then there was the notion that she may be gifted. How extraordinary that would be! Proof that she belonged in this life. Vindication for her persistence that she should be made one of them.

"The morphine… " Alice began, a question implicit in the mention.

"I don't think it worked. I still felt - she's suffering every bit as much as we did," Jasper said.

Bella felt a hand rest on her arm. Again, the pressure was there, but there was no noticeable cooless. How strange. She longed for the numbing relief the touch should have brought. How impossible. Honestly, everything should feel cool compared to the heat she was inflamed in. Perhaps the venom's fire was so extreme it obliterated the very memory of cold and made it impossible for anything to ever feel cool again.

"It's all gone now. But she hasn't… " Alice said, coming closer. Bella could actually hear the displaced air the movement caused along with the rustle of fabric - silk sliding against cotton only to catch slightly as the skirt swished.

"She's strong," Jasper said. Bella felt immeasurable pride at hearing him praise her for a quality no one else had ever believed she possessed before.

"She will be," Alice agreed.

"She already is," Jasper clarified. "Look at all she's faced, and never once flinched." There was a long pause after Jasper spoke. His words pierced Bella's soul. She'd never seen it herself, but she trusted Jazz, and liked that he viewed her that way. He was once again telling her she was worth it. That she was worthy. "I think it's safe to assume she is willing herself not to react to the venom. Much like you did, Carlisle."

"Remarkable. I had to - if I wanted to survive. She is doing it by choice. Perhaps she really will be yet another gifted family member, and her choices now will be the determining factor in what she can do," Carlisle said.

"If that's the case, I will be very interested in the outcome. Others likely will be too," Jazz warned.

"I haven't seen anything in particular, but that's hardly surprising given she doesn't know herself yet," Alice said.

"We'll know soon enough," Carlisle said.

"Only six more hours," Alice confirmed.

Six? It was fewer than she'd thought, but more than she felt confident facing. At least she now knew the amount was finite. It was a small mercy.

"Yes. It won't be too much longer. Hang in there, Bella. You're doing wonderful. Renesmee is right here waiting for you. Hang in there for her sake," Jasper encouraged. The hand on her arm exerted the slightest pressure. Bella felt determination well within her, surging through her clenched muscles. "Hmmm. Good, keep it up."

"Do you remember how awful this part is?" Alice asked.

"Yes. So confusing and painful," Jasper said, increasing the pressure on her arm. Footsteps approached, heavy and… energetic.

"Can you lessen it with your gift?" Emmett asked hopefully from six and a half feet away. Bella guessed he was still in the doorway. "Or do something to help her?"

"No. I've tried before, and I tried on Bella when I first came in yesterday. It doesn't work against the burn of changing."

"Do you think she can hear us?" Emmett asked.

"Probably," Jasper said meaningfully. "Her emotions are clearer now than they were an hour ago, and she reacted when I mentioned Mae."

Mae? Jazz hadn't mentioned anyone named Mae.

"You should talk to her. Distract her. Remind her what's waiting for her after," Alice suggested.

Bella heard the light retreating steps, along with Emmett's heavier, bouncing ones, and the closer steady breaths. They were easier to focus on than anything else. She started counting them, using them to measure the passing time. How many times would a person breathe in six hours? Six thousand or so? More? She was at fifty-six when he spoke, and the words were even easier to concentrate on than his breathing had been.

"You did so well. I doubt anyone could have done a better job," Jasper began, leaning close to whisper in her ear almost shyly, as though confessing a secret. "She's here. I'm holding her now - your reason to keep fighting. Mae is sleeping -"

There was that name again. Who was he talking about? Bella wanted to hear about her daughter, not Mae. Why would she care about someone she'd never met? Though the mystery was rather engrossing. A wonderful enigma.

"You're… curious. I almost missed it masked in with the pain, but I've gotten so much better at reading you." Yes, yes. That was all well and good, but who was Mae? "Ah, and now you're impatient that I explain. Renesmee. I hope you don't mind. I've taken to calling her Mae. I'd forgotten, but your daughter's name reminded me. I had a little sister - before I was turned. She was only eight when I left for war. Her name was Margaret, but we all called her Mae. It's a good southern name for the perfect mix between a lady and a little spitfire. I'm certain that's what she'll be."

Mae. It was… pretty. Mae - May. Like spring flowers or roses - like Rose. The name was short and sweet. Adorable. Fitting.

Bella loved that her daughter's full name represented both halves of her child - vampire and human, mother and father. Now she also had a nickname that represented Jasper's past and reminded her of Rosalie. Jasper and Rose, her daughter's staunchest defenders. Renesmee's heritage was well represented.

"Besides, it means pearl, and she already has perfect little pearly white teeth," Jazz added.

Mae had teeth? Why?

Jasper chuckled, squeezing her arm again. He must have picked up on her confusion.

"She's part vampire, Bella. She needs teeth to feed," he explained. "Though we've been giving her bottles, those are a relatively new invention and evolution probably didn't account for them when providing her with the means to eat as a newborn."

It seemed logical enough, though Bella wondered how odd it must seem to a doctor like Carlisle for an infant to have a full set of teeth. Was there anything else unusual about her? How was she doing? If only Bella could open her eyes and see for herself!

Hearing more about her daughter would be nearly as satisfying. She willed Jasper to feel her desire, and was pleasantly surprised when it seemed to work, almost as though they were still able to converse despite her need to keep her teeth clenched to lock in her screams.

"Mae is doing wonderfully. Eating, sleeping - completely healthy. She's gifted too. You'll have to wait to find out how for yourself. Carlisle doesn't think it will work on you, but we'll see," Jasper said.

Gifted? Really? Of course her daughter was special, but learning that she was also gifted was exciting. What was it though? Why wouldn't he just tell her?

"Patience, Bella. It's better to experience than hear about. I think Mae will enjoy being the one to share it with you," Jasper explained.

When he put it that way, how could she be angry?

"Carlisle also says you're going to be fine too, no lasting damage from the birth or your broken spine. Alice confirmed it," Jasper said.

Bella could care less about herself just then. It was only the news of her daughter keeping her in the present. But when Jasper switched topics, the anguish of the burn overtook her. She was awash in a furnace of magma where no words could penetrate the molten rock she was drowning in.

~

"Hanging in there? You're emotions have settled a bit," Jazz whispered, tentatively touching her face with just the tips of his fingers, the pad of his thumb moving softly over the arch of her cheekbone.

He was still sitting with her? How much time had passed?

This wasn't the first time she'd been aware enough to listen to him since he first started talking to her, but this was definitely the most lucid one yet. Each time she'd fought back the melting, charring sensation Jasper had been waiting. The moment he picked up on her emotions he'd begun talking to her, telling stories, updating her on Renesmee, or reading to her from one of her favorite classics. Anything to help her through this horrendous process.

"Mae is downstairs. Do you hear her?"

Faint slurping and sucking sounds drifted up accompanied by the hummingbird quick thrumming of her heart. So fast. Too fast? She'd have to ask once her jaw unstuck - if it even would after being clamped shut for so long.

"Rosalie is feeding her. Jacob wanted to, but she won this round," Jasper said, amusement clear in his drawl.

Why would Jacob want to feed her daughter? He'd been less than thrilled about her existence from the beginning.

"Yes… that situation -"

"Don't tell her - you promised!" The yell had come from downstairs, and had Jasper laughing full out. The deep rumble was captivating and brilliant, filling the room. But had that been Jake hollering? What did he not want Jasper to tell her about?

"I can't wait for him to explain all about that - I promised I wouldn't spoil the surprise, so you'll just have to wait to hear about it. Anyways, I thought it best they not feed her in here," Jasper said, and Bella could hear the smile still lingering in his voice.

Honestly, she'd rather have her daughter close. Annoyance swamped her, quick as an asp its fangs pierced her, sending frustrated venom coursing through her.

"Hmm. You're farther along in your transition than normal. I don't want the blood to agitate you more than necessary so she needs to be fed downstairs. Alice doesn't think it should be too much longer - a couple hours, less than one now actually."

A large hand encompassed her own, swallowing and dwarfing it. A rough callous scraped her palm as the fingers curled around hers. Wasn't becoming a vampire supposed to eliminate all imperfections from the body? How did Jasper still have a callous? Not that it really felt wrong, just strange. Her memories all revealed vampires with skin of perfectly polished marble. The idea of it not being true was fascinating, like being let in on a secret she'd longed to know.

"Would you like to know what else has happened while you've been preoccupied? I think you'll remember if I tell you now."

Yes! Being here yet isolated and unable to engage was tormenting in its own unique way entirely separate from the agonies of the change.

"I'm not sure how much you remember from Mae's birth… "

Disaster. It had been a disaster. Definitely not Carlisle's well thought out and safely devised plan.

"Yes. Things went awry. But I wanted to tell you, one thing went according to plan. It wasn't just Carlisle that turned you," Jasper said, speaking softer, his fingers moving idly over the back of Bella's hand. What was he talking about? "We all did," he finished.

How was that possible? Bella could only remember Carlisle biting her. Had the others come in as well when she'd been incoherent and on the brink of death? How had they managed it?

"Alice had the idea for each of us to put our venom into a syringe to inject you with. Carlisle, Esme, Em, Rose, Alice and I all did it. That way we'd all have a hand in your turning, and you'd be connected to each of us just the way you wanted," Jasper explained.

Love bubbled up, overflowing like a raging river bursting through a dam. Joy and wonder filled her, so prominent that it momentarily blocked the pain of transitioning. Bella could hardly believe they'd done that for her. Her family wanted to keep her forever, and had made sure she knew it on a fundamental level. On a cellular level even. It was exactly what she needed to know she belonged here, that her experiences were all worth it to get to this point. She could easily ride out this last hour in the volcano on the high this knowledge gave her.

"We want you in the family. All of us do. Never doubt it, Bella."

Bella's fingers twitched at hearing that. They moved spastically against Jasper's. It took four seconds for her to recognize and process the latest change that had occurred in her body. Her fingers were just fingers again. The burn had faded at long last from the digits.

It was somewhat shocking to discover that her hand still functioned. That it wasn't the blisters, bones, and scars that it had felt like after being set ablaze for so long. That there was something more substantial than brittle charcoal attached to her flaming wrist.

There was a new, untapped strength in her fingers too. Her muscles were eager to demonstrate their newfound abilities.

"Bella? You all right, darlin'?" Jazz asked, tightening his grip as though trying to ground her or lend her support. "It's almost over," he promised.

The warning made it abundantly clear he was correct. Because with it came the dry, sandpaper scratching sensation in her throat that had her compulsively swallowing. It was a useless action. The fires had burned her salivary glands to ash. There was nothing left to produce the refreshing, lubricating fluids her parched throat cried out for. So this was what Jasper had meant when he'd described the lure of blood for vampires. It lacked the intensity the rest of her body was experiencing, but it was by no means comfortable either. A shallow, sensory memory.

"Also," Jasper continued, trying once more to distract her, "Jacob convinced Sam that you and Renesmee aren't threats, and that he approved your transition without it violating the treaty. No one is going to attack Mae. So there's nothing to worry about there."

Relief at her daughter's safety was overshadowed by the newest tortures her body was enduring. Her heart! Bella's teeth clenched tighter, grinding loudly as the fire burned hotter in her heart. All of the flames receding from her limbs were draining into her heart. It was a swirling vortex collecting the hellfire inward to clash with the battery fueling her life. Except the single organ couldn't hope to withstand the latest assault.

"Speaking of updates… " Esme began from downstairs where Bella assumed the rest of the family waited. "Should someone call Edward or make him come home now?"

The name sparked one additional memory of a time when Bella had been downstairs with the family as well. One of a boyish, bronze-haired vampire shoving her into a table covered in fancy, glass plates. Breakable plates that shattered on impact, slicing her arm. Bella didn't remember anything else, just that Edward had hurt her for some reason.

If he'd hurt her like that, what would he do to Mae - the one he called a monster? Would he actually try something or was her current pain influencing her unjustly?

Confusion.

Dread.

Uncertainty.

Bella knew the memory was incomplete. There was a huge disconnect between the name Edward and her understanding of who he was. She knew from what little she could remember that Edward was rather aloof about most things, and likely didn't care enough to seek them out or agree to come here. A tiny voice in her head also pointed out that he probably hadn't intentionally hurt her that other time - the Cullens wouldn't stand for that. But regardless of that, he had.

The new chaotic emotions knifed up the frantic racing of her burning heart. There was no fire left below her knees or beyond her elbows. It was all concentrated in her heart, amplified by her alarm for her daughter, her likely irrational fear of Edward.

"Mae is safe. No one will harm her," Jasper swore, allowing Bella to breathe through the pain as it inched closer and closer to her torso. Bella believed him, knew Mae was safe with him guarding her, but it barely took the edge off of her irrational terror.

Dancing steps stopped at the entrance to the room. An exasperated sigh escaped the newcomer. The steps had been familiar enough that Bella realized Alice was there. With her gift, she'd know for sure that Renesmee was safe.

"Jasper is right. No one would dream of hurting Mae, and Edward has no intention of coming here anytime soon. It will be a long time before he can forgive himself for what happened. Relax, Bella," Alice said.

It was precisely what Bella needed to hear. Edward was no longer part of her life. She was free to forget him, to close that chapter of her life.

Then she was once more consumed by the changes happening within her. It took all of Bella's formidable, stubborn will to continue breathing through the fire blazing brighter in her heart and keep her limbs locked in place.

"The divorce papers are ready to sign. I know it's just a formality, but it seemed like the right thing to do. To make it official, and to give us some closure," Alice said.

Was Bella married to Edward? That didn't feel like something she'd do. At least Alice was helping her rectify the situation. Great. She was a cliche! Divorced, eighteen-year-old single mother. Everything her mother had raised her not to be.

Bella's heart beat impossibly faster, straining against her lungs as it expanded and contracted at breakneck speeds. A jack-hammer couldn't even keep pace at this rate.

The fire was at her hips and shoulders now. The majority of her arms and legs were blessedly cool even as the blaze tore through her center, plummeting like a roller coaster.

"Alice!" Jasper called exasperatedly. Bella barely heard it over the sound of her own heart. It was nearly one continuous beat now.

Alice gasped as Bella felt her back bow, yanked upward as her heart tried to escape the protective cage containing it. With effort, Bella balled her fists, trying to hold herself in place.

"It's time," Alice chimed, jumping up and down once, and clapping excitedly.

"Her heart," Jasper breathed.

"Ah," Carlisle said, moving into the room. "It's almost over."

"Soon," Alice agreed. The heat was only in Bella's torso now. Soon, Alice had said. It'd have to be. Blood surging through her heart at this accelerated velocity was bound to punch right through if it didn't stop soon. "I'll get the others. Should I have Jake and Rosalie… "

"Yes. Bella has to hunt before meeting Mae," Jasper said quickly. What? No! Bella wanted her daughter! He must have felt her displeasure, because he said, "It'll be easier for you to not risk harming her if you've already fed. She's half you - half human. Her heart beats and your new instincts will likely have you viewing her as food."

Jasper's explanation made sense, but Bella didn't like it. He knew best though. She would never consider risking her daughter.

"I'll bring them right up. We'll wait in the hall until you've had a chance to assess her mood," Alice said.

A straw sucked the last of the fire into Bella's heart. The competition to determine the victor - inferno or galloping heart - was nearing its conclusion. The finish line was in sight. The two forces sprinted on. Inward. Into her heart.

"Probably for the best. Esme and Emmett were both fairly aggressive when they first woke. It's all so new," Carlisle agreed.

"Yes," Jasper said. "Even if she does have control. I don't think we should overwhelm her or take unnecessary chances. I can handle her."

The two retreated, darting from the room, and leaving Jasper behind just as Bella's heart stuttered out its final beat. The hollow thud echoed in the new silence.

It was too silent. No more talking. No more heartbeat. No more breathing.

Except it wasn't silent. Not really.

A squirrel was climbing a tree thirty-three feet from the house. It's tiny, clawed toes scraping the bark as it scurried upwards. Lights buzzed, a dim humming that filled the air, each one distinct and coming from a different room in the house. The river gurgled, dripping and laughing as it flowed over rocks only to cascade down, splashing and popping bubbles then turning a bit before winding onward. Wasn't that over a mile away?

There was no more pain either. How was it possible for the pain to just vanish? How was that not the first thing she noticed? It was entirely absent, not even a trace remained. Startling. Mysterious. Wonderful!

Strength and vitality surged through Bella. Boundless energy crackled and sizzled within her, seeking an outlet. Each muscle and sinew glowed. She felt invincible.

Finally. Finally she was strong. Strong like her family. Immortal like her family. She could keep up with them now.

Bella could feel and appreciate everything. It was all so exciting.

Then she opened her eyes and the dazzling newness and fullness amazed her. Never before had she truly seen. Her broken eyes had been repaired. She'd never even realized how ineffectual they'd been until they worked properly.

There was so much to take in. Bella didn't know what to focus on first, yet her mind was capable of processing it all at once. Even as her eyes tracked the floating grey dust motes, their shapes spinning and twisting like lopsided snowflakes, her ears continued listened to the wind parting as it hit the house and split to blow around the sides of the solid structure.

The dust shifted in front of a light and Bella became entranced by the colors. Little rainbows formed the white light, pulsing and issuing from the filaments inside the light bulbs. The colors were nearly tangible. And what was the eighth color? She had no name for it, but it was there. Never before had she seen it.

Another realization occurred to her. She wasn't breathing. How peculiar that she didn't need to anymore. Would doing so be like her other senses - magnified?

The answer was a single word - yes.

Inhaling was a singular experience in itself. Each molecule of air danced and spun around the others, racing to see which could soar down her throat the fastest. Bella could feel them traveling towards her lungs and forcing the organ to expand. Yet there was no relief associated with the action. She hadn't been experiencing symptoms of oxygen deprivation, so breathing did not alleviate lightheadedness or soothe any aches.

Experimentally, she inhaled again. It was the same. Habit, not necessity.

Despite that, she found herself wanting to continue doing it. The air tasted… like sweetened pecans? Or flowers? Acrid and chemical? Bella couldn't decide. It was such a strange, elusive mixture. Dozens of components mingled in the air around her.

Curiosity had her sniffing, attempting to interpret the evasive odors flavoring the air. Magnolias. That was the sweet flower she'd breathed. Bella could almost remember visiting a botanical garden in Phoenix that had magnolia trees. They weren't common to Arizona, not like they were in the south, but there had been a couple trees dotted with the enormous, vibrant white blooms each year. The exotic scent was beautiful. She inhaled deeper, filling her lungs with the heavenly fragrance.

There were other, fainter, notes in the air too. Copper and the harsh bite of chemicals were rather prominent. Underlying that, as though they were floating in from further away, was the scent of pine, vanilla, pears, cinnamon, leather, apple, mud, chocolate, incense, bread, hyacinth, musk, sweat, moss, sandalwood, seawater, wet dog, lavender. There were so many layers that she couldn't hope to separate them all. Not to mention a dozen other smells she didn't yet have a name for.

Bella found herself returning to the first scents she'd encountered. Magnolia and candied pecans. It was tempting. Intriguing. Entrancing. She greedily gulped it down, drawing in more of it deliberately. The aroma blanketed her, buffering her in the welcome warmth of home.

A tiny curling fuzz drifted passed her eyes, snagging her attention. Effortlessly sitting up, Bella followed its progress through the air, captivated with the way it flowed on the unseen air currents. Her eyes had improved to the point that she could distinguish the reddish-orange tint to the miniscule cotton fiber.

It took several minutes before Bella realized she was not alone. A lone figure stood just beside the table she was sitting on. A waving lock of gilded hair draped across his forehead and tangled in his long, sooty eyelashes. Gilded. His hair was a riot of whites and yellows, golds and silvers. It was the color of straw - no, corn… or maybe honey. Only more metallic. It was beautiful. Bella could imagine the way the sun would spark off it.

He stood frozen, watching her intently. Somehow she knew that the rest of the world had ceased to exist for him. It was only her. His eyes were a warm rolling carmel color with flecks of milk chocolate. Waves and starbursts patterned the intricate design. Acceptance and amusement shone from their depths. There was interest too. Not to mention a fair amount of anticipation.

It was him. Her protector. Bella gasped as she took him in. His strong stance, and toned body were visible even through his clothes. The seams at his shoulders pulled slightly. Bella saw a thread tugging at the top of his left shoulder.

He was home. Safety. Happiness. The emotions beckoned to her, tugging her to him. She was a magnet caught in his pull. The desire to be closer had her standing in front of him without consciously deciding to move.

She blinked, bewildered by her own ability to move. Her limbs flowed immediately and without direct effort. Never had she been able to get about without stumbling and purposefully planting her feet where they needed to go. She remembered being clumsy. It was one of the many banes of her existence. Apparently it wasn't to be part of her new life.

The realization played out in a corner of her mind, but mostly she continued staring at the man gravity had drawn her to. At the same time it took in other scents, sounds, and things in the distance.

Someone downstairs had just sat down - more like plopped. The person was heavy and graceless the way all teenage boys were. Jacob. It must have been Jacob. Bella could picture him thumping onto the sofa, sprawling limbs thrown wide to haplessly land wherever they willed.

A bird tweeted outside. It dropped to a lower branch and hopped twice before chirping another shrill cry.

Amazement at all the detail bombarding her wasn't enough to deter Bella from the imposing blond standing eight inches in front of her.

He wasn't smiling, but he was still gorgeous. Bella knew instinctively he'd be devastating to her senses if he ever did.

Jasper. The name popped into her mind abruptly. Yes. That was who this was. He could sense emotions, and had very likely just picked up on the way she'd been admiring him. He'd been the one sitting with her these last two days even though it must have pained him He'd felt the echoes of her transition and chosen to stay with her regardless.

"Bella?" he breathed, uncertainty wafting from him like the aroma of fresh baked cookies straight out of the oven.

She felt guilty at once. He sounded so confused when he said her name.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked hesitantly, then added, "Do you remember me, darlin'?"

"Jazz," Bella replied, nodding only to stop as she listened to the bells that rang through the air. Wait, not bells… her voice. Her voice was beautiful! She couldn't wait to hear it again.

Bella wanted to test her altered voice, ensure she'd heard it correctly, but Jasper was speaking. His words stroked her senses like chinchilla fur. They were a tractor beam, trapping and demanding her entire focus.

"How are you doing? Would you like to see the rest of the family or do you need to hunt first?"

The thought of blood made Bella's throat itch uncomfortably, but it wasn't the mindless insanity she remembered the newborn from the clearing demonstrating after the battle with Victoria. She could still think rationally and ignore the rough dryness if she chose. That was… unexpected. Should it be so easy to push aside? She'd have to ask later.

"Family. I want to see our family," Bella said eagerly, cocking her head as she listened to the echoing chimes ringing from her.

Our family… she was truly one of them now. Happiness was a glowing light resonating from her soul.

"Seth, I think you should wait downstairs with Jacob. Bella might -" Carlisle began warningly.

"I'm only about ten feet away. If she thought I was dinner, wouldn't she have already raced out here?" Seth countered.

Bella looked to the door where she could hear her family gathered out in the hall. She tensed, worried that Carlisle was right. Would she attack Seth?

"Possibly," Carlisle conceded, then added, "but this time can be very disorienting. She may not have noticed you yet. Or the fact that you're a werewolf might make her defensive."

"I'm Seth. Not just any werewolf. She knows me," Seth said sounding a little hurt. "I want to see her - I've been worried about her after… "

The two continued debating in the hall, but Bella ignored them in favor of taking stock of herself. She did not want to hurt Seth. He was her friend. She still remembered him helping save her life, remembered him being the one that presented Renesmee to her in those final chaotic moments before she'd lost herself to the change. The memory of her daughter was tied to him. She'd never forget that.

Jasper was keenly studying her, ready to restrain her if she lunged for the door and the source of the wet sloshing sound she now detected. The knowledge that Jasper would stop her if necessary gave her the courage to taste the air again and specifically identify the Quileute standing just outside the open doorway.

Her nose wrinkled immediately, and she shuddered a bit in distaste. It smelled like muddy incense. Dirty, wet sandalwood all smoky and musky. The stench was enough to drown out the sound of the wolf's heavy, slowly beating heart. Jasper chuckled at her reaction and relaxed.

"He's safe from her trying to feed on him," Jasper called, though he remained only inches away, eyes continuing to survey her reactions as everyone entered.

Bella felt no inclination to attack. These were people she loved. Her mind tamped down on her new instinct to view everything as a potential threat.

They were almost all there. Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Emmett, even Seth. Only Charlie and Renee were missing, and they'd never be a part of her life again. That was all right though. She'd already put enough distance between herself and her mom for this to not hurt her too badly. And Charlie had only been in her life on a regular basis for less than two years. He'd be able to adjust and get back to how things were without too much trouble - she hoped.

The only ones not in the room were Jacob and Rosalie who'd remained downstairs with Renesmee, but they were still here. Bella wanted to see her daughter, but she remembered Jazz's assurances that Mae was perfect, and that she needed to hunt before greeting her. She regretted asking for her family first. She was impatient to have this reunion over with so she could get through the hunting part faster. Renesmee was waiting for her. How different would she look now that Bella had full access to her eyes, no more obscured, half-seen human vision.

The entering family members moved to stand on either side of Jasper, but Bella was suddenly absorbed in the knowledge that no cold emanated from Jasper. They really were the same temperature now. His head turned and her eyes zeroed in on his scars again.

"Hey, Bells!" Seth exclaimed immediately, already at ease with the situation.

Bella couldn't make her throat work to reply. Her mind was stuck on counting the interlocking ridges on Jasper's jaw. There were so many sets of the raised teeth marks. How many vampires had tried to kill him? How could anyone survive what he obviously had.

"Are you feeling overwhelmed?" he asked, eyes scanning her face carefully for signs she felt threatened or was about to lose it and attack someone. There was an air of uncertainty about him now. One that was growing by the second. Was something wrong? Had he sensed something she'd missed?

Bella nodded absently and glanced around, searching for what had him so uneasy. There was nothing obvious, but maybe she'd -

Oh. She was still the threat. She was a dangerous newborn. Stronger than everyone else. Out-of-control - though she didn't necessarily feel all that crazed. Particularly not with everyone in the world she loved most currently under the same roof as her during this momentous occasion.

That was when she noted Alice's ear-splitting grin from her place a half step behind Seth, and Esme's proud smile. Emmett was rocking a bit, rapidly shifting his weight from foot to foot, almost as if he was readying to pounce. Bella didn't particularly feel like being his prey, but he just grinned when she shot him a discouraging frown. Carlisle, on the other hand, was studying her as intently as Jazz had been, brow furrowed. When he caught her eye, he glanced away quickly to Jasper.

"How do you feel, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"There's so much to see, and hear, and I can taste so many things in the air!" Bella exclaimed, admitting to her internal struggle as succinctly as possible while failing to hide her excitement. Seth laughed easily, delighted by her exuberance.

Her senses were pulling her in opposing directions, each demanding she acknowledge the information they were collecting. Was that what had them worried? Was she not behaving properly? She never had before, so she wasn't sure why they'd suddenly expect her to start following the norm now.

On top of that she couldn't keep her mind focused on a single topic long enough to do it any sort of justice. The clarity and completeness of her new reality would take decades to be appreciated properly, not these random intervals of milliseconds that were all the more she was currently able to devote before something else nabbed her attention.

Alice's sudden laughter prompted Jazz to offer her some advice. "Try focusing on just one thing at a time. Center your mind."

Instantly he'd captured her interest again. The others ceased to exist.

The first time she'd seen him her focus had been riveted on the perfection of his face. Now she focused on the imperfections marring his throat. Jagged, irregular half crescents patterned his neck, sometimes overlapping before disappearing beneath the collar of his pale blue button-down shirt. Bella swallowed compulsively as her eyes trailed a blazing path down his length. How far down did they extend? Was his unseen skin just as textured? And had he always been so muscular?

Most high school boys, particularly in Forks, lacked any sort of sculpting and strength. Jasper had always worn loose fitting clothes to mask his soldier build. Bella's new depth and degree of sight made it impossible to miss however.

"Well, isn't this interesting," Emmett said suggestively.

"My thoughts exactly," Seth added.

"Jasper, you're projecting," Alice whispered.

"Sorry. I -" he replied uneasily, breaking off before finishing and shooting Bella a guilty look.

Bella sensed the emotions then. His gift was different than when she'd been human. Before she'd had no choice but to feel as he wanted her to feel. Now, it was more like a sink left on until it overflowed to flood the room, but she was wrapped in waterproof clothing. The emotions touched her without penetrating. Yet somehow she knew that she could accept them, let them soak in if she wanted.

Mortification. It replaced all other emotions as she realized Jasper was just reflecting her own feelings back at her, and the others had picked up on it. Specifically, her increasing desire and fascination. At least Jazz was kind enough not to announce her feeling so explicitly.

But how was she supposed to manage the whirlwind of rapidly changing emotions?

"Jasper is going to take you hunting, Bella. I'm sure he can answer any questions you have," Alice suggested pointedly.

Bella's love for her fortune-telling sister grew exponentially. There couldn't possibly be anything else Alice could do to make Bella love her more than to help her through this transitional period.


	11. 11: Jasper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vampire's nature is so fixed, unchanging. What happens when unparalleled trust is placed in the face of the ultimate betrayal? Is it enough to alter the course of things, and what everyone thought they knew? A retelling of Breaking Dawn where Edward's reaction to Bella's pregnancy causes her to turn to Jasper for protection and find love in a very unlikely place.

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Sorry for the long absence! I was on vacation in Guatemala and Belize, and forgot to mention I'd be gone for a while. Updates should happen a bit more regularly now, though probably only about 3 a month since I also just got an Australian Shepherd puppy and she's pretty time consuming on top of working full time.

Any dialogue you recognize is from Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

~

Chapter 11 - Jasper

Bless Alice for changing the subject. Jasper wasn't about to explain that Bella's… appreciation… of his person was wreaking havoc on his senses. His own emotions, an unexpected mirror of Bella's were spiraling from him in a dizzying array. He didn't know what to think, and for some reason, he couldn't stop his body and gift from reacting in an all too noticeable way. In a hundred and fifty plus years he'd never been taken off guard so thoroughly. He was utterly disarmed. And all by this formerly fragile human girl that was currently standing strong and confident before him.

"What is it she needs to know about?" Emmett asked, mock innocence.

Emmett was near to bursting with devious curiosity. His brother was highly amused, and if he fully understood the situation, he would tease Jasper endlessly - Bella as well. Em would be the one careless and reckless enough to provoke a newborn with thoughtless remarks. Seth was right there with him too, though his emotions were colored with a touch more kindness and good-natured happiness. He wasn't the instigator that Emmett was.

"We can help her now. She doesn't need to wait and ask Jasper when they're hunting," Seth agreed, failing to hide his smile.

Carlisle didn't need the new dynamics explained. He'd comprehended Bella's new feelings immediately. And he was stunned. Stunned speechless. A rarity for him. Stunned both by her control, and her obvious interest in Jasper. For all his intelligence, he'd not imagined this development occurring before he'd been confronted with it staring him in the face. Now he was pendulating between concern, likely for Edward, and scientific inquisitiveness over how her change differed from the others'.

Alice, eyes clouded and distant, was too busy watching the future to weigh in on Seth and Emmett's comments. Her emotions were a mystery - as usual, though a touch smug if he had to guess at what little he felt from his ex-wife. He'd have to talk to her about all of this later. She should have at least given him a heads up on what to expect. He'd have liked to steel himself a bit more if he'd been better prepared to expect this surprise.

"Boys," Esme warned, shaking her head slightly. "Everything's different now. Give her space to figure things out for herself without teasing or making it more difficult."

"Where's the fun in that?" Emmett whined good-naturedly, rubbing his hands together in a humorous imitation of a cartoon villain. "Bella's tough, she can take a little ribbing. It's part of being a Cullen."

"Her world just turned upside down and she needs time to accept her new reality, and everything she's now feeling. I expect you to respect that," Esme said more firmly.

Emmett immediately backed off. Esme and Rose were the only two capable of wrangling the massive vampire with such ease. All it took was a stern lecture or a frosty look and he turned into an overgrown teddy bear.

Esme's emotions, by contrast, were a bittersweet happiness. A sense of feeling justified. One side of her lips turned up as she watched Bella discreetly eyeing Jasper. Had she already suspected this?

Wait - suspected what? What precisely was happening?

Was Jasper really thinking that Bella wanted him? That was ludicrous! She was just feeling overwhelmed with all the changes that had taken place to her senses.

Overwhelmed. That was why he didn't feel the expected revulsion from Bella. Or the instinctual fear. She knew Jasper was her friend, so her brain was likely getting tripped up processing what it should feel and what it wanted to feel. Bella's reactions had always been outside the norm. This was just one more time that happened.

Right. That made a sort of logical sense. Bella wasn't actually attracted to him.

Ugh! But she was, and he didn't want to deny it. Or resist. Or pretend to be oblivious.

He wanted her. He couldn't deny it. He was highly attracted to her, and it went far beyond the physical - he just hadn't realized it until she'd reacted to him.

Bella's emotions weren't just unusual. She was the sole exception to his past experiences. Her unique reactions to his appearance were even more profound than her attraction. Enough women had desired him over the centuries that it left him unfazed, despite being able to actually feel what they felt for him. Or maybe that was part of the problem. Because no matter how much a woman wanted him, part of her was always equally repulsed by him as well.

If a vampire was attracted to him, typically she was too put off by his disfiguring scars, and would end up more interested in Carlisle or Edward. The scars practically screamed danger. They were a flashing billboard in Times Square declaring him a threat. He was deadly, and to mess with him guaranteed a swift and final death. It was enough to drive anyone away.

Not that Jasper had ever minded. First he'd been devoted to Maria. She'd known him before the scars, but her desire had been calculating and strategic. She'd used him - her naive pawn and whore. He'd been blind to ignore the truth for so long.

Then there'd been Alice. She'd tried to love him, but she had her own issues - one's he was incapable of helping her with — and she couldn't help shying away from his past as well. It was easy to see now that they really had just been best friends, companions and lovers rather than true vampire mates.

Regardless, he'd been so completely devoted that he hadn't cared or been offended by what other women thought of him.

And as for humans, they sensed the dangerous predator lurking just beneath his skin, far too close to the surface for most to consider. His feral beast was much less tame than the others, and instinct prompted more fear than desire from human woman. That ingrained survival instinct informed them he wasn't worth the risk. And honestly, he'd never have been as strong and patient as Edward to even dare attempt tangling with a human. He wasn't a masochist.

Jasper was unable to detect any fear or disgust from Bella though. A fact that thrilled him. Moved him in ways that were foreign and lasting. She'd been doing that a lot lately. Bella was simply fascinated, and rather undeniably aroused. Jasper wasn't even sure she realized it herself. She was still such a novice to carnal desires.

All the same, he felt another link in the growing chain that united them. She accepted and desired him as he was. It was a gift no other had ever given him. An opportunity his nature willed him to embrace. One he didn't particularly want to fight.

"She's right, Bella. You're doing wonderful, but we should hunt soon," Jasper prompted, cautious over how she'd react to being teasing now, and worried that further delay would test her past the point her nature would allow, and she'd snap. "If you have questions, I can answer them while we're out."

He hadn't meant to project her emotions outward the way he had. Her embarrassment had already been forgotten - thanks to the fickle nature of newborn attention spans. He'd simply been trying to push them away from himself so he didn't behave inappropriately. So he didn't do something reckless like ravage her in front of the family. Resisting what was freely offered had never been his strong suit, after all.

"You're taking me? Alone?" Bella asked breathlessly. Her eyes had widened comically at the realization.

"Yes. If that's all right… " Jasper confirmed, tailing off as he wondered whether she'd want to be alone with him just now. The longer she went without hunting, the tenser he felt. Add in this new plethora of hormonal triggers, and he was starting to feel like he was the novice in this situation.

The sensation of Alice being highly entertained cascaded over him like a rushing waterfall. Her relaxed state only served to make Jasper tense up more. Had she seen something else? No concern or warning came from her, so perhaps there wasn't cause for alarm. But Alice wouldn't see it until it was too late if Bella did end up attacking someone. It'd be a split second decision.

"Okay. Sure. You'll take me hunting," Bella agreed, nodding. He felt her self-consciousness and apprehension over the first major undertaking of her new life. Despite that, she remained a column of relative tranquility. Her doubts were not consuming her.

How was it possible that Bella was so in control? She was entirely herself. The only hint that something had changed was her growing curiosity.

In the past, Bella had remained largely uninterested in her surroundings. Understandable for sure with Edward demanding the majority of her focus, and Bella more than willing to give it to him. She'd given Jasper a taste of that attention, and already he was jonesing for more - no wonder Edward had been hooked.

Now though, she looked to be taking in everything. She'd opened her mouth to say more, but been distracted by the people surrounding her. Currently, she was studying each member of the family in turn.

Jasper felt Bella's love for their mother. As well as the feelings of a child seeking reassurance and support. Awakening consisted of an onslaught of changes that were difficult to adjust to, so it was understandable. From what Jasper knew, Bella had often acted the parent within her family. Now she was getting the chance to be the child and appreciate Esme's guidance and maternal love.

Emmett was projecting joy and anticipation with a playful edge. His brother wanted to take advantage of a new playmate, particularly since Bella was sturdier now. Bella hadn't yet thought of that. Her feelings indicated that she was just happy to have her big brother around.

Fond admiration. Inquisitiveness. Bella smiled slightly as she met Alice's eyes. Jasper sensed she had questions, and she expected that Alice would have the answers she sought. There was gratitude too. He wasn't sure why, but he could guess it was because she remembered Alice's idea to have everyone change Bella.

Bella's attention was lost for a moment as she focused on the car passing the house out on the highway. He felt her wonder at being able to hear it. Jasper tensed ready to restrain her if she went after the driver. He could hear the thudding heartbeat, and felt the desire for blood himself. The whole room had been relatively soaked in it, and the cleaners did little to mask the fact.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

For a moment it was all Jasper could hear. The noise reminding him of the true relief he could find if he drank from the person. The quenching bliss that would douse the dry ache that constantly persisted in his throat. It wouldn't even -

Then Bella was back, and assessing Carlisle as if the knowledge of nearby blood was moot. Her easy dismissal astounded him. Shamed him too. He was the experienced one. He couldn't let himself get caught up and lost in his red fantasies.

Uncertainty took over. Bella was abruptly smothered in it. Jasper only had to look at Carlisle to understand for himself. He bit back a smile as he noted Carlisle studying Bella like she was a science experiment with unexpected results that he couldn't interpret.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked, seeing Bella retreat a step. "You going to lose it on us?"

"I… don't think so?" Bella said cautiously, looking towards Jasper for confirmation. "I still feel like me. Wasn't I supposed to lose that - at least in the beginning?"

"Yes, Bella, to a certain extent you'll have some trouble feeling normal and like yourself. But the degree of difficulty varies from person to person. Some have a harder time than others settling in to their new reality. You, apparently, seem to be struggling less," Carlisle explained, taking on the role of leader and teacher. "Much less it seems," he added thoughtfully.

"Oh," Bella said, nodding. "So there's nothing wrong with me?"

"Quite the opposite, in fact," Carlisle said kindly. "You are quite controlled. More so than I expected, even with the time you had to prepare yourself mentally for this."

"You think that's the reason she is adjusting so well now?" Jasper inquired. Bella did have time to educate herself and understand what she was getting into. The law and circumstances didn't really allow for others to do that.

"A year and a half is a long time to process things. Even for a slow human mind," Emmett said, nodding along with Jasper.

"She is taking to this with relative ease," Esme said kindly. "I'm so proud of you, Bella dear."

"I'm not sure about that," Bella denied, shaking her head, and looking around at the assembled group.

"Why not?" Carlisle asked.

"Everything keeps distracting me. My emotions are a little wild as well," Bella whispered and ducked her head shamefully. "I think… Well, it just… "

She snuck a peek at Jasper, almost like she'd been helpless to resist, and he felt her embarrassment return only to be quickly replaced with surprise. Her hand reached to touch her cheek thoughtfully, lingering for a full second.

Jasper hid his amusement as he interpreted her actions. Bella had just realized that being a vampire meant she could no longer blush.

"No more pink cheeks, Bella," Emmett complained, making the same realization. "You better still be clumsy or I really will have to tease you about -"

"Emmett!" Esme cried exasperatedly. Apparently he'd already forgotten her earlier admonishments.

Jasper wouldn't deny feeling a bit of relief over this development in Bella. Whenever her blood bloomed high in her cheeks - and honestly it seemed to happen more often than it didn't - he'd been tempted to sink his teeth into the smooth ivory column of her throat. Edward had lectured him repeatedly over his wayward thoughts. It was an experience he wouldn't miss.

"I live to amuse you," Bella said dryly, but her heart wasn't in it.

Bella was distracted, discreetly touching the skin of her arm. Her fingers moving deliberately over the surface, back and forth, back and forth. She must have noticed the new texture. That had been rather shocking to him upon waking to this life too. Smoother than polished marble, and somehow softer than velvet. Such contrast was engrossing.

"You're not exactly living anymore. But don't worry, we have time for me figure out new ways to torment my little sister," Em replied, laughing boisterously and deliberately pretending not to see Esme's chiding expression.

"Don't try too hard or you won't like the deal you lose," Alice warned.

"Lose? I never lose!" Emmett exclaimed. Alice just shook her head, knowing smile firmly in place.

"Anything else?" Jasper forced himself to ask, returning to the original topic and concentrating on helping Bella in whatever way she needed. Bella had seemed quite certain that she wasn't adjusting as well as they thought, but if getting distracted really was her only issue then she was even more unique than he'd first guessed. And it did nothing to ease his high strung nerves.

"Not really. Should there be?" Bella asked, a tiny crease forming between her eyebrows.

At first no one spoke. Jasper felt the surprise and doubt coming from the room's occupants. No one was quite sure what to make of Bella.

His mind was focused on reading her. Repeatedly. At first he thought he was processing her emotions inaccurately. Or maybe he was still distracted by her initial arousal. But she was calm. Too calm. Mostly she just wanted to understand. She watched him studying her, eyes rapidly scanning his face.

Impatience and worry quickly replaced any lingering peace she felt. They were the strongest emotions she'd yet felt. He stepped closer, ready to influence her or restrain her if she became anymore distressed.

Her agitation spiked the longer everyone remained silent. "Jasper?" Bella asked, demanding an explanation from him. She was the edgiest she'd been since waking, but this was still far from the norm that he was used to dealing with. Bella was making him nervous on two fronts now - intimately and unpredictably.

"You can't imagine how unusual you are. I've encountered thousands - literally - of newborns. None have been able to hold a conversation the way you are - especially not for several minutes the way we just have," he explained, tensing slightly in case she took offense. "You still haven't hunted, yet you're… you. You're Bella. Our Bella."

"Oh… " she said, relaxing back into a curious calm. How had she done that? "What do they normally do?"

"Fight," he admitted. "Everything is a potential threat that needs to be destroyed before it has a chance to hurt them first. But mostly they fight for blood. Their primary focus has always been to seek out blood - immediately. Then to consume more," Jasper continued, wondering how she'd react to hearing about blood. So far he'd detected no bloodlust - strange in itself - but he needed to see how the mention of it would affect her clam. Seth was far enough away, and honestly smelled extremely unappetizing, so he figured the pup was safe even if Bella decided she wanted blood like a typical newborn.

Discomfort. Jasper felt the way the pain of being thirsty filled Bella. It was muted rather than mindlessly consuming, but it still caused her face to scrunch up. Bella swallowed uselessly. Jasper watched the muscles of her throat work, and he felt her frustration when it didn't help relieve the persistent ache. This was what he'd been expecting all along, but even this was mild compared to what others of their kind went through. Bella was still rational though the more she swallowed, the more annoyed she became.

"We can go now and see to that," Jasper offered, reaching for her wrist to ground her from the consuming thirst.

The moment their skin made contact, though, it was his turn to be shocked. She'd dialed back the thirst and smothered her annoyance. Her eyes were staring fixedly at where their skin touched. Pleasure. That was what she was feeling now. He felt it too. Little zaps of electricity buzzed just beneath his skin. Jolts of bliss.

Unfamiliar. Momentous. Thrilling. Bella was invoking all sorts of new emotions and responses in Jasper.

"I was going to ask you about the morphine, Bella, but Jasper is right. That can wait until you've seen to your needs," Carlisle said, interrupting the moment.

Jasper had forgotten the others were even still in the room the moment he'd touched Bella. She turned her hand, offering her palm to him. A saint offering salvation to a sinner. Without thought he shifted his finger, weaving them with hers and clasping her small hand firmly in his like interlocking puzzle pieces.

"The morphine didn't work. At least not the way you wanted it to," Bella admitted, but Jasper barely heard her. "Not really much more to it than that."

"So you were in pain. And you must still be terribly uncomfortable, dear," Esme said softly, always considerate and aware of her family's needs. "Jasper, you should take her out now."

Her kindness broke the spell Bella had put on him. He needed to remain alert and continue monitoring Bella's mood to ensure no one unintentionally got hurt. There would be time later to think on his peculiar reaction to her touch.

"I didn't actually notice until you mentioned it," Bella said dryly, rolling her eyes. "Thanks for that."

Jasper coughed to hide the laugh that escaped. Emmett and Seth didn't bother to hide how hilarious they found her comment, and both laughed openly. It was the sassiest thing he'd ever heard the unfailingly polite Bella say.

Then he thought about what she'd said. Disbelief. How was it possible not to be consumed by thirst. He'd been assessing her emotions since she woke, knew she spoke the truth, but still he doubted it. It just didn't seem possible. Perhaps Carlisle was right about her being gifted. Maybe it was a holdover from her aversion to blood as a human. Didn't Alice mention once that Bella passed out from it?

"Amazing," Carlisle intoned, awe making his face light up.

He surely had a million more questions for her now. He'd likely spend the next few weeks interrogating her every chance he got - when he wasn't researching Mae's accelerated growth at least. How would Bella react to that? What were they going to do about it? There had to be answers somewhere. They just had to find them!

"You really think it's just because she prepared and knew what to expect?" Emmett asked dubiously.

"I told you all that she'd be unique. You'd think people would listen to me considering I do know a bit more than the rest of you," Alice said primly, sharing a smile with Bella. It was enough to sufficiently distract Bella from thoughts of being thirsty. Her lack of bloodlust was so unusual. Unsettling more like.

"Bella, I think we should hunt," Jasper suggested again.

Her composure was all well and good, but there really was no sense pushing it more than necessary. They'd have an eternity to test her limits. He didn't want her in pain now or end up having something unnecessary happen to the family.

Every time Bella said or did something outside the usual, he forgot that he was supposed to be taking her hunting. Her atypical reactions were getting him off track. It was harder than it should be to stick to the plan and make the wisest decisions just now.

"I don't know how," Bella said. Her voice sounded small. Afraid even.

"Do you trust me?" Jasper asked immediately.

"Yes," Bella said without hesitating. Pride and affection filled him. He was still unfamiliar with someone placing such blind faith in him.

"I'll help you," he promised, pulling her towards window with the hand still lightly holding her own.

She didn't budge. Worried, he looked back at her. Amusement took over at seeing Bella's wonder and joy when she realized she was strong enough to resist. He couldn't move her if she didn't want to now that she was stronger.

"We do actually have to go outside if we're to hunt," Jasper teased. Bella was still grinning, feet rooted to the spot.

He felt her nerves and knew she was worried about messing up or looking foolish. He knew she wouldn't, but she was entitled to feel that way until she proved herself wrong. He'd never discount her feelings just because he was better informed. Edward had done that to her repeatedly, and each time he'd felt the impact it had on her self-confidence.

He tugged again, but Bella didn't move. "After you meet Mae you can even test that strength against Em if you want," Jasper offered, hoping the incentive would be enough to prod her into coming with him.

Torn. Bella's emotions were oscillating in about five directions now. Her free hand had flown up to land on her flat stomach, and she was looking from the open doorway to Emmett to the window to Jasper. Then she repeated the looks. Her head was turning so fast he feared it would pop off like a Barbie doll's. She wanted everything at once. Excitement warred with impatience.

"I have to wait?" Bella asked.

Jasper knew at once she was referring to meeting Mae. "Yes," he confirmed, squeezing her hand.

"So long as you do it outside," Esme chime in immediately, mistaking the source of Bella's question. The words redirected Bella's desires though, and she grinned predatorily at Emmett, thrilled by the possibility of taking on the formerly strongest Cullen.

"Really?" Bella asked hopefully. The fingers of her free hand flexed into a tightly balled fist at her waist, testing their new strength.

"Excellent! You're going down, Bella," Emmett challenged.

"But first -" Jasper reminded, uneasy that she still wasn't hunting and it had been nearly half an hour since she woke now.

"Oh! I almost forgot. She needs to see herself beforehand," Alice interrupted, hands on her hips.

"Alice, I think that can wait," Jasper insisted, looking down at Bella. She'd forgotten Emmett's challenge, and was calm again, though intrigued by Alice's insistence. But the longer they waited, the more tense Jasper felt. He couldn't help it. The need to be in charge and protect everyone was so much a part of his nature.

"She won't be presentable afterwards, and she'll be distracted by other things," Alice argued.

"I'm fine," Bella said reassuringly, squeezing Jasper's hand. "And I want to see. I've been waiting for this for so long."

Jasper nodded, accepting that she knew herself best and could decide for herself what she needed in that moment. He might not like having an unfeed newborn with his family - he knew how quick their emotions could take a disastrous turn, but he trusted Bella and would step in if she needed help.

"Get a mirror then," Jasper conceded, making Alice squealed delightedly. He swallowed a chuckle at her antics.

Alice returned less than a minute later carrying the ridiculous monstrosity from Rosalie's room that dwarfed Alice several times over. She set it before Bella, ignoring Seth's outstretched arms, a silent offer to help her with the absurd burden. The mirror was so ostentatious it was laughable. Emmett had gotten it for his wife as a joke on their anniversary a few decades ago, but Rose had actually loved the ornate gilt-framed mirror.

Jasper tasted Bella's emotional climate as she took in her reflection. Would she recognize herself? At first glance, Jasper didn't think she looked all that different. But Bella had always been hard on herself. Her perception of her appearance and worth skewed until it was nearly unrecognizable.

Satisfaction and joy. Bella was apparently very pleased with the changes to her person, minor though they likely were.

Alice caught his eye and nodded to Bella. Intrigued, he turned to assess her himself. He'd studied her emotional state closely since she'd completed her transition, but there hadn't really been a need for him to truly take her in critically. Jasper did so now.

She was standing straighter, shoulders no longer hunched and rounded as if trying to make herself invisible or to disappear under others' scrutiny. It was the most obvious difference, and one that made him want to take a closer look to see what else had actually changed.

Bella's already pale skin was even more luminescent. It held a faint shimmer even without sunlight, nearly iridescent. Full rose-hued lips and wide, long-lashed eyes dominated her face. There was the usual flawless beauty and mask of perfection that all vampires possessed, but it was more than that. Perhaps it was just that Jasper still detected traces of her humanity. It made her seem a touch vulnerable. Real. Approachable.

Heavy, long hair cascaded down her back. It was a rich sable with mahogany highlights. Jasper had always been attracted to long hair. He'd loved Maria's, and always felt guilty that he didn't admire Alice's. Particularly since it'd been out of her control. Buzzed hair made it easier to combat the scourge of lice. Another choice stripped from her while she'd been locked in the asylum. Now the light rippled off Bella's waterfall of gently curling locks. They were thicker and shinier than Maria's had ever been, and the chocolate tresses reached all the way to her lower back, stopping just above the curve of the bottom.

She was gorgeous. And her new confidence was alarmingly sexy.

He'd already realized he was attracted to Bella's personality - even if he'd only just discovered the feelings, but now he was hit by the fact he was just as attracted to her physical presence. Her beauty compounded his newly awakened feelings.

Had he ever really taken Bella in as a woman? Jasper didn't think so. He'd respected Bella and Edward's relationship too much to do that. It was the same with Rosalie. He acknowledged the beauty of his brother's chosen partners without appreciating it himself.

Jasper glanced back at Alice to find her chewing on her lower lip and watching him carefully for his reaction. She smiled encouragingly then looked down at her feet. Was she -

"The eyes," Bella murmured, distracting him as he felt her horror. "How long?"

"Only a few months," Carlisle explained as Bella continued staring at her altered image. "They'll start to lighten and change soon with a -"

"Months?" Bella interrupted, voice high with anxiety.

Jasper stepped closer at once, pressing the length of his body to her side, ready to help. Bella's eyes locked on his reflection in the mirror. She breathed deeply three times. Jasper felt her panic and stress receding to be replaced with deliberate calm.

"I'm fine, Jazz," Bella promised, turning her head to look up at him, but continuing to lean into his body. "It's just… a lot to take in."

"I know you are. But how? You… " he trailed off. That was twice now. How was she doing it? It took most vampires decades to learn that degree of control over their emotions.

"What? Did I do something wrong again?" Bella asked, unconsciously inching closer since he hadn't stepped back yet.

"You haven't done anything wrong, darlin'. Not at all," he promised, wanting to reassure and praise her for the incredible job she was doing even if he didn't understand it.

"Then why are you looking at me like that?"

"I was going to help you," he ventured, unsure, "with your emotions. But… you didn't need me."

"I'm sorry?"

"Don't be. It's just remarkable."

"What did she do?" Esme asked, head tilted like a bird.

"She… stopped her anxiety in its tracks… like it was nothing."

"Have you ever seen another newborn do that?" Seth asked, looking around like there were hidden cameras and he was just having a joke played on him.

"No," Jasper admitted.

"How are you doing it, Bella?" Carlisle asked, research persona firmly in place.

"I don't know. I didn't want to worry anyone," Bella admitted.

"You should go hunt. Jasper isn't going to relax until he's seen for himself that you're not going to snap," Alice suggested, rolling her eyes like everyone was being supremely ridiculous.

"Don't you trust me?" Bella teased, looking back to Jasper and relaxing a bit. She seemed more comfortable in her skin again.

"Yes. But that doesn't mean I like unnecessary risks, and the longer we wait for you to feed, the more likely you are to lose control," Jasper cautioned wearily. He'd seen it happen enough times to know it was the only outcome.

"Okay," Bella agreed. Jasper felt her nervousness return. This was unfamiliar territory for her. He used the hand he'd yet to release to guide her to the open window.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of heights," Jasper taunted as she stared at the ground below, unmoving. Timid. Calculating. She was judging her surroundings, but at his words, he felt her fierce determination fuel her.

"'Course she is," Emmett added, egging the situation on. "Look how tame she is. A real vampire wouldn't hesitate."

Bella growled, then tugged Jasper's hand and pulled them both through the opening into the cool night air. Sunrise was about an hour off still, and the predawn air was crisp and clean in his lungs. The pair landed easily side by side in the damp grass, hands still clasped together. Her legs had spread during her leap - just enough to rip the fabric of her sheath dress - and bent just the right amount to brace for the impact.

A horrified gasp, and hearty laughter exploded from the house. Jasper assessed the damage. Ivory skin high on her thigh peaked out from the jagged, frayed edge. The skin tight bandage dress had definitely not been the most practical choice for hunting that Alice could have made - even if it did look beautiful on Bella.

She didn't even acknowledge ruining her dress. Bella was too high on the thrill of jumping. He felt her amazement at how easy it'd been. Her delight sparked his own, made him feel playful and carefree in a way he hadn't felt since being human himself.

"That was… " she said wonderingly.

"Yeah?" he asked, grinning.

"But these shoes," she muttered, frowning.

"Don't you dare!" Alice screeched, but Bella had already tugged them off and launched the offending silver heels through the window she'd just jumped out of. The sailed perfectly through - a feat she never could have accomplished before becoming a vampire. "Argh! How can you still not appreciate fashion?"

"Bella?" Jasper said, distracting her. He moved closer, invading her space and bending so his lips were right next to her ear.

"Jazz?" Bella asked, nearly giggling.

"Run," he breathed, then leaned back to watch her.

Bella blinked. Her lips parted in surprise, a spike of adrenaline flooded her, but she just stood there. Jasper gave her a twenty-fifth of a second to process his demand before he took off, pelting through the trees and underbrush. Her startled gasp rang out behind him, followed almost immediately by the sound of Bella's laughing pursuit.

The newborn followed close, steps light and quick, stepping precisely where he did. She was faster than him, he could tell, but she let him guide her. Hopefully, distance and the opportunity to see for herself how different she was would alleviate some of her nervousness. Jasper could still feel the layer wrapped around her, though it was significantly thinner now - a light rain jacket instead of the snow parka it'd been.

At the river, he leapt without a backwards glance and kept running. Bella had no choice but to continue if she wanted to stay with him. This was the part he'd been waiting for. She didn't hesitate as she approached the wide crossing - well, wide for a human. This was just to give her a taste of her new abilities.

The moment she landed, clearing the river by a good thirty feet to land nearly beside him, her laughter rang out clear as a Christmas orchestra of bells. Her obvious delight at being so strong and graceful was mesmerizing. Jasper found himself laughing with her, the sounds harmonizing perfectly.

On they went, progressing deeper into the Olympic National Park. Occasionally, Jasper grabbed low hanging branches and swung from tree to tree feeling like a monkey in the Amazon. The first time Bella tried to mimic him, she squeezed the branch so hard it crumbled to splinters and she fell to the ground before rolling to a low crouch. The entire move was seamless. Like it was planned. Or it would have if it weren't for the startled look on her face. Her expression had set off his laughter all over again.

Jasper couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed so freely. He felt like he was soaring, flying high, drunk on the sheer delight Bella was projecting. Her joy was intoxicating.

All thoughts of hunting were forgotten. Jasper was far too busy basking in the positive emotions Bella was projecting in torrents. It was a monsoon in the desert and he'd been dying of thirst prior to this moment.

At one point, she slowed down to marvel at her surroundings. She turned slowly in a circle, head cocked curiously while her eyes darted all about taking everything in. Pine needles chafed and scraped one another as the wind blew and hopping birds shook distant branches. Morning dew dripped slowly from dangling leaves to form tiny puddles in the muddy ground. Bark flaked as scampering squirrels clawed their way upwards. Grey skies brightened to brilliant blue as the glowing golden orb rose higher above the canopy. Everything seemed new and wondrous.

It was an aspect of newborns that had never existed during his time with Maria. They were too busy drowning in bloodlust, training for war, or fighting for their very survival. They lacked appreciation for their surroundings, and failed to take advantage of their enhanced senses. He'd not been around when the rest of the Cullens had turned, so he didn't know if they'd reacted similarly or if Bella really was the unique creature she appeared to be.

They walked for a while. Silently. In peaceful companionship. Drinking in the sound of rustling leaves, the kaleidoscope sight of the softly filtered morning light, and the earthy scent of damp moss and decaying trees. In the distance a lark called for its mate and a rabbit bound over a fallen log.

With Bella the world was fun, full of possibilities, and everything seemed miraculous. The wonders of being a vampire were all new again. Jasper was practically as giddy as a drunk frat house. Bella genuinely loved every new experience she was undergoing, and he was getting to experience it with her.

He waited patiently for her to consume her fill of the forest. When he sensed her losing interest, he took off running calling, "Catch me if you can!"

Bella sparked at the challenge, lunging for him at once. He evaded her with ease and was off, sprinting full out through the woods again.

He used every trick he could think of to stay ahead of her and prolong the chase as he bound streams and dodged trees. There were a couple times he almost let her catch him, but he was having too much fun to let it end prematurely.

Jasper scaled a small cliff, Bella scrambling up easily behind him, hair and dress flowing out behind her in a mad tangle. Barely two steps onto the ridge at the top, he felt Bella pounce and he allowed her to tackle him.

The two landed roughly, rolling across the uneven ground in a jumble of limbs before she pinned him in place. Jasper didn't resist, letting her win. Her smile was brilliant, infused with the joy of victory.

"Your turn," she cried, bounding up and away, ducking a partially fallen tree to disappear back over the side and fall to the ground below.

Jasper smirked at the challenge, letting her get a head start before resuming the chase.

They were approaching the Lake Leland Campground on the eastern side of the peninsula. They'd traveled further than he realized. Soon they'd be at Puget Sound. They should probably start heading back west and actually get around to hunting.

"Bella? Let's head back," he suggested, trying to catch up to her.

"No way! I'm winning," she cried, laughing merrily.

Then Bella tensed, her laughter stopped abruptly.

He smelled them an eighth of a second later. Humans. Smelled the alcohol too. Probably teenagers, possibly ones Bella knew from school. Or fishers on a trip. Like Charlie and his friends. The wet thumps of three distinct heartbeats sounded.

He couldn't believe how reckless he'd been. This was precisely why the family never trusted him. For all his experience with newborns, he'd never had one he was trying to stop from feeding. Before it'd just been about teaching them how to go unnoticed and how to clean up after themselves. Things with Bella were supposed to be different, but he'd let his guard drop, let himself get carried away having fun, instead of focusing and remaining alert. He'd let his priorities shift, and now Bella was going to have to live with the consequences for the rest of eternity.

It was obvious Bella was hunting them, her instincts taking over and letting out the vampire within. She'd gone silent and lethal. A stealthy predator.

"Bella," he hissed desperately, knowing it wouldn't do any good.

It was with a fair bit of shock that he realized she'd slowed. Slowed enough for him to catch up. Slowed to wait for him.

Jasper snagged her arm, spinning her into a nearby tree with a resounding crack. He pinned her in place with his body pressed tightly against the length of her.

She squirmed, trying twice to buck him off so she could continue her hunt. He was shocked she wasn't hissing and snapping.

Bella froze, eyes locked on his. He saw recognition. Felt it when her senses returned. He expected shame or anger. Maybe even pain from resisting the burn she undoubtedly felt.

That wasn't what he sensed.

Lust slammed into him. Not bloodlust, but pure animalistic desire. Bella's eyes widened as she drank him in, their hips still connected like a key in a lock.

It had to be the situation. There was no way she truly wanted him - not to that extent. No one had ever wanted him that much. He went through the same thing when he hunted, even if none of the other Cullens did. Her emotions were getting jumbled, misinterpreted even.

"You were hunting humans," Jasper said, attempting to focus on the present situation. Bella's head whipped back towards the direction she'd been heading in, horror smothering her desire like a bucket of water on a campfire. The chaotic, mercurial emotions were still too strong, on the verge of snapping. "Get control of yourself - like you did earlier. Reign it in," Jasper prodded encouragingly.

Distant laughter sounded. Not at all distant enough.

She shifted, unintentionally rubbing against him and rekindling the lust she'd previously plied him with. When Bella exhaled a breathy gasp, he jerked back in surprise, unintentionally releasing her.

In an instant she was gone - not continuing her hunt, but away from the temptation of human blood.

Jasper shot after her, disoriented and shocked.

Bella ignored the humans.

How was that even possible? He couldn't believe - despite witnessing it for himself. There was no way… Never before…

He caught back up to her in the thick of the forest, far from where humans would dare venture.

"How?" Jasper breathed, too stunned to ask more.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," she said cautiously, embarrassment forming the foundation of her emotions.

"You stopped. Mid hunt, you stopped then managed to run away. How?" Jasper demanded.

Relief overcame her, swift and undeniable. She was grateful this was the topic he wishes to focus on rather than the way her body had responded to the proximity of his. He hadn't had a chance to fully appreciate that bit yet, to bask in the emotional response they'd provoked in one another.

"Oh, that. I didn't want to hurt them," Bella said easily, shrugging lightly.

"You didn't want… "

"Of course not. I don't want to kill anyone," she said defensively.

"You say it like it's as simple as that," Jasper said. A hard truth was beginning to pound him in the face. His mental eyes were squeezed shut, afraid to confront what was staring him in the face.

"Well, not breathing helped," Bella added, thinking he was waiting for further explanation from her.

"Holding your breath helped," he said with a disbelieving huff. "You're saying that's all it took?"

"Isn't that enough?"

Jasper sensed her confusion now. Fear even. She was afraid she'd done something wrong. He didn't know how to reassure her when she'd just turned his world upside down.

"No! It can't be that easy," Jasper insisted. "They're our food, Bella. We're designed to hunt them. That's the natural way of things. It's who we are. What we are. It takes extraordinary willpower and strength to choose a different way of life. Most can't even imagine it. Then you just… without even trying… "

"I tried! It wasn't that easy," Bella said weakly. Both could tell she hadn't needed to try that hard. "The blood smelled delicious. I'm not denying that. But it's inside a person - someone I might have known. Someone that might have a family that loves them and would miss them if I… Well, that makes all the difference," she explained, touching his chest lightly. His hand automatically came up to press it more firmly against him. "I always knew it would be hard to resist. I went into this life knowing that."

"But the burn… "

"Yes, it's definitely worse, nearly… consuming with its intensity," she admitted. Jasper could feel it coming from her now. Most newborns felt it exponentially more though.

"How can you even think clearly right now?" he asked wonderingly.

"It's not exactly easy," she repeated dryly.

"I've never been able to resist once beginning a hunt," Jasper admitted sadly. He'd always failed the Cullens when it came to that.

"I think you could. Maybe… Well, I think you could," Bella said, shifting gears partway through.

He knew what she wasn't saying. Maybe he could if he ever really tried. Alice had always either warned him so he avoided the situation altogether, or the others doubted him so he gave up on himself. Bella was holding him accountable though. Not in so many words, but she was all the same. In the future he was going to have to try harder to see if she was right. If a newborn could though, surely he could as well. What if determination and willpower really were all it took to overcome their natures? All along he'd just needed the right mindset.

Her faith and belief in him never wavered. He'd just admitted to always failing, and still she thought him capable. The links binding them were stronger. An unbreakable chain wrapping them from head to toe. There was no escaping now. As if he'd want to.

"You've been awake for a couple hours now. You haven't had any blood. And yet you resisted human blood - mid hunt," Jasper said, needing to articulate everything. He needed to hear the realization aloud. Maybe that would help him believe that it wasn't a trick or hallucination.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say right now," Bella said, unsure. Her fingers curled into his shirt, holding him close as though she feared he'd try to leave her. Never.

"You're incredible."

Her eyes went black. He felt the return of her desire though he also felt how she resisted succumbing to it. Probably afraid of being rejected given her past experiences with Edward in this type of situation.

"Jasper -"

Bella broke off as her head turned, eyes closing and nose lifting to inhale the nearby fragrance of a predator. Jasper was surprised they hadn't scared it off, but the feline was perched in a tree some ten feet away. Frozen. Watching them intently. It sensed the danger they posed and was hoping to go unnoticed. It failed.

"Go on," he whispered through his anticipatory grin, barely audible. "It's a mountain lion." Still she hesitated. "Don't think. Follow the smell, lock onto it, let it guide you. Your instincts will do the rest."

Bella shot off. The feline sprung a half second behind, bounding away. As if it could outrun the newborn intent on feasting upon its blood. Foolish beast. It didn't stand a chance of escaping.

A perfectly timed leap had Bella intercepting it mid jump. The two crashed to the ground in a sprawl of flailing limbs. Nails scraped stone, finding no purchase. The grating, screeching echoes blared through the clearing, bouncing off trees before fading. Teeth snapped - Bella's and the lions - clicking and clacking sharply. Snarls. Breaking branches. Crunching leaves.

Jasper watched the two wrestling wildly, each determined to survive. But it was no competition. In under three seconds the woods were silent but for the sound of slurping. Bella had the lion's spine snapped, and she was feasting from the dead creature's neck.

It was erotic and senual. Their dance had ignited his arousal to feverish levels, and he fought as valiantly as the lion had to dampen it. Bella was simply breathtaking.

All too soon she'd finished her meal. A small frustrated frown tugged her lips down as she looked up from the drained husk. Bella let the limp remains fall to the torn up forest floor that had served as their arena. It landed like a fur throw rug, limbs splayed out like a starfish.

She stood fluidly, and Jasper's breath caught at the sight. Venus rising from the clamshell. Botticelli's painting come to life.

Tatters. That was all she was clothed in as she stood. Jasper saw more of her body exposed than he had any right to view.

His eyes locked on hers as he methodically removed his shirt and approached Bella. Damning himself with every step, but determined to act the gentleman. She let him wrap the sky blue cotton around her narrow shoulders, eyes never leaving his.

Bella had always been rather conservative, particularly compared to others of her generation, so he expected to feel her embarrassment over his seeing her unclothed body. He expected her to hold his shirt tightly closed to conceal her pert, round breasts.

Instead she surprised him. Now that he was standing right in front of her, her eyes were too busy raking over him to focus on herself. And when Bella brought her hand up, she didn't reach for the shirt edges, but for him. Gently, excruciatingly so, she brought the tips of her fingers up to trace a scar high on his chest, just a little above his heart. Light as a feather or contented sigh, she ran the edge of her shell-pink nails over each ridge left by the teeth that had bitten him.

He remembered exactly when it had happened - five years, three months, and nine days after becoming a vampire. He'd been training a newborn just days before the were set to attack a rival clan outside of Monclova down in Mexico. The vampire was a teenage boy, no more than fourteen when he'd been turned, but something about him had interested Maria. He hadn't survived the battle. She'd been furious, and blamed Jasper for not preparing him enough. Jasper had never learned the boy's name.

Bella was giving him new memories to associate with the mark. Pleasure hummed through his limbs, and a muted moan escaped his closed lips before he could smother it. Fascination and desire. That was all she felt. No revulsion. No disgust. No fear. No hesitation. No reluctance.

This whole day he'd been on an elevator, taking him to the top, to be the one in charge, to reach a new outlook on his life. But the moment Bella's fingers touched him and he processed her emotions, the cables snapped and he was in a free fall headed to an entirely new destination.

It was a hundred story plunge, and he welcomed the adrenaline surging through his empty veins. Her fingers ghosted over his skin, caressing him fearlessly.

Jasper wasn't sure who initiated the kiss, but suddenly their lips were fastened together, her full lower lip sucked slightly between his own. She tasted of blood and citrus. His arms encircled her slender waist, pressing her tighter against him. She moved easier, eagerly closer. Lips parted and tongue tangled, an aggressive battle for dominance. One that Bella ultimately yielded, following his lead.

He swallowed her moans, feeling his own rumble through his chest, taking over and clouding rational thought. Primitive urges drove him. Not enough. He needed more of her. All of her.

Shivers coursed along his nerves, dancing down his spine and radiating outward when Bella's hands began tracing the planes of his chest and back. Her fingertips deliberately sought out, and unflinchingly outlined each scar they found leaving him reeling and breathless.

It was right. Perfect. Everything he'd ever wanted or needed.

They were irrevocably bound now. He felt it. That feeling of love and devotion he'd sensed from mated couples was quickly forming. Maybe it'd be more accurate to say it was slowly revealing itself. A masterpiece painting hidden behind a lesser work that was only discovered by painstakingly removing the unimportant overlying layers of useless oils. Already their bond resembled what he'd shared with Alice, if not stronger. Certainly it was more solid and substantial.

Time lost meaning as he sank into the sensation of feeling and tasting the bliss of Bella's kiss.

Her wandering hands encouraged his own. Slowly, savoring each inch of skin he was being allowed to touch, he slipped a hand beneath the borrowed shirt and let it glide up her torso. He didn't stop the blazing trail until his fingers grazed the silken underside of her breast.

Bella whimpered.

Jasper pull back at once, retreating several steps. Had he hurt her? Gone too far? He couldn't separate his emotions from hers. They were all tangled up. A knotted ball of overcooked spaghetti.

Bella was frozen facing him, mouth opened slightly in shock. He stopped after his third step back.

Jasper was grateful for the distance, however temporary, as he regained his bearings. It was easier to breathe without the humming current in his veins. Bella messed with his equilibrium and made concentrating difficult.

"I'm sorry. I lost control," he explained to the dazed woman. "We should talk about things bef-"

"Oh, no. Alice. I -"

Pieces clicked together as he heard Bella say his ex-wife's name. Alice had seen this happening. She must have. It was the only thing that made sense for why she'd ended things. Jasper didn't know if he should regret the pain this likely caused her or just be grateful she was selfless enough to give him the opportunity to experience this.

"No, Bella. You didn't do anything wrong," Jasper said quickly, rushing to reassure her.

"But -"

"Alice and I aren't together anymore," Jasper explained. Somehow telling Bella must have been overlooked while she'd been dealing with her difficult pregnancy. "She saw our paths headed in different directions," he explained, gesturing between them to emphasize his point.

"She saw this?" Bella asked incredulously.

"I think so. That's why she ended things."

"When?" Bella demanded, hands moving to her hips. She looked fierce as a hellcat. Jasper wanted to kiss her again.

"Officially? Since a little after you came home. Unofficially? Since your wedding," he said, biting back a smile as he watched her processing the news. Surprise was quickly followed by confusion.

"What wedding?" Bella asked, brow wrinkling.

The first seed of concern began sprouting in Jasper. He scanned her face. She really didn't know. Yet there had only been one recent wedding that Bella had been to.

"Your wedding," Jasper said slowly, cautiously stepping closer to Bella.

"So I really was married to Edward?" she asked distastefully.

How could she not remember? Her relationship with Edward had consumed the last year and a half of her life. Not to mention all the fights over getting married then persuading Edward to actually be with her once they were. And he knew Bella remembered Mae, so how did she not remember marrying Edward?

"Bella, how much do you actually remember from before, when you were human?" Jasper asked carefully.

"Bits and pieces. It's pretty jumbled. I remember people more than events," she replied with a casual shrug. Like it hardly mattered and she didn't see the relevance. Her attention had already wandered back to his chest and he felt her growing arousal.

Only fear of her answer kept him focused on asking the question burning through him. "And Edward?"

"He didn't want me and hates my daughter," she said simply. It was like she was reciting a fact, like saying the capital of Washington is Olympia. There was no emotional investment tied to the words. No anger. No sadness. No regret. No nothing. For her it just was, and she didn't care enough to be bothered by it.

"No, Bella," Jasper said sadly, shaking his head when he saw her jaw set stubbornly. She'd always hated when people acted as if they knew more than her. "He loves you both. He was just scared of losing you," Jasper continued determinedly.

Part of him didn't want to be arguing on Edward's behalf. He wanted to feel Bella in his arms again and taste her intoxicating flavor once more. But Edward was his brother, and it would destroy a significant part of himself if he didn't correct this mistaken assumption. It would feel like taking advantage of Bella's ignorance, and he already had enough stains on his soul. He needed her to be completely informed before she chose who she wanted to be with. He owed it to the people he loved - the Cullens, Mae, Bella, all of them.

"Makes sense - given that he left and all," Bella shot back.

"He does. He'll always love you," Jasper whispered, wrestling with himself over what needed to be said. "Always want you."

"I don't want him," Bella vowed.

It would be so easy to continue what they'd started. He wanted her. Probably had for sometime now. But that nagging feeling that he'd be taking advantage persisted. Bella needed time and a chance to talk to the others. And he needed to talk to Alice… and Edward. His brother deserved that much consideration at the very least. And so did Mae…

"Mae is waiting for you," Jasper finally said. It was a legitimate reason to postpone this conversation and return to the house.

"Renesmee," Bella breathed reverently. Her whole body lit up as she said her daughter's name. She glowed from within, an undeniable radiance that made him long for her all the more.

"I'm sure you're as anxious to meet her as she is to meet you. We should head back. We can hunt more on the way," Jasper suggested.

With a jerky nod, Bella took off. The reminder of her daughter all it took to thoroughly distract her. Jasper followed close behind, unwilling to put more distance than necessary between them.

~

"Can I watch you first?" Bella asked.

The question surprised him. They'd stopped a few miles from the house when they'd come across a herd of deer. He hadn't expected to hunt today, had been bracing himself against the need to give in all morning, but he was equally against the idea of denying Bella such a simple request.

"Yes, but I'll ask that you keep your distance," he said.

"You think you'd attack me?" she asked doubtfully, eyebrow raised dubiously.

"In a manner of speaking," Jasper quipped. He had no desire to hide his true nature from Bella. If he really wanted the chance to spend forever with her, he needed to be honest and upfront about who he was. In that vein, he bluntly explained, "For me… hunting and sex go hand in hand. Feeding is a very sensual experience, and my emotions are already heightened from our earlier encounter. If you don't stay back, I'd try to seduce you the moment I finished feeding, and I don't think that's a good idea just yet."

"Oh," Bella said dumbly, mouth hanging open.

"Have I shocked you?" Jasper asked.

"No," she denied. He didn't believe her.

"Sometimes I forget how naive and new to life you still are," Jasper said, chuckling a bit.

"I have a daughter. I'm not that naive," Bella said defensively.

He could just imagine how prime and proper Edward introduced her to the world of sex and love making. Especially considering how much more he'd had to hold back given her human frailty, and given the fact she'd already admitted to forgetting most of it. If he had to guess, she was trying to sound more worldly than she was to impress him or keep him from condescending to her the way Edward used to. She might not remember him, but her go to response was defensiveness where males were concerned - Edward had drilled that into her until it was habit.

"You've seen and experienced very little of the world, Bella. That's not to say you don't know your own mind, but experience can make a person want different things. It's why the family was so hesitant to turn you. What if you changed your mind later?"

"I was meant to be a vampire. I won't ever regret it," Bella said adamantly.

"No, I don't think you will," Jasper agreed. She was taking to the life with such ease that he couldn't help but agree. "But you still have a lot to learn," he said gently. He didn't want her to feel inferior, just recognize that her eighteen years of life and limited travel were a drop in the bucket for what she would learn during her lifetime as an immortal.

Bella watched him, weighing his words. Finally she nodded, stepping back a few paces in silent agreement to give him the space he'd requested.

"And now I have time to figure myself out," she said.

"Plenty of it," Jasper agreed.

Jasper felt Bella's eyes on him the entire time he stalked his chosen prey. It was a smaller female deer, but she was quick and more wily than the others. He liked the extra challenge she provided. It was a strange sensation. Almost as if her eyes alone had the ability to caress him. It was intimate in a way he wasn't used to. He felt a bit like he was showing off for her too, which was highly unusual for him, but he wanted to keep her attention on him.

Afterwards, he watched as she tried to mimic his feeding style. It didn't have quite the allure that watching her tango with a mountain lion had, but it still made him want to rip his shirt off her and make love to her for the rest of the day.

The event was enough to test his resolve.

They were standing six feet apart when she finished. The distance felt like an impassable canyon dividing them. Unspoken words filled the air, crowding it till the weight felt suffocating. Cautiously they watched one another. Neither knew how to bridge the enormous, invisible gap, or even what the next move should be.

"While I would love to discuss what happened earlier, work things out, and potentially take things further," he eventually began, pausing a moment before making himself finish, "Mae has been kept waiting long enough. Don't you agree?"

"Renesmee," she said adoringly, reminiscent of how she'd said it before. He masked his disappointment that she wasn't more interested in exploring things between them, possibly hashing things out now. He'd gotten to spend the last couple days with Mae. It was only right that Bella put her first now. He'd have probably thought less of her if she hadn't. "Yes, I need to get back to her. You don't think I'll hurt her?"

"You were fine with Seth, and her scent is similar in a way," he said fondly, remembering the infant sleeping trustingly in his arms. He missed her too. "And after how you ran from those humans - all before your first hunt - I think you'll be fine."

"We should talk soon though - about… us."

The delicious way she savored the last word gave him hope that everything was going to work out.


	12. 12: Alice

Author's Note

Please forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!

Any dialogue you recognize is from Breaking Dawn. Most has changed at least a little, but there are a few bits from the book. PS I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I don't own anything :(

~

Chapter 12 - Alice

_Rose and Esme were unpacking several boxes. A giant pink stuffed giraffe and a pile of coloring books were already on the floor. Emmett walked in with three more boxes stacked in his arms. He maneuvered through the room with ease even though his sight was blocked._

"How's she doing?" Rosalie asked, watching Jacob cradle Mae. He'd just woke up from a quick nap and immediately asked to hold the baby. "Will she be still be fine when she returns?"

"She was meant for this life. It was always going to happen," Alice said lightly, focusing on the present and knowing Rosalie had been referring to Bella. She and Jasper had been gone for several hours now and would probably be returning fairly soon. "No one is better suited."

"That's not a guarantee that she won't hurt Nessie," Jacob countered.

"Mae," Alice replied, emphasizing the family's preferred nickname, "will be just fine. Bella would never hurt her daughter. Now you… no promises."

She didn't really think Bella would hurt him, but given that she couldn't actually see the outcome… Well, it didn't hurt to leave him guessing. Bella was sure to let him off the hook — she always did, after all — and Jasper wasn't ever angry about the imprint, so someone needed to give him a hard time.

Even Rose was reluctantly accepting of his presence. Though she often treated him like a servant. He didn't seem to mind though since it always meant getting to help care for Mae. He was at her beck-and-call when it came to the baby.

"I think we all know that she'll just be grateful that I'm completely over her," Jake said easily, carrying Mae into the kitchen so he could make some lunch for himself. "I really was… Anyways, she'll just be happy that I've backed off."

"Yes, that does make things easier not having you drooling over her anymore too," Rosalie taunted, but she shot Alice a questioning look.

If Alice didn't know better, she'd think her sister was worried about her. So she'd noticed the changing dynamics between Jasper and Bella too. That was the whole family then. Well at least everyone was starting to suspect at least. Made things so much easier. No one likes a fuss or nosy family when things were new and still rather tentative. She offered Rosalie an appreciative smile. Everything was going to work out. Alice just knew it.

Rosalie's question did have her curious. Her previous visions had always been interrupted. How would Jasper react to Bella's kiss. Had it already happened? Would he act the southern gentleman and slow things down, or would he follow his heart and baser desires the way he typically did?

Letting her mind drift, Alice found the answer, along with the answer to a deeper question she hadn't yet let herself truly acknowledge.

_Bella and Jasper were facing each other in a small clearing beside a tiny trickling stream barely a foot wide. Only a few feet separated the pair, but both looked as though any distance was entirely too much. Despite that, Jazz looked tentative and unsure._

_"Bella, how much do you actually remember from before, when you were human?" Jasper asked, facing off with woman wearing his unbuttoned shirt, hair messy from rolling on the ground and hands tangling in the long locks._

So Jasper had stopped things before they went farther than the kissing she'd already seen. Of course he did, Alice thought fondly. She hoped it wasn't because of her. She didn't want to stand in the way of their happiness.

_"Bits and pieces. It's pretty jumbled. I remember people more than events," Bella admitted, watching him with wide red eyes. Eyes that were far more interested in feasting on Jazz than talking to him._

_"And Edward?" Jasper asked cautiously, fearfully. He shifted his feet, unconsciously putting additional space between the two and practically bracing himself as though preparing for a blow._

Jasper loved Edward more than he'd ever willingly admit. He'd always appreciated how much Edward was able to help Alice manage her gift. That gratitude forged a bond that Jasper obviously felt like he was betraying now.

_"He didn't want me and hates my daughter," Bella replied easily and shrugged carelessly like it was no big deal._

_Jasper stood frozen, staring sightlessly as Bella's fingers moving swiftly down the row of buttons, absently doing up the shirt._

Alice froze, halfway in the process of sitting on the top step of the staircase. Was that all? Nothing else? She'd suspected, even gone so far as to warn Edward, but to have it confirmed…

Her sister had forgotten Edward during her transition. Perhaps even willfully chosen to let it happen. Edward had hurt her so much she'd blocked out not only all the recent bad things that had happened between them, but all the good things too…

At least this explained why Bella was able to fall in love with Jasper so easily. She'd always nearly worshipped Edward, forgiving him anything and everything. Edward might be Alice's favorite brother, but Alice knew he was far from perfect. Bella had always been willfully blind to his faults. But if she didn't remember any of that… Having Jasper's devotion and friendship would be enough to turn any girl's head. Bella wouldn't stand a chance of resisting his allure - even if he wasn't trying. Alice remembered from her own time with him.

_"No, Bella," Jasper said sadly, shaking his head when he saw her jaw set stubbornly. "He loves you both. He was just scared of losing you," Jasper vowed, watching her with an almost desperate longing. She was an oasis and he was dying of dehydration. Yet still he refrained. Still he kept his distance._

_"Makes sense - given that he left and all," Bella refuted._

Alice winced. She understood why Bella thought that, but ouch. Poor Edward. He had a lot to make up for. She admired Jasper all the more though for not letting Bella believe the worst of their brother.

It was a lot to take in. She didn't really know how they should proceed. Tell Bella everything? Wait for her to ask about him? Make Edward come back and explain himself? Let Bella remain ignorant and move on without guilt or objections?

It wasn't Alice's choice to make. It was Bella's. But the family needed to know so they weren't surprised. Mae was too aware of things to wait, and Alice didn't want the baby unnecessarily upset - the little miracle she could hardly believe she ever hated and resented.

_Bella was screaming at Edward and pointing at the door of her cottage. Clearly she wanted him gone. Her wild hair resembled Medusa's snakes swaying in a dangerous halo. Edward was on his knees, head lowered and shoulders rounded. The scene was in direct opposition to a Rockwell painting. There was no domestic bliss to be found here._

The vision was there and gone in a flash. A possibility and nothing more. One that vanished the moment Alice decided to share what she'd learned with her family.

"Bella doesn't remember Edward," Alice said softly, knowing everyone would hear her.

"How is that possible?" Esme demanded, stopping her search in a design magazine to look at Alice directly.

"We all lost human memories when we changed," Emmett said, understanding at once what happened. "Especially things we didn't care about or didn't want to remember."

_"Give me one reason why I shouldn't rip you apart," Bella hissed._

Her feral grimace made it difficult for Alice to read her lips, but she got the gist of it regardless. The vision was unexpected. She didn't know who's decision had triggered it. Bella's appearance made it obvious she'd been a vampire for a while. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of gold and the multihued leaves indicated it was autumn. Would this happen this time next year? Was this the future if Edward decided not to come back right away?

_"Renesmee," Edward replied. He looked detached, remote, nearly disinterested. Or perhaps he was scared and just trying not to let it show. Bella's responding look was so cutting, it was surprising Edward's balls didn't go rolling across the room._

_"As if she was a reason NOT to kill you. You threatened MY daughter. You betrayed MY daughter," Bella growled, crouching as if to spring at him._

No one else was around. There would be no one to stop her if she did attack him. What else had Edward done? Was this the first time they'd spoken since Edward left? Had he not returned prior to this? Had he not at least called?

_"She's our daughter," Edward corrected._

_"She's not yours! You lost the right to claim her when you vowed to kill her," Bella screamed, stalking closer and shoving him roughly._

_"You know I didn't mean it, Bella! Be reasonable," Edward insisted, holding his hands out chidingly._

_"Reasonable! How was I supposed to know you didn't mean it? You weren't around to ask! Was it reasonable when you left?" Bella yelled, shoving him again and again with each javelin-like accusation. "Again!"_

_"I came back," Edward said, trying to restrain her hands._

_"You shouldn't have left to begin with! You abandoned your family," Bella growled, pointing out a fact that should have been obvious._

_"I was scared," Edward cried, finally losing his composure. It crumpled like tissue paper, utterly shredded under the talons of her verbal attack._

_"You're pathetic," she said, anger and disgust marring her beautiful face._

"But wouldn't she want to remember him?" Carlisle said, emotion a thick mask across his face and more layered than an onion in his voice.

Alice shook off the disturbing vision. It left a bitter taste in her mouth. She'd have to search for ways to avoid that outcome later.

"Why would she? Look what happened last time he was here," Rose said defensively.

_Aro was sending Jane to help Felix, Santiago, and Demetri destroy the coven in Central America that had gotten out of hand. International news outlets had picked up the stories of gang violence. They'd failed to keep themselves in check. None were to be spared._

"Do you think… if he came back right now, Alice, do you see them working things out? How would Bella react to seeing him again?" Esme asked hesitantly.

"I don't think -" Alice broke off as she was catapulted into the future, witnessing yet another potential future for the two in question. This one much calmer than the previous ones.

_"I don't want you alone with Renesmee. I don't trust you not to hurt her - emotionally if not physically. You have a bad habit of doing that to the people you say you care about," Bella said succinctly._

Bella wasn't trying to hurt Edward, just bluntly stating the way things were. All the same, it was readily apparent the damage her words did. Edward looked gutted, skewered with his head on a spike.

_"Bella… no," he pleaded, shaking his head. "I would never hurt her."_

_"You've already proven I can't trust your word," Bella said defensively, arms wrapped around her torso like she was holding herself together. Never had she resembled a poorly reassembled shattered doll more. "I remember that much at least."_

_"But you can trust him? He tried to kill you! He'll probably kill her the first time she falls and scrapes her knee," Edward yelled, waving a hand at Jasper where he sat with Mae in his lap as the little girl anxiously watched the unfolding drama her parents were engaged in. Her rosebud lips puckered into a distressed frown._

Oh, Edward. Lashing out was not the best way to handle the situation. Jasper was the last person Bella would ever expect to harm Mae. Not after how he helped her through her pregnancy. And besides, Bella had always seen the best in the people that others considered monsters - just look at the pack - so of course Bella wouldn't consider Jasper a threat. Edward's attempt to turn the situation around on someone else was just going to make Bella angrier with him. Didn't he know her well enough to predict that himself?

_Jasper didn't utter a word, but the betrayal was there. Silently, he stood, handing Rose the distressed child. Mae whimpered, reaching empty, desperately clutching fingers for Jasper, but he left the room without a backwards glance._

"Alice? Did you see anything? Can Bella and Edward work things out?" Carlisle asked, desperately hoping to repair his family.

His question caused the scene to shift.

_Bella and Jasper were alone in the cottage. She was slumped in a cozy overstuffed brown leather armchair before the fire, and Jasper was kneeling in front of her. He reached out to take her hands, but paused, seeming to reconsider and let his fall to dangle between his spread knees. Bella's face crumpled a bit as she watched him wearily._

_"Have you considered giving Edward a second chance? He's Mae's father," Jasper said, voice thick and scratchy._

_"I don't want to," Bella denied. Then admitted, "After what everyone told me about our past, I don't think I can ever forgive him."_

_"Try. For her sake," Jasper coaxed._

Of course Jasper would have to be noble and try to do what he thought was in their best interest. Bella's absolute devotion and worship of Edward, her incandescent love for him was likely fresh in his mind. He'd felt her love for Edward himself. It would be hard for him to be with Bella and not wonder if she might feel that way about Edward again someday — to not fear losing her when he just found the possibility of happiness with her.

Alice guessed he wanted Bella to try since she was basically a blank canvas since her change. She could have a fresh start with Edward. It was a chance to build something stronger, something a little more equal. And it would give Bella a chance to see if she really did prefer Jasper. He wouldn't want to feel like a consolation prize, and he'd probably always wonder if he didn't step aside and give them this chance.

_"What about yesterday morning? When we… " Bella began, biting her lip and waving her hand, obviously unable to finish the sentence and actually mention what had happened._

_"It was a mistake. I let the bloodlust overwhelm me," Jasper said softly, eyes flicking away as he spoke. "I did warn you that was a problem I had."_

Alice had known Jasper long enough to know he always looked away when he lied. He so rarely did that he was absolutely horrible at it, but Bella was so focused on the words, on waiting for his rejection, that she missed it.

_"So you don't… oh," Bella said, visibly dejected._

_Jasper winced, her emotions bombarding him. It was enough to have him admitting, "I am attracted to you, Bella. But you're married to my brother. I can't do that to him."_

_"But I don't -"_

_"I'm going to visit Peter and Charlotte for a while. I think we all need some space to figure out how we really feel before we decide anything," Jasper interrupted, shocking Bella._

Jasper would leave if Edward came home right now? Alice understood why he'd want to take a step back, and see for himself if he was who Bella truly wanted, but to actually leave the family… He loved being with the Cullens! The separation would hurt him so much.

_"How long?" Bella whispered, disbelief and sadness drenching the question. Her pain was easy to read in every line etched deeply across her face._

_"I might stay with them," Jasper said slowly._

What if he did leave forever? Alice couldn't picture the family without him. Edward often went off on his own. He'd done it a number of times since she and Jasper had joined them, never for very long, but it wasn't all that uncommon when their thoughts got to be too much for him. But Jasper… he always stuck close to the group. He needed to be around them for his own sanity.

Besides, there wouldn't have been a reason for her to end things if Jasper wasn't with Bella. The heartache she put them both through would have been for nothing. They could never go back either - not now that he'd experienced a glimpse of what a future with Bella would entail.

Would Bella and Edward actually have a chance?

The question caused her sight to shift yet again. Alice didn't know when it was, but Bella's eyes were definitely starting to turn golden and she could see snow falling outside the window, so it must be at least a few months from now.

_Edward was kissing Bella. Passionately. Kissing her the way he'd never allowed himself to when she was human. But Bella was frozen, unresponsive._

_"I'm sorry," she said sincerely when he pulled back. Bella looked genuinely apologetic. Edward rapidly scanned her face searching for some small hope to cling to. There was none to be found._

_"You can't get past me leaving you again, can you?"_

_"No. I'm sorry, Edward. I tried - you know I tried… but I just don't…" Bella shrugged. Her mouth opened and closed twice, then she winced and finally admitted, "I don't trust you not to do it again, and I can't love someone I don't trust and I'm always on edge around."_

_Edward's eyes closed, shoulders slumped in defeat. He'd finally admitted the truth to himself._

_"You miss him, don't you?" he asked quietly, looking past her shoulder as he asked. There was no need to clarify who he was referring to._

_"Everyday," she admitted._

All three of her family members would end up hurt unnecessarily if Edward came back right now. The wounds were too fresh. And it would still end up with Bella and Jasper finding their way back to one another. Alice knew with certainty that it would be Bella or no one for Jasper. He'd already fallen hard. It was the only explanation for him leaving. He'd been unable to bare witnessing Bella and Edward together. That pain was so great he'd even willingly left Mae.

This last scene made her feel better about her decisions up to this point. Even if Jasper left, Bella would draw him home eventually. Hopefully, by not forcing Edward home immediately, they could avoid his leaving altogether.

_A nurse at the hospital was calling Carlisle. A doctor had called in sick, and they were hoping he'd cover. Carlisle would have to decline, however, since they were supposedly recovering from the shock of Bella's sudden death._

"Alice? What is it? What did you see?" Esme asked. Alice hadn't even noticed her approach, but she'd seated herself beside Alice and was gently stroking her back, offering comfort.

"Bella will never love him like before. Too much has happened," Alice announced to those gathered in the family room waiting to hear news on Bella and Edward's fate.

"What'd you see?" Emmett prodded, always wanting to know more.

"They aren't meant to be together. Not anymore," Alice said simply. The potential futures she'd seen were too private to share.

"Obviously," Rose huffed, tossing her golden hair over her shoulder dramatically. "I've been saying that all along."

"Yeah, and didn't you already tell him about -" Jacob called from the kitchen where they could all hear him eating. Apparently, Alice's position at the top of the stairs put just enough distance between them for the wolf to not to block her visions.

"Jacob!" Alice warned in a clipped hiss. She didn't particularly want to tell the others she'd accidentally let Edward see her vision of Bella and Jasper together. It was their right to announce their relationship to the family when they were ready.

"Sure, sure. I know nothing," he said, the amused words muffled by a bite of food.

Emmett looked ready to go interrogate him, but Rosalie leaned into him and he just sighed contentedly and draped a muscular arm over her shoulders. The blonde smirked in response when she caught Alice's eye. Rosalie sure did relish her power over Emmett. Alice couldn't fault her when Rose used it to help her out.

No one spoke, each considering how the family dynamics were changing. Someone must have made a decision though, because suddenly Alice saw a different potential reunion for Bella and Edward.

_"I never stopped loving you," Edward said, reaching up to cup Bella's cheek. She shied away from his touch, and hurt flickered across his features, there and gone in the span of a blink._

_The pair were sitting on the sofa in the family room. It appeared they were alone, but everyone else could have been in another room listening for all Alice knew. Bella shifted closer to the arm - farther from Edward. He frowned at the subtle movement._

_"But I stopped loving you," Bella informed him, face pinched as she shared the painful truth. "I was a teenager when I fell in love with you. You overwhelmed me. Consumed me before I had grown into myself."_

It was obvious Bella had put some thought into her feelings. There was more self-reflection and honesty in what she was saying than Alice expected. The whole family had mentioned something similar to this at one point or another, but none had ever expected Bella to realize it herself. She'd been in too deep, overly, obsessively, in love and too far gone to care.

_"You consumed me as well," Edward acknowledged._

_"I remember more now than when I first woke - others have filled in the gaps - but I haven't fallen back in love with you," Bella said, watching Edward closely with blazing, sunset-orange eyes._

_"Give me a chance to win you back," Edward requested._

_"I changed, Edward. If you'd changed me when I first asked, before you broke my heart several times over, I'd have loved you forever. I'd have been frozen into that permanent state where loving you was the center of my universe._

_"But you insisted on waiting. You put it off. And I stopped being a teenage girl in love with a teenage boy. I stopped being in a place where that love was all that mattered, and I couldn't imagine going a single moment without seeing you and being with you. I stopped being a dramatic girl where losing your love was equivalent to the end of the world._

_"You hurt me, but I survived, and surviving altered me. Then I changed even more. I changed in ways you didn't. Ways I don't think you'll ever be able to change in. I grew up. My needs and desires shifted. I matured. I became a mother. Renesmee is the center of my universe now. Everything I do is for her, not myself._

_"And now we don't fit anymore. You'll always be that same angsty teenage boy. The one I loved as a child, not an adult."_

It was everything Edward had feared. Everything Carlisle had feared. Their father had often worried that Edward had been too young when he'd been changed, that he hadn't had a chance to figure himself out enough to ever really be happy, and being a vampire meant he was more or less stuck in that unfinished state. Bread dough struggling to properly rise.

Then Bella came along and Edward changed just enough to compliment her.

But Bella was right. Waiting to change her meant things happened where she was forced to mature and develop in ways Edward wasn't capable of - at least not easily, particularly since he was so stubborn and unwilling.

_"And Jasper's not?" Edward asked after a prolonged silence. He'd listened to her without even trying to interrupt, as if already knowing everything she'd say and knowing there'd be no point in arguing._

_"No," Bella said._

_"You love him," Edward stated. It was a truth he'd already accepted, but seemed to be forcing himself to verbalize._

_"Yes," Bella agreed._

So no matter how their reunion went, it seemed to always end with Edward acknowledging that Bella had fallen in love with Jasper and that she'd never be with him again.

Edward was perfect for the shy girl that first moved to Forks and didn't feel like she fit in. But Jasper was perfect for the vampire woman that had been strong and brave enough to birth a half vampire child while still human.

"What about Renesmee? She needs Edward," Carlisle insisted.

_The pair were still on the sofa, but now there was a photo album sitting on Edward's lap. Bella was looking down and pointing at a picture of Rose and Alice holding what looked like a toddler version of Mae. She looked around four-years-old with waist-length curly bronze hair, but that didn't mean much given how fast she was growing._

This scene was likely sometime this winter or early spring, possibly even the same day as the previous vision.

_"I've already missed so much of her life," Edward said forlornly._

_"You're here now. You don't have to miss anymore," Bella offered._

_"I'd like to try to be a father to her," Edward replied._

_"I think she'd like that as well," Bella agreed._

_"You and Jasper don't mind?"_

_"No. We're all family. Jasper is her dad, but so are you. We'll be in each other's lives forever. We should start figuring out how we fit together," Bella said, patting Edward's hand. He looked surprised, as though this was the first contact she'd either allowed or initiated._

"Someday. It won't be like this forever," Alice promised, dragging her mind back to the present. It was like trudging through a vat of molasses. Other decisions were pressing in, trying to be seen, but she wanted to be in the here and now as her family adjusted to their new reality.

She'd gotten used to having Seth around and not getting so lost in the future that she felt a little resentful now that he wasn't around. He'd wanted to go visit his mom since Leah was still in Alaska with Edward and the Denalis. He'd left just after Bella and Jasper, and probably wouldn't be back until later today or possibly even tomorrow. Somehow she'd have to make due with Jake until he returned. When had she started to depend on him so much?

For so long she relied on her visions and welcomed the idea of seeing everything - she was curious by nature and her gift enabled that quality quite well. She loved being nearly omniscience as far as her loved ones were concerned. Her sight let her help the family. But she'd barely seen anything the last few weeks, only the most important events, and yet they were just fine. Maybe it was selfish of her, but she sort of liked getting to be present in the moment and fully a part of things instead of just watching them happen in the future then missing them when they actually happened because she was already checking out the future again. It was a new experience for her, and it was one that was growing on her.

"I haven't shifted to talk to Leah yet. I wasn't sure if you wanted Edward learning about things from her mind or if you wanted to be the ones to tell him," Jacob said, coming back in with Mae and a fresh bottle of warmed blood. He handed them to a waiting Rose without protest.

"Thank you, Jacob. That was very considerate of you," Esme said kindly.

He flushed under her praise, and Alice ducked her head to hide her smile. Jake was much easier to get along with now that the imprint urge wasn't riding him so hard and forcing him to stick close to Bella. They were all rather amazed at how the magic had forced him to behave and the abrupt shift that had occurred post birth.

"I'll call Edward later. The news is probably best coming from me," Alice offered, and Carlisle nodded though he was frowning. He'd probably call to check on his son tomorrow anyways.

Jacob was just far enough away that she saw part of a conversation between Bella and Jasper.

_"While I would love to discuss what happened earlier, work things out, and potentially take things further, Mae has been kept waiting long enough. Don't you agree?" Jasper asked._

_"Renesmee," Bella said. "Yes, I need to get back to her. You don't think I'll hurt her?"_

Alice fought a laugh. Of course Bella would be fine with Mae! Her control already rivaled Carlisle's.

_"You were fine with Seth, and her scent is similar in a way," Jasper reassured her. "And after how you ran from those humans - all before your first hunt - I think you'll be fine."_

_"We should talk soon though - about… us," Bella said meaningfully._

"They'll be back soon," Alice informed the others.

"And you're sure she won't lose control?" Rose asked, reiterating her earlier concern.

"She could easily hurt Nessie," Jacob added.

"Jasper won't let her," Alice promised. She really wasn't worried, even if she couldn't see the outcome.

Jacob shot Alice a pointed look at that, a knowing smirk on his face reminding her of the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood. She wasn't sure if it was because he doubted her, or if it was because Alice was already referring to Bella and Jasper as a pair when she'd warned him off mentioning it to the family earlier.

"Right. Well, it won't hurt for me to see for myself that she's fine," Jacob said, and stood to head out front.

"Don't forget to tell Bella your news," Rose said with false sweetness.

"Sure, sure. I bet she'll want to hear all about that," Jake said dismissively.

"I could tell her if you'd prefer," Rosalie offered, smiling evilly.

Jacob froze. His mouth opened and closed like a landed fish. The effect was rather comical, and Emmett was eating it up.

"Yes! Let her, mutt. Please," Emmett said, egging it on. Esme sighed tiredly, but didn't interfere.

"No thanks, blondie. As much as I know you'd enjoy putting it the worst way possible and likely cheer when Bella ripped me to shreds, it's probably best I tell her myself," Jacob said. He sounded confident, but he ruined the effect with his restless shifting and nervous swallowing. Even his hands were twitching spasmodically like he was being tased repeatedly.

"I was only trying to be nice, but I guess it's your funeral," Rosalie relied.

They watched Jacob exit just in time to meet the returning pair of vampires in the front lawn. Jacob gave Jasper a questioning look when he saw Bella wearing the vampire's shirt over her tattered dress. He didn't look jealous though, just… intrigued.

"Hey, Bells," Jacob greeted, speaking just loud enough to be heard inside.

"You're still here," Bella said. The statement was followed immediately by, "Why are you still here, Jake?"

"See the thing is… I sort of need to talk to you… " Jacob floundered.

"That's right! Jasper said you had something to tell me. I remember him mentioning it while I was… out of commission," Bella said suddenly, seeming surprised that she'd remembered.

Emmett chuckled and headed for the door, eager to watch the upcoming drama. "This should be good. Ten bucks says Bella draws blood," he muttered.

Alice, Esme, and Carlisle followed the largest Cullen out. Rose rolled her eyes, but moved to the window so that she could also watch as she held Mae, shielding her from looking outside herself.

"Ten says she's fine with it - eventually," Alice countered.

"You can't cheat for once see what's going to happen," Emmett cheered delightedly. "They're totally going to have it out, Alice."

"Definitely. But I'm betting she won't draw blood," Alice chimed.

Jasper just grinned hearing them. His springy curls were messy and wild-swept giving him a playful air. He was less neat than usual too, less the polished soldier always at attention.

Bella, however, glared disapprovingly and gave Jake a suspicious look. "Why do they think I'm going to attack you? What could you possibly have done that -"

"It wasn't like I did it intentionally!" Jacob cut in, yelling defensively. "You have to remember that!"

"So you did do something. I was only out for what - two days? Jacob, what did you manage to do in so little time?" Bella demanded, balled hands resting on her hips. Even as a vampire, she didn't look all that intimidating, and Jacob looked like he was trying really hard not to laugh at her attempt.

"Jeez, Bella, you really still are, well, you," Jacob said, happily stunned.

"Of course I am," Bella said easily.

"Those eyes," Jake added, mock shuttering.

"They're something," Bella agreed, frowning and self-consciously touching her cheek.

"Super creepy. Like I'm talking freak show levels," Jacob continued.

"Thanks. Now quit stalling." Emmett chuckled, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "What -" Alice watched Bella as she landed on the correct assumption and broke off mid question to stare horrified at Jake.

Evidently he wouldn't need to explain after all. Bella had figured it out all on her own and didn't much care for the news.

"You didn't. Tell me you didn't," Bella demanded, dark lips curled back to reveal venom-coated teeth.

"You know we can't control it," Jacob insisted.

"You're all right with this?" Bella asked incredulously, spinning to face Jasper. He looked surprised. Shocked, more like. Shocked than his opinion on something relating to her daughter should have any weight.

"Yes. He'll always protect her, even once she's grown and ready to be on her own - possibly away from the family," Jasper said gently. It was obvious he'd already thought a great deal on the subject.

Bella whimpered. "You think she'll leave?"

"Children grow up and eventually decide to leave the nest, explore the world on their own. Not forever, Bella. But this way she'll always have someone around to watch her back," Jazz explained, running a soothing hand down the length of Bella's spine. She shivered and leaned towards him unconsciously.

Bella nodded, then rounded on Jacob, accusing, "I haven't even held her yet. You've formed this irreversible bond with her, and I haven't even had the chance to hold my daughter!"

"Aw, man. Bells, come on! She wanted me around. I wasn't going to ignore her just cause you couldn't spend time with her yet," Jacob said defensively. Bella's eyes widened and she tensed visibly. Jacob swallowed, stepping closer and trying again to plead with her. "I'd never hurt Nessie like that," Jacob said sincerely.

"You - nicknamed - my - daughter - after - the - Loch Ness Monster?" Bella hissed, low and menacing.

Jasper grabbed Bella, arms slipping easily around her to lock her in a full nelson, but she kicked out at Jake anyways, landing a solid blow to his chest. He went soaring, skidding across the dirt and sending rocks, twigs, and mud clods flying in his wake. He moaned pitifully when he came up hard against a tree with an echoing bang!

Bella looked instantly regretful. When she didn't struggle or try to break free, Jasper's arms moved to circle her waist, offering support rather than restraint. Alice saw his scars flickering in the light, so many more than usual were on display and during an already tense situation. Her body tensed involuntarily, primed to flee or pounce. Bella, however, relaxed visibly under his familiar touch.

"Go home, Jake," Bella said tiredly, watching her friend sit up and shake his dazed head.

"That's it?" Emmett huffed, smacking his meaty hand on the porch railing. "How disappointing!"

Alice elbowed Emmett's side, grinning up at him. She felt vindicated that she'd judged Bella correctly even without the use of foresight. Her tiny hand reached out, waiting palm up for him to slap the crisp ten dollar bill he'd pulled from his back pocket into.

"Bella!" Jacob protested, ignoring Emmett.

"No," Bella said firmly. Alice could see her assessing the situation with her enhanced vampire mind. "I'll call you when I'm ready to see you again," Bella added.

"But, Bella, you know how - "

"Quil watches Claire once a week, right?" Bella interrupted to ask.

"You remember that?" Jasper whispered, stunned.

"Apparently," Bella said, equally surprised. "He does though. Doesn't he, Jake?"

"Yeah… "

"Go home, Jacob. Live your life. You already have to repeat your sophomore year since you went wolf and skipped the last bit of it. The new school year has just started. Don't miss anymore. We can have the same arrangement those two have. You can help Rose watch her once a week and visit by invitation," Bella said graciously.

"I can live with that," Jacob said, nodding eagerly and grinning as he quickly stood up. He didn't even seem to mind the stipulation that his time with Mae would involve being with Rosalie as well.

"It wasn't up for debate," Bella said dryly, making it clear that if Jacob hadn't agreed, he wouldn't have been granted permission to see Mae at all.

"Wait, Bells?" Jacob asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?" Bella asked, drawing the word out and filling it with impatience. Apparently Bella wasn't looking to grant anymore favors just now.

"What about us? Are we all right?" Jacob asked softly, hope ringing through. "That pull drawing us together is gone… But we're still… "

"You'll always be my best friend, Jake," Bella said, smiling a bit like she couldn't help herself as far as he was concerned.

"Well, that's a relief! Now I don't have to throw away your birthday present," Jacob joked. Bella frowned at the reminder that her birthday was today.

Alice frowned in disappointment too. Guess the family had been right to veto her suggestion of a party.

"Jake, you have to understand - she's my daughter first," Bella began seriously, though far gentler than she'd been even a moment earlier. "Your imprinting isn't even a distant second right now. It won't be for a very long time. I need time with her before you come nosing around again."

"That's fine. Just don't cut me out of your lives," Jacob begged. And at Bella's sharp nod of agreement, concluded, "Bye, Bells," then took off into the woods heading towards La Push.

Jasper studied Bella as her eyes zeroed in on the window Rose was still standing at. Particularly, she'd locked onto the baby in the blonde's arms. His focus, by contrast, was riveted on the newborn vampire. After a moment he nodded. "Ready to go in now?" he asked easily, satisfied that she wouldn't snap again.

"Don't let go of me," Bella prompted, but already she was walking towards the house.

Jasper released her just to slide one arm securely around her waist and reach across to clasp both her hands comfortably within his free one, easily keeping step with her the entire time. He looked so right wrapped around her that way.

"I won't," he promised.

Alice and the rest of the family followed the pair inside, and gathered in close behind Bella as she stopped three feet away from Rosalie, too awed to move any further. Mae was staring at Bella, equally fascinated.

"She's so perfect. Was it really only two days?" Bella breathed.

"Her growth is still slightly accelerated," Carlisle confirmed. Jasper shot him a withering look. "But we can discuss that more later. Focus on getting to know her for yourself just now," he added quickly.

Mae reached back to pat Rose, never looking away from Bella. Rosalie responded sweetly, "Yes, that's her."

The rest of the family took their cues from Jasper. His relaxed attitude indicated that Bella was not dangerous to Renesmee, and they trusted his assessment.

Rosalie waited for Jasper's nod then partially bridged the final gap separating the mother and child.

When Mae reached for Bella, both tiny pudgy baby arms outstretched and straining, Jazz released Bella's hands and lifted Mae to place her in Bella's waiting arms so she could hold her daughter for the first time.

It was beautiful watching Bella cradle Mae close, holding her like precious cargo. Alice felt like crying as she watched the mother and child meeting for the first time, each enthralled by the other. And she couldn't help but notice how much the three looked like the perfect family standing together just now.

"I told you she was different," Alice said smugly to her family. "Someday you'll trust the crazy things I say and remember I do see the future."

"I'm sure that's not all you saw," Jasper accused lightly and without sting. Alice winced, knowing he wanted to talk to her, and this was his way of reminding her that he wanted it to happen sooner rather than later.

Bella was momentarily distracted enough to look at Alice with a supremely guilty expression.

"What? What else happened?" Esme asked, concerned.

"Bella ran away from human blood without feeding - stopped mid hunt," Jasper said easily, and Alice watched as he squeezed Bella gently. It looked like he was praising her, but Alice knew it was to let him cover for the rest of what happened between them during the hunt.

Alice didn't bother confirming, though Jasper continued studying her with tight eyes, waiting for her to admit that she'd seen them together. She saw his guilt, a mirror of Bella's, and smiled in an attempt to ease it. He hadn't done anything wrong, but apparently he was still worried about her feelings. Silly man.

"Seriously?" Emmett asked, stunned. "So what… something went wrong during her change? She's not really a vampire?"

"Oh, she's definitely a vampire, just a supremely unique one. I'd never have believed it if I hadn't seen for myself," Jasper confirmed.

The family settled into a lively debate on Bella's ability to resist human blood, Carlisle leading the discussion after that. Alice chimed in with her own input occasionally, but mostly she just enjoyed watching Bella, Jasper and Mae interact.

She laughed at Bella's reaction when she experienced Mae's gift for the first time, and felt the echoes of Bella's fear when Carlisle explained the murky situation with Mae's rapid growth and what it could mean for her limited future. Bella had an uncanny way of making her reactions to each new revelation and discovery seem brand new to Alice as well. She sensed the others felt similarly, Jasper in particular.

Throughout it all, Jasper was a solid presence, a source of comfort glued to Bella's side as he had been for the last few weeks. It was beginning to be a familiar sight. And one no one batted an eye at.

"I'd like some time with her," Bella said eventually. She looked a little sheepish as she added, "alone."

"Of course. Call if you need anything," Esme said, heading upstairs with Carlisle in tow.

"Emmett and I are hunting. We should be back before her bedtime," Rosalie told Bella, bending to kiss Mae's head tenderly.

"Awesome," Emmett announced, wiggling his eyes suggestively at Bella before he followed his wife outside.

Jasper caught Alice's eye and nodded to the stairs. With a sigh Alice headed up to what used to be their room leaving Bella alone to bond with her daughter.

He sat at her desk, glancing over some of the designs she'd been working on. Most were dresses for Mae. With her unique growth, it was hard to buy for her. Her body was already too long and slender for most toddler clothes. Besides, it was a convenient way for Alice to indulge her hobby of fashion design.

The divorce papers were off to the side a bit, but Alice saw Jasper notice them. She watched silently as he picked up a discarded pen before signing them without comment. Well that was that then. It was truly official. Alice had signed them two hours earlier when the courier first dropped them off.

"You know what happened," Jasper said quietly, nearly whispering. Alice thought it was more because of the emotions he was feeling than a desire for privacy though.

"Yes."

"All of it?" Jasper asked, clasping his hands together between his spread legs and studying them intently.

"I saw bits and pieces of today," Alice admitted, then added, "I've seen other times more clearly."

"I'm so sorry that I've hurt you like this," Jasper breathed, looking up to meet her eyes as he apologized.

Alice chuckled, shaking her head. "Jazz, I'm fine. If I wasn't all right with this, I would have tried to stop it from happening. But I chose not to because I know this is the best future for all of us."

"What else have you seen?" Jasper asked quickly.

"You know I'm not going to tell you," Alice refused. "It'll be better if you just let it happen."

"Then we are going to be together?" Jasper asked with cautious hope.

"You're the only one that knows the answer to that," Alice replied.

"The only one?" he quipped, causing Alice to sigh exasperatedly.

"I only see what you decide," she reminded him. "Don't you want to be with her?" Alice asked suddenly.

"I - I… " Jasper stuttered, taken aback and making him assess her uncertaintly.

"It's okay, you know? Like I said, I've already seen enough to draw my own conclusions. We can talk about it," Alice reassured him.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore," Jasper murmured, looking at the floor, the walls, anywhere that meant not having to look her in the eye.

"I'm a big girl," Alice promised. The words had Jasper finally looking at her, a single eyebrow raised speculatively, almost mockingly. "Oh, you know what I mean! I can handle hearing this. I meant what I said. We're friends, and friends talk about these things."

"I don't know how to talk about something I don't understand myself. I don't have words for it."

"Let me ask you something else. How did it feel when she kissed you?"

A dreamy look, and a shy smile came over his face as he remembered.

"Like I was standing in the middle of a hurricane," he muttered. That wasn't the description Alice had expected.

"You're going to have to explain that one," Alice prompted, grinning. Since when did Jasper resort to metaphors?

"It was like the world was raging all around us, flying apart, turbulent, chaotic, painful. But the moment we touched I was grounded, centered. We were at the eye, and I knew true peace - bliss - for the first time ever," Jasper rambled, running his hands through his hair as he quickly explained. "But it also felt like she inspired a storm inside me. Or maybe we were the fuel, the batteries powering the storm, life, everything? I'm not making much sense, am I?" he finished ruefully.

Alice swallowed the tiny pang of longing his words provoked. Never had she heard him sound so passionate about anything before. Verbose was not a word she'd ever used to describe him before, but he was doing a good impression of it just now. It moved her more than hurt. Good. Her healing was progressing nicely. Soon they really would be nothing more than the friends she was trying to be right now.

"It makes perfect sense, Jazz. And if it happened again? Would you mind exploring things further?"

"No," he admitted quietly. "I wouldn't mind." He smirking, appreciating the understatement of his words.

"It was what you've always needed," Alice said softly, reaching out to take his hand. He gripped her tiny hand in both of his, engulfing it securely. The same way he'd done a million times before.

"It was more than that," he admitted throatily.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do that for you," Alice said before she could stop herself. She didn't want him to feel guilty. The words had just slipped out.

"Alice, no -"

"But I'm glad she can," she finished, talking over him. "You two will be so happy together."

"Will we? I don't know how to trust what I'm feeling," Jasper said, looking for reassurance given her gift.

"You understand emotions better than anyone," Alice said encouragingly.

"But not love. Look at my relationships. Maria… you," he pointed out disparagingly. "Not exactly a recipe for success."

_Charlie and Sue Clearwater were looking at tombstones. Pale blank surfaces were lined up on a table like teeth in a giant's grinning smile. Sue was biting her lip as Charlie cried, clearly torn. After a moment she hugged him, and he buried his face against her neck, shoulders shaking in a tell-tale way._

Alice shook off the scene and looked at Jasper, blinking a few extra times to clear it away. He had a knowing, understanding smile for her as he waited patiently for her reply.

"Very few get it right the first try. Esme, Rosalie, Edward, Bella… me," Alice said lightly. "That doesn't mean you can't try again. That's part of life - another piece of your humanity returned to you."

"What about Edward? What if she remembers him and -"

"Won't happen. Even if she remembers everything, she won't love him again," Alice revealed.

"If he -"

"There's no point in his even trying to start fresh. What they had is over. It'll be forever tainted by the past and his mistakes," she explained. Relief poured from Jasper like a bursting dam though she still felt his reluctance to believe her words. He'd have to hear it from Bella herself before it was real.

"Your talent sure comes in handy," Jasper joked uncomfortably. Alice knew it was hard for him to accept what she was saying, to embrace the offered happiness when it came at Edward's expense.

"I wouldn't set you up to get hurt. If you want this, go for it," Alice recommended, squeezing his large hands with her significantly smaller one.

"Thanks, sweetheart," he said, standing and moving to kiss the top of her head in an almost brotherly fashion. She felt his anticipation seeping out.

"Always glad to help," Alice said sincerely.

"Or meddle," Jasper teased.

"Hey! I find that insulting," Alice cried.

"Would you rather discuss your own prospects?" Jasper asked, suddenly serious again.

What on earth was he talking about? He wasn't going to try and set her up with a nomad now, was he? Jasper, for all the insight his gift gave him, was not a competent matchmaker. She'd learned that a couple decades ago when they'd been attending school in Bozeman back in the 80s. Repeating high school could get awfully boring, and she'd made the mistake of enlisting his help to liven things up a bit and try to make some human friends by inspiring love connections. It had not gone well…

"No," Alice said immediately, heading for the door. She had no intention of even entertaining the possibility.

"Where are you going?"

"Seattle. Carlisle needs more blood for Mae. She's too young to hunt yet," Alice said. She actually did need to get going. She'd promised to go this afternoon.

"Want some company?"

"I think I'll see if Seth wants to come. He's been asking about my car. I might even let him drive it," Alice replied.

She hadn't actually intended to take Seth, but she didn't really want to spend more time alone with Jasper just now. The wounds were still tender around the edges, like pressing on a bad bruise several days old. Besides, he should be spending this time with Bella and Mae. But now that she'd mentioned Seth, Alice actually would enjoy spending some time with him. He always made her smile and that sounded really good right now. His constant happiness was infectious and the perfect comforting balm for recovering from Jasper.

"Careful," Jasper warned, watching her closely. "He has a crush on you - a fairly significant one at that."

Alice rolled her eyes. "He's a child. He'll get over it."

"He won't always be one. And neither of you are getting older," he informed her, unconsciously echoing what Seth had said a few weeks ago.

"What happened to a few minutes ago when you were all worried and not trusting yourself? Now you want to play matchmaker? Don't you remember Bozeman?"

"I still think that was your fault - yours and Emmett's - not mine," he denied, holding a hand out to stop her from protesting. "But I'll always look out for you, Alice," Jasper promised.

"Thanks," Alice said, knowing he truly did still care about her. "Now mind your own business."

She left him standing in the middle of their former bedroom, and danced downstairs to find Seth sitting with Bella and Mae. She paused, surprised he was actually at the house, and she wouldn't have to call him. His ebony locks were damp and sticking to his forehead and cheeks. She pictured musing it up and having him laughingly swat her away when she did.

Seth grinned at her, pearly teeth gleaming with excitement. "Can I really drive your car?" he asked, not the least bit embarrassed over the content of the conversation he'd apparently overheard. Nor was he attempting to deny either overhearing it or that what Jasper had said was true.

Maybe Jasper was actually onto something. Should she be worried?

"Yes," Alice said, attempting to mimic his nonchalance, and deciding that so long as he didn't mention it, they could both pretend it wasn't true.

~

The drive to Seattle had been exactly what Alice needed. Seth's enthusiasm over her Porsche had nearly rivaled her own, and left her grinning so wide her face might actually crack like an eggshell. Add in the constant stream of jokes and she could honestly say she hadn't had this much fun since planning Edward and Bella's wedding.

"Edward's not coming back anytime soon, is he?" Seth asked abruptly on the way home, all playfulness vanishing.

"Not for a while," Alice confirmed, sadness filling the car like heavy storm clouds rolling in to devastate a brilliant summer day.

"He and Bella… "

"One hundred percent over," Alice emphasized.

"How are you doing?" Seth asked, glancing over at her with worried big brown eyes.

"I miss him. We were always the closest," Alice murmured, shrugging. She didn't really want to talk about Edward just now. She was already having a difficult enough time trying to figure out what she'd say when she called him later.

"But how are you doing with the rest?" Seth persisted, obviously concerned about her.

"Rest?" Alice asked, confused.

"I'm not blind. Or an idiot. I saw the way Jasper was with Bella," Seth stated. "There's something happening there and he's your husband."

"We finalized our divorce this afternoon," Alice said. It was the first time she'd told someone outside of the family that her relationship was over. The wolves must have been patrolling when they'd discussed it before.

"Oh?" Seth asked, an odd note in his voice. Alice couldn't quite decipher it, but she thought he sounded entirely too interested. Alice could practically see his wolf ears perk up. She really was in trouble with the young pup if he actually liked her. The last thing she wanted was to ruin their new friendship. He was so much fun to spend time with!

Floundering, Alice said, "Yes. I'm fresh out of a fifty plus year marriage." Hopefully that reminder would put a damper on his enthusiasm.

"You don't seem all that upset," Seth pointed out, grinning broadly at her.

"Eyes on the road. I'll never forgive you if you wreck my car," Alice commanded.

"I won't wreck. My reflexes are as good as yours," Seth vowed, but looked back out the windshield regardless. "You're not upset about being single?" Seth asked again.

"It was my decision," Alice said sharply, trying to make it clear it wasn't any of his business.

"That's not a real answer," Seth said, ignoring her tone. The blatant disregard had her teeth grinding, which only seemed to make him chuckle to himself. The nerve!

"I'm more all right with it than I expected," Alice finally elaborated. When his smile grew impossibly wider, she added. "It hurts, and I'll miss being with him, but I think maybe I'll be happier when I meet someone else - someday, years from now." Maybe that would dissuade the scamp.

"Right. Makes sense," Seth said, excitement barely contained. "You'll just be open for finding love again someday."

"Seth -" Alice began warningly.

Seth's smile widened, unrepentantly, and he interrupted, commenting, "I saw the dress you made Mae. It was like a piece of art."

That was one of the most intriguing things about him. He kept her on her toes guessing what he was going to do or say next. Typically she hated not knowing, but she welcomed the experience with him.

"Thanks," Alice said, surprised he'd known she designed it and grateful he'd let the other topic go even if she was scrambling to catch up to the change in topic. Not to mention how flattered she was that a guy had noticed her work enough to remark on it and learn that she'd done it. "It's been something I dabble on and off with over the years."

"Have you ever considered pursuing it as a career?" he asked curiously, glancing over at her before quickly returning his eyes to the road lest he get chastised again like a wayward, misbehaving dog.

"Not really. I do it for fun. Playing with the stock market is my official career," Alice said.

"Yeah, but you always know the outcome. It's not really a challenge for you," Seth said bluntly. "Designing would let you express yourself more and… and it's none of my business," Seth said, backtracking quickly as if worried he'd offended her. She laughed, knowing he was right.

"Maybe someday I will. What about you? What do you want to do?" Alice asked, redirecting the conversation.

"Travel. See the world. So many of my people never venture beyond the Peninsula or even Seattle. I want to go everywhere," Seth said quickly. There was a spark when he said it, an inner fire that burned bright with his desire, and she saw it when he spoke.

"Stick with us and you'll be wishing for somewhere a little more permanent," Alice said lightly, watching him.

"Is that an offer?" Seth asked, eyes focused on the road stretched out before them. His hands were gripping the wheel tighter. Jasper really had called it. Seth's crush was so clear, she wondered how she'd ever missed it. Alice saw it in 3D now, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings by rejecting him. And she would hurt him, because there was no way she was going there with him.

"I was actually asking about jobs," she said lamely, avoiding a return to the conversation that he apparently wanted to have while they were stuck alone in this car.

"Oh, right, of course," Seth agreed, letting her off the hook. "Before phasing I wanted to be a doctor. I was really sick as a kid and spent a lot of time in hospitals. I figured if I lived long enough to make it to college I'd become a doctor and try to save someone else. But now I think I'd rather be a vet so I can help members of the pack - like Jake last spring."

"You were that sick?" Alice asked, surprised by the lump of fear that lodged in her throat when she heard that bit of Seth's history.

"I had a pituitary tumor. It took years to properly diagnose it, then it came back after the first surgery. It didn't help that the chemo didn't work, and we couldn't afford radiation therapy, so It messed with my hormones quite a bit. It was why I was so small at first even after I phased - why the others were so protective even though I'm only a few months younger than Jake. It took a while to heal," he explained.

"But it's gone now?" Alice asked, much louder and more concerned than she'd meant to sound. So much for thoroughly shutting him down…

"Yeah. Carlisle ran tests over the summer. All gone. Becoming a werewolf fixed things," Seth said, grinning. "Just another reason I love being a wolf, saved my life - literally."

"He never mentioned it," Alice said, frowning. Seth was over a lot this past summer. He'd helped with a sizable portion of the wedding preparations, and hung out with Edward more than once. Edward must have known about it too, and he hadn't told her either. Of course Edward never shared other people's stories, but still! "You're sure you're better?"

"Are you worried about me, Alice?" Seth asked. The question started out teasing, but he glanced at her, and after catching sight of her expression, he turned abruptly serious. Intent on her answer, he watched her until she replied.

"Yes," she said sincerely.

"Don't be," Seth said meaningfully. "So long as I keep phasing, you're stuck with me."

Alice didn't know what to make of that, so she settled for enjoying the companionable silence that settled over the car for the remainder of the ride.

~

"Hello?" the cool, sad voice asked from the other end of the call.

"Hi, Edward," Alice said softly.

"Is she alive?" he demanded, no preamble.

"Yes. They both are," she promised quickly. "You have a daughter."

"I… " Edward began. When he paused, she saw what he planned to say.

_'Alice, I messed up,' Edward confessed, gripping the phone so hard a little crack appeared in the plastic on the side._

"Yes, you did," Alice agreed.

A weak chuckle sounded through the cell.

"Thanks for not making me say it aloud," Edward said brokenly.

"I love you, Edward," Alice vowed, knowing he needed the reassurance.

"Are they safe? And happy?" he said, the last word choked and guttural.

_'Is she with him?' She saw him asking._

"Yes," she said simply.

"Good. Good. Well, at least there's that," he said, thoroughly shocking her. Maybe he didn't realize she'd caught the final question.

"Would you like to hear about either of them?" Alice offered.

"I can't… It's too much," Edward refused.

"I understand," Alice said gently. "But Edward? Don't punish yourself for too long."

"Tell Leah that. She has no intention of letting me off the hook anything soon," Edward said with a sigh then disconnected before she could ask what he meant.


End file.
